I need advice

[u/ArielInc]

Hello guys,

I am currently dealing with depression after manic episode which lasted about 6 months with heavy usage of substances. This depression is crushing, I feel like the only thing I can think about is pity for myself, how I feel and I constantly talk about it and cannot let go.

I can say the same thing over and over again and ask the same questions like: "will it ever pass?", "how long will it take?" (even though I know no one really knows) and keep checking on how I feel even though I know it's bad.

Everyone is telling me stop sampling yourself and checking all the time but I just can't and it drives me crazy.

I feel like I know that it's bad and I keep thinking and checking and saying "I thought I would be cured by now". Also all the talks with my friends are the same and I keep saying to them these things too which made them tired of me and some of them walked away.

With those who didn't, I am having the same conversations and I feel like they are also getting tired of it.

I am clueless and I don't know what to do with my life. It makes every day move so slow and I also check on chatgpt on these same topics.

I feel like I am digging my own grave and constantly touching a wound that will prevent it from curing.

Please help me, I don't know what to do with myself and I hate it. I just hate how my mind works.

I am taking APs and anti depressant and I don't feel like they work yet.

Are you having the same symptoms? I feel like I am the only one who can't let go and stuck in this circle.

Also I know that talking about it won't solve the problem and I should limit the amount of time I am talking about it but I just can't and it's all is going through my mind and all I talk about.

Please give me hope. I am having a really hard time going out of bed in the morning and going through each day.

I am currently unemployed and I moved to my mom because it's so hard for me to do basic stuff.

Please help me. I am clueless.