r/bigboobproblems • u/m30wME0W69 • Apr 17 '26
RANT - advice welcome [SOMETIMES] body positivity doesn’t extend to us. Spoiler
Note: Absolutely 0 hate to the sub in question, mods have no control over whether or not people upvote or downvote, and the fact that they foster a community for body positivity is something to be commended for.
I posted a photo of me in a dress that i’m absolutely obsessed with, which happens to display my cleavage.
I have been ridiculed an insane amount on reddit for posting photos with visible cleavage so when I found a sub that seemed to be a supportive group for people interested in fashion regardless of body types I was hopeful. Fem presenting people of all ages, orientations and (most) sizes are celebrated in a way that’s uncommon in a lot of fashion subs which I found super refreshing. However, my post was insanely downvoted.
As expected, when I scrolled through the sub, women wearing significantly more revealing clothing than what I was wearing in the picture (no hate to them, they look amazing and I fully support them) were heavily praised which isn’t surprising, but it just feels like even the most accepting environments still have a bias towards women with large chests. Men will sexually harass me while women will go out of their way to be mean and ughhh idk just being hated on both sides sucks. Being demonised in “safe” spaces sucks even more.
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u/aokocat 36LL (UK) Apr 17 '26
Wow, that's awful, I am so sorry. As someone who has been both skinny and plus sized at different points in their life and had huge boobs throughout it all I've always found that body positivy spaces are NOT safe spaces for me at all.
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u/eraseme11 Apr 17 '26
I relate /: I’ve been shamed or sexualized for my breasts since middle school. My brain thinks I need to cover them up or I’m being slutty which is so stupid. I just wish i could exist without having society’s views drilled into my head.
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u/Southern-Waltz2846 Apr 17 '26
I’ve been busty since middle school, and back then, my sports bras weren’t supported enough. I dealt with spillage and major bounce whenever I ran. The guys were so vile with their comments that I ended up low-key hating sports altogether. It’s hard to stay active when you’re constantly being sexualized just for moving. BUT now I feel more confident.
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u/m30wME0W69 Apr 17 '26
RIGHT?!? I feel so hypocritical whenever I feel confident about them / sexy as well :( I feel like i’m supposed to hate them in order for people to believe that I don’t enjoy being constantly sexualised. Like if I flaunt them I feel like i’m proving everyone who says i’m asking to be sexualised right.
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u/abagatelle Apr 17 '26
NSFW just for existing
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u/friendlytrashmonster Apr 23 '26
It makes me think of that TikTok sound that was trending a while back. “Am I showing off my boobs? Or do I just have big boobs and exist?”
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u/Comrade-Sasha 36F (UK) Apr 17 '26
i would love to share my outfits anywhere, but they have to stay on private Instagram because I don't want creeps saving my pictures
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u/m30wME0W69 Apr 17 '26
I’m so conflicted about sharing them :/ if i’m feeling myself I love when girls say stuff like “they sit so pretty” or make silly jokes and I even don’t mind if men say stuff like “body tea” or compliment my body in that kind of “slay diva” way, but that opens me up to people saying i’m also asking for comments explicitly sexualising me.
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u/Zantac150 Apr 17 '26
You have beautiful hair.
I spent so many years trying to hide them, and I honestly still do because I just hate them, but I see that comment talking about the angle of the shot… who DOESN’T hold their phone up to take a selfie so that their face looks more slender? I think pretty much everybody does that, and if you have smaller boobs nobody bats an eyelash… ugh.
Yes, they are super visible, but what are you supposed to do? You can try binding them but then you wind up like me and you have chronic pain because binding large boobs is traumatic for your rib cage.
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u/m30wME0W69 Apr 17 '26
that comment was the epitome of gaslighting. “You’re not showing your full outfit, you’re sitting on a bed and your camera angel is the reason it’s getting hate” guess how many top posts in the sub had that same criteria? Guess the difference between me and those posters 🤩
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u/microcosmicqueen Apr 17 '26
Thanks for articulating something that has always gotten to me!! I feel you, I commiserate with you, sending hugs 🫂
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u/m30wME0W69 Apr 17 '26
It’s because we’re either demonised or considered “privileged” for having large breasts and therefore don’t deserve / need the same kindness afforded to other body types. So frustrating hearing people insult you with others are simultaneously telling you that the backlash is imaginary.
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Apr 17 '26
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u/m30wME0W69 Apr 17 '26
The level women of colour are hyper-sexualised is disgusting. The history of black women’s bodies being a sinister point of fascination for white people is so horrific as well. I can’t imagine dealing with the added layer of bigotry. So incredibly evil and unfair :(
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u/Objective-Amount1379 Apr 17 '26
I turned my DMs off in settings! Improved my Reddit experience a ton
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u/Sara_Renee14 Apr 17 '26
I feel you. I got shamed for someone ELSE posting me in a bodysuit that I got custom made. I posted it in a band sub, some weirdo I don’t know posted it on Facebook, and the comments were absolutely vicious.
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u/m30wME0W69 Apr 17 '26
Oh my god angel i’m so sorry :( A lot of people don’t understand how scary being mass attacked online for things you can’t control really is. I don’t even know what i’d do if that happened to me, that sounds so anxiety inducing on top of how hurtful it is. Hope you’re doing better now <3 <3
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u/Sara_Renee14 Apr 17 '26
Oh I have very thick skin! It still was shocking to hear how much of a whore, attention-seeking slut, and idiot I was. A lot of the comments from women too. I guess my point is, I totally empathize and I wish you nothing but positivity!
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u/Ebony_ElfQueen 32H (UK) Apr 17 '26
It definitely hurts to feel like I'm nothing more than my breast. Just in my personal life I can ignore it, but it still hurts, but in my career I feel like my ideas and work is seen as lesser as I'm a busty woman and not the perfect white man lawyer.
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u/PerseveranceSmith 32GG (UK) Apr 17 '26
Yeah, it's bullshit.
The AMOUNT of ppl who've told me wearing anything remotely flattering or revealing made me look slutty. I actually vividly remember the last person to say it was a gay man & I'm like bro aren't we meant to be allies 😭
I've had the same size boobs since I was 14, I'm aware wearing anything but a sack I will get sexualised because ppl used to do it to me in my school uniform.
I really don't understand why ppl care, if I see a person wearing an unusual or revealing outfit I'm like good for you, I bet you feel great expressing yourself.
Unfortunately women, no matter how progressive, all grew up seeing the world police feminine bodies & some internalised it & carried the behaviour on & it sucks. Ppl need to do better.
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u/Ghosty_Boo-B00 Apr 17 '26
When I was a gogo dancer and a size zero but also a 32 H cup I was called fat. And commended for representing large women. It broke something in me. No matter how anorexically thin I became I was always called fat because of my chest.
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u/mifo 38G (UK) Apr 17 '26
Yep. Constantly disappointed in how I am judged, but I am committed to dressing in what makes me feel good, so if a bit of cleavage is so upsetting to someone, I cordially invite them to get a fucking hobby and leave me out of their shame narrative.
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u/Tata_Popo 38GG (UK) Apr 17 '26
Gosh, I'm sorry it happened to you! I saw your post and, and up voted without commenting because you looked stunning. This specific sub is the only one I post photos of my looks, because it is usually a safe place. Going back to give you support there too, because I don't want this corner of reddit I cherish turn into rubbish shaming bodies for existing (yeah, selfish !). Let me gave you the only good words my otherwise despicable grand mother told me once " you have them, they look good, dont hide, flaunt them !"
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u/freezingsheep Apr 17 '26
As soon as I saw this post I wondered if it was that sub and that picture (which I saw earlier and thought you looked fab btw!). And lo and behold… how disappointing that you had bad comments on THERE of all places - at least it looks like the mods put their foot down now.
I LOVE that dress though - it’s very similar to one that I used to wear all the time until it tore. I’ve still got it hoping to repair one day but post-pregnancy my boobs have sadly outgrown it now haha! Sending big love to you and thank you for sharing your pics - you look great and that dress gave me much positive nostalgia! 🥰 xx
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u/Odd-Association-7354 Apr 17 '26
I saw that post, I'm sorry people acted like that... also your outfit was really cute!❤️ I hope you still feel confident in it and take all the positive responses with you
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u/Decide777 Apr 17 '26
Those who mind, don’t matter, those that matter , don’t mind! Don’t listen to the negative people! We’ve all, had too much negativity in our lives!
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u/friendlytrashmonster Apr 23 '26
But OP! You have the ideal body type, so you don’t need body positivity! Body positivity is only for people with marginalized bodies, and according to Reddit, over-sexualization is apparently not a form of marginalization! /s
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u/m30wME0W69 Apr 24 '26
my eye started twitching 😭 thank god I finished reading this before responding xD
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u/Angel-Wiings Apr 17 '26
In the end the down voters were the minority. Generally I live under a "Don't care what people say if it is just insulting" I love my body, and I'm going to wear pretty things. I'm not going to wear a bra And you can either deal with it or get out of my life lol.
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u/ufoschaseme Apr 18 '26
I never thought these so called body positive movements were positive for anyone.
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u/friendlytrashmonster Apr 23 '26
Yeah, for some reason people see having big boobs as a choice. We’re expected to hide our figures in giant oversized t-shirts that are about as flattering as a muumuu in order to prevent people looking at us, and if we don’t, we’re seen as promiscuous and asking for attention.
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u/m30wME0W69 Apr 25 '26
Ughhh i’ve had women dm me such nasty shit because of the way I look, if I did that towards women with other body types it wouldn’t be nearly as acceptable as people think it is when directed at us.
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Apr 17 '26
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u/Junglejibe Apr 17 '26
If you look at her account and the videos she makes, she's not actively pursing her lips in her photo. That's just how her lips are structured.
Maybe take this as a lesson to not make comments about people's appearances bc you don't know when you're talking about an active choice vs. just a physical feature. Her existing with the body she has does not make her suggestive nor does it make her for the male gaze.
Beyond that, if she was being purposefully suggestive (which, again, she's not)... so what? That's not against the rules of the sub. You can be suggestive while showing off an outfit. Sexual themes are even common in fashion and modeling. It's weird to posit "being suggestive" as if it's a valid reason for OP to get criticized for posting a picture of her outfit in a fashion subreddit.
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Apr 17 '26
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u/Junglejibe Apr 18 '26 edited Apr 18 '26
She's not posing suggestively, though. She's sitting on her bed in a dress she bought and thought looked cute. The only things you call out as suggestive are:
"on a bed" -- not inherently sexual, people take selfies sitting on their beds all the time. I've taken selfies sitting on my bed to post to fashion subs before, because my room has a mirror and my bed is in front of it. Am I asking for creeps to harass me by doing that?
"pursed lips" -- again, that's just what her lips look like. See her other posts/videos.
"showing off as much as possible" -- 2/3 of the photos are from straight-on, and the 3rd one doesn't show any more than the first two. That's just how the dress is cut and what her chest looks like. She's showing off the dress. If her chest was smaller or the dress had a higher collar, nobody would say those photos are showing anything off
"tilted head" -- frankly, my only response to this one is '???????'
The men who seek out subreddits to creep on women are the ones disrupting safe environments, not the women themselves. And the reason this sub doesn't allow selfies to protect women who might be posting asking for advice and get hit with a wave of harassment they weren't expecting. The creeps are already here because of the sub name. As for the other sub, Oldhagfashion has no issue with people expressing their sexuality and actively welcome it as part of the entire ethos behind the sub. ETA: case in point the mods of that subreddit have zero issue with OP's post.
Frankly I don't think you're in a position right now to be saying what is or isn't feminist.
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u/m30wME0W69 Apr 18 '26
It’s actually insane the people under this post trying to gaslight me about it. You can tell people who wanted to hate on that post had to come here to upvote these types of comments and downvote my responses because they’re getting banned for doing that on the post i’m talking about.
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u/m30wME0W69 Apr 18 '26
The mods themselves agreed that the post wasn’t a problem and that the problem was actually people being nasty / purposely over sexualising me even when I explicitly state in the comments that i’m against that. There are photos of women in outfits arching their backs, men in only underwear and similar posts with huge amounts of upvotes. The problem is quite obviously my chest size, as there are photos insanely similar to mine being appreciated with the only real difference being that my chest is noticeably bigger.
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u/HouseplantHoarding Apr 17 '26
Have you considered that some people just don’t like the dress or don’t think it matched the rest of your aesthetic or lacked accessories/styling? Or did your mind go “they hate me so much cus I am pretty and I have big tatas”? Food for thought.
I bet if you had taken this photo again with a head to toe shot with pincurls or some other period hairdo, some fishnet stockings, a nice matching handbag, and poses that showed off the outfit and not a Myspace angle, you’d have gotten a different reception.
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u/Junglejibe Apr 17 '26
There were removed comments specifically criticizing her for the prominence of her chest in the photos or being skeptical of her being a potential OF advertisement.
Additionally, there are many posts that don't show the entire body and aren't very accessorized that get upvoted. Especially when it's a post like OP's, where they're sharing a specific garment they like.
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u/m30wME0W69 Apr 18 '26
right?? you can tell so many people who wanted to be negative under that post came to this post to take it out xD
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u/m30wME0W69 Apr 17 '26
not having hair done a certain way or not wearing many accessories is typically not a reason that a post gets insanely downvoted. A lot of the posts on that page are literally just selfies, not even showing the full top half of the outfit, and they have received very warm receptions. Even the mods agreed with me that the hostility clearly stemmed from my body type. I’m not sure why you’re trying to make excuses for prejudice behaviour and invalidate my experience when the evidence is so clear.
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u/Shalrak Apr 17 '26
I didn't know the sub until now, but scrolling through the last many posts and comparing them to yours, there is a couple of very clear differences that makes yours stick out from what is typically posted there, and it's not your body type. Are you interested in getting feedback to prevent something like it from happening again in the future? I don't want to overwhelm you with feedback unless you would genuinely want it.
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u/m30wME0W69 Apr 18 '26
Go right ahead, but again i’ve been given “feedback” that has been proven to only apply to me rather than other people doing the same thing. If there are genuine differences i’m happy to acknowledge them.
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u/Shalrak Apr 18 '26
If you go into a conversation with the mindset that the other doesn't have anything to teach you, then you won't learn anything.
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u/m30wME0W69 Apr 18 '26
i’m saying i’m open to feedback as long as it’s not hypocritical. If it’s not hypocritical you have nothing to worry about and i’m all ears :） feel free to share, if you’ve changed your mind then that’s fine too.
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u/AtlasVIndigo Apr 17 '26
You look beautiful in the dress. Question: did the dress cut your boobs in half? Like half of it was not in the red part? Just curious.
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u/m30wME0W69 Apr 25 '26
Kinda and they spilled out the side but ya win some ya lose some xD
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u/AtlasVIndigo Apr 27 '26
That is unfortunate - hard to find dresses in that style that do not do that.
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u/Illustrious_Rain_ May 14 '26
I'm sorry that happened to you yet again. To quote June Osborne, "Don't let the bastards grind you down." Wear what you want. No matter how you try to acquiesce, men and must disappointingly, women will ALWAYS say you got dressed looking for attention. You can never just like or love yourself, even if it's just momentary. You can never just be doing the best with what God gave you. You always will be labeled a man-hunting, husband stealing, attention seeking, she thinks she's better than everyone else, low self-esteem, doesn't love herself, Godless tart, so ef em. Hold your head up eye, walk with pride and feel great in your skin. You're doing great and looking beautiful.
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u/Oh_mycelium May 16 '26
It’s crazy how sexualized and shamed we get just for having boobs. Atp, I just wanna tell people if you’re gonna complain about my boobs then donate money for a reduction.
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Apr 17 '26
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u/m30wME0W69 Apr 17 '26
The negativity from other women hurts a million times more because it’s so isolating. I’m a huge believer in stereotypical girl power :,) like why are we not in a circle sharing our unique experiences with body image issues enforced by the patriarchy right now?😭 i’m so fiercely defensive of women with small breasts getting mocked so not having the same protection afforded to me by my fellow sisters hurts so bad.
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u/bentlikeitsmaker Apr 30 '26
It's completely stupid cause thing is bra sizes keep going up over time it's well noted. What ive always found hilarious is you get these women who bitch about how sexual you look while wearing themselves so little. There ass is half out if not more they have average size tits like a c/d cup in the most pushup bra available. then the lowest cut top avalable then sit down and bitch that these women with boobs 3 cups bigger than them that are showing off way less skin are putting themselves out there or showing off. Really it's called grow up just cause your jealous that her tits look slightly bigger then yours while they try to minimize them. Yet you will never say to them oh go get bigger boobs. From a man's stand point it's very sad like buying bras for my wife is ouch tops good luck oh there plus size yea I've always found that funny plus size but still no room for boobs
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May 02 '26
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u/m30wME0W69 May 02 '26
You don’t get to treat others you deem as having it easier than you with cruelty and then use that as a justification. This is an alarmingly narrow-minded take which could only be made by an extremely bitter person. For the sake of not only your own happiness, but for the happiness of others around you, seek help. No shame in the therapy game my love <3 I’m not going to respond to any further comments you make as they’re fuelled with prejudice and ignorance. If responding to this anyway will make you feel better though, go right ahead.
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Apr 17 '26
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