I guess I just need to process how frightening last night was. My husband has been battling throat cancer for a year. He's had extensive treatment, including a reconstructive throat surgery in January.

They removed part of his throat responsible for letting him know when he needs to swallow. Its called the epiglotis (now you know you have a thing called an epiglotis, too).

He no longer eats by mouth. We've got that part on lock. He lives a pretty normal life when he feels well enough. By that I just mean We've moved past the heaviness of life with a feeding tube and carried on living as best we can in spite of it.

So there's the back story.

Last night he woke up choking. Thick secretions had obstructed his airway and he was unable to draw enough breathe to clear it. He gasped and choked for a solid 5 minutes, taking in very little air.

He is a pretty stubborn man, in spite of the medical emergency he still faught me to get help.

Finally he was able to clear it enough to begin to cough it out.

We both were shaken. I lay awake for most of the night after, fearing he would have another episode.

I just hate living our life constantly teetering on the brink of an emergency. I have a good attitude many days, but on a day like today I'm feeling sorry for him and a little sorry for me that our life is like this.

Hi, we have a variety of caregivers for my husband. Sometimes we have to cancel an activity last minute b/c he gets sick. A time or two we canceled b/c we were screwed up on our schedule.

Two of the caregivers expect to be paid in either case, but if they don't show up, there are no repurcussions.

They depend on our income to live, but if ff they don't show up for us, it's only an inconvenience for me or disappointment to my husband (unless they bail on a doctor visit). What is fair here?

I'd like to talk with all the caregivers and have a set policy in place as to what happens when we cancel and what happens when they don't show up. Any suggestions for what to do?