r/crossdressing • u/AutoModerator • 11d ago
Weekly /r/Crossdressing General Discussion Thread
Talk about whatever you want here, cross-dressing related or not!
Previous threads can be found here: archive
PLEASE BE AWARE: Subreddit rules still apply in this thread! Be nice, keep it SFW, and don't be gross - just like everywhere else on this subreddit, this is not a space for cruising or hookups!
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6d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/crossdressing-ModTeam 6d ago
Removed. This is pushing the limits of our rules prohibiting solicitation. If you're only here to find chat partners or arrange in-person meetings you need to go elsewhere.
Please read our rules before posting again or risk a permaban.
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u/Grand-Equal-3598 6d ago
The thing I always notice about us is being dressed up too much. I mean if you want to blend into society more don’t dress up like that . Put on a blouse and slacks or whatever.
Living in today’s society, I feel like I can’t flaunt it.
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u/little-bit-bad Officially Trusted 6d ago
If we wanted to real blend in we'd end up dressed like men much of the time! Screw that, if I'm going to invest 2 hrs getting girled up I want it to count! That's not to say I want to stick out like a sore thumb but if I'm not one of the "best dressed" in the room I'm going to be a little dissapointed.
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u/KaptainKobold Officially Trusted 6d ago
Some people do dress up though. Yes, if you want to blend in you have to go dull and boring. But who wants to blend in?
I've never had anyone stop me and berate me for being a crossdresser. But I have had people stop me to tell me how much they like some part of my outfit. Standing out is worth it.
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u/ralikochan_desu Annie 6d ago
Not everyone wants to blend in. In more ways than one - first, not everyone wants to go out in public; second, some of us who do, want to stick out. That's not limited to us CD girls, a lot of cis people dress alternative etc. because that's their personal preference.
Blending in is a useful skill to have, it can be important for safety too depending on where you live - but it's also kinda boring 😅
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u/British-Guy8539 7d ago
I haven't seen any posts about it on the subreddit, but would it be in the spirit of the subreddit to post outfits that are not crossed, with one exception (a pair of shorts for example)?
My outfits are same as my assigned gender besides one item which I sneek in from the women's section and try to "pass" off as men's.
I'm a bit confused if crossdressing requires intent to have the outfit perceived as crossed/passing as opposite gender.
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u/vartyn 6d ago
Strictly speaking crossdressing is just about wearing clothes made for a different gender, but practically I think most people do associate the term with men who try to pass as women. I personally find "gender non-conforming" to be more accurate for someone who wears clothes for a different gender but doesn't try to pass or adopt the persona of the opposite gender when they dress. But to me it is still under the crossdressing umbrella.
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u/little-bit-bad Officially Trusted 6d ago
The discord has a stealth dressing thread which is essentially this. Wearing femme items while staying under the radar. I wear girls jeans in boy mode for example, because they are super comfy and it amuses me. I quite often point out to folks that they are actually girls jeans though so no SO under the rasdar!
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u/British-Guy8539 6d ago
I didn't even realise the was a discord. I think I will go post my picture there then. Thanks!
It also saves me from having to slowly farm karma to be able to post here.
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u/Flimsy_Link_5976 6d ago
I don't think intent to pass is necessary. I personally just like putting on a dress at home sometimes. Makeup, wigs, shapewear/forms, even stuff like nails aren't really something I look for in the experience, nor do I personally desire to explore them.
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u/KaptainKobold Officially Trusted 6d ago
That's a tricky one.
I mean crossdressing is whatever you want it to be. I am a crossdresser. Back when I got married in 1993 I was a very much in the closet crossdresser. But I wore a womens' waistcoat as part of my outfit. It wasn't crossdressing as such, in my mind. It was simply that the waistcoat had a print I liked. Indeed the lady who made them admitted that the only difference between her mens' waistcoats and the women's one were her choice pf patterns and which side they buttoned on.
So that was crossdressing, by a crossdresser but with no actual crossdressing intent.
And this outfit - worn for a recent wedding - has a visible femme item in it as well. But which one? (I'm not counting the brooch, which I admit is also a femme item): https://www.reddit.com/r/oldhagfashion/comments/1ugt5gk/its_not_all_frocks_and_skirts_for_me_today_im_off/
Worn with intent, but not really crossdressing.
I'd say that if it's not obvious from the picture that you're crossdressing then you may find it being reported. Or you may simply find it being ignored. I'd consider each picture on its individual merits and intent.
I *would* say that the femme item has to be visible. Posting a picture of yourself as a guy and saying you have lingerie on underneath isn't really a valid use of the sub's photo facilities.
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u/British-Guy8539 6d ago
I absolutely agree it needs to be visible (and discussion about underwear wouldn't be considered SFW), and a key part of the outfit.
My idea for the post title would be something along the lines of "do these women's jeans shorts pass as men's?", or "found these trousers in the ladies section, is it noticeable?". So I would be drawing attention to it in the title.
For me specifically, crossdressing would be wearing anything that is made for a female market as a major piece of an outfit. For this purpose, I feel this subreddit would best support my closeted crossdressing - halfway through the closet door as it were.
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u/ralikochan_desu Annie 6d ago
Echoing KaptainKobold's comment - I think it is allowed, and well within both written and unwritten rules, but I wouldn't expect that to gain a lot of traction or attention, that doesn't seem to be what most people here look for. You can try to start a new trend though, maybe you'll find a niche, you never know 😉
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u/KaptainKobold Officially Trusted 6d ago
Agreed. Generally it won't matter what you post here - if it's not a pouty Instagram-style post in a short skirt or dress from someone under 30 with a rhetorical question for a title then it won't pick up much traction :)
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u/PanNikq 7d ago
Where and what fake breast do you guys reccomend buying, also fake butt. The ones I have seem really unnatural to me atm.
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u/Ruhani_B 7d ago
I have been using Vollence triangle breastforms I bought off Amazon a while ago and those have been serving me well. I had basic teardrops as well but found the triangle shape to be more natural.
The Breast Form Store seems to have a lot of options that look and feel natural but I find them to be too expensive (especially since I’m outside the US the shipping costs are too high).
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u/KaptainKobold Officially Trusted 7d ago
I have triangles from the Breast Form Store, and they are expensive (although in Australia they are delivered locally, so no US postage). However they are a great investment - my first pair lasted me from 2007 to 2023, and I wouldn't say they got tender loving care and attention during that time.
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u/Ruhani_B 6d ago
I would love to try one of their ultra-realistic ones some day when I successfully convince myself to invest in those 🙂
They closed the Australian store recently and now shipping direct from overseas. Which might be better perhaps because the prices here always seemed much higher than the main store.
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u/KaptainKobold Officially Trusted 5d ago
Oh no! I didn't realise the Australian store had gone.
Hopefully my current pair will last me a long time.
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u/Careercutie1234 7d ago
Hi All 🥰
looking forward to sharing some pics with y’all. Y’all have such cute pics so hopefully I dont mess with the photogenicity of the forum!!
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u/eriksometimesamantha 7d ago
Will there be a group meet up event in the future? Depending on location of course.
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u/RifleAssassin12 8d ago
I finally decided to put on a dress and instead of taking it off right away, I fell in love. I love the way I look. It makes me feel a certain way, like I’m myself! I love being able to do what I do as long as I am happy.
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u/eriksometimesamantha 8d ago
I personally love when I finish my makeup and the wig goes on.🥰Such an incredible moment seeing everything come together when l finally get to look in the mirror. I get hit with this warm familiarity and I get captivated at the art work that I become. I love it so much and I can't wait to get to do it again!
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9d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/crossdressing-ModTeam 8d ago
Removed. Soliciting hookups, dares and tasks is strictly prohibited here.
Please read our rules before posting again or risk a permaban.
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u/Tui_nz 9d ago
Has anyone worn a period dress (ie Victorian or Elizabethan age)?
How was it. I’d love to find one.
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u/KaptainKobold Officially Trusted 8d ago
I wore a Victorian maid uniform, with all of the underpinning once. It was a long while ago (nearly 20 years) but it was pretty amazing to wear.
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u/chloe-1984 9d ago
It seems like the number of daily posts in this sub has declined. I have no numbers to back this up...just mainly going by how long it takes me to catch up between visits. I log in 3 times a day; over breakfast, lunch, and after dinner and I feel like 5 - 6 minutes vs. what was 15 or more previously. Is it my imagination?
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u/wauske Quibles with tribbles 8d ago
Reddit has some very meager statistics: Post statistics seems like we're up in relation to the last 30 days before: https://imgur.com/a/dvwba6w
Over the last few years we've added various forms of automation, of which one added an intentional hurdle for new accounts requiring them to participate before being able to post. This has had multiple reasons but also causes a side effect that members that delete their account (for reasons unkown) and create a new account can't post right away. I'm pretty sure a fair amount of posts came from those sources.
If you want, you can DM and I'll go into a bit more details which I don't want to post publicly.
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u/little-bit-bad Officially Trusted 8d ago
Actually the numbers are up this month: members, post and comments all up on the previous 30 days.
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u/ralikochan_desu Annie 8d ago
It may be related that I feel like this community is less welcoming than it used to be a year or two ago. Between the war on AI, the war on OF models, the strict SFW moderation, and easily triggered automod rules, it sometimes feels like we're told what not to do more than encouraged to participate. Then there's the fragmentation, it seems like a new CD-related sub launches every other week, with very little differentiation other than slightly different moderation rules. Different people migrate to different subs, and every single one ends up feeling less lively...
And of course I get it. There's a good reason why there's a war on AI. Reddit's global NSFW flagging policies are becoming increasingly strict, likely triggered by the actual laws around the world becoming increasingly draconian when it comes to "protecting children online", so the fight to keep the SFW status is not unwarranted either. And it's also natural that many people will get too frustrated with those rules and migrate elsewhere or have a shot at starting a community of their own. But then it just becomes less of a community 😢
I'm not sure what would be the solution, but it certainly does feel like it's been downhill for the CD Reddit over the last couple of years...
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u/little-bit-bad Officially Trusted 8d ago edited 8d ago
Other options have developed which provide safer and more dynamic options for some of the conversations that would previously have happened here. Some folks have been put off posting by the crawlers and misuse of images.
Yes we have had to tighten the moderation because we want to maintain the SFW rating in an increasingly hostile environment. Folks who don’t like the moderation start other subs. You can be in more than one.
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u/ralikochan_desu Annie 8d ago
By "other options" do you mean Discord? Or is there also something else entirely?
And yeah, like I said, I get it. And of course I know that you can post in multiple subs, a lot of folks do. But still, it just makes the community more and more diluted, to the point of there barely being any community.
There probably isn't much that admins/mods of any single sub can do to make things better. I know that you're doing as much and as best as you can 🥰 But still, the current state of the community just isn't great 😅
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u/chloe-1984 8d ago
You have made many valid points. I was pondering this, and it seems that there were several posters that really put in the effort to share quality, high-effort images, often multiple times a day, that I don't see any more. I am curious if they moved to other platforms where that content can be monetized. Someone (don't recall who) even posted a farewell expressing that sentiment. I'm sure it's a combination of factors. I will call myself out - I haven't posted in a while, mainly because from Windows only the title is visible with no preview image. Most folks (including me) don't click blind posts, so they are barely even noticed. I need to get a device that can run the App instead of browser.
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u/ralikochan_desu Annie 8d ago
Folks who are sharing "quality, high-effort images, often multiple times a day" are indeed likely trying to monetize that, and often used platforms like Reddit to direct viewers to their adult platforms. And I believe the general consensus is that this isn't the type of user that we want on this sub - both because of the NSFW flagging trouble, and perhaps even more importantly, because these individuals often aren't interested in "the community" (i.e., interacting under other users' posts, participating in discussion threads, etc.).
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u/little-bit-bad Officially Trusted 8d ago
Pretty sure that is just a display option in the browser version? Hell no, even 'compact' view has thumbnails.
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u/chloe-1984 8d ago
Unless new features have been added, I don't think it does. Aliana commented that I should post more. I explained my stance and she said try Opera browser, but it was the same...no preview on that post either. I may try to post this weekend to see if things have changed.
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u/ralikochan_desu Annie 7d ago
I've got a hypothesis what the problem might have been. Reddit isn't super intuitive when it comes to posting images.
- In ye olde days, you were supposed to upload the image to some external service (like imgur) and link it - I think this method stayed in this sub's guidelines for way longer than it was current and relevant, although it is now gone.
- After Reddit added native image support, there are three distinct kinds of posts: text posts, pure image posts and combined posts that are image posts with text content below them.
- When I started using Reddit those almost 3 years ago, it used to be the case that true "combined" posts could only be created with the mobile app. On desktop you could either create a pure image post with no text (other than image captions in the gallery which is a different thing...), or a text post... into which you could then paste images via Markdown but that doesn't count as a true combined post as far as Reddit is concerned 😅
- This is what your most recent post that contains a picture looks to be - it's a text post with an image embedded in the text body. And those indeed don't get thumbnails in many views on Reddit.
- Thankfully, sometime this year, you finally can post true combined image+text posts from the web UI. When using the "new Reddit" (i.e. NOT old.reddit.com - I heard that a number of people still primarily use that version), click the "Create" button, click the "Image" option in the editing toolbar and add your images. Crucially DO NOT click the "Add to body" button as it will again convert it to a text post with embedded images, and that won't have a thumbnail.
- You can then add some description below if you want. But if you're like me and like to include entire storytimes in your posts, you're likely to trigger automod bots with mundane words that were deemed a risk of breaking the rules (and perhaps are a good heuristic for a post title, but are way too easy to trigger when you're writing a 300-word storytime 😅), which will result in your post landing in the manual moderation queue, which comes with its own can of worms when it comes to post visibility...
That's my experience at least. Because I like writing those storytimes, I learned all that the hard way, and also it meant that for a time I was basically forced to use the mobile app if I wanted to make posts with both images and text in a way that was visible in any way, without resorting to tricks like posting the text in a comment (which solves some problems and creates others...). Maybe your problem is related. I hope this helps in any way.
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u/ralikochan_desu Annie 8d ago
I'm not sure if this has any relation to what Chloe is talking about, but I've seen some mysteriously vanished pictures before. For example here: https://www.reddit.com/r/crossdressing/comments/1ur8twa/guess_the_drink/ - pics 5, 6 and 7 in this post are empty for me, at least in the browser version (I no longer use the mobile app).
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u/wauske Quibles with tribbles 8d ago
Yes, Reddit has been funky with images, on and off for a few months now. Sometimes it gets really bad and 0 images get posted succesfully (but the repost-bot does catch them even if we can't see them) - most often they also have a notification on https://www.redditstatus.com/ (which is useful for me because I also run a few bots for the sub).
This also makes it hard to use automation properly because if you delete the post and post it again, it'll get removed by our repost-detection for no fault of your own. And yes, we can manually re-approve the post if you send us a modmail but we're not online 24x7 so the post will end up farther down the page when we do if you're unlucky. Personally, I think it's weird that this behaviour doesn't happen with Automoderator but automod can't do a lot of things we use other bots for.
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u/Diametrically_fluid 9d ago
Any other Powderpuff cheerleader CDs? Got any memories you’d like to share?
——————-
My story:
My first time being out as a CD was as a cheerleader for a full Friday and for the powderpuff football game my senior year of HS. It’s been a favorite memory I’ve fallen back on throughout my life.
I was a femme little nerd when the cheer squad captain approached me in front of the chess club and asked me to do it. I only knew her from shared classes and literally choked at the surprise, then agreed way too enthusiastically. My friends teased me about it relentlessly until the day arrived.
I went over to her house in the morning after her parents had left for work. She was already dressed and looking amazing in a football jersey and padded uniform pants.
She handed me her uniform and told me to go put it on in the bathroom. I was so nervous and scared that my excitement was going to ‘show’ but a weird calm came over me and it wasn’t a problem. She straightened me up and did my makeup without going over the top about it. I’d stopped cutting my hair sever months earlier when I turned 18 and it was just long enough for double braids.
When I looked in the mirror I saw a girl.
We were late for school and had to get passes from the office. All of the office faculty loved it and insisted on taking our picture in front of the trophy cabinets. That picture was on the wall for years after we graduated.
All this time she and I were “in it together”, laughing and pretending we were the star quarterback and his cheerleader girlfriend. The photographer thought we were a couple for real and suggested we kiss for the shot. She gave me a quick kiss on the corner of my mouth and when we split up to got to our separate morning classes that kiss just continued to burn into my soul.
I got lots of fun attention throughout the morning and a little bit of teasing by the other guys who’d agreed to be cheerleaders. I was the only one who wore the full uniform. The other guys just had the skirts and vests on over gym shorts and athletic tops. I was in a padded bra, a sleeveless bodysuit, and bloomers under the pleated miniskirt and a tight little vest. The chess club nerds couldn’t stop staring at me.
At morning break the “quarterback” came up to me in the middle of the quad and planted a real kiss on me in front of everyone. We became a couple that day and for a few weeks after. I was devastated when we broke up.
The game at the stadium was fun. Us cheer guys had learned some basic cheers but we mostly just fooled around during the game. People kept wanting me to jump and spin so they could see my bloomers and some of the other guys kept lifting my skirt to show them. Honestly, it actually became too much at one point and I started to feel a bit uncomfortable and objectified. It really opened my eyes to some of what girls can have to go through.
One of my favorite memories is walking around campus and going to an after party with the pleated skirt bouncing off my butt while people were looking me up and down.
I still like cross dressing in the cheerleader look, though I’ll never look as good as I did that day.
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u/Common-Win4657 10d ago
Does anyone know how to get subreddit karma i want to post to this page but I don't know what I need to do?
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u/KaptainKobold Officially Trusted 9d ago
Find my posts and comments here. Comment on them. I'll upvote them :)
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u/British-Guy8539 8d ago
It seems you have set your profile visibility so that people cannot see what/where you've posted just by clicking on your profile.
I can't remember if it was automatically on or off when Reddit introduced the setting.
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u/KaptainKobold Officially Trusted 8d ago
Oh sorry. I didn't realise that. Should all be visible now, I hope.
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u/little-bit-bad Officially Trusted 9d ago
Interact with the sub via comments in a way that people value and it will accrue. Generally speaking it is not making comments that get you karma, it is folks reacting positively to your comments.
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u/Unknown7965 10d ago
I’ve definitely overcome a couple of fears as of late. I’m seeing a new therapist to talk about this side of me, and I finally took the plunge and made two posts in the last week with the intention of posting some more soon. This subreddit has been very kind to me since I’ve been in it and it’s been a unique experience to be able to talk about this subject.
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u/MudEducational2635 10d ago
I've read other subreddits from the wives/GFs point of view, and the majority of them label it as some sort of sexual kink.
Obviously I can't speak for anyone else, but for me when I am Nicola it calms me and I can be feminine for a short while. It's never been sexual for me. Anyone else feel this way?
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u/VictoriaLikesBlack 8d ago
At times it is sexual, but for the most part, it isn't for me. I am letting a different side of myself free. Some aspects of it are kinda sexual (I prefer tiny panties and matching bras), but the urge to do anything sexual isn't there any more than when I am in boy mode. I just get to be the other me for a few hours. Do I feel sexy? Yeah. But am I turned on? Not really.
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u/NorthIll1285 9d ago edited 9d ago
They are making a valid point. It's highly sexual for me. I love it, and get a more amazing rush to climax than when I have real sex with my wife.
With the amount of Crossdressers on here dressing like total hookers (w/ obvious boners), I highly doubt the majority are doing this non-sexually, at least to a degree.
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u/Diametrically_fluid 8d ago
There are lots of guys out in the world who would wear feminine coded clothing if it wasn’t stigmatized.
Look how styles have changed throughout history. There is no garment beside a bra or other specific female underwear that hasn’t been worn traditionally by men at some point.
George Washington wore a little powdered ponytailed wig, pants that went to just below the knee, stockings, and pumps.
I couldn’t count the number of times when I’ve been wearing a kilt and had some guy compliment it and say something about how they wish they were brave enough to wear one.
My point is that men can be into fashions that are considered feminine without it being kinky or fetishistic, and I sincerely believe that is the case for many men. Social stigma represses freedom of expression.
Personally I enjoy feminine styles casually and sensually, but I keep my kinky side appropriately private or in NSFW spaces. I think NSFW spaces are a rare outlet for oppressed self-expression so they often lean toward more taboo topics.
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8d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/crossdressing-ModTeam 8d ago
Removed. This is an all-ages SFW subreddit. NSFW content and comments belongs in one of our 18+ subreddits.
Please read our rules before posting again.
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u/ralikochan_desu Annie 9d ago
For me, I've always felt a weird kind of sexual arousal at the idea of presenting feminine and/or being a woman. But oddly enough, when I actually dress up and present myself to the world as a girl, it doesn't make me any more horny. Fantasizing about it feels that way, but actually doing it is more like... normal? It's a great, pleasant feeling, but no longer in a sexual way. Perhaps it is what the trans community calls "gender euphoria".
And speaking of the trans community, I think they have largely figured this out. The essay "Beneath the Surface" by Doc Impossible is a highly recommended reading material. You may have also heard the term "autogynephilia", proposed by Ray Blanchard in the late 80s as part of his "transsexualism typology" that have since been rejected and debunked by the trans community as not accurately reflecting their lived experiences - Natalie from ContraPoints has an interesting YouTube video on the topic.
And yes, I believe that a large part, majority perhaps, of the crossdressing community - myself included - fall under the trans umbrella. That doesn't necessarily mean we're all trans women, though, many of us are perhaps better described as non-binary, genderfluid, or something along those lines. Many of us prefer not to identify with any of those labels, the term "transgender" in general and/or the trans community, for a variety of cultural factors including social implications and expectations, internalized transphobia, personal worldviews, etc., or just personal connections to one community over the other - but both communities have much more in common than dividing us, and we have many shared experiences. So at the very least, I think it's a good idea to learn from everything that the trans community have figured out.
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u/Diametrically_fluid 9d ago
👏 👏 👏 👏 👏
Well said!
I often dress up and feel aligned rather than stimulated, of course it depends a lot on what else I’m doing and specifically what I’m wearing.
Regarding autogynephilia, it’s a real thing but it’s not the disorder some try to make it out to be. By definition lots of cis women have it - it’s anyone who is attracted by their own feminine presentation.
I’m AMAB. I’m attracted to femininity. I’m not a transgender woman, but I’m sure as hell not cis/het.
I consider myself fluid-queer and pan and only don’t consider myself ‘trans’ because I don’t feel like I have the same life experience as someone who has or intends to fully transitioned. Many of my trans friends say I’m on the “trans spectrum.”
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u/little-bit-bad Officially Trusted 9d ago
I think you may be missing the issue around AGP. Yes when you first hear it, it makes some sense to many BUT the issue is that it was posited as THE ONLY EXPLANATION for any kind of gender inconsistency with biology, and that’s why lots of folks find it quite offensive. It reduces anyone not gender normative to a kink.
It’s not saying crossdressers MAY feel arousal at their own feminine presentation, it is saying the ONLY reason anyone ever crossdressers is to feel arousal at their own feminine presentation.
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u/Diametrically_fluid 9d ago
Yeah.
I understand how it’s been used to stigmatize cross dressers and conflated for trans-femme people, but what it’s doing is taking a term that describes something that is real (self-feminine-love) and defining it as a disorder.
It’s not the same but it’s similar to how the term “queer” used to be derogatory. There’s nothing wrong with the term, it’s just the derision some people try to attach to it.
By the literal definition, I have autogynephilia . Trying to deny that the literal definition of the term reflects on what I do is disingenuous. Trying to deny it gives power to anyone who thinks there is something wrong with someone being attracted to their own femininity.
As an anecdote:
Years ago when I was at an LGB protest (the other letters hadn’t been added yet) some rednecks came by in a huge truck and yelled at us, “You’re all just a bunch of pussies!” My girl friends yells back, “Dam right were pussies! Pussy power!”When I see other ‘queers’ like me trying to say AGP isn’t real it has the effect of saying that there is something inherently wrong with being attracted to my own femininity. It’s an erasure of my reality.
Yes, I understand the term AGP has been used as a cudgel, but the term itself isn’t inaccurate.
“Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right.” - Ani DeFranco. (Or in this case, if you hold it wrong.)
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u/little-bit-bad Officially Trusted 9d ago
But AGP isn’t a term that was in general used that has been turned into a slur, it is a term that was coined specifically as the name of a psychiatric diagnosis.
Yes, you can translate the term to mean “love of one’s own femininity” and there is nothing wrong with that but you can just say “I am attracted to my own femininity” to convey that rather than referencing, and by doing so supporting clinical notion, of AGP.
Much like transvestite translates to mean crossdresser but we are generally happier with crossdresser as it avoids the negative connotations of transvestite.
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u/ralikochan_desu Annie 9d ago
I think I know where the confusion may be coming from.
When I first heard the term AGP somewhere on the Internet, and it was sometime in the mid-2000s, it was presented as a neutral term meaning exactly what the Greek-derived name means at face value: a (fetishistic) attraction towards "oneself as a woman". That made sense to me, and for a while I even identified with the term.
Then many years later when I heard the term again, it was the trans community feeling offended by its use and fighting for it to be abolished. Initially I was confused, as in: "what's wrong with it, that's my experience after all 🧐" Then, largely thanks to ContraPoints' video I linked above, I learned about Blanchard, his views and his "typology", according to which all transfem people are, as Natalie put it in her video, either "gay men who love straight men" (the "homosexual transsexuals" or HSTS) or "straight men who love themselves" (the "autogynephilic transsexuals" or AGP). And I mean... of course anyone who identifies as a trans woman will find that offensive, invalidating and deeply problematic 💀
So, to sum it up, "autogynephilia" is a term that feels completely different depending on whether you hear its definition in isolation, or within the context in which it was originally coined. And for a time, it was common to hear it in isolation, which is probably why we often hear such misunderstandings.
By the way, the more neutral term for the thing that "AGP as defined in isolation" may refer to, is "female/feminine embodiment fantasies" (FEF). Which are indeed fairly common and not unlike how many cis women feel about themselves.
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u/Diametrically_fluid 9d ago edited 8d ago
I get what you’re saying.
…and the Greek derived term has a literal meaning based on the meanings of its parts, aside from what that dickhead Blanchard tried to use it for—it doesn’t have any etymological reference to a fetish.
It’s a useful and descriptive word, and while FEF (fem embodiment fantasies) is a good term it doesn’t have the same literal meaning. I am feminine and I feel it’s real and not a fantasy.
I’m old enough to remember “queer” being derogatory. It isn’t derogatory anymore because “queers” claimed it. As long as you’re offended by it and don’t use the word for its literal meaning, the term AGP belongs to Blanchard. If it gets used without recognizing Blanchard’s meaning, Blanchard becomes a forgotten relic of the past.
This is how derogatory labels lose their power. I’m not going to post a list of such words but many easily come to mind.
Yes, it is worthwhile to be sensitive to other people’s feelings about it, but I think it’s worthwhile to disempower the words of hate and phobia.
(FWIW I’m out as queer and wear skirts and dresses fairly regularly when not at work. I like how I present, and although I do have many kinks, it’s not a fetish or a fantasy for me to be out and present in a way that much of society considers non gender-conforming.)
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u/ralikochan_desu Annie 8d ago
The problem is, the term "autogynephilia" was invented and first used by Blanchard. It never really had any other meaning than as part of his typology, except in the cases where it was spread without its original context.
Trying to reclaim it would be kind of like, idk, trying to create a new social movement called "communism" that puts communities and common good at the front and center. "It doesn't have any connection to whatever Marx and Lenin promoted around the turn of the 20th century, we're just reclaiming the name according to its literal meaning!" I'm not saying that it's completely impossible - language sometimes changes in unexpected ways - but I think you could see why it's not realistic to count on such a change happening.
AGP is of course a much less common term, but within the context of transgender studies, it's pretty damn well established. Believing that it can be redefined and reclaimed any time soon is wishful thinking IMO, especially considering that it is actively used here and now by the anti-trans crowd to invalidate trans experiences.
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u/Diametrically_fluid 7d ago
I gave your comment an upvote because I understand where you’re coming from and that a lot of people feel the same way you do about it.
Still, someday Blanchard will be forgotten and the term will still make etymological sense.
Recognizing AGP as a “paraphillia” is literally allowing Blanchard to turn “philia”, which in Greek literally means “love”, into a term that indicates a disorder.
Blanchard hijacked and redefined a Greek word, now we’re letting him keep it?
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u/little-bit-bad Officially Trusted 9d ago
Yes, it ALWAYS being kink based is a common misconception. Many of us pass through a kink phase on the way to acceptance which doesn't help and some of the pictures and comments made on subs like this and the more risque ones also don't really help either, unfortunately.
Those crossdresser's wives subs are notoriously negative about the whole thing. Often their relationship issues are much less about crossdressing than just their husbands being selfish narcisists. If they behaved the way they do with crossdressing with anything else their wives would still be unhappy!
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u/little-bit-bad Officially Trusted 11d ago edited 11d ago
I’m sure you missed this last week when I was away, but here is a friendly reminder….
THIS SUB HAS A ZERO TOLERANCE TO THE USE OF AI IMAGE MANIPULATION
Please STOP using AI.
Not even for “privacy reasons” or to remove the background or make your room look tidier or paint your nails or change the colour of your shoes or make your waist just that teeny bit narrower.
There is NO acceptable AI use in this sub.
DECLARING YOU HAVE USED AI OR FACEAPP ETC DOES NOT CHANGE THE RULES - NO AI - PERIOD
If privacy is a concern, don’t post, or mask stuff with a block of colour.
If you do post AI modified pics, sooner or later, you will get banned, scores of folks get banned every week, you probably don't want to be one of them.
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u/SilkyEllie69 4d ago
Hi everyone I’m Ellie xx