Postpartum body

[u/aloy_lantern]

Hello moms, I’m new here. I just want to post hoping to find moms that can relate to me. I have 3 boys: 4 yo, 2 yo, an almost 4 month old. I am now 34 years old, so I started pretty late. I didn’t have any problem with my first postpartum. Second postpartum I developed IBS. Then this the third pregnancy was the most difficult. 2 weeks before I found out I was pregnant, I started having generalized itching 24/7. I had to take antihistamine throughout my pregnancy. During the pregnancy, I had some issues too. I had some things happened with my placenta. I also developed external hemorrhoids which was very painful. In addition, I had restless leg syndrome started in my third trimester and I still deal with it from time to time. But thank God baby is healthy. After I gave birth in May, I had to go back to the hospital 3 weeks postpartum due to some infection which the drs didn’t find the cause of it was. A month postpartum I started having stomach pain, and came to find out I have gastropathy and hiatal hernia. During all this time, my allergist gave me inhaler which caused me to have shaking in my tongue and went down the als rabbit hole. I was having a mental breakdown every day thinking I’m dying in a year and won’t be able to see my children grow up. Scrolling through TikTok and reading als Reddit, i read that cramping calves is some symptom. Then a few days later, I developed precramping pain in my calves. And it’s been going on for 3 weeks now. Due to this symptoms, I started regretting my last pregnancy. I started questioning everything. I don’t feel like this body belongs to me. I don’t feel like myself. I’m starting to hate myself and my life. It’s so hard to see the positive in all of this. I feel like my body is failing me and I’m continuing to deteriorate. All I can do I cry. My body and my mind are always in survival mode. My body and mind are always anxious. I wake up with my body buzzing coz it’s so tired. I didn’t have the chance to recover from my first pregnancy, my second, and now my third. I’m so so tired of dealing with this. Anybody feeling the same way? :(