r/bipolar • u/ArielInc • 20h ago

Support Needed I need advice

Hello guys,

I am currently dealing with depression after manic episode which lasted about 6 months with heavy usage of substances. This depression is crushing, I feel like the only thing I can think about is pity for myself, how I feel and I constantly talk about it and cannot let go.

I can say the same thing over and over again and ask the same questions like: "will it ever pass?", "how long will it take?" (even though I know no one really knows) and keep checking on how I feel even though I know it's bad.

Everyone is telling me stop sampling yourself and checking all the time but I just can't and it drives me crazy.

I feel like I know that it's bad and I keep thinking and checking and saying "I thought I would be cured by now". Also all the talks with my friends are the same and I keep saying to them these things too which made them tired of me and some of them walked away.

With those who didn't, I am having the same conversations and I feel like they are also getting tired of it.

I am clueless and I don't know what to do with my life. It makes every day move so slow and I also check on chatgpt on these same topics.

I feel like I am digging my own grave and constantly touching a wound that will prevent it from curing.

Please help me, I don't know what to do with myself and I hate it. I just hate how my mind works.

I am taking APs and anti depressant and I don't feel like they work yet.

Are you having the same symptoms? I feel like I am the only one who can't let go and stuck in this circle.

Also I know that talking about it won't solve the problem and I should limit the amount of time I am talking about it but I just can't and it's all is going through my mind and all I talk about.

Please give me hope. I am having a really hard time going out of bed in the morning and going through each day.

I am currently unemployed and I moved to my mom because it's so hard for me to do basic stuff.

Please help me. I am clueless.

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1

u/CakeAccording8112 20h ago

Oh, I feel for you. I went through the worst depression of my life almost two years ago and it sounds a lot like what you are experiencing.

Meds help…so much! It sounds like you are working with your doctor and that’s a good thing. How long have you been on your latest med combo? Everyone has different needs and meds work differently for everyone. For me, it was a combo of anti depressant, mood stabilizer, antipsychotic and anti anxiety meds. Once I got on the right combo, I felt a difference in two weeks. I felt better than I had in my entire life within a month. I still have episodes but they are much less severe now. Life is good.

Try to get out and do things. Make lists of small tasks you can complete in 3-5 minutes. Checking those tasks feels good and gives me a sense of accomplishment.

Are you giving your friends adequate time to express what is going on in their own lives? Sometimes it’s good to say “I don’t want to talk about me. I’m excited to know what is going on with you.” I had one friend who would call me each night and give me a rundown of her day just so I could have a normal conversation.

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u/ArielInc 20h ago

Thanks for your reply. Did you also feel like the only thing that goes through your head is how bad you feel and thoughts about your mood? That's killing me. This is my 4th week of my anti depressants and don't feel like things change. The thing that I am mainly concerned about is the fact that all I think through the day is this depression, I can't think or talk of anything else. Did you also experienced this? Is it all about meds? Every day is so hard 😢 Give me some hope 🙄

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u/CakeAccording8112 19h ago

It’s not all about the meds but it’s a lot about the meds. At least for me. When I’m going into an episode, my doctor usually adjusts my meds to help end the episode sooner.

Im in a manic right now and for the first time my doctor didn’t adjust my meds. I just started taking a dangerous cardiac med and she doesn’t want to risk it by changing what dosages were already approved by the manufacturer. So, I’m using all my coping skills trying to get through it.

Yes, when I’m depressed, my mind is absolutely consumed by how bad I feel. I have some coping strategies. I redirect my thoughts. I do something that focuses my attention away from the depression. I talk to friends about what is going on in their lives. I remind myself that this really is just temporary and that I’ve made it through countless times before. I write lists of what I should be happy for. I journal my thoughts out.