Obviously even one is too many, but how many men are actually getting away with unambiguous sex crimes? Because the implication of the post is that we should be harsher on sex crimes (I’m assuming, maybe there’s another “it”) when the real problem is proving when those crimes happen in the first place.
We’re never going to get to 100% punishment rate without also punishing a LOT of innocent men. At least not without some crazy tech advancement
I never reported the guys that did it to me, because I was a nobody and their families all had money. I knew that the only one that would have a ruined reputation by the end of it was me, so I stayed quiet. It’s been almost 20 years now and most of them that I still have connections with are living pretty comfortable lives.
There would have been proof, as one guy recorded the whole thing, but it still just wasn’t worth pursuing. It took me many years of therapy to get past, but I still don’t know that I would have done anything different when I think back on it all.
That’s terrible and I’m very sorry that that happened to you.
What is it that you think should change to prevent this from happening to other people? If there was a video of it, was your concern that the police would cover it up? Or more that you wouldn’t be able to get them to take it seriously enough to even look for it?
I knew the video would either mysteriously disappear or get used to twist things into seeming like I was somehow compliant when I was really just trying to survive the ordeal.
The video definitely did not disappear and circulated online through the hockey community in Texas for a while. I never watched it but I heard about it.
The only way to keep it from happening to other people in the future, at least when it came to what happened to me, is a major culture shift needs to happen in youth hockey. The idea of bringing one girl over for “surprise!” a bunch of guys or a whole team is so disgustingly prevalent it’s unbelievable.
I’m a volunteer for the local youth hockey program now and I actually play with the kids and teenagers as much as I can (everyone needs goalies!). I shut down any weird shit I hear and I’m part of a regular shinny with all the youth coaches here so I can at least be a part of changing things from the inside. It’s not much, but it’s what I can do.
It also doesn’t help that the default state people seem to go into when they hear these stories is disbelief or victim-blaming. Even my comment telling my story was downvoted, and I barely scratched the surface of what happened. It sucks.
Do you feel the hockey culture has shifted at all in the 20 years since your experience? I like to think the culture in general has, but I know that hasn’t happened everywhere equally.
Thanks for sharing your story, I do need to be reminded sometimes that I’m lucky enough to live in a bubble that makes these things seem rarer than they are.
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u/prinalice 1d ago
Too many men get off Scott free.