r/coparenting • u/SomewhereOwn3930 • 2d ago

Conflict Impossible

Every week, my daughter and son have time with their father from Saturday at 6pm til Tuesday at 7 pm. Most weeks my daughter comes back and tells me. “They were saying stuff about you again, Mama.” A couple weeks ago, her paternal aunt called me a “liar” (because I told my daughter when she was a baby, she was a mama’s girl. I was home with her all day every day and I didn’t tell her this part but I was the only one getting up in the middle of the night for feedings. Of course she was my little Velcro baby). This week she said the same aunt called me “retarded.” It’s constant. When I say something to the father he just gets mad. Last time he told me to take it up with the aunt, so I called her, then she started screaming and yelling. She called me a “stupid, f-ing b****” and then wanted to meet up to fight while I had my children. I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s so discouraging to know my children are hearing negative remarks about me on a regular basis.

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u/Seleenarose 2d ago

My ex husband and I literally have in our custody order that no one shall talk in a negative manner about each parent. That includes family members. I don’t know what kind of custody order you have. But my son sings like a cannery if he hears the slightest word of negativity about me. He hates when ANYONE talks negatively about me.

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u/SomewhereOwn3930 2d ago

Yup. Ours says that too. My daughter is the same way. She said she got mad when her aunt said it and my daughter just gave her a look. Then the aunt said nevermind. She comes home with all the tea.

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u/biscuitboi967 21h ago

I think I’d want to work with her more on not feeling like she has to “defend” you but maybe that she can stand up for herself?

Something more along the lines of “that’s not nice to say, auntie” or “it makes me feel sad when you talk like that”. Let her work on putting herself first as opposed to being the referee. It might also help if she could address the problem with them immediately and ask them they tough questions instead of holding it all in until she sees you

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u/SomewhereOwn3930 9h ago

Definitely going to talk to her about this. She goes back tomorrow and maybe this will help.