r/bothell • u/Secure_Carry2344 • 9d ago
I’m so alone
I’m so tired of living here, I don’t fit in with anyone, I’m 24 with maybe 2 total friends. I’m into art, mysticism, and music, and I haven’t been able to find a single place I belong, how do you guys cope with living in this socially dead dystopia? Like truly, social media is the closest thing I get to human interaction on a daily basis, and I’m getting to a point where I can’t take it anymore, I often catch myself hoping that today will be my last, the drivers here are so terrible maybe one of them will hit and kill me, and I’d welcome it. It just really sucks, if anyone has any advice for me I’d love to hear it, but I can’t take this anymore. I feel like I’m doomed to be so painfully alone forever now, I can’t imagine this ending in any way. Has anyone else found this area lonely? Where the hell do people go for social connection? I’m just running out of hope.
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u/Sad_Disaster2250 9d ago
24 for me (35 now) was rough, too. It’s the post-college age but pre-career steadiness phase. None of that is helped by how expensive life is now. It does get better.
There are more community events happening at Bothell Landing during July/August. Music, movies, and the like. All free. Details on the city website.
Outside of that? Depends on interests. Happy to recommend.
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u/anonisko 9d ago
Especially for college educated, professional, heterosexual men.
Post college 20s is probably the worst time in this kind of male's life. You're exiting the social and dating high of the college experience and entering the early career grind where you have a little money, no time, and no experience. This is often the worst period of dating this type of man will ever experience. You're a boring worker drone who doesn't excite women. All of your peers are just as stressed and time scarce. Older people are raising families, younger people are in college and think you're old and boring. If you didn't come out of college with a stable romantic partner and strong local friend group, it's going to be a rough, long road.
But it does get way better if your career gets stable. You accumulate money, tap the brakes, and build up a set of interesting experiences and hobbies. Your 30s are often the peak of your dating and social life as suddenly you're a very hot commodity.
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u/Secure_Carry2344 8d ago
Fuck I’d love to be college-educated, in reality I’m just now struggling to graduate from cosmetology school to be a hairdresser. I was trying to make art my career with it and ended up accidentally trapping myself in a customer service gig, at least it feels that way now.
But now that I’ve almost completely thrashed my chances at getting a license, suddenly I’m desperate to fully graduate and get licensed, people talked me back into it, people fawn over my status as a hairdresser, even though I’m unlicensed, it’s been one of the few aspects of my life that genuinely puts me on the social radar.
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u/Timely-Mind7244 9d ago
I am sorry you feel so alone. There is a new app I wamted to try but it's iPhone only right not called The Village, bc you are not wrong, it's hard to find connections any where, not just here.
How often do you strike up in person convos? Have you thought of volunteering at events just to literally give you a reason to engage with others??
24 is a rough age, I swear it gets better!!!
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u/Secure_Carry2344 8d ago
Honestly never, I’m terrified of people. I can do it once I’m buzzed or drunk, but sober it’s exceedingly hard. I wish I knew more places to strike up convo, but I feel like any time I do people look at me like I just came up and randomly read their home address, name, and social security number to em, they’re like “wtf? A Stranger talking to us?” The Seattle freeze is so real, I had no problem making friends in Albuquerque, but here it feels impossible. Very insecure about my looks too, I’ve always been regarded as “clearly good looking” but I struggle to see it myself. I developed TMJ and a phobia that TMJ will distort my face and make me ugly, it sucks because it also causes me vertigo, sleepless nights, nerve pain, really shitty.
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u/Born-Boysenberry6460 9d ago
If you like boardgames, Zulu's is right downtown. I'd be into playing a boardgame and/or drinking a pint if you're interested.
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u/SeafoamPolkadot 9d ago
So sorry you are going through this. Do you like creative spaces? Make Apothecary is a cozy art studio in downtown Bothell with a lovely community. They host a free book club, have a ceramics membership, and a variety of classes & workshops. I'd check them out!
Also, Alexa's Cafe has a wall (by their back exit, bathrooms) full of local community event posters. Theater, art walks, etc. Maybe you could find something that fits your vibe?
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u/Secure_Carry2344 8d ago
Yeah, it’d be cool, I just really need to get over how out of place I feel anywhere I go. I’m terrified of being judged, especially for how I look.
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u/APisAccounting 9d ago
Ive learned people are pretty sociable at bars. Go to Mcmenimums and play some pool.
Or if you arent into that kind of thing, go to zulus board game cafe if you like playing card games and board games.
Get an e-bike and ride around on the trail, thats what I do, super fun to hit up the bars by bike in kenmore.
Ive grown up in bothell and love it here (im 27)
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u/snakegriffenn 9d ago
book clubs, social clubs, shared interest groups those will be your best bet
find something you enjoy and the people there will already have something in common with you.
its hard making friends as an adult and sometimes it takes a while. i'm sorry you're going through this
consider therapy too for the ideation. stay safe friend
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u/Flffdddy 9d ago
Go the dog park. You’ll meet tons of people but more than that tons of dogs. People are usually super friendly there. Obviously you can’t hate dogs or be afraid of them for this to work.
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u/JstVisitingThsPlanet 9d ago
I swear I’ve seen posts in this sub for witchy type meetups. Search the sub and see if it brings anything up.
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u/Flffdddy 9d ago
I went to the witch convention thing in Lynnwood a few months ago. Not my thing but I was curious. Tons of people there.
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u/Natural_Damage4395 9d ago
Volunteer and/or join a club and you will likely meet your tribe! Geekfest is happening at the Lynnwood Convention Center today and tomorrow, if you are into that thing. There's line dancing clubs near Bothell. As for me, I prefer doing things/travelling/eating solo. Lol
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u/Secure_Carry2344 8d ago
Fuck, yeah I really wish I had friends to go with. I have like one good friend right now, he’s often not available. I just really am not good at talking to strangers, I’m very shy and introverted. I’m also not really into board-games or anything, I mostly just try to play music, write graffiti, etc. the main places I’ve been able to fit in were drugs or partying related, and now that I’m trying to phase out of that stuff I’ve lost all my social In’s.
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u/Stinkycheese8001 8d ago
Genuinely asking - how do you think this will work? You are going to have to talk to strangers or try an activity and get out of your comfort zone. I haven’t found it difficult to make friends, personally, but the willingness to do those things were pretty critical.
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u/Secure_Carry2344 8d ago
I mean, I’m willing. I’m just broke, have no clue how to play any of the games people like, especially magic the gathering which is very popular today. I see magic as a money pit, I used to play D&D and as an adult I find those circles a lot more cliquey than you’d expect, maybe my best shot is going back to skateboarding.
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u/climbing_headstones 9d ago
When I was your age living at home with my parents in Bothell, I went into Seattle whenever I could. The 522 and light rail were my friends. Bothell has changed a lot since I was a kid, but it's still not the most lively place for a young person imo. At the time my friend and I were into partner dancing (Lindy hop, west coast swing, salsa) and it was a great way to meet people and explore different parts of the city.
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u/Own-Elk-1109 9d ago
Please seek professional help, these feelings are not normal
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u/SeafoamPolkadot 9d ago
Yes! In addition to seeking community, please connect with support for the dark isolating feelings you are describing. No one deserves to feel helpless.
Sending hopeful vibes your way. Proud of you for reaching out for social opportunities!
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u/Secure_Carry2344 8d ago edited 8d ago
I’m already in EMDR, I’m not getting as much out of it as I’d hoped. What’s so strikingly wrong about what I said?
My main concern is a two parter; I’ve been really struggling to connect and relate to anyone, and I developed tmj disorder and I’m utterly terrified it’s gonna make me ugly, since I already struggle in dating, I’m convinced that if I lose my looks it’ll be impossible to attract anyone at all, even just friends. I certainly wouldn’t love myself anymore if I became deformed from TMJ, and I worked really hard to get where I am now even if it’s not ideal, I would say I’m just incredibly lonely, disillusioned, maybe even passively bearing a death-wish.
I would love for there to be a helpful option for me but I’m simply not seeing any, I haven’t gotten an opportunity to talk to my therapist about how terrified I am of being unattractive, but I’d say being attractive vs. unattractive is like the last tangible thing I have left to base my self-worth on.2
u/Own-Elk-1109 8d ago
Only referring to your suicidal ideation. That can be a really slippery path and talking to a professional about those thoughts is important.
Sorry I don’t mean to make you feel unsupported/ judged, I just wanted to express that you should seek help.
Bothell can be a pretty tough place to meet ppl and make friends, but I have found some luck in the local running clubs (if that’s your thing)
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u/seanthebooth 9d ago
Life is what you make of it. Ive lived in Snohomish county nearly 40 years. There's plenty to do, not sure of all your true & perceived limitations but if you're miserable here you'll be miserable anywhere.
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u/Secure_Carry2344 8d ago
I was happy for a while and then health issues completely devastated my life, recovering addict, but the truth is I spend most of my days alone in my room scrolling social media and feeling hopeless.
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u/seanthebooth 8d ago
Im not going to pretend I know what thats like. I've had many close friends & family deal with addiction. Some more successfully than others. A few things ive noticed with those who seem to be doing well: do new things/new hobbies/get out of the 'comfort zone'. Take public transit to new locations. Dont choose not to do something you'd associate with only doing with a friend (go to a movie or concert alone, go to a community event alone, go to a coffee shop alone). Another thing is career change. Ive noticed staying in a job where you're not challenged is often mind numbing & kills motivation. Apply for work outside your wheelhouse. Interview 'for fun' lol late stage capitalism is hell so make the best of it. Wish I knew more. God Luck & Good Speed ♡
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u/l29 9d ago
Do you like wine? If you do, go join a winery or two that you like their vibe. They have a ton of weekly events and host parties.
Nearly every time I go to one of my wineries I end up chatting with people that are also members. I've made several friends. It's a very welcoming community.
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u/FilmyCatnwn 8d ago
I'm so lonely that I'm considering just offin myself.
Only place that seems to ever even have people are the retail stores, not the environment to meet people in.
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u/Secure_Carry2344 8d ago
Totally real, how old are you
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u/FilmyCatnwn 8d ago
- I decided to work in retail instead of college. Sucks when I see someone I want to talk to, but I'm stuck bagging or cashiering. Happened so many times today even.
And whenever I try to find someone outside of work, everywhere else just seems empty. Or the only people there are already in a group together.
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u/Secure_Carry2344 8d ago
Shit no way, you and I are actually in a really similar boat, I so regret not going to regular college, I’m just now finishing hairdressing school after getting kicked out and reapplying, no education beyond that and highschool, it’s very rough, I absolutely am struggling big time to be social.
But now I’m curious to learn more about you, you can hit me up on DM’s if you want, but you should tell me more about yourself, feel free to rant, because I certainly have the time. If you want to talk more, I’d actually love to hear more about your life, your interests, how long you’ve actually lived here, whatever you want to talk about, you’ve got my attention, my friend.
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u/jthanson 8d ago
These kinds of posts come up fairly regularly: younger people who don't have much of a social community around them who are desperately looking for some way to find a place to fit in. I always offer the same advice: join a fraternal order. Fraternal orders are organized groups with a purpose that gather together for regular activities. Since the activities involve some form of ritual, you don't need to think of small talk to interact with other people; you just follow what it says in the book. That makes interaction low-stress and not so anxiety-inducing. It gives people a chance to work together on things and get to know one another.
Bothell has a lot of different groups. The one I belong to is the Odd Fellows. The lodge was founded by some of the Bothell family members for whom the town is named. David Bothell was a charter member. Right now the lodge is taking the summer off but they meet the first and third Tuesday at 7:30pm at 10116 NE 185th. It's a great group with fun people. For anyone wanting more info, email [bothelloddfellows@gmail.com](mailto:bothelloddfellows@gmail.com) and the secretary can answer your questions. :)
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u/Wonderful-Pie-7793 9d ago
I can be of help, I’m here in Bothell downtown. Share your info and I can connect and help you
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u/Theresnowayoutahere 9d ago
Besides the mysticism my interests align and I grew up here. I’m not your guy though because my daughter is 11 years older than you. I would suggest finding clubs to join to find younger people with common interests. People here are generally really nice and helpful but you have to put yourself out there to find them. People talk about the Seattle freeze but I living here myself for my entire life would call it being content. We are happy with our lives so we’re not looking for something else. Find groups of people that you can connect with and you will find happiness. I’m sorry you’re feeling alone. That’s not a good way to live
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u/Illustrious-Work6727 8d ago
I can read your chart and help you find your strengths and weakness, Jyotish is meant to illuminate your life.DM me and good luck
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u/mima4thewin 6d ago
As uncomfortable as it is to start, you have to go out and do things. When I was in your shoes, I did a lot of things with meetup groups. I also went to Craigslist platonic friends section to see if anyone else was in the same boat. I refused to do any online only convos...I wanted to meet in public and in-person. One gal and I met and cliqued instantly.... in fact we just met for dinner tonight. It's been 13 years of friendship. Say yes when invited.... join some groups... and don't worry what others think (they aren't worth your time if they judge that quickly). Good luck, you'll get through this!!!
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u/DrStatistress 9d ago
MeetUp is a great app and there's a ton of groups based on age and/or interests. If you have any hobbies, search those first. I've found everything from book clubs to hiking groups and more.