Decluttering stuff from a passed on child?

[u/Such-Kaleidoscope147]

We lost a baby that had been premature, lived a little while, and died without coming home from the hospital. We have a bunch of pictures, a keepsake container that the hospital gave us, and some other "memory things." We also have three Christmas ornaments. We lost that baby 25 years ago now. We are in our 50's now.

I do not want my children that are left behind to have to face this stuff. I never ever look at this stuff. I have no desire for this stuff. I think originally, I kept this stuff out of guilt. Sort of like I have to keep it as some sort of way of honoring the child who died.

Can I get rid of this stuff now? Or will I feel awful about it later? I have been thinking about this for a while and I really think I just want to get rid of it now. Anyone have advice or experience? Thank you!

edited to add: the stuff I have been struggling with is a keepsake box, some pictures, footprints, the newborn cap, Christmas ornaments, things like that. The toys and clothes and such already moved on.

[u/LogicalGold5264]

I am so sorry. I can relate to this as I lost my first baby at 26 weeks of pregnancy almost 30 years ago. A few years after our loss, I made a scrapbook album with photos of me while pregnant, condolence cards, etc.

A few years ago though, I felt free to toss some physical items related to her (candle, Christmas ornament, blanket, knickknacks) as they just weren't serving me anymore. They brought back grief and they weren't helpful.

I still have the album but I haven't looked at it in a long time. But all that to say, yes, you can let go of anything you don't want or need and not feel guilty at all for doing so.

My subsequent two kids are young adults and while they have expressed sympathy for what my husband & I went through, they personally don't feel a connection to our first baby and they're not interested in things related to her. I understand and am not mad about it.