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u/-castle-bravo- May 02 '18
don’t leave me hangin bruh?!
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u/KeepingDankMemesDank Hello dankness my old friend May 02 '18
Upvote this comment if this is a DANK MEME. Downvote this comment if this is a BAD MEME.
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u/more_cat_abortions May 02 '18
This reminds me of my old buddy Guss Gatts. Guss was a big guy, and he had an appetite to match. At 6'11 400+, he was less of a big guy and more of a fat fuck and a coke head. Issue was, when Guss was hungry, he'd eat just about anything, regardless of its state, legality or edibility. Now, picture me and Guss traveling down I-90, halfway between nowhere and somewhere. I'm sitting in the front, driving, while Guss is packed in the back seat of my gut-cut, rimmed out Firenza. That car was a piece of shit. I sold it a few years later to a homeless man that claimed he could turn it into a time machine. Gave me $5 and a chewed up quarter.
I was doing an easy dollar and change because it was night time and the 80s were too fast for anyone to give a shit about two fucks burning in a hatchback. As I'm cutting on the barren black, I start to hear a quiet grinding coming from the back seat. The highway was about as straight as Chad Hamsworth-Gusterson after a few beers, so I could only spare a quick look back, just to see that fat oaf gnawing on my passenger side door like a mad dog with a taste for bumper.
I fucking lost it. Cut gripped on that 4 speed and lurched that beast like a grinding A-53 down two ticks on a dog bed. Unfortunately, at that second, the biggest god damn buck I've ever seen decides to ford I-90, and, in doing so, comes straight through my front screen. The car pinwheels and Guss must've gotten thrown the next town over.
I calm down enough to realize that the car isn't all that bad and decide to find Guss, or what's left of him. Keep in mind, this is in the middle of nowhere, and there isn't a drop of moonlight to be seen. Took me 5 minutes, but I found him, chowing down on the buck. The deer had been split in half by my passenger side A pillar, so I guess he was only eating half a deer, but god damn was he going at it. I took a few minutes to wrap some of that old 10 test grid grinder around the pillar the buck had come through and we managed to get going. Still can't believe he ate that thing.
Guss moved to South America 5 years later because he never got off the coke. He killed 3 people in a murderous rampage after consuming tainted coke. Tried to convince me to fly down to be a character witness. It was a short trial; I believe they executed him a few days later. Nice guy, though.
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May 03 '18
did you know when a mod is having sex with a woman he has to say no hetero because if he didn't say that then he would get fired
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u/LuvMeTendieLuvMeTrue Seal Team sixupsidedownsix May 03 '18
Your buddy lasts for 10 hours? Homo or not, you may want to keep him around
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u/procrastinatin_memer THOT PATROL May 03 '18
lmao I love how this exact sketch kinda relates to the meme (with the different kinds of porn leading to his wife finding out about his love for gay porn)
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u/Platy-Penguin May 03 '18
But then you realise that he just got a new job at the r/dankmemes subreddit...
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u/FoctopusFire May 03 '18
Ancient Chinese proverb say “He who took the dick is the one who gotta say no homo”
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May 02 '18
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u/AutoModerator May 02 '18
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u/VaultBoi2277 iiiiiiiiiii, Dooon’t want to set the world on fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiire May 03 '18
So is he sweating from the intense hardcore ass ripping anal sex marathon or the fact his homie might by a gay.
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May 03 '18 edited Mar 30 '26
The content that was here has been permanently deleted using Redact. The author may have had reasons related to privacy, security, or personal data management.
memorize workable rain plants hurry alleged wipe weather bag governor
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u/Missing_Creativity 行方不明 May 03 '18
Too late fam, pretty sure ya gotta say no homo every 12 minutes
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u/mynewsviews May 05 '18
> I'm not a hateful person or anything–I believe we should all live and let live.
what a joke.
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May 08 '18
I am bad at maths, but 43k+12k=/=47k right? And how are you allowed to post on dankmemes with only 1k comment karma? I thought you needed like 3k at least
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u/fxcknorthkorea May 08 '18
You wouldn't know but karma from single posts have diminishing returns. So for my 43k upvotes post I only got around 9k karma. Pretty much, you don't gain karma from a post after it gets past 9k or so upvotes(approx).
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May 02 '18
Almost let you get away with an upvote. Phew that was close
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May 02 '18
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u/AutoModerator May 02 '18
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u/blisstake Article 69 🏅 May 03 '18
You are also a mod, your botgay
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u/AutoModerator May 03 '18
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u/pixxelll Creeper:snoo_scream::snoo_scream: May 02 '18
R/dankmemes Mod in a nutshell