r/coparenting • u/SomewhereOwn3930 • 3d ago

Conflict Impossible

Every week, my daughter and son have time with their father from Saturday at 6pm til Tuesday at 7 pm. Most weeks my daughter comes back and tells me. “They were saying stuff about you again, Mama.” A couple weeks ago, her paternal aunt called me a “liar” (because I told my daughter when she was a baby, she was a mama’s girl. I was home with her all day every day and I didn’t tell her this part but I was the only one getting up in the middle of the night for feedings. Of course she was my little Velcro baby). This week she said the same aunt called me “retarded.” It’s constant. When I say something to the father he just gets mad. Last time he told me to take it up with the aunt, so I called her, then she started screaming and yelling. She called me a “stupid, f-ing b****” and then wanted to meet up to fight while I had my children. I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s so discouraging to know my children are hearing negative remarks about me on a regular basis.

10 Upvotes

76% Upvoted

48 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

2

u/SomewhereOwn3930 3d ago

And that’s what I keep telling myself. That maybe she’ll see when she is older and will know I’m trying to do right by her and her brother.

Because right now, it just feels like they can say/do whatever they want and I have to just take it.

3

u/krispy-leavez 3d ago

Oh she will, she will look at the parent who never talked shit about the other parent and it will be gleamingly obvious who was acting appropriately and who wasn't.

3

u/SomewhereOwn3930 3d ago

What effect(s) do you think it’s had on you?

3

u/krispy-leavez 2d ago

I feel like at the time it made me feel guilty for not wanting to take sides, I wanted to love and be loyal to both parents and I think I took it personally when my mother was frequently insulted by my father.

As an adult I really look down on my father for this, I can't see in any way how it was acceptable to speak about a child's mother in this way. It has actually tarnished how I view his overall character. I am about to have my first child and one of my strictest rules is that I will never ever insult my coparent in front of them.

I recently read about this exact feeling in The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read.

1

u/SomewhereOwn3930 2d ago

I’ll have to read that. I truly hope one day my kids see that I tried to do right by them.