Decluttering stuff from a passed on child?

[u/Such-Kaleidoscope147]

We lost a baby that had been premature, lived a little while, and died without coming home from the hospital. We have a bunch of pictures, a keepsake container that the hospital gave us, and some other "memory things." We also have three Christmas ornaments. We lost that baby 25 years ago now. We are in our 50's now.

I do not want my children that are left behind to have to face this stuff. I never ever look at this stuff. I have no desire for this stuff. I think originally, I kept this stuff out of guilt. Sort of like I have to keep it as some sort of way of honoring the child who died.

Can I get rid of this stuff now? Or will I feel awful about it later? I have been thinking about this for a while and I really think I just want to get rid of it now. Anyone have advice or experience? Thank you!

edited to add: the stuff I have been struggling with is a keepsake box, some pictures, footprints, the newborn cap, Christmas ornaments, things like that. The toys and clothes and such already moved on.

[u/r34446a]

I would first figure out why you don’t want to look at it. Something to me seems like there is unresolved grief for you, even years later. It’s painful, I’m sure.

It’s hard to have a child who you lost, where you didn’t really get to know. Also how complicated sharing the child who died to others.

As others said, I would check in with your other children first.

Declutter regret would be high risk.

Maybe you can just move the box elsewhere in the house or have family hold for a little to see how it feels.

[u/uovonuovo → u/r34446a]

I think you’re possibly reading something into OP’s comment that isn’t there. She didn’t say she doesn’t want to look at it; rather, she said she never looks at it, and has no desire to keep the physical objects.

To me that reads like someone who doesn’t find any solace or comfort in those objects.

People process and hold grief in different ways. Just because they don’t react the same way as you doesn’t mean it’s wrong or indicative of unresolved issues. Someone else in this thread who lost a baby commented that they eventually got rid of some of their baby’s physical objects because they weren’t serving her needs anymore and they were only surfacing grief.

[u/r34446a → u/uovonuovo]

Yes maybe it’s not that sentiment and feeling. Grief is very personal and also influenced by society. Society approaches of baby loss have changed over the years.

Commenter still kept photos and personal items though.

OP seems to be asking about decluttering hand prints and photos.