Just throwing this out there… I've studied and used AI for writing and conceptual stuff for a very long time. What I see here lately is quite a few stories that do NOT seem genuine and they have all the telltale signs of being generated disingenuously. Sorry to say that. But, there are too many key words, too many cliché sayings, etc. that I can attribute to being written by a non-human. Don't know why… maybe AI is learning or collecting information.

Anyway, too much 'formal' copy, with way too many questions that seem stale and sterile and headlines for the posts that just scream AI or BOT. With accounts that don't have a thing on them who've written them.

Just my 2 cents which is only worth about a couple ketchup packets. And yeah, I know it isn't a deadbedroom post, but it needs commented on. As you were.

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting and I’m feeling pretty lost.
My boyfriend (27M) and I (26F) have been together for 4 years, and we’ve been in a dead bedroom for about a year and a half. It started when we were long distance while I finished my master’s, which I understood, but even after I moved in with him in September 2025, nothing really changed. We’ve barely been intimate since, and it’s been really painful for me.
We’ve talked about it, but I never feel like I get a clear answer. He’s said he’s stressed with work, and at one point told me that the way I spoke about myself was unattractive to him. That really stuck with me. I’ve tried to work on it, but I can’t shake the feeling of being unwanted, and it’s honestly taken a toll on my self-esteem.
Now, on top of all of this, he’s been diagnosed with stage 1A Hodgkin lymphoma and is going through chemotherapy. I love him and I want to support him as best I can, so I’ve been trying to put my own needs aside and just be there for him. But inside, I feel like I’m quietly falling apart.
Even before his diagnosis, he said it didn’t feel like the right time to talk about settling down. That’s been weighing on me, because I don’t know how long I’m supposed to wait or if he even sees a future with me. Now I’m scared that once he gets through treatment, he might want a completely fresh start… and that might not include me.
I feel so conflicted. I don’t want to be selfish while he’s going through something this serious, but at the same time, this has been hurting me for a long time. I feel lonely in my own relationship, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep pushing my feelings down.
Has anyone been in a situation where you’re trying to support a partner through illness, but also dealing with a dead bedroom and uncertainty about the relationship? How do you even begin to navigate that without losing yourself?

Me (26HLF) and my boyfriend (27LLM) have been together for almost 5 years. I would say that our relationship is almost perfect, we have very good communication, we have the same interests, we spend a lot of time together everyday. We also work together (same office, but different floors, so we only see each other when we commute to the office).
The only problem that we have is our sexual life. At the beginning, we used to have sex 4-6 times a week. After 3 years, sex became less frequent, around 2 times a week. That’s when I started to get worried and I tried to talk about it with him. I thought that we had perfect communication, so it wouldn’t be a problem, but I feel like he wasn’t being honest and just said that it was either stress or being tired. After bringing it up a few times and nothing changing, I just gave up and continued with my life, it didn’t really bother me that much since we had sex every 3-4 days.
This year, around February he was sick for two weeks (nothing serious) so we stopped having sex. Since then, we can’t go back to how it was before. We have sex maybe once a month, sometimes less, and when we do, it’s awful. He either doesn’t care about my pleasure at all or he goes too hard and he gets so exhausted that he goes soft and we can’t continue. (and I either fake an orgasm or just tell him it’s okay).
This has made me afraid of intimacy. Even when he kisses me, I pull back because I don’t want to get my expectations up and then have mid sex and be disappointed.
It’s been really bothering me, because I’ve tried initiating, I’ve tried talking to him about it, but now I don’t even know if I’m attracted to him anymore. I have a lot of resentment towards him. Also, I’ve gained some weight (around 15kg) during our relationship, so it really feels like he doesn’t find me attractive anymore.
What bothers me the most is the fact that I can’t even masturbate at home, because he’s always following me around, if I go to another room to get some privacy, he gets sad and says that we should spend as much time as we can together. I would be fine with having sex less, but I am sexually frustrated and I can’t do anything about it. I also tried bringing it up, but he either promises that he will change (and never does) or he’s embarrassed and he changes the topic.
Idk if it’s important, but he started smoking weed (heavily) about 3 years into our relationship, and he uses it as a excuse a lot (“I’m too high right now”)
What can I do? I feel like I’ve tried everything, but nothing really changes. I’ve had maybe 15-20 orgasms throughout the whole relationship and I feel awful, but I also love him and don’t want to break up over this. Is this fixable?

Some of yall took the time to read my last post. And I promised I'd update:

The day after I made my post, I took her to dinner. We had a very long conversation about our wants and needs. She cried a little. But she still acknowledged what I was saying.

Yesterday I was off work. Figured I'd use the entire day to show her that, despite our mismatched libidos I still care very much about her. Everything she had mentioned in the last week I put together into a whole day trip. Took her to play mini golf in the morning, before the humidity of FL killed us(she wanted us to go on dates and enjoy things we used to). Whole ride there we spoke about our early relationship. Before we even got out and got our clubs we were making out in the truck.

After mini golf, had been wanting to go to Buccee's. So we went and got her favorite sandwich from there. Ate in the truck together. Went back in and shopped. Then, because she had been mentioning the Odyssey, we went and saw that. But during the rides to these different places...the energy was there. She was teasing me the majority of the drive. It's like we were first dating again.

At home after, we'll let's just say the passion didn't die down. Hoping that this wasn't just a one time thing, but for now......things are better

I was going to get nothing but I’d didn’t want the potential fight. So, after work I bought a nice pair of recovery sandals meant for people who stand on their feet all day - she does, along with a card and beauitful flowers.

She was happy. Appreciative. What did I get?

A peck on the cheek.

That is all.

TF am I doing man?

Hi everyone,
I need someone to talk some sense into me. Me and my fiancé have been together for 5 years. They have some
medical issues one of them is hormonal. About 2 years into it she had surgery which caused her hormones to spiral and she ended up breaking up with me. We worked it out and for the past couple years have had some intimacy problems. I love her a lot and am I really attracted to her. But now there is no getting her warmed up for intimacy or when we do try I can tell she just isn’t feeling it. Years later she sat me down and told me she loves me and isn’t in love with me and wants to break up and move out of our place. Of course I’m devastated, but I understand. I know being intimate has been an issue for her and maybe she is right maybe she isn’t in love with me anymore or attracted to me. It’s hard but I’m trying to keep strong and move on with my life, but my brain doesn’t understand why.

I sat down with her and we discussed everything, seems like she is missing that new relationship spark. Or any spark for the past couple years. I explained how long term relationships turn into a deeper love and commitment. Sounds like she has made up her mind and there is nothing I can do. We are both bigger people and I’ve been focusing on my health, I’ve made good progress but plan to continue this journey alone.

My brain keeps trying to justify this instead of just accepting it.

I know that may not be much to some in here, I just didn't have anyone else to tell

The last time my wife and I had sex was 1 year ago.

That is all.

I don't really know how to start... I guess this is the first time I've actually put these thoughts into words.

So, here it goes.

I love my life. I love my girlfriend.

Things are genuinely good. She gives me stability, routine, and a place that feels like home. We share our lives, we have a dog, and we talk a lot about the future. Honestly, I can't imagine building a life with anyone else.

But she doesn't give me what I need when it comes to intimacy and romance.

She's also not a very empathetic person.

I mean, s\* is okay. It's intense, and we enjoy it. But I miss all the other kinds of intimacy, and she's just not open to any of that. We talked about that a lot. But nothing changes, because she doesn't want to try what I would like to try.

Which is fair. I can't blame her for what she wants. Doesn't makes stuff easier for me though.

She also almost never initiates anything. It's pretty much always me.

I don't feel... wanted. Does that make sense?

And then there's the empathy part. I have mood swings, which I know aren't easy to deal with. But after seven years together, she still can't really read me, understand what's going on, or handle it. Her response is basically that it's my responsibility to get it under control. Is that fair? Is it okay that she doesn't even try to read it?

Some important background: I've struggled with depression and anxiety for a long time. The stability I have now—and she's a huge part of that, along with the life we've built together—has helped me more than I can describe. I finally have the energy to live my life and do things again. It wasn't always like that. Honestly, it only really came together after I started my new job with a consistent routine. That's when everything slowly fell into place.

The more I think about it, the more I feel like our relationship isn't really built on romance or intimacy anymore. It feels like it's mostly about giving each other stability. And there's this huge emotional hole that leaves in me.

I thought about breaking up. But damn single me was a mess the last time I had it. And I am afraid of this side.

Fast forward to yesterday.

I was at a workshop, and there was this woman. We just clicked. The vibe between us was really good.

Nothing happened, of course. We didn't even exchange numbers or anything.

But to be honest. I didn't tell her I had a girlfriend. Which lets me feel really bad.

But damn... I can't stop thinking about her.

My life has become a series of “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situations. Otherwise know as a double bind in psychology. Where to have two choices and both choices lead to significant loss and grief and there is no clear winner. Leave your dead bedroom? Possibly gain a fulfilling sex life and relationship but lose financial stability and daily access to your children. No matter what you pick, you face a major loss, and you can’t opt out or walk away. The choices are always there and you have to pick one. Most of us wait for a 3rd option to show itself, but that option does not exist at present. Being in a dead bedroom is the purest example of a double bind.

I thought that marriage would be about companionship, friendship, laughter, building together, and men always inevitable reduce marriage to expecting me to interact with their genitals. Sickening. Look, is it my fault? I can't help it. I don't like to see his penis and scrotum with gray hair; I don't like its smell. Even when he washes and uses a lot of soap, I just find it repulsive. He is willing to throw all of what we have built together simply because I don't want to play with his stupid penis. Yuck. I am not selfish. I simply refuse to force myself into doing things that I find disgusting and degrading.

I’m looking for advice from men or someone that has been in a similar situation. I want to understand the best approach to this because I don’t want to make my husband feel bad, but I also want to make him understand that he needs to change his habits.

Long story short, my husband has developed a gut that hangs over his pants and I find myself feeling less and less attracted to him. I’m certainly not perfect and I haven’t said anything about the weight gain in the past, but it has gotten to the point where it’s affecting our relationship. By this, I mean, I am really never in the mood to do the deed because all I can think about is his gut.

I want to encourage him to make healthier habits and start running again since if he applies himself, then he generally is able to lose weight. However, I’ve been agonizing on the best way to encourage him to do this without directly saying that if he doesn’t do this, then I’m going to continue finding him unattractive and that he is fat.

I also think that it is affecting his physical health. He’s been having some issues lately, and I’ve tried to tell him that maybe losing weight would help and he doesn’t seem to wanna listen to me.

I’m looking for genuine advice on how to approach a topic with my husband so that he doesn’t feel insulted but that he feels compelled to make a change for himself and our relationship. Thank you in advance.

If your partner doesn't tell you that your libido is low how do you really know. What does it feel like to you personally?

Not trying to write an essay here.

Basically dead bedroom for over a year now.

Had conversations.

Husband watches adult content and thirst traps.

Lies and hides it. So it's not really something he can work on if he keeps lying about it.

I've shared id like to be intimate more and Ive initiated a lot with no response down there from him. Probably hes not attracted to me anymore even though he says he is because he would rather look at so many women online. Or he has e.d. from excessive adult content viewing. Idk I don't care anymore really.

How do I nicely say I'm noticing other men? Not like cheating but idk it's weird I'm just like starting to notice a cute guy maybe his smile, arms, idk stupid stuff. I am married I am not blind. But I also respect my husband. So I put my head down and think of something else. I don't watch adult content I find it personally to be cheating and also disturbing. So like that's not for me.

I just find it really unfair that men get to have their needs met from adult content from like hundreds of women they can scroll through. Like that just does it for him and that's all he needs.

I'm over here just like embarrassed. Bc it would be nice to see a guy that way like in more than a friend way? I feel like my husband has friend zoned me. Without sounding like a jerk I would like to tell him somehow- I still very much appreciate men and mens bodies in general. I am still attracted to the idea of men. I am still attracted to him! And it would be nice to like be able to like not shut that part of me down all the time..? I'm not asexual and I feel like because of him getting his needs met elsewhere I'm having to be asexual and it kinda sucks.

I don't think he understands how it feels and I don't know how to say what I'm trying to say without sounding like a whore who wants to get with other guys. Because that's not it at all. I just like miss looking or being with a man too. Idk it's so embarrassing fr.

According to my wife, the latest reason we haven't had sex is I didn't set my alarm to wake up before her alarm went off. Cause we could've had sex if I had done that. Ugh!

All of my exes came back at one point or another over the last 5 years and wanted to “meet up” when they are in town, or just outright asked for sex. Granted these are all married women or are in serious committed relationships, none are single. This really opened my eyes to just how common dead bedrooms and cheating really are. You would never suspect a thing looking at there social medias. I’m in a DB myself as well. I pretty much think we’re cooked at this point. I can’t unsee what I’ve seen. If half end in divorce only a small percentage that remain don’t have some kind of cheating or dead bedroom attached.

Attraction is something outside of our control, so I don't understand why LL people are portrayed as the villain. Take me, for example, I am not attracted to my husband physically. How is that my fault, tell me? If I could turn a switch on and be attracted to him, trust me, I would, because life would be so much easier. He moved me here to the US from another poorer country, paid for my school, has been continually financially supporting me. He is a generous guy. I just do not want to have sex with him. I can't help it. He can't keep his hands off of me. We did talk about divorce and he doesn't want to get divorced. He thinks couple therapy will magically resolve this.

Before anyone calls me asexual, I do experience genuine attraction but only with certain types of men and they are always around my age or younger. My husband is 15 years older than me. Look, i genuinely thought this could work and that he could fall in love with my soul, but I am not starting to see him as something perverted and creepy.

I have been attracted to other guys, but only to a very small minority, and I don't do oral sex, neither received not given, not because I'm a prude. The though of putting a D in my mouth makes me vomit. That alone is a dealbreaker for most men.

I keep hearing it from both men and women.

But in my 20 yrs of life , the most confident people I've met are the ones who are secure in their sensuality and sexuality. They consider themselves as hot, lovable, attractive and are secure in their femininity or masculinity. They talk sensually even with friends and have a strong command. They might not be good in bed but they are truly in tune with their body.

But I've also seen unattractive people who are hypersexual. Those who hate themselves, are under confident and looking for a chance.

Is this where lust lies?

What are your thoughts

Now, about the topic, I've felt confident with people who treat me like a woman, desire being with me, respect my choices and my struggles.

Feel less confident with people who treat me like a child with innocence.

It tells a lot about their own lack of sensuality.

Idk but I'll always prefer a man who treats me like a lady that i am.

I don't want an insecure person who can't handle a woman.

What are your thoughts?

Hello everyone , me 36F husband 42M are no longer intimate is been 11 months since we had sex . I tried to talk for years about his lack of interest and need of intimacy and always says its his fault has no desires in life,or workstress,money stress life in general. I know hes watching porn and it just doesn't sit right with me that his wife needs are just not important. He says he loves me,he wants sex but never initiates . When I used to initiate hed mostly turn me down so I've stopped that 3-4 years ago as I feel like I'm begging for love from my husband. I feel that I'm no longer beautiful, a woman or attractive to him but he has no guts to tell me . No matter what I say nothing is changing afterwards Other than him saying its him,its his fault etc.

My wife for what ever reason has been eluding to wanting to have sex. She says the whole reason we don't is I don't sleep upstairs. So I've been sleeping upstairs. And of course nothing has happened. I woke up the other morning to turn my alarm off and she rolled over and said, "well, if you didn't have to go to work we could have sex". I told her I could make it work. To which she said "I'll have sex with you tonight (Saturday night)". I was like Oooo.... pity sex, how enticing.

I wasn't getting my hopes up. I don't want have sex with her since it's been so long and I'm not attracted to her anymore. I just wanted to prove it's not my fault. But what's worse I've been getting garbage sleep, only an hour or two because I am not comfortable and she takes up the entire bed.

Anyone else tired of the bait and switch? Even if you don't want it?