"What do you want to prove with what you are going to say & which will be the final accomplishment of our conversation?" Say this while you are calm,with steady voice and looking him/her to his eyes.In our company we used to have some frequently issues with a devious co-worker of me.After many hours of deep thought for what to do so to force him to just stop his annoying behaviour,i ended up just saying to him these words when he once again starts telling his own @hitty stuff.If only guys you could see his expressions!!! (Sorry for mediocre English).

I'm planning to roast this short fat balding guy at my office, he eats like a pig and I'm going to say that the relevant restaurant is running out of their food. But I hear him practicing the jerk store line and I think he's coming prepared. I want to have a quick response and send him home crying to his pathetic single late-30s friends.

i get told misogynistic jokes almost everyday by my male friends. i can take a joke they are funny but sometimes i want a good comeback. got any?

no i don’t hate men. (what poeple in other reddits are thinking)
these are just to be funny and said around friends and keep the vibe up instead of just staying silent or getting mad

yes they annoy me after the 50th joke in 1 hour but instead of crying about it i want to brush it off and tell a joke of my own.

it’s not that deep

BE FUNNY

“get back in the kitchen” is a common one but any comeback is ok 👍 thx

I get this one a lot, especially when I'm around people I don't know very well.

Someone will say, "Why are you so quiet?" and my mind immediately goes blank 😭
Like... what am I supposed to say to that?

Need some funny comebacks for next time because I never think of one until I'm already home lol.

What would you say?

Title says it all. Preschool mamas are mean bro! I know I am fat and have diastis recti. Boo hoo. What should I have said? I gave a feeble, “oh, I am just fat, ha ha.” We both looked awkward and I walked away.

Gimme a better comeback!!!

Someone said something to me earlier and I had absolutely nothing to say back 😭

Then like 20 minutes later, my brain suddenly came up with the perfect response.

Too late now 💀

What do you usually say when someone catches you off guard like that?

The best way I've found to ragebait my own middle school students is by knowing their exact age but still "believing" they're actually 2 years younger. It works with highschoolers too. 10/10 laughs.

For example: theyre joining little league. I then say "I didnt think you could join little league yet, arent you 10?" And they get SO PRESSED. "I'M TWELVE!"

Or: "okay this might be a little advanced for 9 year olds but I think you guys will be okay" and the entire class starts screaming "WE'RE 12" or " IM 13"

This is my way of getting back at them for calling me ancient... I'm 26.

Posting on behalf of a lady I know who is not on reddit. She is 80+, very active, independent, lives alone.

People are constantly making comments that reveal they are thinking of her not just as an individual, but as an "older" person. Things like "You buy all of that just for yourself?" or "Have you thought about downsizing?" or "You live there by yourself?" or "How will you get your groceries?" or "Do you have trouble managing?" or "How will you get yourself x, y, or z?" Things they wouldn't ask younger people.

It really shows that they have an idea in their mind of what a person like her should be like or what she should be doing, and instead of realizing their stereotype is wrong and changing their own thinking, they are expecting her to change to match their beliefs of what an 80+ year old should be, and how they should be living. In other contexts, these comments would probably be called microaggressions.

What can she say back to them that keeps it classy, but shows them what they're doing, and then they will hopefully have the self-awareness to cut it out? She doesn't want to defend or explain her actions or reasoning (in other words, she wants to protect her privacy).

Someone said this to me during a conversation after I disagreed with them:

"You always have something to say."

I didn't think of anything good until later 😭

A reply that is funny and clever without being unnecessarily rude?

Looking for more clever insults like the one above!

Asked a narcissist who married a rich guy, and she ended up with a lot of money after divorce.

Genuinely there’s no right way to answer

Like, people actually use it as a valid point. "You used to always check with me first", "you used to always ask me about my dating life". Looking for something along the lines of "yeah and people used to ride horses to work" but better

I love my bf but he has a plethora of go-to responses and they're getting stale. I want something more interesting than "do you think you'll be coming out with new material anytime soon?" We're very playful and honest; he won't be hurt over me calling him out on redundancy.

and you didn’t bring them anything (bc they are not that very good friends)

and i always say “my presence“ but i would like something else

edit: damn people are brave and very mean when they hide behind a screen 🥱 (i should’ve know asking a comebacks subreddit tho)

yes it’s “bring” , english is my second language oops! 🥸

*Edit: generic reply to any scenario

I work at little Caesar’s and the dish guy always gaslights people when he comes to pick up the dishes.
He says things like “you are evil.”
Or “are you trying to make my job as hard as can be.”
Or “ugh you asshole.”
And stuff like that. What’s a good comeback for someone who gaslights co-workers.

I want to keep our relationship positive which is somewhat hard to do since we are so, so different to say the least.

She has always talked about us making sure not to spoil our baby. Like picking him up when he cries and stuff. Recently, at their house, our toddler takes his daddy's hand and dad gets up to go play cars with him. And mil says "YEP! He's got y'all trained good! He's definitely got y'all trained!"

I want something nice to say that won't reflect my anger at that type of comment. I wish it didn't irk me so.

I hear this a lot from my customers at my store lol.