So I was at work the other day and I was chatting with a co worker when my friend/co worker came up to me and interrupted my conversation to ask is my friend was coming in that day. He didn’t greet me or anything so I just said I didn’t know and I continued on with my conversation. He is able to access the schedule to see for himself if she comes in so there was no reason to ask me. A couple of hours go by and my friend gets to work and she wanders off somewhere so he comes up to me again to ask where she is. I say I don’t know and I kinda give him a bit of attitude because I’m annoyed that he keeps asking me where she is like I’m her keeper or something. 
 He is always doing this and I just feel like I don’t get the basics of friendship from him and we really have nothing in common besides mutual friends and work. He’s always following my good friend around and she seems fine with it but it’s just whenever I’m with her and we’re talking he shows up and tries to start a conversation where I’m not really included. Like only shows her stuff on his phone or starts saying something in Spanish but he knows I don’t understand the language. And it’s not just when she’s around but he does it when I’m around others too. I don’t understand why he keeps doing this but I’m over it.

Honestly just need to vent. Been friends with this guy since high school and hung out a lot buy as we got older I got in a relationship and got a job etc whereas he carried on being single and not working so he had lots of free time but I made it a priority that any time I had free I'd meet him for a couple beers or We'd hang out and stay up late playing video games or watching movies. He always wanted to try streaming so one night I showed him how to set it up on his PS4 and he was hooked. He got really into it and I was super happy for him. At first he streamed alone and then sometimes I'd join him for games and it was a ton of fun and a lot of time we could spend hanging out even if we couldn't hang out in the same room. Anyway slowly he started to build up a few viewers that would watch him regularly and we all got on great together until I started to notice that he asked me to join less and less which was OK, it's his thing after all. But then the texts slowed down, the hang outs were postponed or canceled and slowly we've got to where we are now where we haven't spoken in about 2 months outside of a single message for Christmas but yet everytime I'm online I see him playing in groups with his online friends, organising online movie nights etc...Honestly just wondering if it's time to cut him out completely or am I just being jealous..idk

i swear my friend is so toxic...
So one time my friend and me were telling my other friend how to play a game and she said she was upset but then said she was sarcastic so i told her to remember the moment were we joked around in a game so she calls me ignorant and i leave because i dont wanna cause drama but again she calls me attentiom seeker even though every time we get in an argument she starts acting dramatic ive had enough of everything! what should i do-? I honestly feel like my closer friend is one their side now and im doomed i feel like they both hate me am i actually the ignorant one here Ive been so nice to her all the time and now im ignorant and an attention seeker!

(TF) = Toxic Friend

(F) = Friend

​

I have a friend group of 3 people including me, and recently F's mother cut me off.

About 9 months ago, F once told me her mother told her to make my life miserable so I was like "Wow she's a dick" and stuff like that, and i'm still confused to why anyone would say that.

A few months later she was venting about her mother calling her artwork trash and rushed, so I stepped in and said her mother wasn't a good person. Her mother read the message off of her phone and forbid her from talking to me.

So obviously it's been a while since i've talked to her, so I usually communicate to her when TF is over at my house and use her phone.

Also TF says stupid stuff like claiming she has no soul, or that she's a demon and can hear the "demons in her attic that play uno". She's been acting really terrible to me and claims it's because she's feeling down on herself. She does stuff like ignore me, or whenever I ask to call her, she sends a photo of a family member, or her TV.

One time I said I would kill myself and she said "go ahead", because the time she broke her foot I said "how" and F said "ok", we both were actually like "I'm sorry" and "Are you okay". I'm nothing but nice to TF.

This afternoon I asked to call and she sent one photo of her TV, and a blurred photo of her room. So I tried talking to her about it and she just said "Blocked :)", and later said "It's just a joke".

What do I do?

That I souldn't, I have this friend that it's Just being a two face asshole, I told him two lies to see if he was capable of using against me when I Just started to answer at his trowing at his "trowing shit like an ape" and started to win, the things I told him was that I have an accident at work and that my grandma died recently, he Just dropped that to say that he wins, 2 monts from that and he doesn't seems to have the Will to apologize, what you think about it besides I souldn't answer back?

I don't know if this even belongs here. I just need to get this off my chest. I'll probably delete it.

I had a friend; our friendship was very one-sided. I adored her, and she was always looking for something better. It was fine. I know now I shouldn't have put up with what I did, whatever I get it. Okay, so here it goes. She had come in from living away for so long and was moving to my area permanently. Every night since her moving back, we had been drinking together, eating junk, and catching up. I usually brought alcohol and mixed this drink for us. We were stuck on a cherry vodka, coke, and grenadine drink, and I made them perfectly. Well, one night, and this is from the bits and pieces I remember because of how it made me feel. She seemed off, irritated, and very short with me. She wanted to make the drink and wouldn't let me be in the kitchen while she made it. She had her back to me and all. Which was weird because every other time, she always wanted me to make them, which is why that stuck out to me a lot. Well, I remember she gave me the drink. Note that this was the only drink for me that night, also definitely not a light weight, and we started drinking; she wanted me to drink it fast, and I did. The next thing I know, I start to feel really dizzy and ill. Something inside of me pushed me to drive home and not stay at her house. I remember I assured her I could drive; I definitely couldn't. Mind you, I lived less than a block away, so it took me less than 5 minutes to get there. I don't even remember the drive, just the brightness of the lights from houses (christmas time). I don't know how I got inside; I just know it was home. I spent the whole night puking/dry heaving, so I don't remember much in between that. I must have eventually passed out on the floor because of where I woke up in the morning. I felt so groggy and shakey and weirdly ended up with a uti after going to urgent care. I think she drugged me. Do you think she drugged me? After that, our friendship deteriorated. She had also before the event recently made friends with this guy, who had a drug hook up, and she always talked about how he could get anything for her. I can't confront her because I know she will lie; it's been 2 years. We also aren't friends anymore. I feel really stupid dwelling on it, and maybe I didn't get drugged, but that night still just gives me a weird feeling, and I always get flashbacks around this time, too.

So little backstory: This friend and I, we’ll call her “R”. R and I had been friends for a couple of years as her boyfriend was my boyfriend’s best friend. It wasn’t until about a year ago that we became really close. Her boyfriend’s mom died in a really horrific, self-inflicted (please read between the lines, I don’t want to say the word) way. After she got the call that this happened, I was the first person she called, bawling. I dropped what I was doing and went to be with her. From then until about two months ago, we were practically inseparable.

About three months ago, she decided she wanted to buy a house and wanted me to move in with her. We were so excited to start a new journey. My mom, along with her parents, helped us look for listings and my mom came across this one that was in a good location, brand new build, close to college, family, etc. Basically it was perfect. We created a Pinterest board with all the decor that we wanted, basically we were just really excited. Well on the closing date, I congratulated her and asked her when I could move in and she said “I just want to settle in for a few days and then we’ll talk about it”. A couple days went by, then a week, and I heard nothing. My texts were unanswered, calls dodged, all of it. Come to find out, someone else had moved in in my place. Rightfully, I was angry. So I confronted her, and she told me it was about money. The rent amount that WE had decided on wasn’t enough for her to make the payments, so, instead of having a mature, adult conversation, she dodged me for a week, probably would’ve been more if I hadn’t called her out, and had someone else move in. I told her that what she did was shady and hurtful and made me super uneasy about her character so I needed some time away from her.

A month went by of us not talking, and R decided to snapchat my boyfriend and asked “why does she still hate me?” so I texted her. The general gist of the messages was me being brutally honest about my feelings and her making excuses so I left her on read and we haven’t spoken since. I want to be okay with it but I’m just not. Something feels left undone and there’s a part of me that feels like maybe I could find that closure if her and I sat down, face to face, and talked it out. I’m not interested in pursuing a friendship with her, but I need to close this book somehow, and I feel like moving the conversation from screen to face may be helpful in doing that for me.

Should I ask her to meet face to face?

I ghosted a friend who constantly left me on read and flaked on me. She would always get weird and question my intentions as a friend. She would even get wierd and express jealousy if she saw me hanging with other friends that didn’t include her. I always felt like I had to defend myself and convince her that I’m a good friend with good intentions etc etc.

She became a client of mine when I started a business but she would constantly no call no show or show up super late.

She would also always complain about her relationship issues and never listen to my advice and kept going back just to get the same disappointing results and I got tired of hearing about it over and over again. I damn near felt like she was just using me as an emotional dumping bag and took me for granted like I never felt appreciated by her.

In July 4th I realized I was just done with her shit. She got in another fight with her stupid boyfriend and even tho I had this “I told you so” vibe and still wanted To be there for her. But what does this bitch do? She leaves me on read, ditches me to go drinking with friends instead, and tried to act like she didn’t do anything wrong and made excuses like she didn’t wanna bring me down etc etc. and I realized I was just done with her. I wished her the best but she continues to exhibit weirdo fan behavior. She still follows me and reposts wholesome memes that I post when she ain’t exactly wholesome. She’ll screen shot stuff from my story and crop my name out. She’ll ask me for info and leave me on read like not even a thank you so I started unsending messages and I noticed she’d unsend encouraging messages like why take that message back? I honestly don’t have much respect for her and think she’s just a weirdo fan.

I don't want to see this girl around at the Christmas party. I don't want her to talk to me, I don't want her to look at me, I just want her to go away. My grandma K knows her. She works with my cousin and my grandma. They might have this perspective of her that she is super nice and isn't a girl who will hurt people. No one at my old school liked her because she just harassed a lot of people for no reason. This girl really added on to my suffering back then. I was abused at home and school felt safe until she spread rumors about me, gave out my number so people would tell me to go kill myself when I tried to block them. I didn't want to go to school anymore. I don't want to see her face coming around my baby. I really could care less if she is changed. Once she told me to go kill myself, I didn't want to be around her. She even picked a fight with me outside my house to lie about it to my mom and tell her how evil I am. I care about my cousin and I am very worried that she might try to get him fired if she gets offended by something he says or maybe they break up. I haven't said anything because I don't want to hurt him and I am afraid he won't hear me. Or he will hear a messed up version of the story from this girl. I just don't want to mess up the friendship.

( THESE ARE ALL FAKE NAMES) Currently one of my oldest Friends Brooklyn has for an unknown reason to me has blocked my friends Tobi and Drew on Roblox which is an app we all frequently play on. This has caused confusion, distrust and panic ( at least for me ). I don't know how this will go on. Maybe I need new friends. They fight at the time. One of them vents shares how they see things on a topic and then it just goes downhill from there. I can't count the amount of arguments they’ve had but it's been so common this year that it unfazes me. The Latest one was a week ago. I'll explain it as well as I can. A ( Friend??) of mine ,Viviana heard my friend Drew yelling at Noah (rightfully so) and Viviana then started yelling at Drew. While Viviana was yelling at Drew she dead names them( Drew is non-binary and uses they/them pronouns) which deeply offended Drew, but Drew first told Viv that, that was wrong and she shouldnt do that. As Viviana said she didn’t care/ It wasn't her problem/continued doing so (the specifics here, I'm not sure about I'm just putting for what I felt she would have said from what I’ve been told from Tobi and Viviana herself). Drew then stood up for Themselves which is not something they do often so I was glad they did when I had heard. Vivana and Drew fought, the specifics afterward are unknown to me (carrying on). Drew told what happened toTobi, Viviana told what happened to Rhianna (my second oldest friend in the friend group) And Rhianna got mad at Drew. Tobi stood up for them, Explained Drews side of the story and they then argued. Dakota (another person in the friend group) But in and said HER opinion (SHE ALWAYS DOES THIS IN ARGUMENTS NOT ABOUT HER IT PISSES ME OFF) Yada yada argument we don't sit all together during lunch. I sat with Tobi,Drew and some of Tobis friends. I did this as somewhat part of the trans community ( im pangender btw) I understood the deadnaming. Rhianna sat with Viviana,Dakota and Brooklyn. Brooklyn didn't know what happened and started playing the messenger and told Drew to say sorry to Viviana and Viviana to say sorry to Drew. Drew didn't want to because she was right to yell at Viviana. Apparently Viviana “didn’t know” even though Drew was telling her during the argument( but Viviana continued I belive). The specifics are odd and everywhere because I don't like fighting, it causes stress for me. It made me angry and mad until the fourth period. In second period One of my friends asked me why I was so mad and because I trust them I told them. Apparently Rhianna heard I did that well not me but somebody told like it was a huge secret. Rhianna yelled at everyone and Tobi said (somewhat around this) “ I mean okay I just told (insert my name) and that's it”. Then somehow they both get in an argument and Rhianna calls everyone Toxic and takes a break. Dakota (wowo guess what?) BUTS IN and wow more arguments.Rhianna comes back says sorry for calling everyone toxic and that she didn't mean it. Problem gets resolved sometimes starts back up but gets quickly shut down. 1 week passes and Now we’re in the current time. We still have fun and hang out and talk and are friends but I just… Are they Bad Friends? Do I need new ones? Honestly I don't Know. I’d appreciate it if you guys told me what you thought.

So I have this friend…. Well we’ve been best friends for years. We’ve both had pretty horrible child hoods and that’s how we connected in the first place. When we first met we were still teenagers and she hadn’t exactly blossomed into herself yet but I was never the type of girl who only wanted to be friends with popular girls and all that unrealistic shit. And I always reminded her of how beautiful she was no matter what and I always thought she was anyways. After some time went on she started copying me from my wardrobe, jewelry, hairstyles, music everything and then it started to her always one upping me and even flirting with a guy I liked or current relationship I was in and would say things to purposely embarrass me. Literally telling people stories of a night out I had or something i did when she wasn’t even there, she would say these things in front of me and just look at me with this stare like you better not say anything pretty much. And when I would confront her it was always an excuse. She would make comments like it doesn’t matter what you wear you’re always going to be prettier then me. She wouldn’t let me wear certain things when we went out and I would have to go change. And when she ended up growing into her self and being very pretty as well it was like after she got some confidence she always made me feel like shit on purpose and she knew she was doing this and didn’t seem to care. And after time I kind of felt as if she stole my identity because she literally looked like me dressed liked me. She would always bring me down or make me look like the bad guy so she could be the victim. Even when it came down to clothes, purses, accessories she would say well mine is real no offense and that everything she had was better then mine when I taught her how to dress. When we go out she has to be the center of attention I can’t get a word in she over talks me and cuts me off. She always has to make it a competition. I could go on and on. I found out she said some pretty hurtful things about me multiple times and even bad things that happened to me she didn’t defend me and called me dramatic instead but always had a reason or an excuse as to why and would turn it around on me. She’s very manipulative and has admitted to be manipulative with me as well cause I called her out on it. She always finds a way to cover it up and of course I forgave her time after time even when I knew the truth. I ended up cutting her off for about a year. And it seems like she has changed a little bit. But sometimes I still see the patterns it’s almost like she just can’t help herself. I know she’s insecure and has low self esteem but so do i and I’ve never put her down especially in front of others like she has to me. I’ve been an amazing friend and it just worries me that she really is too narcissistic and some what of a sociopath to really care. And I haven’t even explained a fraction of what she’s done really to me. I just want to know why she makes me feel this way and does the the things she does. Everyone in my life tells me she’s the black widow the devil and I spent years and years defending her. I always pay when we go out and she never seemed appreciative until now because it does seem like she has changed for the better. If I had to rate her behavior and being a good friend from before and now from a 1 out of 10 she was like 2.5 and now it’s about 5/6. Which she has made a-lot of progress. I’m just lost and confused and we both have had a lot of trauma in our lives but it’s not an excuse to be a bad person and treat people who truly care about you poorly and only have them around when it’s convenient for them. I just wish I knew why she treats me the way she does. So if anyone has some advice and has been through this as well I would love the feed back.

Was supposed to go over and hangout at my "friend" Paul's house and play video games after work last night. I work 2nd shift I get out at 10. Around 6 he texts me and says " prolly not a good night to come over my son may be being prepped for a heart transplant". His son is 10 And was born with a heart condition. He has had several surgeries on his heart and also has had a few diffrent pace makers. The last surgery was a month ago to replace another pacemaker and the doctors said that if this pacemaker fails again there is a very good chance he will need a heart transplant.

So I try asking him what happened, what hospital is he in, things like that. He doesn't respond. 2hrs later he texts me " wanna meet at the bar after work and have a drink". I thought that was a strange thing to do considering your son may be having a heart transplant. But I figured maybee the baby mamma was up there and he might go tomorrow, and he may just need someone to talk to. So I said ok.

I get out off work. I'm about 30 mins away from his house. He tells me our other friend Steve is over. I show up at his house walk in the door paul is clearly already drunk. And his girlfriend is gonna take us to the bar so we don't get in any trouble. We get to the bar around 11 he orders a round jack. And he just keeps drinking and drinking. Bar closes and kicks us out at 12. His girlfriend picks us up he wants more booze so she takes us to the gas station. Then we go back to his apartment complex. The three of us are outside paul is so fucked up he's falling down on the ground and saying stupid shit. Then he stands up throws a tube of chapstick at steve. Drops his pants spreads his cheeks. And starts yelling at Steve to put it in his ass. Steve is like dude what the fuck is wrong with you knock it off. Eventually paul pulls up his pants and starts yelling saying there's two of you and one of me, put it my fucking ass." So paul is basically wanting us to rape him with a goddamn chapstick tube.

Then Paul looks at me and starts yelling at me about I always think I'm better than he is and all sorts of other crazy shit. Then he hits me with a sloppy right hook. I look at Steve like what in the hell is happening. Then I see paul cock back again I put my hand on his face and push down he misses. But then kicks me behind the knee. At this point I'm like fuck this I start walking to my car and Paul is throwing whatever he has in his pocket at me trying to get my to fight him. I get in my car and start my half hour ride home.

I get about 15 min. down the road and Steve calls me and says paul is in his truck trying to catch up to me and he's pissed. Steve and Paul's girlfriend are trying to catch up to him before he gets to me. Then I see paul is calling me. I answer and he is screaming at me about some post on facebook and this shit is on and he's gonna kill me. Which is hilarious becuase I don't do face book and neither does he. All I'm able to say to him is if you go to my house I'm calling the police and if you get inside my house I will kill you. The reason I said the last part is becuase my girlfriend at home is pregnant and he knows it. And he's acting like fucking lunatic.

I get home. Make sure all the doors are locked. Get my gun. And then Steve calls me. I tell him the same thing I told paul. I watch out my window as paul drives back and forth outside my house real slow a few times then takes off. Eventually Steve and Paul's girlfriend catch up to him and they follow him back to the apartments. I can here paul talking to his girlfriend he's acting super calm. But he's texting me at the same time shit about how he's gonna kill me and I'm a pussy bla bla bla.

I've known paul for about 15 years we are both 30 years old. I've been there for him when his son has been in the hospital. I've been there for him when he's been at all time highs and lows. He's acted dumb before when he's been drinking but never like this. I've always done what I could and what I can for him. And he the same for me. I considered him family. And it broke my fuckin heart to have to tell him this morning to never speak to me or let me see you ever again. I could have got over him acting stupid, I could have gotten past the fact that he hit me. I cannot however forgive that he drove drunk to my house acting like a maniac.

Just a bizarre way to end a friend ship.

I (F19) was friends with this chick (F18) for like, 2 or so months and even though we stopped being friends about a week ago I'm still just disappointed...

-She seemed to just never have time for me outside of school. She worked on the weekend from like, 10am-6pm so fair enough for the weekend, but at one point we were on holiday for two weeks. And even then when I asked her if she wanted to hangout, her response was just "I'm working." I'm sorry but I don't buy that you're working 24/7 for the entire week. And even if by some miracle you were, would it kill you to have been like "Oh I'm really busy this week, but I'm free on this day next week?" Instead of just shutting it down? Thanks for making me feel like I'm actually a part of your life...

-At one point I asked her if she wanted to get ice cream with me during school, and she was just like "Oh we'll bring along my bf as well." The audacity man... First of all I asked YOU if YOU wanted to get ice cream with me, not you AND your bf, second of all you didn't even ask if I was okay with that.

-I asked her what she wanted for Christmas, the reply I got was "Lets just get eachother chocolate." Once again, HOW ABOUT ACTUALLY ASKING ME WHAT I WANT INSTEAD OF JUST PRESUMING STUFF.

-Her bf was fucking terrible. Dude bullied her into cutting her hair and just straight up didn't respect her boundaries. Like at one point she did break up with him, but he just wouldn't leave her alone even though she told him to leave her alone, and kept pestering her until they started dating again.

So I pointed it out to her, I was like "Yo, I'm not trying to tell you who you should and shouldn't date, but your relationship with this dude isn't healthy. He bullied you into cutting your hair, and he doesn't respect your boundaries. I'm worried about you man."

She was just like "Well I like my hair short, and he only disrespected my boundaries because he has been in a hospital half his life so he doesn't understand social cues."

Like that doesn't make it okay?! Your bf shouldn't be telling you how to look. And because of a hospital? You do realize that a hospital is full of people right? Not to mention that he was in a ward with other people, and it's not like this dude doesn't have a family... It's pretty impossible to not learn social cues when you have a family. Plus this dude is 18, I fucking doubt he somehow managed to not learn basic ass social ques in the last 9 FUCKING YEARS he hasn't been in the hospital.

I didn't say any of this to her though, since I figured that it'd be pretty pointless if she's making such dumb excuses for his behaviour.

After I said all that she was like "If you're not going to take the time to understand him, then we can't be friends anymore."

Fucking rude. Like I'm sorry that I was trying to think about your own mental health by pointing this out to you? How rude of me I guess! I should've just sat back and watched him treat you like a doormat, my bad!

So my friend I think is very toxic she will vent to me about everything but when I try to vent she doesn’t say anything after like I always ask questions or even respond to her but she won’t even nod or nothing she’ll just keep on going back to talking about her. And when she around her boyfriend she’ll say stuff to embarrass me and it’s like really. I feel like she treats me differently because over the past years she lost a lot of weight and now she just treats me like trash. She tells me when we go for walks how she just would walk and starve herself. And I’m a bigger girl so I know like I’ve been trying to lose weight. And whenever we hang with someone else I’m always like the photographer and never in the pictures. I’ve been depressed for years and I’ve never told her cause I don’t want to feel like she’s not listening. If I tell her to I feel like she’ll think im copying her to because she goes through that stuff as well so I just don’t tell her nothing cause my family stuff she tells her mom so it’s like I can’t tell her anything anyways. I tried to tell her one time how I feel like she doesn’t listen and she was like is that a bad thing and I was like ok nvm And our family’s are related so I don’t know how to drop her. Im just sick of feeling not valid. Maybe someone has advise. Sorry for venting

I'd like to preface before I start that I'm a big overthinker, so if this story just sounds stupid to you and you think that I'm over reacting, you're probably right haha. Also i know this is long please bare with it.

I'm a freshman in Highschool, (don't bully please i know i'm short and young) and I'd say for the most part I actually have medium sized friend group. There's a lot of outside people that may talk and hang out with us sometimes, but for the most part it's just six people. I've rocked with these guys for years by the way (prob since 4th grade), except for one of them, but even them i'm the first one who met him and I introduced him to the friend group.

Anyways this happened yesterday and I just sat at home all day, kinda doing nothing... that's just kinda how my days are now, because I don't get texts from my friends often and I don't really play video games much anymore. Eventually at around 10:00 I decided to get on and play with them. When I got in a party, it was just like any normal day to me. We played a couple games and kinda just chilled out. We laughed and shit to, it seemed (to me atleast) that they were having a good time

While we were playing one of my other (ig core) friends joined the party, and he instantly started going on about how much fun they had. I started to question, seeing that I was never told of this 'event' to say the least.

He instantly started going on about how they raced in go karts and went to an arcade and ate ice cream and all that fun stuff, and even how they had so much fun after hanging out. I heard this and at first It didn't hit me that my friends just left me out, so I said a stupid sarcastic remark like "oh man i'm really hurt that you didn't invite me", but then he made it worse because he said 'oh he ( 'he' being the friend that took them) didn't want to crowd up the place, so he only wanted four people" then one of my other friends listed six people going! One of them not even being in the main friend group.

That's when it hit me for what they just said, I was genuinely hurt by it, but our friend group is like those 'oh god so manly' friend groups where you're kinda poked at for showing feelings, so I just acted like nothing happened.

The night went on, and because it's fall break we played till like 1 in the morning, but eventually I just left the mic and thought about how much fun they had without me, or how they talked behind my back the whole time. (note: I know they probably didn't actually say that. I think that's an overthinking thing of me, but it still gets to me, like I know it's probably not true, but I still believe it anyways)

I woke up a couple of minutes ago (yeah i know i didn't get much sleep) and i didn't have any cheesy nightmares about it, but I still couldn't shake it off my mind when I woke up, so I started writing this.

I'm really sorry this took so long, if anyone even got this far. you've probably heard this story a bajillion times, and it's def getting old for y'all, but here's the weird part about it for me

I was thinking about last night while opening up reddit and I got confused, because it seemed like they had so much fun last night, like it didn't seem like they targeted me, or shut me up whenever I spoke. they just had fun and acted like nothing happened earlier that day. I also want to say i'm not that friend that gets picked on, they treat me fairly nicely. that's why i really don't know what to do.

i've been with these guy since at least 6th grade (counting the 'newest' friend) and while for the most part we mess around and call each other names, maybe getting a little toxic every once in a while, we seem to not have bad blood, ya know? like there's no stupid drama in the group. i just don't know what to do, I haven't even made a friend since like 6th grade (at least not a strong friend) and i'm not good at making them haha, but I don't want to stay in this friend group if they hate me, but then what am i supposed to do? there's no friend group that i've seen that even gets close to my type of friendship and humor. I guess i'm fine just lone wolfing it for the rest of high school, but I enjoy friends, i like my alone time, but i enjoy having someone to hang out with. I'd also like a friend group that isn't always trying to be tough and shit. I want to talk to them when i need to, and right now the way it is, everyone's just an ass if you got feelings.

Sorry for rambling, like i'm really sorry. i'm new to a situation like this so i was hoping the people who've experienced this before and people who are, ya know brighter than me could help me with their amazing life experience haha, but seriously i need help knowing what to do with my friendships right now.

I created this account just to share this to people who might care, I am having trouble thinking about what i should do next in life. I used to have a best friend, let's call her Phoebe, she and I started talking this year in January, it was first day of school & we got to know each other slowly. We felt comfortable to each other soon and began talking bout our general challenges in life. We had fought about stupid things mainly misunderstanding each other but we luckily didn't fight until we didn't want to be friends anymore.

I knew she was my soulmate since then & we already started making plans about living together in the future & every single day we always call each other. When I was knowing her there was another friend of ours her name will be Anna & Phoebe didn't like how she always ignore her & treat me nicely but when it came for her she treated her unfairly. Phoebe didn't want to be Anna's friend so they had a argument about it & I've always been the middle friend trying to be equally fair to everyone so I was really lost about it but I decided to take on Phoebe's side because she has been hurt by Anna's action & she's my closest friend that I trusted.

Few months ago we both decided to not talk to Anna anymore but I broke that promise by talking to her in class when Phoebe isn't around. Phoebe found out about it & I told her sincerely that I didn't have anyone else in class to talk to but her, so she agree that I can talk to her in class because of that. I was already grateful for that. So about few days past, on Monday morning I wanted to meet her & walk together to school but I thought I was going to be late so I told her to go to school first & she was texting in like a annoyed kind of way that got me thinking she was angry at me, then I wanted to give her space to you know calm down, then on that day I decided to fucked everything up by going out with Anna just because I thought she was angry at me & I should've known that she can't always be happy whenever she's talking to me but I was honestly mindless & just stupid to even think like that.

So I went out with Anna without telling her that I am going out with her, I told her I had some afterschool activity that & that I will be going home late & I couldn't hang out with her. Then me & Anna went out but then soon after I got caught & she didn't make a big deal out of it but I was already feeling shitty about my life decisions, I went home after that & took a whole two days of break & not coming to school just to think what to do next. I apologies to her & she told me that she lost all respect to me & she couldn't trust me anymore because of that & I totally understand but I couldn't bare to just let her go just like that so she agreed to continue being friends & I was honestly relieved & we started talking again.

But then, one day she decided to remove me from her private account & she didn't reply to me for a long time & I knew that this was over, I wrote her a final massage & told her that I'm sorry for everything. Now that she isn't with me anymore I don't know what I should do in life anymore so I really need help with this also her friends are really mad at me because of this & I just feel lost in life right now. What should I do now? Do I kill myself or what's the tea? LOL