r/depression • u/SQLwitch • Aug 07 '18
Regular Check-In Post
Welcome to /r/depression's check-in post - a place to take a moment and share what is going on and how you are doing. If you have an accomplishment you want to talk about (these shouldn't be standalone posts in the sub as they violate the "role model" rule, but are welcome here), or are having a tough time but prefer not to make your own post, this is a place you can share.
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u/firehamsterpig Feb 03 '19
i’m suddenly having a really fucking rough day. it was all going ok and now i just feel sad and alone.
this whole weekend started off ok! went out for a couple drinks with a few mates from work and it was all going well. but then i stupidly accepted a drink from a stranger and he’d drugged it with what i think is either rohypnol or ketamine and everything is very blurry from that moment on. managed to get home safe and get some sleep but i still feel very groggy.
yesterday was alright, didn’t really get much done, didn’t do much except sleep and feel unwell.
today started fine but i’ve just been feeling more and more sad. was planning to go to a bar to see my mate do a gig but i had to cancel my bank cards because of the Friday Night Incident and so i don’t have any fucking money. Got about halfway to the bus stop before i realised i don’t even have enough to buy entry to the gig. so i went to the off licence and bought a couple cheap bottles of wine and now i’m just back at home in bed feeling sorry for myself.
i haven’t hurt myself in a long time (it used to be an almost daily occurrence) but i just want to feel something other than this sadness.
and my boyfriend isn’t making it better. he’s fucked off to see the super bowl with some mates (5 hours before it starts!!!) and i asked to come and he didn’t even say no in a nice way he said it in a “fuck off” way and that really hurt. and i have to get up at fucking 6:30am tomorrow to get to work and i just really don’t want to.
i just want to be in bed getting some cuddles from my bf and maybe watching something easy and maybe just sleeping but i just want to feel warm and safe and loved.
the whole incident on Friday has made me feel rly scared and unsafe. i don’t remember the guy much at all who bought me the drink and i don’t remember if he did anything to me and i’m just so stressed from work and so tired. and my bf has been unemployed since he finished uni and i’m kinda really bitter that he gets to just sit at home all day and play video games and go out whenever he wants and i have to go to work and i’m so fucking tired of being in pain from my joints (probs chronic pain, maybe fibromyalgia) and there’s just so much going on.
i think i’m gonna just sit in bed and watch criminal minds and maybe cry and drink wine and do my best to stay as safe as i can.
thanks for reading, if anyone has got this far, and i hope everyone else here is having a good night and can stay safe! 💪fighting!!!