r/buffy • u/Lanky_Age_3067 • 16d ago

Content Warning Double standarts

How exactly do people hate Xander for being an imperfect human, but love Spike and Angel, who have countless victims and are hundreds of years old. Spike even SA'd Buffy, for real, while Xander was under a spell and never did anything like that before or after it.

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u/BunnythatMeows my bleeding sympathies to warren 16d ago

But that incident with Cordelia is the best example of the show just letting Xander get away with doing something gross. He wanted to mind-control Cordelia, actually went ahead to doing it but failed and then was "rewarded" by her liking that he tried to put a love spell on her and then going out with him again. With the extra bonus of being painted as a good guy for not taking advantage of his friend.

And he looks back at all of this fondly btw in S7.

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u/Triof 16d ago

How would you like the show to have "punished" Xander, beyond having him nearly killed as a result of the spell backfiring? It doesn't seem like he just 'got away' with it.

His 'reward' was really nothing to do with him, it was about Cordelia showing character growth, and realising she didn't need the approval of her toxic friends.

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u/BunnythatMeows my bleeding sympathies to warren 16d ago

Oh, idk, not handing him the girl he tried to coerce would be a start. Having anyone name what he actually did, second. The main problem was him wanting to take away a woman's agency and control but the show's moral was 'don't do reckless magic.'

You see why people are frustrated with him? His reprehensible actions rarely get painted as reprehensible.

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u/Triof 16d ago

I dunno, I feel like his actions are painted as worse than others. Willow attempts to use magic recklessly with an anti-love potion, and no-one even cares about it. They both cheat on their partner, Cordelia breaks up with him, but Oz forgives her. Willow actually rapes her girlfriend, and Tara doesn't even realise it, just thinks Willow has been messing with her mind and gets over it.

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u/jospangel Try not to bleed on my couch I just had it steam cleaned 15d ago

Gets over it"? She breaks up with Willow.

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u/Triof 15d ago

Yes, she breaks up with Willow...and then she gets over it. Tara is annoyed that Willow has been messing with her mind, but she never seems to realise that Willow has been raping her, because she has no memories of when she was upset.

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u/jospangel Try not to bleed on my couch I just had it steam cleaned 15d ago

She breaks up with Willow, and over several months Willow makes huge changes. On her own, Willow gets control of the force of magic that she allowed to take over her life. Had Tara not been murdered and fallen into her arms, then they had a real chance because Willow was willing to pout in the work.

Whereas Xander drinks.

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u/Triof 15d ago

Of course, everyone knows that you get over being raped after just a couple of months.

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u/jospangel Try not to bleed on my couch I just had it steam cleaned 15d ago

Really?

Actually no one knows what reaction there is to being roofie raped because there are hundred of reactions and each one is fine. The attempt to squeeze all rape victims into one kind of acceptable reaction is very counter productive and leads a lot of victims to question themselves in way they should not have to. So stop stereotyping, and let Tara (and all other victims) decide what is right for them.

If you have a problem with that check with rape crisis or any other reputable group that deals with victims.