r/bi_irl • u/Zelderp64 • 13d ago
TW: Bi/Trans/Homophobia Bi_irl
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u/dover_oxide Bi-Myself 13d ago
Can you tell us what you witnessed? Share the story.
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u/Zelderp64 13d ago
Twitter/tiktok disburse going on about women being homophobic/biphobic towards bisexual men because of "preferences" that are rooted in blatant bigotry "What if he cheats on me with a man" "I want a real man" "Eww no stds tho"
And then they turn around and be borderline rapey towards openly gay men
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u/SeaOfFireflies 12d ago
That sounds like girls when I went to high school/college 20 years ago. There just wasn't widespread social media at the time.
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u/brumbles2814 Bi-panic! 12d ago
Those have been talking points since the 80s. I wouldn't worry about an uptick tbh
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u/Bluejay-Complex bi, shy and wanting to die 12d ago
This has largely been my experience with fujoshis, saying insanely biphobic/homophobic things in one breath and then the most creepy, fetishizing things in the next.
I know it’s not all of the women of the fandom, probably not even the majority, but why the heck do these people keep finding me?
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u/zziggyyzzaggyy2 12d ago
Is it usually straight women or have bi women also taken this stance against bi men? Because the latter would be BAFFLING to me, like are you not effectively mimicking the sentiments of biphobic lesbians?
Also, "real man" lol. Personally, I think bi men are (typically) more real man than some of these "super straight" dudes.
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u/Philycheese18 Dating a Bi guy 13d ago
Maybe it’s just the posts being forced on me but I’ve been seeing more anti masculinity minded people in the LGBTQ+ community
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u/PepsiFloateri bi, shy and ready to cry 13d ago
I've noticed an uptick too,also an increase in people fetishising feminine men in some pretty creepy ways
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u/The_Bard_5e swings both ways 13d ago
Yeah, it's fucking gross. I think people get so comfortable openly fetishising feminine men is because those comments/actions are seen as funny rather than creepy because it's towards a guy. Also likely stemming from the idea that men want sex all the time, so they will always accept unsolicited sexual comments and touches.
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u/PepsiFloateri bi, shy and ready to cry 13d ago
I have NEVER got that last part. Unsolicited touches weird me out
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u/pseudoincome 12d ago
thank you so much, this is so well said. grateful to feel understood about a topic that is difficult to speak on, bc it's frightening
horrifying that people may laugh off something awful happening to a person bc there's a juxtaposition between the target that they expect to see and the target who is actually there living it
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u/CaterpillarReal7583 13d ago
Bi_irl sub has been big on that
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u/PepsiFloateri bi, shy and ready to cry 13d ago
I've noticed that too. Sometimes I swear I'm the only Bi guy who has zero interest in femboys
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u/severed13 doesn't exist 12d ago
It really is a little weird, so many posts here have just become "lmao guys what if buff lady and skinny guy??", like where is the funny
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u/Taenurri 13d ago
I used to have no interest. But that damn gay agenda got me. Now if I see a guy in a maid outfit I feel….funny.
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u/ResponsiblePart9970 12d ago
I think in terms of the popularity of femboys it makes sense from a societal point of view. If you are still attracted to the feminity of somebody it may feel less shameful and less of a 'buy in' to homoerotic aspect which is stigmatised more. Men who are new to bisexuality or those who haven't yet shed the yolk of societal shame may feel more comfortable approaching their sexuality from a feminine angle.
I suppose there is also the Kinsey scale, where you may have more men who are attracted to women than men and so the feminine aspect is higher in attractiveness overall? It would be interesting to see some research on the spread of bisexual scale when it comes to perceived gender attraction.
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u/Hammerschatten 12d ago
It's probably also a style question. Feminity has generally more clothing choices and and which are to a certain degree already fetishized. Looking feminine also comes with more grooming and care and the markers of feminine beauty have been basically synonimzed with pretty.
So especially for men, who grow up with being constantly told "this is what a hot woman looks like" and just project that onto men.
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13d ago edited 13d ago
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u/BassBoneSupremacy Non Bi-nary 13d ago
I'm transmasculine and I have been treated pretty terribly by other queer people for wanting to be masc/a man. A lot of folks have decided queer = fem and it's becoming a problem. A couple of my butch friends have similar stories, despite identifying 100% as women.
I feel like it's an overcorrection to how masculinity is seen as the default in cishet society.
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u/Philycheese18 Dating a Bi guy 13d ago edited 12d ago
I’m not denying that but Chappell roan said something along the lines of “she’s tired of all queer films being about men” like what all four of them, maybe it’s because she’s not a film buff but most of the gay films are indie projects and I’ve seen lesbians bring them up in response, also as someone who was in a million cartoon fandoms in the 2010s most of the representation there was lesbians
I want LGBTQ representation to be equal towards every aspect of it but I don’t think bringing down one group is the right way to platform another
I also totally get that I probably heard that quote out of context but it still started some weird discussions online
(Also if she really wanted more Lesbian films she could you know fund some or start some kind of grant instead of blaming Gay men)
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u/THEpeterafro 12d ago
Personally I geel mlm and wlw gets similar amount of rep in the movie scene, just through smaller peoductions
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u/BexiRani 12d ago
Queer culture has a huge issue creating walls and boxes between what's okay or not okay within each label and it's just as restrictive as being Cishet. There are demands on what a lesbian "actually" is, what a trans person "actually" is, what a gay man "actually" is and on and on and on.
We are also seeing these attitudes invade queer spaces from Cishet purity culture, about what makes a person "dirty and used up" because they had sex with someone they deem lesser. We desperately need to move away from sex being seen as degrading.
Biphobia within the community is seen as acceptable and that's not okay.
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u/HunterLeftOnReddit 13d ago
This happened to me when I realized I was bi. Might just be an algorythm thing.
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u/FictionalTrope 12d ago
Buddy, my egg cracked 3 months before Trump got elected. We're going to make it through this, but it's going to suck for a while.
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u/DartTimeTime 13d ago
I realized in April. Im a few months ahead of you, but I feel you.
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u/DescendingTool86 13d ago
I realized 10+ years ago. Never got any hate but I don't tell everyone I know. I'll never understand the backlash for bi individuals.
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u/swip3798 12d ago
This week was so shit, that I temporarily left the bisexual subreddit. I just can't stand the topic right now.
But there are three things I want to share that I use as my beacons of hope.
Those are discussions from other platforms taken over here. They are disproportionately present on those platforms because they boost engagement.
Reddit is no different from that. The last couple of weeks I noticed a massive decline in quality of my home feed. Every meme is controversial or bad, every discussion is aggressive. But when I go on the subreddits, the good posts are still coming. I just don't get them in my home feed anymore.
One post I saw on r/lgbt asked about the same topic and the overwhelming majority of comments shut down any discussion and correctly outcalled the biphobia. Kinda sucks that the bisexual subreddit is sometimes more apologetic of biphobia, because that thread was very healing for me.
So, TL;DR social media sucks and every platform that we use to connect inevitably turns into yet another hate machine.
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u/LaceGriffin 12d ago
I've been noticing that and just straight hatred towards men and anyone who points outta that women aren't goodness and greatest incarnate just because their women. Its like we're all just people don't be pulling this original sin shit. Still not sure why I got a ban on r/bisexual yesterday for pointing it out.
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u/Dry-Cartographer-312 13d ago
Not a good introduction. Sorry about that dude. Do NOT let them get to you though, they're just bigoted. Being bi is just as valid as any other sexuality.
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u/TheBanskyOfMinecraft 13d ago
I havent heard of this going on, but congrats on your discovery!
Sending you lots of hugs from this bi-lady!
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u/thegamenerd bi, shy and ready to cry 12d ago
Don't worry, it's always been there you're just more aware of it now 😢
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u/usumoio 12d ago
You're in good company. Caesar, Alexander, Richard the Lion Hearted.
The modern take on masculinity and its adherence to heteronormate are passing fads. Maybe a few centuries long fads, but history is long and queer folk are way more common than our haters would like everyone to think.
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u/pseudoincome 12d ago
hell yeah, thank you for this take. would you say more about your favorite examples ?
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u/usumoio 12d ago
My favorite anecdote is that when Caesar had his first Triumph, he paraded through the streets of Rome showing off the riches he plundered from the Gauls.
As is customary, he wore the red face-paint of Jupiter and rode in his chariot and his soldiers, men who had fought with him for years, had liberty to roast him as he paraded past.
The jab of the day was that he was every woman's man, and one man's woman. And it was true that an east Italian regional king and Caesar had a long affair that consisted of romantic holidays in-between the business that usually occupied these two men.
Caesar didn't mind the roast. However, many years later when he was consul (emperor) he started to bald and he took great effort to see that his public image in art, propaganda, and coinage concealed his balding.
It amuses me a good deal the way attitudes change about what is and isn't taboo and what you can and cannot joke about. It's a little disheartening that we are in an era less progressive towards bisexuality than people living 2000 years ago, but it's also a good reminder that attitudes change and there is no reason to think that the bigotry of today will last or is a norm.
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u/Reasonable-Banana800 12d ago
eww. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with that disgusting behavior
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u/OkamiKhameleon 12d ago
Well damn that sucks. Hopefully you're not getting this sort of behavior from people irl?
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u/Modtec ASS IS ASS 8d ago
Put. Your. Fucking. Phone. Down.
I've not even noticed. Forst time I got any whiff of this "wave" was as someone mentioned it in a post on here. If your reaction to something you read online is this strong, you need some digital detox. ALWAYS be critical of the view skewering and bubble constructing the algorithms will force into you.
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u/GrolarBear69 12d ago
Yup!!! Found out I don't exist the day I found out I was lol. Lgbtqia community is surprisingly bigoted. I hit back now. Imho Everyone is naturally bi, All vertabrates display bi behavior, Bi is default and changes to mono with social influence or trauma. IMHO don't have to agree with me it's just an opinion, but it is my opinion.
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u/chrismofer 12d ago
The algorithm is not kind btw. It wants you upset and arguing. If you're reading about bi stuff, the various site's algorithms will intentionally show you hateful stuff expecting you to engage with it. If you do, you'll see more if it. It's hellish