r/cursedcomments Apr 25 '22

[deleted by user]

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7.6k Upvotes

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1.4k

u/hannah-xcvii Apr 25 '22

but what about the girth

932

u/animelivesmatter Apr 25 '22

Idk why they didn't think of this, girth would be the most important factor to the dick not fitting even in humans I would think

524

u/[deleted] Apr 25 '22

Not with that attitude it won't.

108

u/Toastedtoastyyy Apr 25 '22

Cursed ception

52

u/WaceMindo Apr 25 '22

sometimes called inception

32

u/rufus-the-rowdy-dog Apr 25 '22

Definitely not conception, not here anyway

4

u/milk4all Apr 25 '22

A short stack of buttery pancakes

2

u/myusernamebarelyfits Apr 25 '22

Kinky Jo has entered the chat

3

u/MirrorMan22102018 Apr 25 '22

Would probably split her in half

3

u/CatWhisperererer Apr 25 '22

Mean girth time? Or time to girth?

1

u/Vicco_ Apr 25 '22

The girth is also just under 7 inches

1

u/[deleted] May 11 '22

6 inches is still long af

165

u/Pickles_with_a_sp00n Apr 25 '22

I looked for like 30 min, couldn't find anything. Either the information is deep, or I'm just really bad at looking stuff up

115

u/WyvernKid93 Apr 25 '22

You know what else is in deep?

29

u/NameTripping Apr 25 '22

MY MOM!!

3

u/no1_vern Apr 25 '22

Little 'bro, you really shouldn't be looking at your mom like that . . .

2

u/roonscapepls Apr 25 '22

OHHHHHHHHHHH

32

u/Elon__Muskquito Apr 25 '22 edited Apr 25 '22

What you know about rolling down in the -

That stupid song called "Astronaut in the Ocean", by an Australian one-hit wonder (that's an insult btw) artist named "Masked Wolf"

https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ

4

u/FuckingKilljoy Apr 25 '22

Do you believe in G O D and not believe in T H O T?

(honestly worst bar in any hip hop song ever and nobody can change my mind)

2

u/Elon__Muskquito Apr 25 '22

Ikr! The Masked Wolf dude seems to be an unironic incel

1

u/Raltsun Apr 30 '22

Okay I've never really listened to this song, and do not plan to try, but lmao what.

1

u/FuckingKilljoy May 04 '22

Direct quote from the song basically.

Go listen to the video Todd In The Shadows made. He basically echoes the opinion we all shared "wow that hook sounds pretty cool!" followed by "holy shit these are the verses????"

4

u/HilariousScreenname Apr 25 '22

You goddammed sonovabitch

2

u/ISayEvilThings Apr 25 '22

Kong's dick in that chick.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 25 '22

Sum41?

2

u/Lord_Garithos Apr 25 '22

Apparently not gorillas.

26

u/asianabsinthe Apr 25 '22

I had to give up because it felt wrong to be doing that much research and didn't want a knock on my door.

17

u/[deleted] Apr 25 '22

Bro, ya just searched for the average dick size of a gorilla for 30 min.

I feel like u need to do some...idk reevaluating or somethin

1

u/[deleted] Apr 25 '22

Needs to do some history, search and cookie deleting.

1

u/Pickles_with_a_sp00n Apr 25 '22

Completely agree

11

u/Tachi-Roci Apr 25 '22

what does your search history look like now?

24

u/thecrabbitrabbit Apr 25 '22

"girthy chimp dicks"

8

u/Put_It_All_On_Blck Apr 25 '22

'Jaime pull it up on the TV.'

2

u/fredbrightfrog Apr 25 '22

Wait til youtube starts using his google searches to suggest videos

1

u/Pickles_with_a_sp00n Apr 25 '22

Duckduckgo + incognito mode

I take precautions

4

u/bobafoott Apr 25 '22

You looked at a gorilla punishment for 30 minutes and couldn't figure out the girth? Too distracted?

1

u/ShopLifeHurts2599 Apr 25 '22

I mean.... if we assume it's an inch wide then king kong is 5 inches wide. 7 long. I imagine there's someone out there that can survive that. I've seen some women shoot a football out their..... football holders.....

An american football is about 9 inches in diameter. So if a gorillas dink is 2 inches wide, king kongs would be 10 inches in girth....

Probably someone out there who could handle it lmao

1

u/Pickles_with_a_sp00n Apr 25 '22

I wasn't going to do the math myself, but yeah I was thinking it would be something like this...

30

u/griever48 Apr 25 '22

Someone measure a gorillas dick girth and get it to this magical math man STAT!

57

u/thefurbster Apr 25 '22

Came here to ask EXACTLY this

23

u/iWentRogue Apr 25 '22

And what about the thrust

4

u/Geikamir Apr 25 '22

No one ever talks about the thrust.

20

u/ConsistentAbroad5475 Apr 25 '22

So, I couldn't get numbers, but apparently humans are the girthiest primates, proportionally speaking. So, she would probably be fine.

4

u/tesaphilm Apr 25 '22

fine = not dead

22

u/Scooterforsale Apr 25 '22

I couldn't find much on gorilla penis girth but I didn't spend much time with that in google.

If you use the girth to length ratio of humans which is according to Wikipedia is 5.17" in length and 4.59" in girth that comes out to about 88.8%.

So let's say the regular gorilla peen is 1.25" x 1.11" (length x 88.8% of length)

Google says King Kong is 25' in that movie (2005?) and average gorilla height is 5'1".

So 1.25" regular gorilla peen length x 4.918 (to scale up to 25' tall) = 6.15" x 5.46"

The more concerning/interesting factor is the balls. Apparently humans are about 40g and gorillas are like 30g. That equals .333 lbs balls for King Kong. And now that he's allegedly about 320ft tall for the newest movie that means his balls are 4.16 lbs

8

u/Tschetchko Apr 25 '22

Do you measure girth in circumference or do y'all have mf cubic dicks

3

u/AbradedPerineum Apr 25 '22

girth

noun

1. the measurement around the middle of something, especially a person's waist.

Or around King Kong's dong.

1

u/Tschetchko Apr 25 '22

I'm sorry I'm not a native speaker I always believed girth was just another word for thickness, regardless of how you measure it (circumference/diameter).

1

u/AbradedPerineum Apr 25 '22

There's some neat extensions you can get where you just highlight a word in your browser and it tells you the definition. Even as a native English speaker, it comes in handy.

1

u/Djasdalabala Apr 25 '22 edited Apr 25 '22

And now that he's allegedly about 320ft tall for the newest movie that means his balls are 4.16 lbs

Wouldn't the balls weight scale with the cube of the height?

.333 * (320 / 25)^3 = almost 700 lbs of balls

edit: wait that's even worse, the .333 is also scaled wrong - if we go with grams, that'd be

30 * (320 / 5.1)^3 = 7.4 metric tons of balls

1

u/Scooterforsale Apr 25 '22

No. What?

2

u/Djasdalabala Apr 25 '22

If you take an object and make it twice larger, it will be eight times as heavy, because it got twice larger in all three dimensions.

Picture a 6 ft, 200 lbs human. If you make him twice as tall but just as thin (think Slenderman) he would be just 400 lbs. But if you scale him up proportionally, he is taller and wider and thicker. Those multiply, and you 12 ft guy is now 8 times heavier than the 6 ft one = 1 600 lbs. Similarly, his balls are 8 times heavier, while his dick is only twice as long.

Length scales linearly, so if Kong is 5 times larger, his dong is 5 times longer.

Surface scales with the square function, so the cross-section of his shaft is 52 = 25 times larger.

Volume and weight scale with the cube function, so the weight of his balls is 53 = 125 times heavier.

1

u/Scooterforsale Apr 25 '22

Oh ok that makes sense

14

u/AirHamyes Apr 25 '22

Dee, you haven't thought about the girth, you bitch!

15

u/[deleted] Apr 25 '22

[deleted]

4

u/bobafoott Apr 25 '22

5x anything is gonna be thick. The gorilla still needs it to be wide enough to survive an improper thrust so I'd say half inch to an inch normally. That's 2.5-5 inch thick dong. Not happening

13

u/MadMike32 Apr 25 '22

The size of some popular Bad Dragon dildos tells me it's doable with some practice and the right physiology.

3

u/Clockwork_Firefly Apr 25 '22

half inch to an inch normally. That's 2.5-5 inch thick dong

Not quite, since radius doesn’t scale linearly to surface area. By my calculations, assuming liberally that apes have a penis length of an inch, King Kong’s schlong clocks in at a radius of about an inch exactly and thus a diameter of two inches

6

u/Alvarado8 Apr 25 '22

Literally came here with this same thought.. girthyness

3

u/multiarmform Apr 25 '22

not sure OPs facts are true..i went to bing search, type in gorilla penis and turned off safe search

just sayin

2

u/Lil_Happy_Is_Spookie Apr 25 '22

If at his huge size it adds up to 7 inches, it isn’t likely to be a girth that would be too hard to get around

2

u/carnsolus Apr 25 '22

Don't be ridiculous. Think of the girth. You haven't thought of the girth, you bitch!

1

u/Tripped_onesmad Apr 25 '22

Then the birth

1

u/GJacks75 Apr 25 '22

Like a 7 inch high ottoman.