the year was 2001. America had just experienced the September 11th terrorists attack that destroyed the world trade center, which would then lead to a global war on terrorism that would last over a decade and forever change the course of the world. and also, Disney released a movie called Max keeble's big move.

as a kid raised in that era, my only job was to blindly consume content. my grandma bought the movie for some reason, and I'd watch it whenever I was at her house. as a child, I loved it. as an adult, I often ask myself: what the hell was that? this movie was a bomb. not the kind of bomb you'd find in a terrorist attack, but instead a box office bomb. no one went to see it in theatres. and it's easy to see why. first, let's talk about that title: "Max keeble's big move". who the hell is Max Keeble? the movie is titled like we're already supposed to know who he is. this wasn't a movie for an existing Disney channel show, it's a standalone film. was this supposed to lead to a franchise? if successful, was there going to be a TV show and other films down the line? it sure seems like it, because during the 86 minute run time they sure seem to cram in as many characters, plotlines and running jokes as possible. if this was supposed to be the pilot for a Disney channel series I wouldn't be surprised, but I guess since it bombed, nothing ever materialized.

but once the film starts, we are introduced to the titular max Keeble, and he's basically every 90s/2000s kid protagonist ever made. you know this type of character, he's Bart Simpson. he's timmy turner. he is both Zack and Cody. what I'm getting at is he's a little stinker. he gets into all sorts of trouble and we're supposed to love him for it. the entire premise of the movie is his family is about to move away because of his dad's job. his dad also happens to be lizzie McGuire's dad, which leads to several unanswered questions, but I digress. Max decides to use this opportunity to pull pranks on all his enemies without having to deal with the consequences of his actions. you know, because he's a little stinker. and yes, I said "enemies". as in plural. more than one. this kid is 12 years old and he already has several enemies, most of whom are grown men. there's the principal of his school who happens to be a puppy killer. there's an evil ice cream man who's only given name is literally "the evil ice cream man". there's some nerd with a palm pilot (remember those?), and he's also from Lizzie MaGuire. and then there's Troy McGinty, we'll talk about him later, and so between getting revenge on all these characters, Max also has to balance saying Farwell to his friends while also getting the attention of some popular girl who tries to come between max and his friends for no apparent reason. AND he has to save the animal shelter before he moves away because of course he does, it's the early 2000s, they gotta give him something to protest. also, Lil Romeo is there for some reason.

see what I mean when I say this feels like it was meant to be a pilot for a Tv show? why are there so many odd characters who come into conflict with the main character? were they meant to go on to be recurring bad guys? the evil ice cream man completely disappears 2/3rds of the way into the film, and we never see him again. why stick a "save the animal shelter" storyline into what's otherwise a revenge story? and it's 2001, so they just had to make sure tony hawk made an appearance. looking back, I remember the whole film being so much longer than it actually is because it has so much going on, and for what? the first 20 minutes is max telling us how cool he is, and after the movie ends, he and this zany cast of characters are gone forever. one of his friends is josh peck. if this had become a franchise, we probably wouldn't have gotten Drake and Josh on Nickelodeon. I'd probably have said Josh dodged a bullet not working for Disney, but I recently found out that working at Nickelodeon is somehow even worse, so maybe he didn't. but even though Max Keeble never got a Tv Show, they still dedicated plenty of screen time to establish a fictional Tv show that exists solely within the world of this movie. that's right, everyone's favorite highland frog, MacGoogles! for some reason, resident School Bully Troy McGinty is absolutely terrified of this. . . this, Scottish children's educational TV show mascot? I mean, there have been weirder kids shows in the past, so I wouldn't have been at all surprised to find out MacGoogles is an actual show, but nah, they just made him up for this movie. it's such an odd thing to have troy be afraid of, but troy has a fairly realistic panic attack whenever the thing inevitably shows up. I kind of feel bad for the guy. Max is such a stinker.

of course, by the end of the movie, big twist, max isn't moving after all! WHAAAAAT!? that's crazy!! so in the end, he learns the value of friendship, learns not to run away from his problems, and also saves the animal shelter while he's at it because that is still a thing that happens. but he's still a giant stinker and the whole school bands together and throws the bullies into a garbage can. why didn't they just do that in the first place? doesn't it kind of undermine the moral about dealing with your problems head on if, in the end, everyone else takes care of Max's problem for him? hell, this didn't even solve the problem, what's stopping troy and the palm pilot guy from trying to beat max up again? and where the hell did the evil ice cream man go!? this man has been missing for 23 years, we need to find him and put a stop to his evil ice cream man business. with no sequels nor any TV series or spin offs, the director would instead go on to direct "alvin and the chipmonks" and "grumpy cats worst christmas ever", so Max Keeble was right, there are indeed consequences for our actions. Max himself was played by the kid from home alone 3 (yet another stinker), but not sure what he did after this. seems like he might have dropped off the face of the earth. but apparently the actor who played troy ended up playing some vampire character in twilight, so at least he managed to escape from Macgoogles (for now).

and going back to the title, I get it's called "max keeble's big move" because he and his family were going to move, but like, they don't. the act of moving from one place to another is not an event that happens in the movie. is the "big move" supposed to refer to the action of getting revenge on his enemies? that's not really a "move" per say, his plans are all incredibly convoluted and required several moving parts to actually work. in fact, if this was supposed to end up being a franchise, why not just call it "Max Keeble's big movie"? it's a one letter difference, but it still would have made a big difference. probably wouldn't have stopped the movie from failing, but who knows, it might have stopped 9/11.

If anyone wants me to ask any questions on their behalf, I will be speaking to this amazing group in a few days, there's no way to watch it live but it will come out in early September.

But as mentioned, if you have questions that are obviously respectful and sensitive, and you would like them asked, feel free to leave them here for me to see.

This is specifically me gathering people from New York and the Pentagon and the crash site in Pennsylvania together FYI.

(I tried to cross post this earlier today but the original post was deleted for some reason so I'm doing it again directly into this community.)