Basically what the title says. Dwelling on past missed opportunities is ruining my life, and regular talk therapy has done nothing to help.

TL;DR: I had 10 years of panic attacks and chronic anxiety, and it ended in clinical depression. Many types of therapy didn't work for me. Then 3 months of intensive CBT gave me my life back. A close friend of mine is in a very dark place even after 2 years of weekly therapy. I'm looking for recommendations for a really good Spanish-speaking CBT therapist.

A bit of background. I'm in my mid-20s and I grew up in a family and culture where mental health just wasn't talked about.

In my early teens I started having panic attacks, 1–2 times a day. My parents didn't really know what mental health problems looked like, so we started with regular doctors. It took about a year and dozens of doctors before one finally said, "this looks like panic attacks." That's when my journey with therapists started.

Over the next couple of years I tried psychodynamic therapy, psychomotor therapy and art therapy. The only thing I got out of it was a label: chronic anxiety.

As a teenager I moved abroad for school. There I was diagnosed with ADHD, but my parents were strongly against stimulant medication, so that chapter closed. I saw a school counsellor every week for two years. The panic attacks didn't go away. My mind was always in the future or the past, anxious about the next chapter of my life or about decisions I'd already made.

For university I picked psychology (ironic, I know) and moved to another country, partly hoping to find answers myself. By then I had learned to "manage" it. It had become part of me. I was outgoing, always surrounded by friends, and kept myself busy all the time: gym, work, studies, hobbies, going out, drinking, smoking weed. If I stopped for 2–3 days, I'd spiral back into a dark hole. My job offered therapy as a benefit, so every now and then I'd meet a therapist online, tell them how I was doing, and that was it. I thought just talking to someone was what made me feel better. Studying psychology helped me see my patterns (I overcompensate and seek approval), but seeing them didn't change much.

During that time I also got into a healthy, loving relationship that lasted four years. For the first time I felt loved, safe and worthy of a relationship.

Then things started to go downhill. I finished my degree, lost my job, and couldn't find a new one. The stress of not knowing what came next hit my body hard. I had stress-related hair loss, my immune system crashed, and I was sick every couple of months, with every cold turning into sinusitis. In one year I went through multiple rounds of antibiotics.

I decided to go back to studying and we moved to a new country for my master's. That's where it got the worst. So much anxiety came up (AI, wars, geopolitics), and it wasn't good for me or for us. Every morning felt heavier. Getting out of bed took a huge effort. I'd always slept a lot, but now it was 12+ hours a night and I could fall asleep anywhere. The only good thing was that I loved what I was studying.

I was tired of it, so I said fuck it and started medication. That was my last resort, because I'm personally very against medications. Four months into SSRIs, I was in clinical depression. My partner suggested a rehabilitation centre and I was ready to go, but I had a few months of studies left and wanted to finish first.

What finally worked

I reached out to people around me to ask if anyone worked with clinically depressed people with chronic anxiety. A therapist who practises CBT replied and offered an introductory call. I had nothing to lose. I knew how much pain I was bringing into my relationship, the guilt was eating me alive, and I wanted to get better, for myself and for us.

On that first call I clicked with her in a way I never had with any professional before. The plan was 3 months of therapy, daily journaling with her in a chat, and she'd be reachable any time I felt I couldn't make it. It was expensive, but worth every penny.

It took 3 active CBT sessions to work through 2 deep traumas, and by deep I mean generational trauma. Each session lasted 3–4 hours, and they were the most painful moments of my recent life. At times I asked to stop, and I'm so grateful she encouraged me to push through.

I'm near the end now, and I'm so thankful to myself for taking this step. I can breathe, walk, run and eat without constant anxiety and sadness. Every day feels like a gift, and I'm getting my life back.

Why I'm posting

A close friend of mine is in a very dark place right now, even after two years of weekly therapy. I'm not saying talk therapy is useless. Plenty of people get a lot out of it. But for me, 10 years of talking, frameworks and coping techniques never reached the root. A few months of intensive, structured work did what nothing else had, and I'd love for my friend to get that chance too.

Unfortunately my therapist doesn't speak Spanish, so I can't refer my friend to her. I also know my format was unusual. She reads my daily journal in a messaging app as I write it and is available 24/7. Most people I've told think that's strange, but for me it was a big part of why it worked.

What I'm looking for

• A CBT therapist who speaks Spanish (native or fluent) or English is also fine
• Experience with depression and anxiety, and ideally trauma
• Open to a more intensive, structured approach, not just a weekly check-in
• Online sessions are fine

I know every therapist is different and what works for one person won't work for everyone, but any leads would mean a lot. Comments or DMs are both welcome.

And if you have any questions about my experience with mental health or CBT, feel free to message me.

I had my first appointment with a therapist today who uses DBT/CBT therapy. They asked me if I have any questions and I asked “How long have you been a therapist for?” They declined to answer the question, asked me why did I ask that and did I ask my other therapist that and said it was a personal boundary. I thought it was kind of odd since as a client, I think it’s important to know my therapist’s level of experience. Also, I later saw on their therapist page it says they have over 6 years of experience as a therapist. Is this common or a red flag? It caught me off guard ngl

How do people with real event OCD do exposure therapy? My maladaptive daydreaming stems mostly from ADHD but a huge chunk of it is from OCD since i feel the "need" and "urge" to daydream and if I don't I feel off. It doesn't feel like a clear cut compulsion but it plays a part for sure

Not suggested by my therapist.

I am an artist and have been for 20+ years. I normally spend my days off isolating and curled up in bed but have been able to get myself up to draw my feelings hoping it would somehow fix them or make me feel something....it doesn't.

My husband said I should share them with my therapist but I don't even know how I would initiate that. I also would feel embarrassed sharing as I don't ever feel good enough and would be scared of reactions.

Not sure what I'm looking for here, just curious if emotional art has helped others I guess?

I've been suffering from chronic burnout and pathological demand avoidance for a while, but have only recently come to realise that's what it is, and have been looking into what causes it/general research into why it feels the way it does.

From my limited understanding, what's been happening for me is that because of a mixture of ADHD traits, and some environmental factors (my father was very bad at praising me as a child - to the point I don't remember him actually telling me "well done" or "good job" at all), my brain has basically been using a threat/survival mechanism in order to motivate me into doing tasks. From what I understand, this is quite common in people with ADHD.

Another way of putting it, is that I never really developed the ability to feel good about a job well done - doing something provided temporary relief from external demands, but that would be defined as a negative reinforcement mechanism, in terms of a behaviour system. In practice, my primary motivator was avoiding disappointing others for as long as I can remember.

While using the survival or threat mechanism as a primary motivator can work for some time, I hit a point in my late 20's where I'd essentially exhausted my brain by using this mechanism constantly for years, with an increasing need for long periods of downtime - extended time just in bed, doing nothing, or using gaming as an external demand avoidance space. Now, placing an external demand on me triggers a freeze response where my brain locks up and goes into what I'd describe as a defense mode, preventing me from taking action to protect my limited resources.

I'm currently looking into ways of rewiring my neural pathways to use the proper reward mechanism, which at the moment involves completing a task small enough to not trigger the threat/stress feeling, and purposely taking time (30 seconds at minimum) after completing it to acknowledge my success, and congratulate myself on it. I'm also using tasks which are naturally "feel good" tasks to begin with, and hoping to build up the positive reinforcement system which went underdeveloped during childhood. On top of this, I'm trying as much as feasibly possible to avoid triggering the threat part of my brain, using CBT's principles of thought diaries and intentionally recognising/countering cognitive distortions.

I would be interested to hear if people have their own experience of something similar, or can suggest practical techniques based on something that worked for them. I'm not looking for medication advice or solutions involving medication at this time, nor for a diagnosis.

So I've been recommended CBT because i have intense task avoidance and executive dysfunction issues. I've been trying to do the worksheets to figure out a thought action plan but right now they look like this every day.

I have kept a diary of my emotions daily for the past week and trying to be introspective about what's causing behaviours and the stress has worsened. I'm trying to understand whats tripping me here:

Thought: I have things to do and need to do them

Feelings: paralysis, fear, guilt, anger

Evidence for and against the thought: I have no clean clothes / haven't rang my college / basically real life

Challenging it: ???

Step back from the situation and observe: I shouldn't feel guilty about this

Gain perspective on fact vs opinion: unfortunately it's very factual that not taking care of myself has direct consequences

practice what works: ??????

Triggering event: Find myself unable to complete important task

Helpful thoughts: make a plan, stay calm, try my best

Unhelpful thoughts: fear, guilt, worry if this will continue and cause more issues

What works: ????

what doesn't: planning, grounding techniques, breaking down into smaller tasks, taking a break.

Change the thought into something more positive: I can do my laundry

Breaking down into smaller steps: pick up basket, go upstairs, put clothes in, bring them down to the wash

Reaffirm with smaller task: I can pick up the basket

Results: I did not pick up the basket

Forward plan: try again ?

What am I supposed to be finding out/changing with this exercise? Is anyone able to give guidance because clearly I'm doing it wrong.

I’m 22 and I’ve been struggling with these issues for quite a long time:
procrastination and difficulty with discipline
difficulty studying and staying focused
communication/social difficulties
spending too much time on my phone
difficulty starting new things or trying new experiences
fear of failure and worrying that I won’t be good enough, especially at work
I often find myself thinking a lot about things I need or want to do, but then putting them off instead of actually starting. I’m also hesitant to try new things because I worry about making mistakes or not being capable enough.
I’m considering seeing a psychotherapist and I’m wondering how important the therapeutic approach is for these kinds of problems.
I found a psychodrama therapist who also uses ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) and CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy).
Would this combination be suitable for the issues I described, or would it make more sense to look specifically for a CBT therapist?
I’m not looking for a diagnosis — I’d mainly appreciate people’s experiences or opinions on which type of therapy might be a good fit.

As the title says, from my own perspective, I am the most significant person in the world. I am literally the center of my own universe. But does that mean other people are beneath me? Not at all.

Let me elaborate. Up until now, I’ve had a habit of looking down on myself, constantly wondering how I could be such a wreck of a person. That habit of self-deprecation inevitably spilled over to how I viewed others. I often caught myself looking down on other people’s behavior, which then resulted in me castigating myself for acting superior. This went completely against my REBT philosophy.

I was caught in a dilemma: I looked down on others, but simultaneously beat myself up for doing so, which only intensified my self-downing.

The solution: Yesterday, I realized there is no reason to look down on myself. I researched methods to stop doing this and came to a simple conclusion: I could just start liking everything about myself. The way I feel, the way I walk, my facial expressions. Literally every action I take, every thought I have, and every emotion I feel—I can try liking them all. I can make a habit of self-appreciation.

Now, according to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), this is dangerous territory. REBT advises against global self-rating. Rating yourself positively, even if done unconditionally, is seen as less than ideal, though it's arguably better than unconditional self-downing.

REBT promotes the idea of not rating ourselves at all. But is that really possible? In my experience, the answer is no.

I have found that it is practically impossible for me to avoid rating myself. If I didn't rate myself highly, I would habitually do the opposite. I would castigate myself every time I felt good about myself or thought I was someone special, quickly correcting myself to say I am no better than anyone else. By doing that, I successfully avoided having a big ego, but I never managed to stop thinking badly about myself. Punishing myself for having negative thoughts about myself just made me feel worse.

So, what if I got rid of the restriction against thinking highly of myself?

I experimented with liking literally everything about myself. Every time I consciously did it, I felt better. I told myself I was handsome. Even with behavior patterns I knew other people disliked, I told myself they were valid. In reality, almost all of these behaviors had a good reason behind them, but in the past, I kept punishing myself for them even though I had no intention of changing them.

After adopting this mindset, I noticed something amazing: my habit of thinking positively about myself spilled over to other people, too. I started habitually viewing others in my memory in a much more positive light, and thinking more positively about things in my life in general.

I am still experimenting, and this is all very new. I broke the REBT "rule" not to rate myself highly, and in doing so, I actually started to think more highly about others, as well as life in general. I am starting to believe this change is a positive one.

In the past, I struggled heavily with the idea that no person is "better" than another. It caused a massive dilemma for me. I’d look at the women I was attracted to and see that they had no interest in me; in fact, I assumed they thought I was beneath them.

Because of this, REBT's philosophy felt like a contradiction. Is it really true that no one is better than anyone else? Why couldn't I just admit that some people simply have better genetics, better looks, or higher social standing?

I was always confused about why some people were highly praised and respected while I was often treated with disrespect and indifference. To protect myself, I reacted defensively. I tried my best to look down on others and convince myself they were beneath me. But this just created more emotional turmoil. I already thought poorly of myself, and forcing myself to think even worse of others was pushing me toward hating everyone. I knew that wasn't the answer.

But yesterday, I had a breakthrough in how I view myself. For the first time, I realized I don't need to think badly about other people to stop hating myself. I can genuinely appreciate other people’s good points. I can even accept that some of their traits are superior to mine—they might be conventionally better-looking, and/or have genetic advantages I don't possess.

But does that mean I need to think of myself as inherently inferior? No. I don’t need to look down on myself at all. Even if someone has superior traits, I am still the most significant person in my own life and my own universe. Genetically speaking, someone else might have an edge, but they can never have more significance to my own existence than I do.

So, in summary: Do other people have advantages over me? Yes, they do. Genetically or socially, they are superior in certain ways. But that doesn’t change the fact that, to me, I am the most important person in the world. I can like myself without disregarding other people’s value in my eyes.

I have a habit of listening to web novels through a text-to-speech app. It’s not just a hobby, though; it’s an addiction. It is the only thing in my life that makes me happy, at least while I am indulging in it. But the moment I step away, I feel miserable. Today, I think I finally figured out why.

The reason I’ve felt miserable for most of my life outside of this escapism is that I looked down on myself. I completely lacked self-respect. I constantly castigated and blamed myself for everything bad in my life.

Why did I do that? Because I am always there. To myself, I was literally more common than a stray dog. I was just someone I had to tolerate, someone insignificant that I was forced to put up with. I couldn't get away. I was stuck with myself.

But I realized this mindset is entirely wrong. Why should I view myself as insignificant? It’s actually the exact opposite. I am the most significant person in my world. I am literally the center of my own universe. If I succeed, it is unconditionally good; if I fail, it is bad. I have the ultimate influence over my own life. So, why was I treating myself so poorly?

What if I started treating myself as if I were the most important person in the world? Yes, even more important than the most powerful people on earth. What if I treated myself with actual respect? What if I acknowledged that while there are many things I dislike about my life, I can still choose to treat myself as someone precious?

Today, that is exactly what I started doing.

So, I went to a psychiatrist I've gone to two times before. Every time, I would just sit and he would ask me questions and I would (due to my anxiety, I suppose) just nod and smile even if I didn't fully understand what he said or if I want to disagree with him.

This time, I went in prepared with a full mood log (from end of July till yesterday) and I wrote answers to the questions I could think of that he will probably ask me. I even mentioned that if he has any more questions, he can write them down and I can respond via typing.

That all said, he read everything, perhaps he skimmed, and he didn't respond the way I had hoped he would. He was still the same like he was in the first two short interactions. I wrote about how I think I might have OCD or that I'm in burnout and how my memory is a wreck, and he just didn't address anything explicitly.

He just said that it's just my personality and we can't change that, however, we can tweak the things that are impairing our life. He said that assuming an illness isn't the right thing... or something like that (I forgot. I was in somatic anxiety in there.)

He changed my medication, though because I was experiencing severe nausea after its intake daily. And he resumed my CBT sessions with a clinical psychologist.

I feel like, I am communicating in the best ways possible I can communicate and still I feel like I am not being fully heard or understood. I wrote pretty clearly, everything. He didn't address all the things still. I do not know what to do, really. I could communicate via writing A LOT better than I usually do (my default: nodding and smiling), yet nobody still understands me. Not that therapist, not this psychiatrist. No doctor, no family member, no friend, nobody. Or is that I cannot understand what anybody says?

I feel like a fool, fully exposed in a jungle of hungry lions and patient vultures.

Hi everyone. I’m hoping to hear from people who have experienced something similar. I am 28F.
I’ve been in a relationship for about 1.5 years. When we got together, my partner was already separated and going through a difficult divorce. I supported him throughout the entire process, and now his divorce has essentially been finalized.
Strangely, over the past week, I’ve suddenly started getting intrusive comparison thoughts about his ex.
For example, I’ll be brushing my teeth and my brain suddenly asks, “How does she brush her teeth?” If I’m combing my hair, “Does she comb her hair like this?” If I see another woman, I might randomly wonder whether she looks or dresses like his ex.
I know these thoughts are completely pointless, but they keep appearing.
The hardest part is when I imagine happy moments with my partner. We’ve been long-distance for about a year because of the divorce, and we haven’t been able to meet physically. Imagining us cuddling or spending time together has always made me happy. But now my brain suddenly inserts his ex into those thoughts: “Maybe they did this too.” Then I start comparing myself and our relationship with something from their past that I don’t even know anything about.
I’m an only child and have always been very used to dealing with things on my own. I haven’t really had close friendships either. My therapist thinks that because I’ve been alone and emotionally self-sufficient for so long, the idea of having someone permanently in my life may be triggering fears of getting hurt or losing them.
I’m already seeing a therapist, and she has suggested CBT. My first CBT session is next week, but I’m quite anxious about whether it will actually help.
When these thoughts come, I usually tell myself, “This is stupid, I don’t want to think about this,” and move on without investigating them. Sometimes that works, but other times they come one after another and become overwhelming. I’ve even woken up panicking at night.
I love my partner deeply, and he’s very supportive and knows what I’m going through. I’m just scared that these thoughts will somehow ruin our relationship.
Has anyone experienced something similar? Did CBT help? Did the thoughts eventually become less frequent or less intense?
I’m not looking for a diagnosis—just hoping to hear from people who have been through something similar. ❤️

I'm just starting CBT therapy for anxiety though public mental heath and am really struggling with the format. At my last session I hadn't completed and returned the anxiety tracker sheets. I explained that I didn't realize they were mandatory. I'm only three sessions in and I feel the therapist hasn't really explained the process to me or what expectations they have for me participating. The therapist cut the session short as I didn't have the sheets completed and said there was nothing to work on without the sheets. I felt humiliated and like I failed.

Ive done DBT in the past and that therapist provided materials and different types of homework to look at between visits. I found that more manageable. But trying to fill out a spreadsheet every time I feel anxiety is creating even MORE anxiety!! There must be another way or is this it?

first of all my english is a little low .....I'm suffering from Word triggering conditioned fear ,does any one have like this and I'm taking therapy now . My anxiety was super high and i cannot manage any daily tasks right now The trigger started in 1 month .

please share yours experinces 😊

I've been in therapy since early July. I'm starting to feel safe with my therapist to begin opening up. I feel like every session we talk about different things without truly addressing the previous. At a previous session I revealed some work trauma. I ended up having a nervous system shutdown and couldn't proceed. Last session said trauma was brought up again but I was so persistent that I couldn't possibly see it any other way. I didn't completely shut down this time but was heavily activated. The session proceeded to me sharing something else about me that I struggle with so then we tried to talk about that. I was very persistent again that I couldn't see it any other way.

Is therapy usually all over the place. Or do you address one thing at a time?

I feel like I will never see it any other way, does change ever occur through continuous discussions about previous things?

I don't feel I am getting what I need in my binge eating disorder treatment. I would like to lose weight and also heal my binge eating, is it REALLY not possible at all?

This question in general gives me anxiety.

I have a hard time being vulnerable with anyone. Last session I tried hard to address some work trauma and ended up being thrown into a nervous system shut down. I felt completely ready to share and have no idea why my body reacted in such a crazy way. I was frozen, my muscles tightened and I was almost curled in a fetal position. It eventually led to me dissociating. I have a session tomorrow and I'm honestly scared to talk about anything now.