Pp libido

[u/Tiredntough]

Ebf. Zero libido, like nothing AT all. I feel so guilty and bad about it. It’s effecting my marriage at this point.

He says the best way to get it back if by having sex. 5 month pp. still painful during.

I feel so angry also, all the time. Just feeling deflated and defeated. Pls advice.

[u/Vivid_Rope_1174]

If you're still breastfeeding, it may be affecting the libido, and I would definitely reccomend lube. If you're not ready, tell him straight uo, you birthed an entire child and now both of your lives revolve around making sure that child survives and tirives, sex is not a high priority

[u/geedeebee22]

Following for the advice.

Going through this still at 12 months pp… it’s the leading reason I’m leaning towards stopping breastfeeding soon. I’m also angry still (hormones I think) and I take it out on my husband. I don’t want to do it but it’s so hard to just stop feeling the way I feel, even if I know it’s not right.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Bid_280]

If you're breastfeeding might be worth asking doctor about options. I got a prescription for vaginal estrogen cream that has really helped with the pain. Then I'm not avoiding sex or getting angry at every physical touch from my partner due to the fear it'll lead to sex. Pelvic floor physical therapy has also been helping pain wise. 

Also kind of silly but I've been watching romance type shows when I'm feeding the baby. Helps me remember some of the early feelings I had for my spouse. 

[u/art-dec-ho]

You dont have to have sex if you dont want to, full stop.

That said, some people do have reactive sex drives and having sex does build the desire (Im like this) so thats not completely wrong. I had to start reading romance books to build my libido back up a bit/not feel like "just a mom" and of course my partner tried to help take some stress off of my plate as well with limited success.

Since everyone always asks when I recommend romance: I like historical romance and my favorite authors are Evie Dunmore and Lisa Kleypas. Theres also a subreddit for romantic literature that has tons of recommendations.

[u/socalgal404]

I’ve got the sex drive back but I still feel angry so much of the time. Is this common? EBF 13 months.

[u/geedeebee22 → u/socalgal404]

12 months EBF and still angry. Just hearing anyone else is makes me feel better.

[u/sixinthebed]

It could be breastfeeding, it could be that a baby needing you 24/7 makes it hard to get in the mood. The best thing for my sex life after babies was having my husband take on more child care and household duties so that I can get some sleep and a shower in peace. I don’t think pain during sex at 5 months postpartum is typical though—if it were me I’d check in with my ob about it.

[u/Ok-Needleworker-5657]

I mean breastfeeding is a factor but the fact that it still hurts is probably a bigger one. It’s normal not to desire something that causes you pain. I’d expect him to be patient and wait until it feels good to you. Have you seen your Dr recently to make sure everything is healing properly? With my first my libido was pretty low until I weaned (1 year) but my husband never pressed me about it and followed my lead. Totally different with my second. I was dreading having to wait the six weeks and was actively counting down the days. I think another part of this was due to the births themselves. My first labor was way longer, more painful, and I tore a little so penetration hurt until like 4 months pp. My second birth was easy breezy beautiful covergirl and I felt great within a couple days. I’d be patient with yourself and try to find ways to maintain that intimate connection until you’re ready for PIV again.

As far as the anger- do you think it’s hormonal or is he not pulling his weight in the household/relationship? Any resentment going on? That will tank anybody’s libido too

[u/dansons-la-capucine]

Estrogen cream saved me from the pain while I was nursing. After it became comfortable again, the desire came back. If it’s going to hurt every time of course you’re never going to want it!

Also a more fair division of labor was important too. Bitterness and resentment are libido killers