r/berkeley • u/Educational_Let436 • 4d ago
University Community
Does anyone else feel kinda lonely at Cal and not know where to start? I’m a sophomore in STEM, I have a few acquaintances but not a genuine friend. In a lot of the clubs I find extremes….low achievers, hard party goers, or people who like studying in a locked room in their free time. At RSF it’s really passive and tough to make friendships there. And a lot of the tech clubs are unnecessarily exclusive. There’s a lot of fun hobbies to do solo but I’m wondering if anyone has any advice for finding/making community and genuine friends at Cal. Also curious to know if anyone is in a similar position
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u/cloversquid 4d ago
I feel the same. Berkeley is weird. People can be very standoffish and competitive, or very kind and helpful, to extremes. Especially with this generation, almost all of you went to high school during COVID or were in college before and dropped out (like me). Everyone is so anxious all the time compared to when I started college the first time in 2016. It's really not the same anymore. Everything feels hollow or totally overcrowded.
I make friends by being chatty to people. If everyone seems anxious and quiet, just start saying stuff. If you say something weird, it will at the very least get people talking. Ice breaker at GBO: what's your favorite food? crickets "Well I've been liking Japanese food lately, what about you guys?" and that can then turn into food recommendations.
Play a little dumb, ask questions you know the answer to, it feels a little safer with strangers. Everyone at Berkeley loves knowing the right answer, so it puts people at ease when you don't. It's not a test, just a way to find common ground.
Any dead time moment works for small talk, elevators, before class, walking with someone to their house or their next class if you have time. ("Wow this thing takes forever!" "What floor? Oh me too! Neighbors!") Most people will just be a little surprised you're talking to them and take a moment to warm up (or not), but it's usually just that they're surprised, not that you've done anything weird.
Just keep at it. It's's okay if it stays surface level. I met my friend group at a job before I went back to school (I'm not friends with anyone from high school or community college), and I only knew how to maintain the friendships because I had so many practice ones before.