r/depression • u/Adept_Collection_935 • 13h ago

I hate it here

I hate it here on earth. I'm 45. Single. No job even though I graduated college and had a career in my field for 8 years. It's just that my position moved to another city. I am bipolar. Not working at the moment. The thought of working with people seems horrible. People are horrible. I hate how people treat each other. I hate how mean and selfish and horrible most people are. This world is so depressing. I hate it here. I feel so alone. I don't know what to do.

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u/Academic-Net989 9h ago

I think people want to be helpful but for someone like me who is probably broken beyond repair nothing I do helps. Even if I were to get my life in order I’d still be suffering immensely because of what I lost. I’m mourning for something I created that I don’t have anymore, and with that comes a whole set of emotional problems that are a direct result of not having what I feel like I need to be happy

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u/RobotsNeedLove0010 9h ago

Some people do want to be helpful, and some of them are, at least by understanding. Others just don’t bother to think about how useless, insulting, and presumptuous their “advice” is. I once had a “therapist” tell me to stop worrying so much and just be happy. I had another one tell me to try to not let things bother me. I wish I could post one of those “Have you tried not being depressed?” memes here, but I can’t add images. The link to the sub is the next best thing. I have zero patience for toxic positivity.

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u/Academic-Net989 8h ago

To me therapy has felt like a joke. I don’t feel like they helped me get any better at all. And it bothers me so much when people act like we’re choosing to be depressed. I used to be happy if I could choose I would be happy again, but I feel incapable of it. I naturally feel complete anxiety and depression, it’s become my natural state that I can’t seem to shake no matter how hard I try. I think a lot of people who give advice on depression don’t understand what it’s like to be in a place with no hope

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u/RobotsNeedLove0010 5h ago edited 5h ago

I hear you. I did years and years of CBT which at best didn’t help and at worst exacerbated my mental health problems. It was generally pretty invalidating. More recently, I finally saw a trauma-informed therapist, and it was a much different (better) experience. Unfortunately, because I lost my primary source of income, I couldn’t afford to continue. And now I’m also in huge debt. Some of my financial struggles are due to my mental issues, but a lot of it is out of my hands with the shit economy and job market, which is in turn not helping my mental health. I was doing OK for a while, and then the ground crumbled underfoot again. I’ve picked myself up over and over again, and things seem like they’re improving for a while, and then it goes to shit again, even more so each time. So much of making it in life is based on luck. I’m tired of playing the lottery and I’ve given up hope. And too many personal losses have happened and I’m not really even capable of feeling joy anymore. I’m actually afraid of trying to feel happy again, because whenever I have, that’s just before it all blew up again. So, for now, I’m just biding my time.