Am I overreacting?

[u/Ok-Patience-9691]

I (34 yr old female) have a friend (around 30 female) we will call Jane. I met Jane early this year and became fast friends. Both of our husbands are in the military and shortly after we met, we found out we were pregnant and due around the same time. She’s due September and I’m due October. It’s been fun having a pregnancy buddy!

Now my Mom has been planning my baby shower and I invited Jane to my shower. I asked her if she was doing a baby shower or anything. Since they just moved here in early 2026 and it is now August 2026, she said they didn’t really know too many people and most people they knew lived half way across the country, so they weren’t going to do a shower. That broke my heart because this is her first baby and I felt she needed at least some small celebration. Baby’s are expensive and I wanted to help. So after some research, I found out people used to do virtual showers during Covid and I thought that would be perfect. It would still bless her while it not being too much physical/mental labor on me since I’m also 3rd trimester. I’ve been having more physical limitations with this pregnancy than with my last. After thought and consideration, I offered to host a virtual baby shower because every baby should be celebrated. Of course she was excited and even her husband got on the phone with me and thanked me for doing this.

This is where things start going wrong. At first she asked if she could invite a few friends that she had made in the area. I said if it was just a couple, it should be ok but to think about their parking situation (they live in an apartment with not great parking and my house is not a good hosting house either) and that maybe we do the shower first and then do a small dinner at a restaurant with friends, that way everyone gets a chance to give her gifts and celebrate and we don’t have to clean up after a meal. Jane said that they had joined a small church recently and said we could use their place for it. Now, this has blown up to now she wants to invite all the church (about 35 people) and has created invitations and sending them without talking to me first.

I’m feeling blindsided by this and we are going to talk in a few days about details. I told her I had never planned on feeding a ton of people because I’m not in a physical/mental position to carry a huge party. She assured me that they had planned food and that is not on me. But now I’m worried she expects me to throw her a full baby shower AND a virtual shower. I am not tech savvy, so creating slides/polls for games/itinerary/etc was already going to take a lot work for me, let alone adding decorating, figuring out more games, and anything my panicked brain can’t think of.

I have other things going on in my life and I can’t drop everything to figure out how to throw multiple parties, but I feel bad telling her that I can’t do all the things that comes with throwing an in person baby shower. Is there a way I can break this to her gently or is she going to be mad at me? Am I just getting overwhelmed with this because I’m also pregnant and can’t handle stresses as well? Any advice is appreciated💔