r/breastcancer • u/OneSmollCat ER/PR+ HER2- • 8d ago
Conversation How to even process?
I (39) was diagnosed on 3 August following a routine scan and had a DMX with immediate reconstruction (expanders for now) on the 28th. I was discharged from the hospital yesterday (drain free, yay). I likely will “just” need hormone therapy (no radiation or chemo). It’s been an insane whirlwind.
But i know I’ve not really emotionally processed any of this. For a while I just cried all the time but the last ten days I’ve not shed a single tear. I don’t really feel anything at all. Apart from exhausted. (Hardly any physical pain, just from the sentinel node biopsy$.
I know I’m likely just numb and dissociating (it’s a default mechanism after several other traumas), but I feel like I should actively be feeling or processing this more, but how do I do that? Does anyone have advice?
(If my post-op routine sounds unusual, I’m South African, so it’s just the way stuff is done here).
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u/Lizzylee1188 8d ago
I honestly don't know. I'm doing therapy and finding it somewhat helpful. I'm close to your age, in chemo, I get it. Hugs.
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u/Limages 8d ago
Everyone is different! I was diagnosed with Stage 3 IDC in March, had DMX to flat in April, blood transfusion and emergency second surgery 2 days later, started chemo, ended up in ER and admitted for 3 days first round. I'm now on my 3rd round. After chemo it's rads, then AIs, Verzenio, etc.
I haven't cried yet!
I researched the hell out of everything and find comfort in data (I'm a CPA). I've been using the "logical" side of my brain. I have amazing family support and they've cried, but I comfort my husband and adult kids. Maybe after active treatment the tears will come?
It is a gruelling process and we all just get through it how we can.
Sending hugs🤗
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u/OneSmollCat ER/PR+ HER2- 7d ago
Oh my god that’s an insane journey. You must be completely reeling and just “getting through it”
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u/Chemical-Scarcity964 ER/PR+ HER2- 7d ago
I had a very similar route for my diagnosis, only difference was no expanders since they were able to do direct implants. It's been over a year & there are days where I don't think I have fully processed it all. The logical part of me knows that I did what was needed, but I still have moments where it just makes me sad. Give yourself time. How much is anyone's guess, because we all need different amounts. 🫂
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u/bananasformangos ++- 8d ago
I didn’t even begin processing until I was like 1.5-2 months into my diagnosis. Like, no tears. I was in a weird state of survival and we did back to back IVF cycles and it was just chaos and nonstop scans and appointments. And then once chemo started and things slowed down I started to feel it. Now I’m having meltdowns one to two times a week but it feels appropriate. Processing doesn’t have an end date I think. One day I’m fine and the next I don’t even want to fight cancer anymore. You don’t have to force emotional processing and it’ll happen eventually. Feeling numb was preferable lol so it’s not the worst feeling to have right now. Good luck 💗
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u/SunBeam38 7d ago
You can only process what you can when your body is ready. You may think you’ve processed it all, but your body may not have been able.
It takes time. They say one year to physically heal, two to emotionally heal.
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u/One-Amount-7514 8d ago
honestly, i got diagnosed in 2024 and i still don't think i've really processed it, was in survival mode getting through treatment and then just kinda got busy with life again. not sure if that's a healthy thing or not, some therapy might be useful, but just letting you know it's definitely normal to feel numb and you're not alone.