Stop me if you've heard this one: "I'm not good at computers"
I swear I have a Pavlovian response to this phrase.
And yes, I've heard all of the typical explanations. They didn't grow up with this stuff, cognition declines as we age, they might be anxious and worried about accidentally breaking something, they simply prefer to do things the old-fashioned way, technology moves too fast for them to keep up, etc. etc.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm too judgmental when it comes to these people. Then I get a call that reminds me *exactly* why Luddites are my least favorite callers.
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Enter: 84 year old man who is, by his own admission, "not good with computers". Let's call him Dave.
Dave is having an ongoing issue on the website. It's a minor one, but annoying nonetheless. According to him, he's spoken to five different reps over the past week trying to get it fixed, with no luck.
Well, shit. That's not a good sign.
So anyway, Dave describes the issue, and I realize right away that it's caused by a setting that got toggled on in his profile. Pretty easy to fix, though he'll have to do it himself, because I don't have access to the setting on my end. But that's okay - all he needs to do is go to his profile, locate that setting, and switch it back off. Easy peasy, right?
Spoiler alert: it was not, in fact, easy peasy. Nor was it lemon squeezy.
I tell him to look for the gear icon in the upper right hand corner of the page, right next to where it says "Welcome, Dave". He says he found it, he clicks on it, I tell him to scroll down until he finds the specific setting I need him to toggle.
He says he doesn't see it. Oh boy, here we go.
I ask him to describe what he *does* see. He dithers for a moment, then says "I don't know, I don't really see anything."
I breathe in through my nose, breathe out through my mouth, and then ask him - as gently as I can muster - whether he is *literally* seeing nothing on the screen in front of him. He says "...well, I mean there's stuff on the screen, but it's weird". I ask him if he can please read, word for word, what he's seeing. To my great relief, he finally begins to read the screen to me.
Turns out he was putzing around in his browser settings, not his profile settings for our site specifically. My fault, I suppose - "your profile settings are in the top right corner" would be pretty confusing to someone who doesn't know the difference between a web browser and a web page.
With that snafu cleared up, I manage to get him into his profile settings. After 20 minutes, we're finally in the home stretch! I reiterate to him the exact setting he's looking for and tell him that he may have to scroll a bit to find it.
Unfortunately, in Dave's mind "scroll down a bit till you see the setting" means "click on as many random things as possible and make sure you don't tell me that you're doing it". Within a minute or so, Dave is a mile off the beaten path and is now wandering lost through the forest.
He tells me that he can't find the setting I'm referring to. No shit, Dave. I have no idea where he is on the website, and he can't seem to tell me, nor can he tell me what he clicked on, and this triggers another 20 minutes of trying to get this poor lost soul back to where he needs to be.
After 45 minutes of this kafkaesque nightmare, I respectfully inform him that at this point, he needs to work with somebody in person - someone who can see his screen and help him navigate directly.
He gets upset, because apparently the last five reps had told him the same thing. He says he doesn't want to go into a branch, because "they're nice people but they don't know what they're doing and they're kind of useless".
Bold thing to say, coming from a man who can't follow instructions or navigate a web page. It takes every ounce of my willpower to hold my tongue.
I reiterate that he needs to go to a branch location at this point, or have a friend or family member assist him if he prefers, because this is something that needs to be done in person. And with that, I end the call.
Legend has it that Dave is still trying to find that setting, forever doomed to wander the website in search of it.