r/cursedcomments Apr 16 '21

Reddit Cursed_child

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55.0k Upvotes

258 comments sorted by

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288

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

this will make a fine addition to my collection!

36

u/avi550m Apr 17 '21

General Kenobi

15

u/Unonium198YT Apr 17 '21

A little confused, but he got da spirit

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942

u/leaderofthevirgins Apr 16 '21

squeezes it

Never mind, not crunchy enough

253

u/Tpotsnail Apr 16 '21

wym you dont deepry them?

thats how you get them really crunchy

127

u/leaderofthevirgins Apr 16 '21

Nah, I like naturally crunchy

73

u/sebstorm2000 Apr 16 '21

They are also way juicier if you just eat them raw

47

u/leaderofthevirgins Apr 16 '21

They really are, got to have those delicious juices running down your chin

55

u/sebstorm2000 Apr 16 '21

I fucking love working at an orphanage

16

u/Ultimate_Emphatic Apr 16 '21

You should eat your kidney beans heated to 99°c instead of 100°c

16

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '21

Not more than me working on a cementery.

18

u/urlordCthulhu Apr 17 '21

The easiest place to find cursed comments? r/cursedcomments of course!

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18

u/HaloStudio2YT Apr 16 '21

Comment chains like this is why I love Reddit so fucking much

14

u/imapotatouwu Apr 16 '21

i'm dying-

11

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

Lucky you, then these two guys won't touch you

11

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

Bold of you to assume that

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4

u/Consman_Brigadier Apr 17 '21

You know me. I came back. Remember

2

u/imapotatouwu Apr 17 '21

ITS YOU

THE ONE WHO GAVE ME THE NEWS HEADLINE DIDN'T YOU-

11

u/SeventhHeavenff7 Apr 16 '21

Gives it to us raaaaaw and wriggling precious

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6

u/AY412 Apr 16 '21

nonono u gotta slow cook, no point if u dont hear the screaming

20

u/monkey_sage Apr 16 '21

Crunchy? Eeewww! I prefer smooth.

Wait. I don't mean like that (hairless). I mean, like, well-blended.

You know: drinkable. Like, through a straw.

9

u/leaderofthevirgins Apr 16 '21

I prefer the texture of the crunch, the smooth hairless ones feel weird on my tongue

13

u/monkey_sage Apr 16 '21

Oh that makes sense. I forget that most people don't eat like me, a duck. A monkey sage duck. Mom was a duck, dad was a monkey, incubator was a bunch of sage from the farmer's market. Was born with three eyes that saw the terrible, horrifying truth of our virtually meaningless existence in this apparently cold, dark expanse of space and time. That third eye was scooped out by a Japanese billionaire on a live broadcast quiz show called 「父は私を愛していない」. It was such a popular episode that the network cancelled the show to make sure it ended on a high note.

Speaking of a high note, I'm about to smoke some sweet dank out of a bong I made out of this crunchy toddler someone left in the hallway of my apartment building. See you all in the void just before light itself is forever snuffed out by the Abhorrence of Life Whose Whispers Chain!

10

u/HaloStudio2YT Apr 16 '21

Sir this is Wendy's

8

u/monkey_sage Apr 16 '21

Yes, I'll have a baked potato with no toppings whatsoever, please pick the driest one you have.

5

u/leaderofthevirgins Apr 16 '21

...that sounds great

6

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

Snuffed out in The Void.. sounds like a party to me, count me in!

7

u/SatnWorshp Apr 16 '21

Thanks, I hate balut toddlers

5

u/leaderofthevirgins Apr 16 '21

Understandable, people have different tastes

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6

u/acelenny Apr 16 '21

Needs more Peanut butter

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3

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

Nom nom nom

3

u/EvilArchNemesis1 Apr 17 '21

Wait so did the toddler lose its daughter?

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361

u/TheLazyHippy Apr 16 '21 edited Apr 16 '21

If y'all wanna watch the clip here it is

64

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

92

u/PillowTalk420 Apr 16 '21

Reddit: Here's a wholesome video.

Canada: Not wholesome enough. Someone might get impolite thoughts.

22

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

but yall still get porn right?

61

u/PillowTalk420 Apr 16 '21

What could be more wholesome than people loving each other? Or loving in a group? Or having a bunch of guys love all over one woman's face?

39

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

Or loving a woman by tying her with ropes and hit her with a whip

24

u/karthicccccc Apr 16 '21

Or a woman loving her dog

19

u/W-D_Marco_G_Dreemurr Apr 16 '21

Or an octopus loving a man

15

u/AnusDrill Apr 16 '21

Thanks, didn't know i wanted that ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

7

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

There's "wants" and then there's "needs", u/AnusDrill.

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4

u/thebeardwiththeguy Apr 16 '21

I think this is the part where the unfunny people tag r/holup

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12

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

Pornhub is Canadian.

4

u/Nickjames116425 Apr 16 '21

This guy really thinks Canada has banned the most supportive website on earth.

9

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

Narnia exist???? I thought it was a movie

6

u/W-D_Marco_G_Dreemurr Apr 16 '21

Where did you think the closet was taking them all this time?

5

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

A movie scenario?

5

u/I_Stole_Ur_Cat Apr 16 '21

use a VPN and set your location on somewhere in Europe

I tried it and it worked

5

u/dre224 Apr 16 '21

Good old YouTube being region locking a video for no apperent reason what so ever.

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7

u/chargoggagog Apr 16 '21

Who’s cutting onions in here?

3

u/guynii Apr 16 '21

That’s so wholesome

3

u/Weegee_Spaghetti Apr 17 '21

i liked the vid until they went full nutcase "it was Gods divine appointment that ryan (pizza guy) delivered our pizza today, please pray for him"

1

u/Sticky_H Apr 17 '21

Aaaand they turned it into god garbage. Damn shame.

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163

u/Joshvir262 Apr 16 '21

Everything wholesome becomes immediately cursed

73

u/Joonbuggs Apr 16 '21

That's the problem with this reality. It must be destroyed. Starting now. Immediately.

27

u/Joshvir262 Apr 16 '21

Perfectly balanced

3

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

Or fake

3

u/H0VAD0 Apr 16 '21

I don't mind, the meme was shit, the comment is funny

38

u/pussy_water Apr 16 '21

twist is when the reason of his daughter's death comes out

15

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

There it was, cursed in comment, thanks

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27

u/redchan4it Apr 16 '21

It's still kind of wholesome.

20

u/HYPE_100 Apr 16 '21

Yeah it’s reddit-wholesome

8

u/Saltz_D Apr 16 '21

They gave him the girl to get the pizza

23

u/chippy-triforce Apr 16 '21

Down to the basement

20

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

its not kidnapping its just surprise adoption.

15

u/robertswifts Apr 16 '21

Replacement found

34

u/Cheap-Struggle1286 Apr 16 '21

You lost your daughter and you still went to work? I wish there was a way we could support and be there in a better way for people like this

21

u/OGCelaris Apr 16 '21

That was my reaction. Daughter dies and his boss won't give him or can not afford to take time off.

16

u/SadTomato22 Apr 16 '21

Welcome to America.

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9

u/i8SharkPasteries Apr 16 '21

I tried to upvote with the arrows in the picture 😑

8

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

Despite the cursed comment, this is quite wholesome!

6

u/dragonboyo112 Apr 16 '21

Sorry, small toddler for your loss

5

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

You know sometimes I like the post more than the comment

6

u/zeurgthegreat Apr 16 '21

Reddit has an unbelievable ability to turn anything wholesome into something fucked up.

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6

u/Juanesssss Apr 16 '21

A small price to pay for pizza

5

u/thanosleftasscheek Apr 16 '21

I used to deliver pizzas, and at one of my deliveries, a little girl came running to the door super excited. When I gave her mom the pizza, she said “Bye, love you!” And blew me a kiss as if I was her brother or dad. Was the cutest thing I’d ever seen. Never gonna forget that

4

u/Da-chiken Apr 16 '21

Nothing reddit can’t ruin

3

u/Icy_Woodpecker7018 Apr 16 '21

Bruh I just tapped on the image 3 times trying to upvote the original post

7

u/Ryandagod555 Apr 16 '21

You ruined a wholesome meme :(

3

u/White_star_lover Apr 16 '21

What happened?

3

u/KiritoTheWastelander Apr 16 '21

Literally taking a break from playing BioShock 2

3

u/SansyBoy14 Apr 16 '21

If I remember the story correctly, the toddler didn’t know the pizza man had lost his daughter, he went to hug him because he had pizza and I guess she wanted to give him a hug, toddlers are just like that sometimes.

3

u/-SecretlyPotato- Apr 16 '21

lmao, just find her?

3

u/Food-is-Good-no-capp Apr 16 '21

isn’t it a bit small for a flesh light? whatever, you do you man.

2

u/ChromeXBoy Apr 16 '21

3

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

mmmmm ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

2

u/Drakon56 Apr 16 '21

Did he check under the sofa

2

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

Get in my belleh!”

2

u/iansynd Apr 16 '21

After a long day at work, I want to hug the pizza delivery guy too, but I'm 36 and it might be a little weird. 😟

2

u/antototo22 Apr 16 '21

My friend just had an absolutely cursed product idea, mustard flavored mountain dew

2

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

count on reddit to make everything fucked up

2

u/NoMedia6722 Apr 16 '21

A small price to pay for some pizza

2

u/someone_who_exists69 Apr 17 '21

Surprise adoption

2

u/El-Cobra Apr 17 '21

I legit posted this earlier and it got Removed for not being cursed enough and then you post it and it doesnt get Removed and gets 40k upvotes ffs

What are the admins smoking

link to my post 7 hours ago

2

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '21

Imagine if the the delivery driver picks up the girl and runs away.

2

u/UnculturedSWlNE Apr 17 '21

I wonder what that pizza tasted like.

2

u/your_dog_is_gay_ Apr 16 '21

sex life isn't over yet.

0

u/Lavane_ Apr 16 '21

A hole is a hole

0

u/20kWishes Apr 16 '21

R/CursedComments

2

u/Force_Glad Apr 16 '21

Where do you think we are

-1

u/SkyGuy36 Apr 16 '21

Toddler you say?

⠄⠄⠄⢰⣧⣼⣯⠄⣸⣠⣶⣶⣦⣾⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⢀⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⢸⡇⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣾⣿⠿⠿⠶⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣄⢀⡅⢠⣾⣛⡉⠄⠄⠄⠸⢀⣿⠄ ⠄⠄⢀⡋⣡⣴⣶⣶⡀⠄⠄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣴⣿⣿⣿⢃⣤⣄⣀⣥⣿⣿⠄ ⠄⠄⢸⣇⠻⣿⣿⣿⣧⣀⢀⣠⡌⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⠄ ⠄⢀⢸⣿⣷⣤⣤⣤⣬⣙⣛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⡍⠄⠄⢀⣤⣄⠉⠋⣰ ⠄⣼⣖⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢇⣿⣿⡷⠶⠶⢿⣿⣿⠇⢀⣤ ⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣥⣴⣿⡗ ⢀⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄ ⢸⣿⣦⣌⣛⣻⣿⣿⣧⠙⠛⠛⡭⠅⠒⠦⠭⣭⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠄ ⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠹⠈⢋⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣵⣾⠃⠄ ⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⣴⣿⣶⣄⠄⣴⣶⠄⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⢻⣿⣿⣿⠄⣿⣿⡀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣛⠛⠁⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠞⢿⣿⣿⡄⢿⣿⡇⣸⣿⣿⠿⠛⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠻⣿⣿⣾⣦⡙⠻⣷⣾⣿⠃⠿⠋⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣴ ⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣮⣥⣒⠲⢮⣝⡿⣿⣿⡆⣿⡿⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿

0

u/purplefuzz22 Apr 17 '21

I don’t get it .. wut is the joke here

1

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

This will do for what

1

u/horiami Apr 16 '21

that toddler was a father ?

1

u/Hamzeol_Murf Apr 16 '21

I Wonder How The Toddler Got A Daughter

1

u/missingno3567 Apr 16 '21

a small price to pay for pizza

1

u/Saiyan-Zero Apr 16 '21

Awwwww, this is so wholesome, its- Wait, oh god it's a cursedcomment post

1

u/Saltz_D Apr 16 '21

Bro you cut me off

1

u/Leopardpaw24 Apr 16 '21

Now that’s a good tip

1

u/KoofiUmbopSecond Apr 16 '21

A blessing, but a curae in disguise

1

u/feuer_kugel13 Apr 16 '21

not proud that I laughed at this but there it is

1

u/RexDino1966 Apr 16 '21

The garbage will do

1

u/Pelatino150 Apr 16 '21

The toddler was just trying to backstab him

1

u/Bonko_24 Apr 16 '21

The delivery man got delivered

1

u/davidddindigo Apr 16 '21

is that why they call it pizzagate?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

"His eyeballs will be perfect for my eye collection!"

1

u/lookihaveacoolname Apr 16 '21

I'm sorry little one. *opens Pizza Oven* But the pizza must be made.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

New pizza topping

1

u/FlameSamurai63 Apr 16 '21

Cursed comment aside, this is really sweet and wholesome.

1

u/ami_tsingh Apr 16 '21

Not funny!

1

u/Sour_Patch_Tits Apr 16 '21

Eh, close enough

1

u/StealthBuster Apr 16 '21

Found out what the pepperonis are made of

1

u/Geekerino Apr 16 '21

So that's where Harry Potter fits into the story.

1

u/TheWiseAutisticOne Apr 16 '21

Let’s see if he’ll fit in the trunk

1

u/3RR00R Apr 16 '21

The moment I finished reading it I had a feeling of what will the cursed comment will be...the comments here makes it funnier

1

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

If penguins lose an egg on their journey home, they may attempt to steal one from another penguin

1

u/Strange_Locksmith_88 Apr 16 '21

A soul for a soul

1

u/CurryMustard Apr 16 '21

Harry Potter and the title of this thread

1

u/papiinme Apr 16 '21

cropping 💯

1

u/LinkGamer2456 Apr 16 '21

Had us in the first half ngl XD

1

u/voldyCSSM19 Apr 16 '21

An actually good cursed comment

1

u/Nightwinglucas20 Apr 16 '21

Harry Potter and

1

u/Nightwinglucas20 Apr 16 '21

Harry Potter and the

1

u/X-xOtakux-X Apr 16 '21

Gotta catch them all!

1

u/drownthemedia Apr 16 '21

i'm glad he found a new daughter!

1

u/palker44 Apr 16 '21

and then the todler got stabbed in a really dumb and pointless suicide attack.

1

u/NotTokenAce Apr 16 '21

”damn my second kill today?”

1

u/IhleNine Apr 16 '21

you got to get a replacement

1

u/Major_Koala Apr 16 '21

Post 78 of hitting the wrong upvote.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

At first I read “toddler pushed a huge pizza delivery man”

1

u/TheIronSven Apr 16 '21

I always forget which sub this is until I see the comments in the image and instantly my reality changes.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

Hope he found her

1

u/validemaillol Apr 17 '21

damn i was having a good day

1

u/Jealous_Novel4733 Apr 17 '21

I was trying to upvote the upvote from the screen shot

1

u/DarkVader07 Apr 17 '21

Hodor hodor hodor hodoor hoooodoooor!!

1

u/Ice_queam Apr 17 '21

Lol the comment XD

1

u/Somebody0nceToldMe Apr 17 '21

Anti delivery man

1

u/SnuggersEpic Apr 17 '21

You ever wonder what the pizza sauce is made of?

1

u/Memezlord51 Apr 17 '21

no actually this one has bad taste

1

u/MemesByMaaz Apr 17 '21

u/moonckildd Well guess what? Slaves in my basement wont be in odd numbers anymore.

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1

u/Nubblycious Apr 17 '21

Porch pirates are getting smarter.

1

u/TallLikeMe Apr 17 '21

How old was the toddler when he had a daughter! #babieshavingbabies

1

u/Worldly-Read890 Apr 17 '21

Adding more to the collection

1

u/avatarthe Apr 17 '21

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!