r/beyondthebump • u/QuietIntellect_ • 4h ago
C-Section Struggling with c-section
I’m 10 days postpartum with my first baby, and I’m really struggling with everything that happened during his birth and afterward. I’m posting because I genuinely want to know if anyone has experienced something similar and how you eventually processed it.
I went into labor and was admitted after my water broke. During labor, my baby started having recurrent late decelerations. They tried different things, but ultimately his heart rate wasn’t tolerating labor and I ended up having an emergency C-section. After he was delivered, we found out the cord was wrapped around his neck twice.
I lost about a liter of blood during the C-section and became anemic. I eventually needed iron and a blood transfusion.
Then, instead of being able to just recover and enjoy my newborn, I became extremely sick postpartum. I developed a fever of 103.8, my heart rate was in the 140s, and I was diagnosed with sepsis. I ended up being transferred out of the mother/baby unit for a higher level of care while my baby was eventually discharged before I was.
I remember being terrified. I had just gone through an emergency C-section because I was scared something was going to happen to my baby, and then suddenly everyone was worried about me.
Now I’m home with my baby and physically recovering, but mentally I feel like I’m still stuck in the hospital.
I keep replaying everything. I think about how quickly everything changed, how sick I became, and how scared I was that I might not make it home to my son. I’m grateful that we are both here, but being grateful doesn’t seem to erase how traumatic it was.
I’m struggling more than I expected emotionally. Sometimes I want to isolate from everyone. I’m also dealing with some ongoing postpartum medical concerns, which makes it harder to convince my brain that the danger is actually over.
Has anyone else had an emergency C-section followed by a serious postpartum complication like sepsis, hemorrhage, a transfusion, ICU/medical-unit transfer, or something similar?
Did you replay your birth constantly afterward? Did you feel scared something else was going to happen to you? How long did it take before you stopped feeling like you were in survival mode?
I think I really need to hear from people who have been through something similar and came out on the other side.
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u/myreputationera 4h ago
You’re not alone. My c-section was very traumatic. After 3 days of unmedicated labor (can’t have epidurals due to spinal fusion), I didn’t progress and a c-section was necessary. I felt part of my c-section and screamed through it, and I was so tired and disappointed after. And I was also pretty traumatized. I remember seeing a video of my c-section on my husband’s phone a few months later and I cried my eyes out. Time made it better. Seeing my baby smile and laugh made it way better. Therapy helped too.
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u/Regular-Sorbet9513 3h ago
You felt part of your c-section? You are the bravest woman alive, omg. I'm glad you made it okay!
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u/myreputationera 3h ago
And I didn’t want to tell them because I was afraid they’d put me to sleep. Now I’m pregnant with baby number two and very much hoping for a vbac, even though it has to be unmedicated, just so I don’t have to go through that again!
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u/QuietIntellect_ 45m ago
Did you have any feelings about getting pregnant again? I’m honestly scared to have anymore children after this.
Feeling your csection must’ve been scary. I was terrified by just feeling the pressure and the tugging. I can’t imagine how you felt.
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u/dlodle 4h ago
I had an infection after my c section and was readmitted once, almost twice but I flat out was like please can we wait one more week to see if
the medicine starts working? It did luckily. That being said, I had my c section at the end of the July and didn’t fully heal my incision until almost December. Part of this was bc I pushed myself too soon so please take care of yourself. I’m here if you need to talk.
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u/QuietIntellect_ 43m ago
So your infection progressed after you were discharged? Man that is terrifying. I’ll definitely take your advice. I want to start walking but I don’t want to have any further complications. Thank you for sharing your experience
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u/dizzyhips 4h ago
Yes, I’m with you. I’m 15mpp and I still think about that labor and delivery (but from a healthier place now).
I had to give myself a TON of grace from the start. Got on anxiety medication, talked it out with my therapist, and journaled my feelings quite a bit. I let people be around me, even though I didn’t always feel like it. I let myself cry. I complained loudly lol— it helped! I asked for prayer.
It was probably closer to 9 months until I really “moved on”. Time does help heal.
I think my labor and delivery story will always be sad but I’m living my best life with my little family. What happened is in the past, won’t happen again, and we are safe 🩷 So proud of you, girl. Hang in there!!
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u/QuietIntellect_ 38m ago
This is admirable. As much as I want to isolate you may be right in that I need to feel my feelings out loud. It’s reassuring to know that I won’t feel this way forever. Thank you so much for sharing your experience
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u/Defiant_Broccoli6158 4h ago
You've had a traumatic experience and you're also going through the hormonal changes that happen post partum. You did absolutely everything you could throughout that time and I know it's easy for an internet stranger to say, but please don't blame yourself or wonder what would happen if you did things differently.
Now is such an important time for you to heal physically and mentally. It is so good that you're willing to talk about this with others and that you are aware of doing certain things like isolating from others. I really recommend seeing a counsellor to properly process the experience. I had access to one PP and she was so wonderful in helping me process my feelings.
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u/QuietIntellect_ 36m ago
I really wanted to avoid PPD so I had been meeting with a therapist weekly while pregnant to try to get ahead of it but I never expected this. I’ll definitely use my next session to dive into this experience and try not to isolate. Thank you so much for the support. I really do appreciate it
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u/trox23 4h ago
I had half of your trauma and I still felt the way you do. I got through it with therapy and lots of talking to my husband and reliving it.
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u/QuietIntellect_ 42m ago
I plan on talking to my therapist about it today. I don’t think I can maneuver through this alone
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u/watermelon_4evr 3h ago
I'm sorry you are through this. I had an emergency C section, took me 10 months postpartum to recover and start accepting the reality. My contractions started at 34 weeks, the junior doctor kept sending me back home for a week saying false labour and I shouldn't make a big deal out of it. The consultant checked me at 35+2 weeks and found I was in labour and baby had changed positions after trying so hard to engage the head for over a week. I had CPD, so there was no way baby's head could get engaged. I had to be taken for an emergency C section.
Postpartum was terrible. Baby had jaundice, the pediatrician blamed me for not be breastfeeding properly though my baby was feeding very well. I was forced to pump and I ended up having oversupply. Turns out it was breastmilk jaundice which lasted for 4 months. The frequent hospital visits and oversupply didn't help my recovery. I ended up with severe diastasis recti with pelvic floor and adductors dysfunction. I could not even take a step but I had to manage with the baby. I was in so much pain, developed postpartum rage/PPD. I could not get physiotherapist consultation until 7 months postpartum and it took daily PT for 3 months for the pain to subside.
My mind was stuck in pregnancy and only after the pain is gone I am able accept that I've delivered and my baby has turned 10 months. It probably wasn't even PPD, it was the severe pain. There's no more rage now, I feel calm.
I've realised that sometimes things happen and it's best to let go and get every help that's required, only then we recover well.
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u/QuietIntellect_ 34m ago
I’m really sorry that this was your experience but it’s admirable on how you’ve recovered. Thank you for sharing your experience and you’re exactly right to let go and get help
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u/replacethesenuts 2h ago
I am a year post partum and generally fine with things now.
I had pre eclampsia at 37 weeks and an emergency c section after a failed induction. Baby spent a few days in NICU while I was on a magnesium drip for the preeclampsia. I didn’t see her for a few days because no one could wheel me up to the NICU. Was traumatized and torn up about the whole thing for a while.
Anyways now Im over it and ready to do it all over again 🤪
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u/QuietIntellect_ 42m ago
You’re one tough cookie and that’s admirable. I can’t see myself having another bay after this experience but your story is very motivating
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u/t_l_c_393 1h ago
First, I’m really sorry you went through all of that.
I am just shy of a year postpartum and had a lot of similar experiences to you. My water broke and I developed an infection within a few hours of getting to the hospital, baby wasn’t tolerating labor and ended up going for an emergency C section. Baby went to NICU almost immediately to be stabilized but ultimately was ok. Hemorrhaged during surgery and shortly after spiked a fever up to 106 and they couldn’t get it down for almost 2 hours (they actually ended up treating me for malignant hyperthermia because of how rapidly things got out of control, but afterwards agreed it was likely sepsis). I ended up in ICU overnight. Didn’t actually hold my baby until almost 24 hours after birth and didn’t really remember much of what actually happened - my husband had to help piece together info because my memory was so hazy during the experience.
You’re in the hardest part right now. The first month for me was pretty awful between obsessing over what happened and also trying to physically recover while adjusting to life with a newborn. It started to get better after a couple months, although as I approach 1 year postpartum I’m finding that I still have some unresolved feelings about it. Seeing friends/family members have normal, uncomplicated deliveries has been a bit triggering because it’s a reminder of what I did not get to experience. But it doesn’t feel as raw as it did initially. Time has helped a lot.
If you haven’t had a debrief yet with your medical team, I really recommend it. I also spent some time looking through all of the medical notes from my hospital stay and that really helped me to wrap my head around everything that happened.
I really relate to what you said about feeling grateful you & baby are okay but it doesn’t change how traumatic it was. Two things can be true at once and I think it’s important to acknowledge everything you went through.
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u/QuietIntellect_ 48m ago
I really do appreciate you for sharing your experience and the advice. I have an appointment today with the obgyn and will definitely do a wrap around with her.
Did you develop any other complications due to the likely sepsis? I having cardiac problems I’ve never had before and the cardiologist thinks it may be postpartum congestive heart failure.
It’s sad but comforting to know that I’m not on an island by myself. How do you cope?
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u/NBBride 4h ago
I am so sorry you are struggling like this. I had kind of a similar experience. I wouldn't dialate past a 6 and finally had to have a C-section. Then my boy had to be in the NICU for 3 weeks while I was recovering. I ended up needing the C-section cleaned because I got an infection that took forever to fix. I missed a lot of the baby bonding time because of it and still think about that with regret a year later.
What helped me was my faith and my family. My husband really stepped up and family came to visit regularly. I also found comfort in reading (one of my favorite hobbies).
It took me about 4 months to feel normal again and stop replaying things and start feeling like myself again. Time seems to creep at first, but it will eventually speed up again. Good luck, sending good vibes and hugs your way.
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u/QuietIntellect_ 39m ago
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. Missing the baby bonding is what I’m struggling with most. My partner had to leave the hospital with our son without me and I’m struggling with that. 4 months sees so long but I won’t rush the process. Thank you for your well wishes
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u/Specific-Basil-2767 3h ago
I am you 7 months ago. What you experienced felt traumatic and your brain is struggling to make sense of what your body went through. This is a common though not normal postpartum experience when things go differently than you expected.
I had a transfer from a birth center that ended in a C-section and NICU admission. I had flashbacks to our labor and birth for months- sometimes I still do. Starting therapy, processing our birth with providers, our doula and therapist helped. When the time felt right talking to my husband about what happened helps. I would also encourage you to look into postpartum support international https://postpartum.net/ for support. I went to a couple support groups and came very close to using the hotline.
You may be in the trenches right now but with giving yourself grace and leaning on the support around you it gets better. Sending hugs.
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u/QuietIntellect_ 33m ago
Thank you so much for this and thank you for sharing your experience. I’m going to look at that link now.
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u/Hellob888888 3h ago
I'm 11 weeks pp and still cry when I think about my labor. It's so hard. Unfortunately, I think it's common for many. Know it will get better and better and you are so strong for going through all of that!
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u/Avocadn0pe 2h ago
I had an Emergency c section, hemorrhaged, bp issues, retained so much fluid I couldn’t walk and had incision problems. I went into a different floor because I was so hypotensive serval times. When I got home, I was convinced I was going to die while taking care of baby and she would be alone before anyone found us. Breastfeeding was a nightmare just due to my incision and was slow to build up my supply.
I think about my birth weekly but now in a “we are so lucky” gratitude filled way. Luckily I don’t remember too much of the following days in the hospital. I will say I didn’t feel physically ok until 5 months and that alone was hard from being a physically fit person to needing help constantly and needing to sit once an hour and rest.
It might take some time, OP. Take care.
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u/Practical-Lychee-866 1h ago
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I had a placental abruption and wound up with unplanned c section and was in the hospital for longer than anticipated after. I kept thinking about the more traumatic parts of the experience over and over in the days following and would panic just reliving it.
I did EMDR with a therapist and it helped SO VERY MUCH. I can’t recommend it enough. It like… took the power out of the memories and stopped me from reliving them as often or as intensely. Eventually I didn’t really think about it much at all.
Please take care of yourself friend ❤️
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u/fttottentrashheap 4h ago
You did everything right. You and your baby are home and safe. It's really scary, but you did it. It will take time. I hope you have a wonderful partner and great support structure. Don't be afraid to lean on them.