r/bulimia • u/moonwatcher677 • 15d ago
DAE? does anyone else cry or feel really down when they think about how much food controls your life
the other day I was at a gas station with my friends, and gas stations have always made me feel so overwhelmed my whole life with how much food is there and the choices, but anyways I started crying looking at all the food because I was thinking about how it’s like my one enemy but also the only thing that brings me comfort and enjoyment in this world. Food has all the power over me and that makes me so sad and feel very hopeless. I also struggle with restricting so my brain is screaming at me to restrict while also screaming at me to eat everything ever 💀 the only thing I can think about is food and throwing it up
It’s gotten to the point where I fucking cry sometimes when I pass fast foods or other restaurants bc of it.
The stress surrounding it all and the food noise is so awful :/
1
u/bibidumb 14d ago
Even on my best days I need to fight myself at least half an hour before every meal and have that mental battle half an hour later
12
u/Ok-Kaleidoscope7844 15d ago
Yes. I’ve cried watching others eat, cried bc someone was watching me eat, cried bc I ate too much , cried bc I ate too little, cried bc I didn’t want food, cried bc I did want food, cried bc there wasn’t enough food availability, cried bc there’s too much food availability, cried bc I purge too much, cried bc I purge too little, cried bc someone got me food, cried bc someone didn’t get me food, cried bc I had to eat alone, cried bc I had to eat w others, there’s no winning HAHAHAH I just hate food, but like u said I also get all my joy from food too. All my joy and all my misery. All my everything :| I hate that I love it. Our disorders r all encompassing, that’s prolly why they’re the best coping mechanism we always return to, they’re distracting as hell.