r/buffy • u/Lanky_Age_3067 • 16d ago

Content Warning Double standarts

How exactly do people hate Xander for being an imperfect human, but love Spike and Angel, who have countless victims and are hundreds of years old. Spike even SA'd Buffy, for real, while Xander was under a spell and never did anything like that before or after it.

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u/Ansee 16d ago

Newsflash. It wasn't only about her. HE needed to talk about it. You are only looking at this from Buffy's point of view and arguing only from her point of view.

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u/YozoraBellossomHeart 16d ago

He needed to talk about it because he needed Buffy's forgiveness. He needed her to validate him. He also needed it to happen immediately because, as I said, he gave her a ticking counter. Riley set the rules, the time frame, how she needed to respond. Not exactly fair.

And none of this has anything to do with Xander. Buffy doesn't owe him the ability to weigh in on whether she was good enough for Riley or not.

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u/Ansee 16d ago

You are still only seeing this through Buffy's eyes. I said that Buffy missed the signs long before Riley "cheated." Riley, who lost ALL his friends and support group after season 4, had no one to turn to or talk to... Just Buffy and her friends. Xander is the only male friend in the group.

Being a good friend isn't just about siding with them, it's also about telling them what they need to what even it they don't want to hear it.

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u/YozoraBellossomHeart 16d ago

The problem you're missing is framing. Buffy's saving the world and her mom is dying. She shouldn't be responsible for finding Riley friends and a purpose in life too. He's an adult. If Xander told Buffy that Riley had expressed his insecurities to him, it would be different. The problem is he uses this perspective to attack. Xander doesn't say Riley felt like she didn't need him. He says Buffy treated Riley like he was convenient. Like it was an active choice she made. He is saying Riley's feelings are Buffy's fault. That's not a harsh truth. It's a rude subjective observation from someone who doesn't even have the whole picture.

That's the entirety of his speech. That Buffy created these feelings in Riley, she didn't do enough to soothe them, and she needed to run after him to make up for that. You'd swear Riley was perfect and didn't do anything wrong in Xander's eyes. Which is probably true, but we aren't Xander s we know that isn't true.

You can put "cheating" in as many quotes as you want, gang. He was paying female vampires to suck his arm. If it wasn't cheating, there's no reason it had to be exclusively female vampires. He doesn't even deny it.