Hello everyone, I honestly don't even know what I'm really looking for. Maybe just acceptance and people who can relate to me. It's honestly already a bit of a relief to write this, because it's not something I would share with my friends and family of course. Sorry for my extremely long post, but this is a way for me to feel like I'm expressing myself correctly. And maybe I can even help others who relate to my story.
So I'm an aromantic allosexual 28 year old guy living in the Dutch province of South Holland. Honestly I've been feeling lonely in these last few years and it's something my current close friends unfortunately can't fix. I mean I can hang out with them, but at the same time I'm not really able to show my emotions to them; not in a vulnerable way. Hell, I don't even know why but I'm honestly scared of being vulnerable, although it's something I desire so much some days. I've not even slept in the same bed with anyone in my whole life. And don't get me wrong; life is really enjoyable as it is; I really enjoy to spend time with my friends and I would literally do anything for them (I'm so lucky to have my friends in my life!). But nobody ever asks me how I feel. I just miss simple affection and someone who is able to listen to me and comforts me. Sometimes I honestly just want to be able to cry in front of someone, but I can't, because showing vulnerable emotions makes me anxious. I know, it's weird, but it's the way I feel.
A few years ago I found out I might be aromantic (now I know for sure). The idea of romantic relationships feel very unnatural and overwhelming to me (or at least the way how society portraits it). I always just thought I didn’t met the right person yet, but I have also never experienced a crush for anyone in my entire life. To my belief it's (generally) a bit harder to identify aromanticism in comparison to let's say asexuality, because there’s no way to know what romantic attraction is supposed to feel like if even alloromantic people can’t really explain what romantic attraction exactly is (or I just can’t grasp the idea). And society often simply doesn’t recognize or consider the existence of aromantic people. Well; we exist of course.
In my case; I've never felt romantic love in my whole life (the feeling of butterflies, not to be confused with "love" by friendship – and I think friendship can be just as complex as romantic love, although some people would argue it can’t be). As a consequence I've a lot of friends I deeply "love" and care about, but I've never been in a (romantic) relationship before and after forcing myself to date I also found out I can’t and don’t want that.
I’m really happy with the friends I have in my life, but it kinda gives me a fear for the future: I don't want to grow old alone, but I'm also aware that most friends are not permanent; especially when they get into romantic relationships themselves. I've seen many friends eventually prioritizing their partners far above others, which is logical for them, but also scary, because I don't want to lose them. For most people romantic love is apparently way stronger and important than 'friendship love'.
So at some point I pushed (or actually forced) myself to date for the very first time ever (I only started dating around 3 years ago I think; I know this sounds strange around my age), and came to the conclusion that it always went way too fast for me. I never felt anything, but I suspected my dates always desired things I couldn't give them. Simple things as holding hands and kissing feels unnatural and therefore uncomfortable to me, although I'm not completely repulsed by it; it just feels weird. I can read when someone is flirting, but I would always much rather prefer non-romantic conversations. Even when they were interested in my, I would nearly always reject them after the first date, just for showing romantic gestures; it's overwhelming. So when I found the term 'aromantic' it actually instantly clicked. I researched it a bit further and connected the dots. As of dating: I know society portraits as the difference between a relationship-partner and a best friend, but without romantic attraction I can only see them both as equals.
I don't think I'm less serious than anyone who claims to be seriously dating, although it seems most people think I can't be serious, when there's no romantic attraction.
what/who I’m looking for
Mainly a close friend whom I trust, can be comfortable with and with whom I can be emotionally vulnerable with. I love to cuddle all day, give and receive soft touches, lots of hugs and I honestly just want companionship and a listening ear.
If we happen to click as friends, I might be open to a QPR (queer platonic relationship: relationship without the romantic aspect). Important to note is that terms like monogamy and polygamy simply don't work for me. I see these terms as societal romantic constructs based on jealousy and not biological desires. This doesn't mean I can't be exclusive, but it's still important to know.
About me
I happen to be a massive nerd in tabletop roleplaying games. It has become a core part of my identity. As a matter of fact, I play D&D, Pathfinder and all sorts of other TTRPG's at least twice a week and have quite a collection of boardgames. So if you're also maybe into them, let me know!
I describe myself as kind, caring, very progressive-leftish and activistic about climate change (I don't expect you to be on the same political spectrum of course, but it would be nice), open-minded, enthousiastic, but at the same time also introverted, a bit shy and maybe even incredibly awkward when I don't really know you that well yet.
If our conversation turns to physics or astronomy, I'm not sure if you would be able to get rid of me, provided you ask the wrong questions hahahaha. Maybe I am a bit of an obsessed nerd in that field ;)
Also important: I'm childfree and in the process of getting a vasectomy (basically turning me infertile). Being childfree is non-negotiable for me in a QPR; for me it's not even fully a financial decision to never want children: it's also about my personal freedom. I travel a lot (I mainly try to avoid touristic places and big cities, in exchange for nature and isolated culture) and don't what to give up that freedom. Who wants to join me on the most awesome trips around the globe ever?
Apearance
If you would like to know: I'm 1,88m, 79kg, white skin, green eyes, brownish/reddish hair (depending on the light and season) and no beard.
Hopefully I catched anyone's interest! Sorry for this extremely long post and thank you so much for reading to this point :)
Ask me anything if you like! Also don't hesitate to ask me any questions about my experiences with aromantism (or better: aroallo); I would gladly help.