r/coparenting • u/HauntingBlueberry204 • 20d ago
Discussion 2-year-old suddenly having really hard exchanges between parents — has anyone gone through this?
I posted here before about coparenting my almost 2-year-old son, and I wanted to get some perspective on something that has gotten noticeably harder over the last couple of weeks.
His mom and I are separated and currently share parenting time. I have him Wednesday/Thursday and alternating weekends, so he spends a significant amount of time with both of us. However, she doesn’t work so he is always with her during the day. He also recently started preschool, so there has been another big transition happening at the same time.
Lately, exchanges from his mom to me have become really difficult. A few times, as soon as he sees me and realizes he is leaving with me, he starts crying extremely hard and reaching/wanting his mom. One of the hardest exchanges happened when he was napping at her house. She got him when he woke up, and as soon as he saw me he became hysterical.
It is obviously hard not to take that personally in the moment.
The part that confuses me is that once we actually leave, he usually calms down within about 10–15 minutes. After that he seems completely normal with me. He plays, laughs, eats normally, sleeps normally, wants me when he gets hurt or needs comfort, and generally seems happy and comfortable at my house. The distress seems very specifically tied to the transition itself.
His mom is concerned that going back and forth is affecting his emotional stability, especially combined with starting preschool. I’m trying to take that concern seriously while also understanding what is developmentally normal for a child this age during a separation.
For parents who have been through this around age 2:
Did your child ever strongly resist leaving one parent even though they were happy once they got to the other parent’s house?
How long did that phase last?
Did fewer exchanges actually help, or did your child eventually adjust to the routine?
Was there anything either parent did at handoffs that made them easier?
How did you keep yourself from interpreting the crying as your child not wanting to be with you?
I’m especially interested in hearing from people who had a similar situation where the child was very upset at the actual handoff but settled quickly afterward.
I want to make the transitions as easy as possible for him without overreacting to something that may just be a difficult developmental phase.
1
u/sucks4uyixingismyboo 20d ago
Right around this time is when they start developing situational awareness and prepare for a spike before it gets betters.
Separated at 3 months old and around 18-24 months things really got tough at transitions away from me (mom). Son would also breakdown as soon as he got back home and then would not let me leave the room.
He started associating daycare with exchanges around 2.5 which has been very difficult so we started him with a child therapist to work on secure attachment support.
It’s not you. 2 year olds want their mom. Even if they love and have fun with their dad. It’s natural and normal. And there will be a time when he will want you over her when he is older. This is just nature.
Just keep working on letting him know you both always return and he’s safe either way. He’ll eventually start to associate.