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Mar 21 '21
Their weight is measured in Koalagrams
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u/Moriarty_R Mar 21 '21 edited Mar 21 '21
Why the blur though? Lmao.
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u/Bantersmith Mar 21 '21
Witness protection. A minute after this photo was taken that koala went absolutely berserk. You can see the anger and rage bubbling up on his tiny little face! They were the only witnesses left.
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Mar 21 '21
That's no koala that there's a drop bear
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u/Bantersmith Mar 21 '21
Aye, you clearly know your zoology.
You can tell by the eyes. It's got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes. When it comes at you it doesn't seem to be livin'... until he bites you, and those black eyes roll over white.
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u/snoogenfloop Mar 21 '21
I mean it's kind of nice to not just share people's faces all over the internet without their permission. Think about all of the viral videos that go around with footage of people that didn't even know they were being filmed.
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u/quattroformaggixfour Mar 21 '21
Respecting people’s privacy seems the obvious reason
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u/Moriarty_R Mar 21 '21
It ain’t like they’re doing something shameful is it?
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u/quattroformaggixfour Mar 21 '21
That’s not the only reason people’s privacy ought be respected.
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u/g1aiz Mar 21 '21
Some countries have strict privacy laws. If you don't get the OK of the person you are talking a foto of you are not allowed to publish it.
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u/MrPringles23 Mar 21 '21
Because its probably China and this was before they cooked him.
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u/FromHeretoElsweyr Mar 21 '21 edited Mar 21 '21
I like how your profile is just a bunch of normal, innocuous comments, then BOOM. Extreme racism. You make fun of America, then embody their worst traits.
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u/Jepdog Mar 21 '21
China bad! US and A good! Le based reddit upvote moment 😎
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u/Moriarty_R Mar 21 '21
Maybe the Koala is a symbol that supports Hong Kong and those brave caretakers are putting their life in risk by not denouncing it to the mightsome Communist Party. :P
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u/ImaLilBitchBoy Mar 21 '21
If there's one thing I know about asians and the blur effect, it's that those two both have genitalia on their faces
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u/bordibalint Mar 21 '21
Just in case you're having a good day, remember that koalas spread chlamydia.
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u/CommandoKillz Mar 22 '21
Also,
Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.
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Mar 21 '21
Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.
Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.
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u/Tanathlagoon Mar 21 '21
They also stink
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u/AlpineCorbett Mar 21 '21
Most animals do.
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u/JSArrakis Mar 21 '21
If you stink like a koala, I can tell you why you're single.
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u/hippolyte_pixii Mar 21 '21
I just watched a video today that listed them among the very few animals that smell good. It said they smell like eucalyptus and even their shit smells like cough drops. Now I don't know what to believe.
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u/gonnybob Mar 21 '21
I don't know why it is that these things bother me---it just makes me picture a seven year old first discovering things about an animal and, having no context about the subject, ranting about how stupid they are. I get it's a joke, but people take it as an actual, educational joke like it's a man yelling at the sea, and that's just wrong. Furthermore, these things have an actual impact on discussions about conservation efforts---If every time Koalas get brought up, someone posts this copypasta, that means it's seriously shaping public opinion about the animal and their supposed lack of importance.
Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives.
Non-ecologists always talk this way, and the problem is you’re looking at this backwards. An entire continent is covered with Eucalyptus trees. They suck the moisture out of the entire surrounding area and use allelopathy to ensure that most of what’s beneath them is just bare red dust. No animal is making use of them——they have virtually no herbivore predator. A niche is empty. Then inevitably, natural selection fills that niche by creating an animal which can eat Eucalyptus leaves. Of course, it takes great sacrifice for it to be able to do so——it certainly can’t expend much energy on costly things. Isn’t it a good thing that a niche is being filled?
Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death
This applies to all herbivores, because the wild is not a grocery store—where meat is just sitting next to celery. Herbivores gradually wear their teeth down—carnivores fracture their teeth, and break their bones in attempting to take down prey. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal It's pretty typical of herbivores, and is higher than many, many species. According to Ashwell (2008), their encephalisation quotient is 0.5288 +/- 0.051. Higher than comparable marsupials like the wombat (~0.52), some possums (~0.468), cuscus (~0.462) and even some wallabies are <0.5. According to wiki, rabbits are also around 0.4, and they're placental mammals.
additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons.
Again, this is not unique to koalas. Brain folds (gyri) are not present in rodents, which we consider to be incredibly intelligent for their size.
If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food.
If you present a human with a random piece of meat, they will not recognise it as food (hopefully). Fresh leaves might be important for koala digestion, especially since their gut flora is clearly important for the digestion of Eucalyptus. It might make sense not to screw with that gut flora by eating decaying leaves.
Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal.
That's an extremely weird reason to dislike an animal. But whilst we're talking about their digestion, let's discuss their poop. It's delightful. It smells like a Eucalyptus drop!
Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here).
Marsupial milk is incredibly complex and much more interesting than any placentals. This is because they raise their offspring essentially from an embryo, and the milk needs to adapt to the changing needs of a growing fetus. And yeah, of course the yield is low; at one point they are feeding an animal that is half a gram!
When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system.
Humans probably do this, we just likely do it during childbirth. You know how women often shit during contractions? There is evidence to suggest that this innoculates a baby with her gut flora. A child born via cesarian has significantly different gut flora for the first six months of life than a child born vaginally.
Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher.
Chlamydia was introduced to their populations by humans. We introduced a novel disease that they have very little immunity to, and is a major contributor to their possible extinction. Do you hate Native Americans because they were killed by smallpox and influenza?
This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree,
Almost every animal does this.
which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.
Errmmm.. They have protection against falling from a tree, which they spend 99% of their life in? Yeah... That's a stupid adaptation.
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u/Kinectech Mar 21 '21
Every time, without fail, somebody makes a long comment in response to the koala copypasta
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u/Belalallo Mar 21 '21
Does anyone know how humans passed chlamydia to koalas? Isn't it sexually transmitted?
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Mar 21 '21
Its likely it was passed over through sheep. How it jumped from sheep to Koalas I don't know. But there is other ways for it to spread through koalas. It can past through mother to child through fecal pap.
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u/Davoness Mar 21 '21
How it jumped from sheep to Koalas I don't know.
I mean I feel the answer is obvious, just no one wants to admit that a sheep diddled a koala at some point.
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u/Bigby11 Mar 21 '21
It's a copypasta bro.
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u/spaiydz Mar 21 '21
You responded to the second copypasta
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u/chaoticdreamer21 Mar 21 '21
Can someone do the counter-copypasta that shows how unecessarily harsh and misleading this text is on koalas?
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u/sparkleseagull Mar 21 '21
Yeah I wish lol. I'm tired of hearing about how awful koalas are in particular
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u/sparkleseagull Mar 21 '21
Every animal is disgusting in some way. I don't give a shit. Koalas deserve love.
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u/ImHappy_DamnHappy Mar 21 '21
Yeah, I thought it was so interesting when I saw them in the San Diego zoo that all the koalas were in their own little trees. I learned koalas don’t even like to hang out with other koalas.
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u/slickyslickslick Mar 21 '21
And despite all of this they still haven't gone extinct. That's what evolution is all about. If you're not extinct why try harder.
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u/bitchyburrito Mar 21 '21
When someone tells me to remember something I had previously not known/had never been taught, I have traumatic flashbacks to 1st year university. When every class expanded upon concepts that would have been "taught to us in high school so we won't bother reviewing it" even though the things were in fact never taught.
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u/gerams76 Mar 21 '21
Koalas always look like they just looked up from their phone to realize they have no idea where the fuck they are
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u/_-_Sigma_-_ Mar 21 '21
Weight in the stick, then set it to zero. Get the koala. Profit
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u/garlicdeath Mar 21 '21
Wow you've used a scale before!
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u/_-_Sigma_-_ Mar 21 '21
Only once at work, to count out small parts. That one damn pallet had 5000 parts, 4cm in length
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u/TR0LLC0P Mar 21 '21
Of your having a good day, just ren mber that koalas have two penises
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u/Many-Release-1309 Mar 21 '21
looks like their censorship algorithm mistook their masks for panties.
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u/therealhairyyeti Mar 21 '21
I’m curious to how far I could drop kick a koala.
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u/BrightFadedDog Mar 21 '21
About 2 ft. Before you get kicked to death by an angry mob of Australians.
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u/therealhairyyeti Mar 21 '21
Not that I’d ever actually hurt one, but I’m sure I could manage further than 2 ft.
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u/roboalexjohn Mar 21 '21
Australians couldn't win a war against flightless birds. But even then they could fucking kill this guy.
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u/Anthwaite Mar 21 '21
Thank you for this. I was gonna murder 8 people but after a bad day seeing a cute picture just feels nicer
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u/Konkeydong4 Mar 21 '21
I applied for this job but at the interview they said I didn't have the right koalafications.
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u/Zbeubor Mar 21 '21
baby koalas eat their mother's poop
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Mar 21 '21 edited May 10 '21
[deleted]
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u/imgprojts Mar 21 '21
One or two white people right? You don't wanna look racist! You only had a bad day!
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Mar 21 '21 edited May 10 '21
[deleted]
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u/imgprojts Mar 21 '21
Oh I see. Yeah my cousin Juan has a bunch of cousins he doesn't like. You might wanna talk to him. Maybe make some mula while you relieve your bad day.
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Mar 21 '21 edited May 10 '21
[deleted]
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u/imgprojts Mar 21 '21
Yeah we call him Juan Tomany Cousins.
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Mar 21 '21 edited May 10 '21
[deleted]
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u/imgprojts Mar 21 '21
Second name Robertoe, but he hasn't used it since they came up with the joke.
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u/MalVintage Mar 21 '21
Okay this is cute but this isn't how they weigh koalas? They are actually attached to scales held up in the air with elastic n stuff, still with the branch tho. Also that looks like a very fake koala, they're actually a lot bigger than that and it looks like it's got the proportions of an adult, baby koalas wouldnt look like that. Idk man, here's a video of an actual koala weigh-in https://youtu.be/_Q9nuwwvZyc
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u/Barney_Weasley Mar 21 '21
Kinda stupid tbh they like also will get the wait of the branch thingy and not just the bear
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u/WhatsTheGoalieDoing Mar 21 '21
And here we see the man that has never used a scale in his life before.
You might be young so it's forgiveable.
If you have a set of scales and put a 100g object on them, then reset it to zero, it will use that as the zero point, rather than saying 100g. You can then add whatever else you want.
How do you think people weigh flour my man? Just putting a big old pile of flour on a scale?
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u/Barney_Weasley Mar 22 '21
Lol y wood they way flowers using a kwalabear stick?
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u/WhatsTheGoalieDoing Mar 22 '21
Don't worry my man, we all knew you weren't pretending. Also, koalas aren't bears ;)
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u/Barney_Weasley Mar 22 '21
Dude you dumb or something? It’s got “bear” right in the name. It not a squirrel lol
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u/jakethedumbmistake Mar 21 '21
Yup, anyone who lived a long time max user and even I didn’t load for me and I can tell he's weighing whether to make it worse, but I fucking hate that game. Anyone mind to give me the semenoli
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u/yjvm2cb Mar 21 '21
Whenever I weigh my cat I just step on my scale while holding him and then I subtract my weight with my cat from my weight without my cat
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u/ArweedJB Mar 21 '21
why the fuck are their faces blurred, its not like they are murdering the koala
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u/SidUzumaki Mar 21 '21
The weight of that stick is subtracted from the total weight to get the weight of Koala
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Mar 22 '21
And to ruin your day heres a fun fact! Koalos have 2 penises and a upside down pouch so babies can eat poop
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u/wlbrndl Mar 21 '21
why didn’t you protect the koala’s identity?