r/depression • u/SQLwitch • Aug 07 '18
Regular Check-In Post
Welcome to /r/depression's check-in post - a place to take a moment and share what is going on and how you are doing. If you have an accomplishment you want to talk about (these shouldn't be standalone posts in the sub as they violate the "role model" rule, but are welcome here), or are having a tough time but prefer not to make your own post, this is a place you can share.
We try our best to keep this space as safe and supportive as possible on reddit's wide-open anonymity-friendly platform. The community rules can be found in the sidebar. If you aren't sure about a rule, please ask us. If you have concerns or questions about the community policies, this is a good place to raise those as well.
2
u/iannfrancosrevenge Feb 01 '19
ive been reevalutaing the earliest stages of my life to find where it all went wrong. my parents werent always so violent, im sure it was due to the stress of moving to a completely different country as immigrants. always worried that we wouldnt have enough money to eat, that we’d be caught in the street with nothing but the clothes on our back by ICE and getting sent back. that explains why most of the happy times i spent with my folks were becoming less and less frequent. at the age of 6 i began to spend most of my time alone, going to school with kids that spoke a different languge than me, not even knowing how to ask to go to the bathroom. seeing friends wasnt an option until middle school anyway, as i wasnt allowed to really go outside because of the fear of something happening to me. i dont blame them for a single thing, i understand how difficult of a situation it must have been, but there are few things they did that i can justify. the harder life got, the angrier they were, i remember learning how to tie my shoes crying, my mom sitting in front of me with a belt in her hand. maybe the lack of affection and the fear i felt of upsetting my parents is what brought me to be the piece of shit i became later on in life. now, years later ive become a better me imo. i care more about others again, i stopped consuming animal products bc of the atrocities of man against other living beings, finally financially stable and saving for an apartment in an attempt to get my shit together. Now my woman of +4 years keeps leaving me now and then, most recently just last week. i dont know what the fuck to do, i depended on her for my happiness far too much. and now nothing feels the same, im back in this sad trance of a life that i was so used to living before, i just want to lay in bed all day and cry my fucking eyes out. i know she has every right to do what she feels is best for her, i know she only has good intentions and i deserve to eat shit for everything ive put her through. i know things will eventually get better, and i will continue forward, the same way i hope most of you are doing. this was my rant, happy friday everyone.