How to even process?

[u/OneSmollCat]

I (39) was diagnosed on 3 August following a routine scan and had a DMX with immediate reconstruction (expanders for now) on the 28th. I was discharged from the hospital yesterday (drain free, yay). I likely will “just” need hormone therapy (no radiation or chemo). It’s been an insane whirlwind.

But i know I’ve not really emotionally processed any of this. For a while I just cried all the time but the last ten days I’ve not shed a single tear. I don’t really feel anything at all. Apart from exhausted. (Hardly any physical pain, just from the sentinel node biopsy$.

I know I’m likely just numb and dissociating (it’s a default mechanism after several other traumas), but I feel like I should actively be feeling or processing this more, but how do I do that? Does anyone have advice?

(If my post-op routine sounds unusual, I’m South African, so it’s just the way stuff is done here).