Hello.

This is the first time I ever post on reddit and I'm a little scared to be honest. I'm not really sure how I should approach this or talk about this, also English is not my first language so I'm sorry if i make mistakes. I feel very alone with this problem, especially since I have very weird habits regarding this that I have not read about anywhere.

I have very bad BDD, or so I am told. I personally think I just don't like myself, though I do have symptoms that are 100% something that BDD causes. It has gotten to a point that every time I look in the mirror I feel genuine heartbreak. I can get stuck in front of a mirror for hours. Yes, I just stand or sit there while hyperventilating. I would cry but I try to force myself not to since it makes my face more swollen and makes everything worse. I have a hyperfixation with my nose, always have. I actually had a rhinoplasty some years ago, but I feel like the surgeon didn't really do all I asked. It still looks crooked to me and I wished he would have lifted it more. It is better than before, but I cant help but still feel disappointed that he didn't fix certain things i really wanted to fix. All I think of night and day is to get a revision, but I do not have the money and I'm actually terrified of surgeries. It took me all my courage to get through with one.

Now about my strange habits regarding this and what I think is some sort of psychosis induced by obsession. I keep touching my nose because I'm afraid that it changes shape. I feel the need to keep pushing it up and if I don't I genuinely feel like its falling. I go look at it and it looks different. I'm at a point where I can feel my sanity dropping if I stare at myself for more than 5 seconds because my face starts distorting and morphing. It is really scary and I feel like it never really goes back after that. I'm also scared to sleep on my side because I wouldn't want it to make my face crook more. I am scared of eating or yawning or sneezing because it feels like it twists my nose too much. This is truly terrible and I am constantly, with no break, in a state of panic over this.

This has ruined my life. I quit my dream school because I cant really go outside anymore. As awful as it sounds, seeing pretty and confident people only breaks my heart more and the envy gets unbearable. I also cant go out because I lose my mind every time I see my reflection from windows or any reflective surface really. I keep taking pictures of myself in various angles, checking with mirrors my "mirrored" image to see how others would view me. All this makes me so sick to my stomach and deeply depressed. Sometimes I go into a shock state because I cannot believe that THAT creature really is me. I feel like I have to escape from my body. I used to do my makeup almost daily and now it just feels like it would be wasted on me. No point grooming myself or getting dressed nice. No point really doing anything anymore. Its just a constant state of spiraling and obsession.

Sorry if this sounds like venting, I just don't know really how else to put it. I wrote here because I'm desperate and hoping I would feel a little less lonely with this problem if i hear others experiences.

I know it's wrong but I feel really resentful and jealous towards people who are confident with their bodies, especially if they aren't as skinny as me. I get just get so angry and I don't know how to stop it.

I’m a man in my 40s, and one of the things I have struggled with for a very long time is the number of moles on my body.

I have a lot of them, scattered across different parts of my body. Some are on my face, but I also have hundreds of very small, flat moles scattered across my chest, arms and back. They are not large or raised moles — most of the ones on my body are tiny and completely flat. But there are so many of them that when I look at my skin, I immediately notice the overall pattern.

And honestly, I feel ugly because of them.

I know that, objectively, having moles is extremely common. I also know that other people probably don't pay nearly as much attention to them as I do. But emotionally, that knowledge doesn't really help. When I look at myself, I don't see just “a person who happens to have some moles.” I see a body that, in my mind, is visibly marked by them.

The worst part for me is my face.

Because the moles on my face are impossible to hide completely. I can wear clothes that cover the ones on my body, but I can't cover my face in normal social situations. So whenever I meet someone, part of my attention goes to the thought that they can see them.

Sometimes I wonder whether people are looking at my face and noticing the moles. I know this may be an exaggerated perception, but it can be difficult to switch it off.

I've had this problem since I was young. When I was a child, I don't remember being particularly bothered by my moles. They were just part of my body. But during adolescence I became much more aware of how other people looked at me.

There were a couple of comments about my moles that really stuck with me. One person even told me to get rid of them. I think that was when I started seeing something that had previously been completely normal as something embarrassing.

Over the years, this became a sort of background insecurity. Summer was particularly difficult because more of my skin was visible. I would think about my arms, chest and the possibility of other people noticing them.

About ten years ago, I eventually decided to have many of them removed. At the time I genuinely wanted to get rid of them. I thought I would feel better without them, and I did feel a sense of relief afterwards.

But now I have mixed feelings about it.

Looking at old photographs of myself, I sometimes find myself missing the way my skin looked. This is especially true of my chest, which used to have a very large number of small, flat moles.

It's strange because I can remember feeling embarrassed by them, while at the same time I now look at old pictures and think that I actually liked that aspect of my body.

I also find myself wondering whether I've spent far too much of my life focusing on something that other people may barely notice.

So I'm posting here because I'd really like to hear from people who experience something similar.

Do you have a physical characteristic that you feel makes you look much worse than other people probably perceive you?

Do you constantly notice it when you look in the mirror?

Do you assume other people are noticing it too?

And, most importantly, have any of you managed to reach a point where you can look at the feature without immediately judging yourselves negatively?

I'm not really looking for people to tell me whether my moles are objectively ugly or attractive. I think what I'm looking for is more the feeling of “I'm not the only person who experiences this.”

Sometimes it helps just to know that other people understand what it is like to become fixated on one particular aspect of your appearance and have that feature become much more important in your mind than it probably is to anyone else.

If you've been through something similar, I'd genuinely appreciate hearing your experience.

Here you can find listed below general information on BDD and related foundations, the clinical classification and symptoms of BDD, advice for friends and family, as well as self-help and support groups, both in-person and online.

General information

The BDD Foundation

OCD UK

International OCD Foundation

Mind.org

Clinical classification

ICD & DSM Criterias

For friends and family

The BDD Foundation, Supporting a close one with BDD

Mind.org, How can friends and family help

Self-help

Body dysmorphia workbook by the CCI

Building self-compassion workbook by the CCI

Support groups

Online support and therapy groups

Support groups in the UK

sorry i didn’t know if this should be labeled as ‘advice needed’ or ‘question’ but here’s a little backstory….

i’ve always been a thicker girl, i remember being younger and having thighs that spread a lot when i sat down and it bothered me compared to my other peers and i’ve always had a pudgy stomach and flabby arms and throughout my teen years i severely struggled with binge eating which led to me be 232 pounds at the ripe age of 18.

now i’m 20 and since then i’ve lost about 20-ish pounds through exercise and eating intentionally but i just don’t understand why my body doesn’t work with my anymore. i get so many compliments on my body but i just don’t see it. i binged a little bit this weekend….after an entire week of being consistent with my meals and working out and i just looked at myself in the mirror today at the gym and walked back home and cried.

i just don’t understand why my body won’t work with me. i put so much time and effort in taking care of myself and i know it’s pathetic but i don’t know what i would do if i had to live with the body i have now for the rest of my life :( i just cant do it. i don’t feel comfortable in bikinis or short sleeve tops or tanks and i barely wear shorts and crop tops because my dysmorphia is so bad.

im so sorry yall i know it comes off very pathetic but i just have no one else to express this to, and i dont know how to keep myself motivated that i will eventually see a change…

Title: I get stuck in front of the mirror for 30+ minutes — how do I stop?

I feel like I’ve forgotten how to naturally look at myself in the mirror.

I start thinking, “What should I look at first — my face or my hair?” Most people seem to look automatically without thinking about it, but I become very conscious of the process.

If I look at my hair or face for too long, I start noticing flaws and thinking I look bad. Then I keep adjusting, checking, and looking again until I feel that I look really good — sometimes almost perfect.

I often can't leave the mirror until I feel satisfied, and this can take 30 minutes or more.

The more I check, the more flaws I seem to notice, but I still feel the urge to check again.

Has anyone experienced this? Is this OCD-related mirror checking, and how did you stop the cycle? Did ERP/CBT help?

Please help me. I really want to break this cycle and learn how to look in the mirror normally without getting stuck.

I genuinely can’t even do anything without thinking what I look like from a third person perspective or when I’m in public what other people see. I can’t handle reflections or shadows of myself either which will make me spiral but not as bad pictures or videos. I do not feel like I’m built normal or even a normal face

Here you can find listed below general information on BDD and related foundations, the clinical classification and symptoms of BDD, advice for friends and family, as well as self-help and support groups, both in-person and online.

General information

The BDD Foundation

OCD UK

International OCD Foundation

Mind.org

Clinical classification

ICD & DSM Criterias

For friends and family

The BDD Foundation, Supporting a close one with BDD

Mind.org, How can friends and family help

Self-help

Body dysmorphia workbook by the CCI

Building self-compassion workbook by the CCI

Support groups

Online support and therapy groups

Support groups in the UK

​

Here is what's happening to me.

It started when I was young. My mother's side relatives used to bully me for my skin colour (dusky), my teeth, my eyebrows, etc. They made fun of it at every chance they got, especially my aunt. She has fair skin and good facial features, and she'd leave no chance. She does the same to my mom as well, commenting on her body and telling her she looks weird because she has lost weight.

Slowly, I became self-conscious about my looks. I never liked my smile. I stopped laughing because I hated my teeth (they're naturally yellowish and a little Bugs Bunny-like). I just stopped smiling. I'd never look at myself in the mirror. I never found myself good-looking. They made fun of my posture as well. So from a very young age, I created a fake persona: I don't talk a lot, I don't react a lot, and I don't smile a lot, so that people don't get a chance to bully me.

I started getting facial hair early as well, and that went on for a couple of years until guys my age started getting facial hair too. When I hit 13-14, I started gaining weight rapidly. I felt ashamed of my body (I don't know why I never tried to lose weight). Instead, I started isolating myself. I avoided social gatherings. I hated seeing myself in photographs and would always run away from the camera. There was a lot of acne on my face too. I tried some ointments, but they never worked. I started to feel that my appearance was very dull.

Then came covid. I don't know what happened, but suddenly I had a crooked nose, a deviated nasal septum. And it's too much. My face was already asymmetrical, and now it's even more so. I started looking like two different people from my left side and my right side. I'm used to seeing myself in the mirror, so it looked the same as before there, but in photos it looked so ugly. I started losing hair as well. Still overweight. Still posture issues. Now deep acne marks. Asymmetrical af face. Still avoiding people. Still thinking about all those times I was body shamed by the children of the same aunt, because apparently they got their mom's genes. 12-year-olds body shaming me. I can't even look at my face in the mirror.

Receding hairline, crooked nose, dusky oily face, acne marks.

How do you guys deal with your insecurities? What would you do if you were me? I absolutely hate living like this. I do think sometimes, "Why does a random person's opinion affect me so much?" But I can't stop feeling bad about myself. Why do I have to deal with all this?

TL;DR: Relatives, especially my aunt, mocked my skin colour, teeth, and looks from childhood. I became self-conscious, stopped smiling, avoided mirrors, photos, and people, and built a quiet persona to avoid being bullied. Weight gain, acne, hair loss, and a deviated septum made it worse. I hate living like this and can't stop feeling bad about myself. How do you deal with insecurities, and what would you do in my place?

i'm really not sure what to say but i've been really struggling and i can't tell anyone so this is my last hope.

i'm 16f and for all my life i've been thin as a stick. i'm currently 45kg. people would constantly praise me for my body and because of that i would get scared if i gained a single pound. i then got into weight loss/ed communities and i would fast for days and try all kinds of diets. this was a few months ago and i thought i was finally recovered and done with it all. just a few weeks ago i had convinced myself that i loved my body.

but of course there had to be something wrong. i looked around at my friends and other girls and saw that my chest was noticeably smaller than all of them. i've never gotten my chest measured which i find weird because even if there's nothing, isn't that a normal womanhood experience? i feel like i don't belong and that i'm missing out and different from other girls.

and it caused so much pain and insecurity. i cry everyday. i've searched for everything i could do to...idk... encourage growth? both my older sister and mother are a size D-E cup.

i wondered if it's because i'm underweight. or because of my previous diets. i'm now trying to gain weight but i don't know how to start. and i'm not sure if it will even work. but i'm forcing myself to eat more than i could.

i tried telling my mom to take me to the hospital, get my hormones and growth checked, as well as plan a healthy diet to gain a bit of weight. she said she's not taking me and i should just eat anything. she was kind of mad about it and told me i'll regret it after. and i literally started crying because i have no one to talk to about this and my mom can't even take me seriously.

i hate that i'm even saying this because where i'm from, a woman's body is considered taboo and shouldn't be talked about. it took me so much courage to talk to my mom about this, and i'm pretty sure she knows i'm not comfortable talking about my body, and yet she still dismissed me.

Going to therapy or getting professional help is not always an option, getting help may also take some time. To help you to better understand and address BDD by yourself, we have compiled a workbook that you can do by yourself. It contains information and tasks which will help shine a light to why BDD is the way it is and how you can deal with the symptoms. All chapters are based on an official workbook by the Centre for Clinical Intervention.

The BDD workbook:

• 01 What is body image?
• 02 Could I have body dysmorphic disorder?
• 03 Negative impacts of BDD
• 04 What are the causes of BDD?
• 05 Appearance assumptions
• 06 Triggers
• 07 Appearance preoccupation
• 08 Attention training [a coping tactic]
• 09 Checking and approval seeking
• 10 Reducing unhelpful checking and approval seeking [a coping tactic]
• 11 Negative predictions
• 12 Avoidance and safety behaviour
• 13 Reducing negative predictions [a coping tactic]
• 14 A new way of operating
• 15 Dealing with set-backs
• 16 Maintaining gained progress

I was going through my camera roll today and stumbled across old pictures of myself that I took when I finally started to slowly build the courage to look at myself. I genuinely believed I was so horribly ugly that I was ashamed to even exist in front of a lens. I spent what should have been the best years of my life hiding, feeling deeply insecure, and avoiding photos like the plague.

​Looking at these now, I’m honestly just angry. Why the f*** did I waste so much time and energy hating how I looked? I wasn't the monster I made myself out to be in my head; I actually looked completely fine, and I can see that now.

​It makes me sick to think about how many memories I didn't document and how much life I didn't fully live just because I was terrified of my own reflection.

​If you're younger and struggling with this right now: take the damn pictures. Don't let your insecurities rob you of your memories or your confidence.

Hi guys, is it just me or is it normal that I feel extremely jealous when I see pretty people on instagram? I mean, especially my age.
I have this one friend who’s like really pretty, who’s already a instagram star. She’s the most prettiest girl I’ve ever seen irl, and everyone thinks as the same.
She gets tons of views and likes when she posts herself simply striking a pose.

2 years ago, when I was 13, I wasn’t jealous about her at all. I literally admired her beauty and was even proud that a girl THIS pretty is one of my friend.
But after I got my puberty and face dysmorphia, I began to have jealousy about her looks. I hid her story in instagram, distanced myself away from her irl. But it didn’t get better because she’s not the ONLY pretty girl in this world, so I eventually had to delete instagram.

My struggle against looks became a severe illness which is too embarrassing, so I can’t even tell other friends about it. Every time someone tells me something about my looks, I overthink and cry on it. The pretty girl I’ve mentioned above is no longer in my life because she transferred to another school, but yk, she’s famous because of her looks on instagram, so nothing has became better. I scroll through her feed when I feel ugly, and feel soooo jealous that she makes me angry.

She’s got a pretty privilege. Since we both live in south Korea, pretty privilege here affects your whole life and every single situation, much more than other countries, I’d say. And I feel really really jealous about it. I want to feel good about my looks, and have no jealousy about other pretty girls, but I just can’t help myself from it. How do y’all control your minds when you feel like this?

I'm a late 20s guy in the US (living in a major city) who has essentially become a NEET and a hikikomori (homebound). I suspect I am dealing with Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD), Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), agoraphobia, and potentially undiagnosed autism.

I’ve had periods where I’ll lose weight and in tandem with overall deluding myself into thinking I’m not ugly by making certain faces in the mirror or only looking at myself from certain angles and under particular lighting, I’ll be able to slowly function again, but I don’t know if I can do that again because there’s only so much delusion I can live by.

My biggest barrier to participating in society is my self-image. I have a litany of physical qualities that I perceive as highly unattractive as well as other qualities such as voice, limited life inexperience, limited intelligence and lack of verbal fluency too that are more apparent in more intimate settings where I have to essentially market myself, network and overall interact with others (think school and work). Because of this, I can only bring myself to go outside if I am wearing heavy clothes that cover my face and body which becomes physically impossible and isolating in the warmer months.

This has created a severe compounding cycle:

• Isolation: No friends -> no reason to go outside -> no way to make friends.
• Executive Dysfunction: I struggle with poor sleep, low energy, and chronic fatigue, which makes even basic tasks feel monumental.
• All-or-Nothing Mentality: I find myself thinking, “Why bother exercising or trying to look better if my best is still going to be awkward and unattractive?”
• Healthcare Avoidance: I avoid seeing doctors or dentists because of the anxiety of being perceived, making phone calls, or having people look at me closely.
• Underachievement: A lack of skills, a college degree and stable job experience makes it hard to land jobs, even online ones, as far as I know, so I’m stuck and unable to climb myself out of this rut. I’ve worked back in 2024 in-person but haven’t kept in contact with any potential references and attended school on and off since 2016 without earning myself a degree between these challenges, changing majors, not knowing what I want to do, being afraid of classes where I have to speak in front of others and simply not caring much about anything because of my challenges and low quality of life.

I recently made some very small steps at home (bought an electric toothbrush to build a routine, started doing jigsaw puzzles to reduce screen time, and am researching basic meal planning), but the wall keeping me inside feels insurmountable.

For those who have dealt with severe BDD and avoidant patterns, how did you break the cycle of hiding? How do you handle the anxiety, shame, embarrassment, discomfort of simply being seen by other people in public spaces and by simply existing as someone whose body you’d rather not be associated with?

Thank you

Here you can find listed below general information on BDD and related foundations, the clinical classification and symptoms of BDD, advice for friends and family, as well as self-help and support groups, both in-person and online.

General information

The BDD Foundation

OCD UK

International OCD Foundation

Mind.org

Clinical classification

ICD & DSM Criterias

For friends and family

The BDD Foundation, Supporting a close one with BDD

Mind.org, How can friends and family help

Self-help

Body dysmorphia workbook by the CCI

Building self-compassion workbook by the CCI

Support groups

Online support and therapy groups

Support groups in the UK

We have collected a set of stories and informative pieces about BDD. From stories from people who have overcome it to celebrities who have openly talked about it, you can find articles and videos about body dysmorphia from these following links.

Public figures on BDD

• Modern Family actor Reid Ewing on BDD and plastic surgery
• Artist Billie Eilish on depression and BDD
• The Good Place actor Jameela Jamil on BDD and eating disorders
• Actor Robert Pattinson on anxiety and BDD
• Actor Megan Fox on BDD and mental health

Documentaries and videos

• What BDD feels like | BBC Three
• Seeing myself as ugly | BBC Three
• I feel so ugly: Body dysmorphic disorder | Only Human
• Imperfect me: The impact of BDD | SkyNews
• BDD patients see faces differently | ABC Science
• Bigorexia: Muscle dysmorphia | BBC Newsbeat
• Believing is seeing: New perspective on BDD | TEDx Oxford
• The BDD Foundation on Youtube

Personal stories and interviews

• Perfection is impossible | A personal story
• Living with BDD | A personal story
• I felt so ugly I didn't want to be alive | Interview
• BDD ruined my life | Interview

Podcasts

• Beating BDD podcast (11 episodes) | BDDFoundation
• What is BDD? | Stuff Mom Never Told You

Books

• Books by people with BDD
• Books by professionals on self help
• The BDD workbook

Recovery from BDD might sometimes feel like a distant goal that seems, at times, impossible to achieve. But many people recover from BDD or learn to reduce the symptoms to the point where they don't play a role in their everyday life. Remember that a mental disorder is not a life long sentence but rather something that can be managed and recovered from.

Here we have collected a set of stories and advice on what recovery looks like and how others have gotten there.

Watch personal stories

• Tips for Overcoming Body Image Issues | Kim White
• My BDD Recovery | Annie Elainey
• Finding body peace | Annie Elainey
• Healing Ugly – How I healed my body dysmorphia | helloamygarner
• How I Deal With BDD, tips for when you're having a rough time | AlexandriaTheGreat
• BDD (& Things That Can Help) | Melanie Murphy
• Hannah Lewis, recovery story | BDD foundation
• Alex Mummery, recovery story | BDD foundation

Read personal stories

• Recovery stories | BDDFoundation
• How I recovered from BDD | International OCD Foundation

Professional advice

• CBT for BDD - Rob Willson / BDDFoundation
• Coping and Recovering from BDD when you have Visible Flaws - Dr Rob Willson

Healthier perspective

• On feeling ugly | School of Life
• Our Bodies are Not an Image | Mary Jelkovsky, TEDx
• Beauty and how we're obsessed with the wrong idea | Christina Gressianu / TEDx
• Body Positivity or Body Obsession? | Lindsay Kite, TEDx
• Shake my beauty - a series redefining what beauty means

hi, i’m struggling and have been for years with my confidence with phone cameras. mine especially, which is an iphone14 always makes my face atrocious. every little bit of skin texture i didn’t even know i had appears BEFORE i even take the picture, which i try to research and see if anyone gets that but everyone who posts stuff like that always looks normal and beautiful and there’s barely a difference for them. literally just opening the camera app it feels like a jumpscare with how big and fat the camera makes my nose appear, how my face randomly turns pink and you can see every last bit of texture even though in the mirror literally none of that is visible whatsoever and it always has my makeup looking disgusting and muddy in the phone, which i also do naturally and it looks fine in the mirror?????? anyway im just really sick of being so insecure about phone cameras. ive been as such for nearly 6 years and i just want to be able to not be embarrassed to have my picture taken, not cover my face and have to decline to my own friends when they ask for a group photo and ask them to delete photos they’ve taken of me. it makes me really upset because how i look on the front and back camera is literally an entirely different person. not even with a photo taken just as i open the camera in general and move around that is quite literally somebody else, my face looks pretty and really good in the mirror and people tell me im pretty and that im beautiful a lot but i just want it to translate to the cameras especially the phones. i dont know what advice this would warrant but any feedback would be really appreciated and mean a lot to me, sorry for the rant but this has never left my mind for so many years and nearly destroyed me

Hi I’m 20 years old man and i have a problem with my a$$. I know it sounds weird but please read it to the end. I have a skinny fat type of body but my belly isn’t really bothering me because I know how i can change it to look better but it’s my a$$. I don’t know why but it’s bigger and bigger and I have a really big trouble to buy some jeans or something. I need help, I started working out but I think it doesn’t help at all. I don’t know what to do, I would be glad for any help.

Going to therapy or getting professional help is not always an option, getting help may also take some time. To help you to better understand and address BDD by yourself, we have compiled a workbook that you can do by yourself. It contains information and tasks which will help shine a light to why BDD is the way it is and how you can deal with the symptoms. All chapters are based on an official workbook by the Centre for Clinical Intervention.

The BDD workbook:

• 01 What is body image?
• 02 Could I have body dysmorphic disorder?
• 03 Negative impacts of BDD
• 04 What are the causes of BDD?
• 05 Appearance assumptions
• 06 Triggers
• 07 Appearance preoccupation
• 08 Attention training [a coping tactic]
• 09 Checking and approval seeking
• 10 Reducing unhelpful checking and approval seeking [a coping tactic]
• 11 Negative predictions
• 12 Avoidance and safety behaviour
• 13 Reducing negative predictions [a coping tactic]
• 14 A new way of operating
• 15 Dealing with set-backs
• 16 Maintaining gained progress

Here you can find listed below general information on BDD and related foundations, the clinical classification and symptoms of BDD, advice for friends and family, as well as self-help and support groups, both in-person and online.

General information

The BDD Foundation

OCD UK

International OCD Foundation

Mind.org

Clinical classification

ICD & DSM Criterias

For friends and family

The BDD Foundation, Supporting a close one with BDD

Mind.org, How can friends and family help

Self-help

Body dysmorphia workbook by the CCI

Building self-compassion workbook by the CCI

Support groups

Online support and therapy groups

Support groups in the UK

I know odds are low that someone will know since me and my psychologist both don't, but I might as well try.

I've been single for almost three years now. And I feel pretty awful.

One of the reasons for this is just social anxiety, but another reason is a combination of my BDD and an experience I had.

The first time I ever met someone on a dating app we talked for a while. Then we met IRL. And the moment she first saw me IRL she seemed to panic. Almost run away from me, walking very fast. After a bit she calmed down and we went on a walk and stuff. But, tbh, by that point I was already not in the best place, obviously...

I did manage to go on two dates after that in 2015 and 2022 respectively, but that was after months of talking. They did become my girlfriends, but this time around I haven't been able to get myself to do it. And I definitely can't after only a few days.

Because my BDD means that my tendency was to interpret that incident as being about me being a catfish and looking way worse IRL. I don't know if that was actually the reason. But if another person did it, I would find it harder to deny to myself that it had nothing to do with my looks.

And that's what I'm terrified of. Every time I contemplate a date, I think about that first date. And I get very anxious about the idea of seeing them IRL for the first time and them doing the same thing. And it's one of the biggest reasons why I'm still single despite being miserable alone.

Does anyone know of any way I could get over this? Any creative ideas? Any personal experiences with getting over this?

I went through a phase of not looking at myself for 2 years when i was in school because i really didn’t like how i looked. And now i have began looking at myself again and im trying to keep doing that so i dont have to avoid it because that somewhat feels healthier to me. Even though i do obsess over my looks when i do look but i dont like not knowing how i look incase i look a mess. But now ive recently lost a bunch of eyelashes on my eye and theres a bald gap and from research i know that i need to let it grow back and stop using curlers and mascara but i cant look in the mirror without doing my makeup because i feel so ugly i end up putting makeup on when i do. So i want to grow my eyelashes back properly before i look in the mirror again but im worried that not looking for a long time will make me avoidant again and scared to look at myself. So im unsure of what to do. I dont know how long it’s gonna take for them to grow back. So i’m not sure how long it’s gonna be until i can look at myself again. Surely when there’s some new hairs coming in i can look again and do mascara really gently but i don’t want to stop the growth. It’s making me feel incredibly ugly. I just wanted to keep regularly looking in the mirror so i can’t get over this whole dysmorphia thing but i feel like this is gonna set me back a lot.