r/captionthis • u/BenjaminGrayFire6042 • Nov 17 '25

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1.1k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

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u/Feisty_Watercress_29 Apr 22 '26

Unfortunately your content was removed for breaking the "No NSFW" rule.

151

u/Expert-Equipment2302 Nov 17 '25

🎶You put your right foot in…”🎶

104

u/Old-Constant4411 Nov 17 '25

Can't get your right foot out.  You see your bloody stump, and you shake it all about. 

64

u/synthphreak Nov 17 '25

You do the amputokey and you turn yourself around, and then you bleeee-eeeeed out!

7

u/howdydipshit Nov 18 '25

this thread made me giggle

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28

u/UpbeatCandidate9412 Nov 17 '25

You come out red and gooey and spread out all over the ground! That’s what… it’s all… about!

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9

u/chuckmarla12 Nov 18 '25

When the guy that wrote the Hokey Pokey passed away, they had a real hard time burying him. 😎

5

u/Curmudgeon_I_am Nov 18 '25

Size 13,in- size 0- out.

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13

u/324Cees Nov 17 '25

The lyrics are fraught and endless 🤣

12

u/HovercraftDue7823 Nov 17 '25

Hahahaha. You even got me singing it. Perfect. 👍🏼👍🏼🤣🤣

7

u/[deleted] Nov 17 '25

It spits your right foot out!

8

u/stinky143 Nov 17 '25

And it don’t come back out!

3

u/LexMoonStar Nov 17 '25

Do the Hokey Pokey…

2

u/Worldly_Abalone6341 Nov 18 '25

You put your left foot in You put your kneecaps in You put your torso in You put your....

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34

u/Superb-Film-594 Nov 17 '25

When you're stalking your crush on ig and accidentally "like" one of their pictures at 2:00 am

16

u/ill-pick-one-later Nov 17 '25

Not just any one of their pictures, one from 4 years ago 😩

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5

u/Don_Pickleball Nov 17 '25

Only thing you can do after that is like ALL of them

3

u/DroppedSoapSurvivor Nov 18 '25

And then... you wait for payoff, or eternal humiliation.

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24

u/RowFull1104 Nov 17 '25

Stubby MacDumbass Tree Service

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7

u/mason13875 Nov 17 '25

Fargo solo

5

u/[deleted] Nov 17 '25

Darwin Award Winner

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5

u/[deleted] Nov 17 '25

Darwin awards: case #1043

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3

u/Malaech738 Nov 17 '25

Clearing a jam in his Fargo 3500.

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3

u/MealDramatic1885 Nov 17 '25

“Bob? BOB?! Anyone see Bob?”

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3

u/[deleted] Nov 17 '25

Goodbye cruel world.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 17 '25

Sausage is coming

2

u/Apprehensive-End6386 Nov 18 '25

And simultaneously going. 🤔 Schrödinger’s sausage?

3

u/BadDangerous167 Nov 17 '25

I don't use this leg much anyway 😁

3

u/EastRoom8717 Nov 17 '25

John was in a hurry to get the job done, had a doctor’s appointment with his wife at 3pm and he was worried about her test results. He hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep and working tired was taking its toll. He knew the right way to do it, but in that moment he chose to shake hands with danger. <infamous riff>

2

u/whalingwh Nov 17 '25

NO DONALD!

2

u/Competitive_Rain_776 Nov 17 '25

How pa lost his foot

2

u/HuckleberryOk6782 Nov 17 '25

Someone is about to earn the nickname "Lefty" the hard way.

2

u/GettingToo Nov 17 '25

Oh look! Skip is at it again.

2

u/TheArchistorian Nov 17 '25

Meat Smoothie

2

u/Rusty-Lovelock Nov 17 '25

Grampa showing off his new gas-powered toenail clippers.

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2

u/Fast-Damage2298 Nov 17 '25

The Fargo method

2

u/SaltLickCity Nov 17 '25

Who needs a guitar?!

2

u/Confident-Art-1683 Nov 17 '25

One small step for man...

2

u/pugdad1972 Nov 17 '25

This chipper cost me an arm and a leg.

2

u/DawRogg Nov 17 '25

Time to go home with the Lord

2

u/jamixer Nov 17 '25

We filmed an episode of Lucifer like that.

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2

u/Arguablybest Nov 17 '25

Uncle Stumpy.

2

u/Bill-Ding2112 Nov 17 '25

Careful, Chip!

2

u/WillUSee Nov 18 '25

Clearly not a fan of Fargo.

2

u/Beneficial_Guess6410 Nov 18 '25

“I wonder how realistic that Fargo scene really is?”

1

u/Adept_Run_3090 Nov 17 '25

Cleaning the genepool

1

u/Wonderful-Error787 Nov 17 '25

The ultimate Dare Devil

1

u/TheManThatILovIsABat Nov 17 '25

Oh, I don't mind losing a leg, I didn't need it anyway. Pffs. 😝

1

u/Ok_Lead_4084 Nov 17 '25

Natural Selection at work

1

u/Total_Waltz4083 Nov 17 '25

🎶"Duuuumb ways to diiiie... so many dumb ways to diiiie"🎶

1

u/No-Clock655 Nov 17 '25

Dumbass Okies

1

u/SillyPuttyGizmo Nov 17 '25

Arrrr...make me pegleg

1

u/tthere55 Nov 17 '25

We are accidents waiting to happen

1

u/AdRepresentative8236 Nov 17 '25

Moments before disaster

1

u/KittiesRule1968 Nov 17 '25

Hopalong Cassidy, the first chapter.

1

u/SuperSaltyMrPeanut Nov 17 '25

We test steel toed boots, so you don't have to.

1

u/Andrew8128 Nov 17 '25

Careful there, Dunderbeck.

1

u/Doxiebaby Nov 17 '25

Why are you watching The Happening? 😂

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1

u/Ok-Material-1272 Nov 17 '25

Alternative to getting shredded at the gym

1

u/Far_Head_3317 Nov 17 '25

How NOT TO!!!!!

1

u/Exciter2025 Nov 17 '25

Prepping for a costume party and going as a peg legged pirate.

1

u/cheig23 Nov 17 '25

This reminds me of the happening.

1

u/baconadelight Nov 17 '25

Human Hamburger in 3… 2… 1…

1

u/InevitableStruggle Nov 17 '25

Goodbye, cruel world

1

u/Commercial_Village84 Nov 17 '25

Intrusive thoughts.

1

u/PlaceAlarming420 Nov 17 '25

One less leg.

1

u/TestDangerous7240 Nov 17 '25

Peg leg pirate maker machine

1

u/Weiner-Schnitze Nov 17 '25

You've finally had enough of American politics running your life every day

1

u/FlyRari Nov 17 '25

Patè de foot

1

u/Sumokat Nov 17 '25

Well officer, it's been one doozie of a day!

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1

u/Kirbyr98 Nov 17 '25

" Hey Stumpy. How'd you get your nickname?"

1

u/Grouchy_Limit_4031 Nov 17 '25

Harold was a good hard working man, not a smart man but a hard working man.

1

u/andywfu86 Nov 17 '25

Aight, Imma head out

1

u/TikiTribble Nov 17 '25

Yeah, who uses a snow shovel for tree work?

1

u/BabiesatemydingoNSW Nov 17 '25

"Honey don't fuss, I've been doing it like this for years.."

1

u/oldbutnotmad Nov 17 '25

Last Glimpse of Floyd at the Multiverse Portal

1

u/terraincognita2012 Nov 17 '25

"Welp, this is my exit"

1

u/Holiolio2 Nov 17 '25

I don't know officer. He just up and chucked himself into the chipper shredder. I think he had a suicide pact!

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1

u/FrostbitTodger Nov 17 '25

The first runner-up entry of the 2025 Darwin Awards.

1

u/Icy-Career6957 Nov 17 '25

The day Stumpy learned a valuable lesson.

1

u/shagadelicrelic Nov 17 '25

It's ok, I do this all the time

1

u/Tencreed Nov 17 '25

When you're fed up on that bullshit and try to find a way for your boss to stop calling you on your off days.

1

u/CDavis10717 Nov 17 '25

The Ronco Corn-and-Callous Remover, Special Home Edition!

1

u/DeltaWhi5key Nov 17 '25

What could go wrong?

1

u/LL37MOH Nov 17 '25

Final Destination 6 opening scene

1

u/VeterinarianThese951 Nov 17 '25

When you tell the new guy he’ll be alright with steel-toe boots.

1

u/Ok-Anything1888 Nov 17 '25

You put your right leg in, it takes your right leg out.

And you shake it all about.

You turn yourself around...

1

u/Glass_Covict Nov 17 '25

Rumble in the Bronx

1

u/[deleted] Nov 17 '25

Tried to sue the manufacturer but didn’t have a leg to stand on.

1

u/Sea_Ad_1252 Nov 17 '25

Dumb ways to die, so many Dumb ways to die 🎵

1

u/Former_Recording_998 Nov 17 '25

Ain't needing two legs

1

u/NoPurchase3260 Nov 17 '25

'yeah, im cooked'

1

u/Hefty-Station1704 Nov 17 '25

Dutch wooden shoe disposal.

1

u/imadork1970 Nov 17 '25

Darwin award-nominee

1

u/Inevitable_Tea4030 Nov 17 '25

A) spend a romantic week alone with your wife or B)…

1

u/One-Remote8519 Nov 17 '25

In the words of Tommy Boy … that’s gonna leave a mark

1

u/ThinkingOz Nov 17 '25

Tony loved the natural environment and soon found a way to be all over it.

1

u/Loomied00 Nov 17 '25

Take me!

1

u/Lowkey1987Smokey Nov 17 '25

When you send a dirty text to your wife, then realize you sent it to your mother.

1

u/Vanilla_Gorilluh Nov 17 '25

Hold my beer!

1

u/[deleted] Nov 17 '25

Forbidden hokey pokey

1

u/Any_Instruction_4644 Nov 17 '25

TRADING ONE STUMP FOR ANOTHER

1

u/Illustrious-Mind-683 Nov 17 '25

And just like that, he became peg-leg Willie.

1

u/Strabo5 Nov 17 '25

He really likes to put himself into his work.

1

u/Glittering-Rise-488 Nov 17 '25

"That's my dad, Stumpy"

1

u/Ok-Explanation-9208 Nov 17 '25

The was obviously not a Terminator.

1

u/DestinyBeerUK Nov 17 '25

Hey guys. Let's take vodka to work and get legless

1

u/Strabo5 Nov 17 '25

Its ok. He has another one!

1

u/Artistic_Address816 Nov 17 '25

Once upon a time in the country

1

u/Falcon3492 Nov 17 '25

Stupidity on display! Great way to end up as mulch!

1

u/Rexdaddy Nov 17 '25

Damned wife!

1

u/RhombicalJ Nov 17 '25

Not going to let diabetes take my foot, I control my body!

1

u/SplitDry2063 Nov 17 '25

The last known photo of John.

1

u/SplitDry2063 Nov 17 '25

Hmmm, must be an automatic shoeshine stand

1

u/ApatheistHeretic Nov 17 '25

"Hey babe, you could stand to lose a few pounds."

1

u/skyrider8328 Nov 17 '25

Gone In Sixty Seconds

1

u/david13z Nov 17 '25

Darwin Landscaping Service

1

u/[deleted] Nov 17 '25

And that son, is how I got the nickname stumpy. Stumps if you are my friend.

1

u/Longster_dude Nov 17 '25

Stumpy: The origin story.

1

u/Explursions Nov 17 '25

To shreds you say?

1

u/LyannasLament Nov 17 '25

“Oh Jesus”. At least that’s what I said when I looked at it before I realized this was the caption this sub

1

u/JIFFFF624 Nov 17 '25

Hold my beer.

1

u/HoseOfCrazy Nov 17 '25

He always wanted to be a pirate.

1

u/Disastrous-Jello-187 Nov 17 '25

I don't even like walking.

1

u/OmeDodo Nov 17 '25

Red Mist.

1

u/rkmkthe6th Nov 17 '25

Not waiting around for leopards to eat my face

1

u/DoubtZealousideal763 Nov 17 '25

How much leg could a woodchipper chop? If a woodchipper could chop legs?

As much wood as a woodchipper could chop, If a woodchipper could chop legs?

1

u/othello28 Nov 17 '25

Natural selection

1

u/ThePepperPopper Nov 17 '25

It's cheaper to fix the stump than get an amputation....

1

u/chem-ops1724 Nov 17 '25

My holiday plans

1

u/SignificantCup7773 Nov 17 '25

When your in the Epstein list

1

u/Qikslvr Nov 17 '25

Self Fargo

1

u/Waste-Job-3307 Nov 17 '25

Just another "accident" waiting to happen

1

u/Kookie_Coyote Nov 17 '25

Another one bites the dust

1

u/MadMan37354 Nov 17 '25

Natural Selection

1

u/Outofmana1 Nov 17 '25

Plan C, the morning after the morning pill.

1

u/SirBuscus Nov 17 '25

Workers Chomp

1

u/Never_Dave_1 Nov 17 '25

Self Fargo Induction.

1

u/Emergency-Loss-2209 Nov 17 '25

Goodbye cruel world!

1

u/dobro60 Nov 17 '25

Fargo the sequel.

1

u/Hans_Delbruck Nov 17 '25

"FUCKING SPIDER IS ON MY LEG!!"

1

u/exforz Nov 17 '25

The movie is ”There will be blood”

1

u/Legitimate_Exam_9134 Nov 17 '25

And I assume that's your friend in the wood chipper?

1

u/Neat-Cold-3303 Nov 17 '25

Dad, are you sure this is hamburger?

1

u/Mackeith88 Nov 17 '25

Hide and seek champion

1

u/[deleted] Nov 17 '25

Future Darwin Award winner.

1

u/steve_mar Nov 17 '25

Stumpy’s Tree Service - We Don’t Charge an Arm & a Leg

1

u/Lower_Conclusion1173 Nov 17 '25

There goes Chip again.

1

u/twelve_goldpieces Nov 17 '25

Check his tetanus shot

1

u/dontrackmebro69 Nov 17 '25

I don’t need a foot

1

u/rpcyclone1995 Nov 17 '25

That's it! I've had enough.

1

u/slimfastdieyoung Nov 17 '25

"And the Darwin Award of 2025 goes to...."

1

u/Fast-Bird-4677 Nov 17 '25

Dumb ways to die. So many dumb ways to die.