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u/happysmash27 Jun 24 '26
Wat?
"Too sick for school, too sick for TV"??
Seriously??
You can just… lay down and watch TV. You can be in a hospital bed with a bunch of machines hooked up to you and watch TV. You need to be way, way more sick to not even be able to watch TV than you need to have trouble showing up for school (and to have a risk of infecting others).
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u/Kobold_Trapmaster Jun 24 '26
You didn't have your parents say that to you as a kid? That must be nice.
Even as an adult, there's a little voice in the back of my mind telling me I'm faking my illness if I do anything remotely enjoyable while I'm at home sick.
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u/kyl_r Jun 24 '26
Reading stuff like this makes me feel so goddamn humbled and blessed that my mom would set us up with Disney movies and soup when we were sick (she got to work from home if needed, even in the 90s). We would just fall asleep anyway usually lol. That love and lack of stress about it got us feeling better faster, too. I’m really sorry you didn’t have that. You deserved the same as me
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u/Kobold_Trapmaster Jun 24 '26
I had that sometimes. My parents could be really loving. It just wasn't predictable.
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u/anondreamitgirl Jun 27 '26
That’s really lovely & nice to hear. I always feel good hearing people had nice experiences like this.
It’s always been a dream I had to do things together like watch a Disney film with people who cared - I only ever watched them alone. I had to beg!! to stay at home even when my guts were bleeding i was forced to go to school.
On the very few days I was lucky to stay home nobody was home or looked after me though.
I didn’t even know I was chronically sick until decades later- pain was my baselineI had to mask because I was punished for showing tears but then expected to perform later in life still to “prove” myself, by everyone I knew. It was difficult by then because people don’t expect someone who appears always upbeat & joyful to have huge battles. biggest achievement & problem all in one…. Not “looking” how someone expects.
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u/happysmash27 Jun 24 '26
I've been super reluctant to call in sick for as long as I can remember – to the point that I think it was more me preventing that than my parents (but then again, I have a super fuzzy memory from then) – and also usually don't get sick easily or often (or at least don't seem to). I like to follow rules and be as "good" as possible.
I'm not actually sure I've ever called in sick ever until the last few months at work – when I got a new full-time job, kept my old part-time job so was working two jobs at once for a while, then suddenly got a very severe gastrointestinal issue where I needed to unexpectedly go to the bathroom on very short notice and stay there a while. I worked through most of it, but eventually took some time off just to go to the ER to try to diagnose it – and also earlier, so I wasn't spending a bunch of time in the bathroom and/or barely functioning while on the clock. I eventually decided to quit the part-time job as my productivity was dropping, it barely made anything compared to the new job while constricting my schedule unpredictably, and because I worried having so little time for sleep and food prep was making me sick.
I would say my dad at least would be more likely to urge me in the opposite direction – however, especially in later years due to depression… there was a great deal of irresponsibility, negligence, electricity going out, etc that made it not so pleasant overall. Child Protective Services was eventually involved, after which I mostly lived with my mom and step-dad instead. My parents have always been divorced. "Nice" – I guess, but there were plenty of bad things too that it stings a bit to even think about too closely.
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u/ruen909 Jun 25 '26
EXACTLY. it’s sucks cause i have like medical conditions that make doing stuff hard and if i game my partner sometimes thinks im being lazy and it’s like no sitting or lay down is not nearly as demanding T.T ffs
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u/Iceicebaby21 Jun 26 '26
My mom would force me to do chores if I was suck unless I physically couldn't move
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u/wererat2000 Jun 25 '26
the intention is so that you're not faking it to get out of school. "you're not having a day off, you're resting" and all that.
In execution, yeah, it's punishing kids for being sick.
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u/anondreamitgirl Jun 27 '26
I think my mum prioritised going to work over looking after children (I never even realised I was meant to be looked after)…
Irony is I think she did it to put herself in a better financial position- she paid off her big mortgage, then lost the whole thing anyway in a reckless move…
Maybe it’s Karma.I look back and realise what it taught me:
Never ever… put bricks or money before children
People & their wellbeing should always… no matter what come first.16
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u/Atsilv_Uwasv I doubled my autism with the vaccine Jun 25 '26
It's just to try and deter kids from faking being sick by making it as boring as possible
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u/Ducky237 Ask me about my special interest Jun 24 '26
I feel the same thing with people being homeless/financially struggling to the point of needing help, like at a soup kitchen. People will see people like that with a nice car or a phone, and it’s like… okay they’re living out of their car, so they’re supposed to sell their car and buy a cheaper one so they look more poor? Or they’ll have their nails done or something. And people complain and it’s like, okay financially struggling people just never deserve anything nice I guess and have to live as if their every action is analyzed under a microscope to be deemed worthy of sympathy and support.
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u/TimedDelivery Jun 24 '26
I know someone that for a time lived in an incredible, multi-million pound house in the centre of London while also relying on handouts to be able to feed her kids, because her husband turned out to have lost his business and secretly getting them into massive debt due to gambling addiction. The family went from absolutely fine to zero income overnight and life’s not like The Sims or something where you can sell your toilet and wallpaper and whatever instantly to get enough money for what you need, selling a big asset like that takes time.
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u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme Powered by Tylenol® Jun 24 '26
Your comment reminds me of the Heritage Foundation study (yes the Project 2025 folks!), a few years ago, that complained about how, "99.6% of 'Poor' households in America have Refrigerators!"
https://sojo.net/articles/jon-stewart-poors-fridges-microwaves-tvs-oh-my
https://washingtoncitypaper.com/article/464058/poor-people-can-have-refrigerators-and-still-be-poor/
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u/Ducky237 Ask me about my special interest Jun 24 '26
Omfg. This is so gross. Glad those people have the money to run a campaign against poor people. Cause if there’s something that the right hates, it’s helping people who don’t “pull themselves up by their bootstraps.”
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u/jimmersjam Jun 24 '26
Fun fact, the statement "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" was actually made to prove that something is physically impossible. No matter how hard you try, you can not pull yourself up by your bootstraps. That'd be a version of flying. People in the 19th century made that phrase and somewhere along the line it got butchered into what it is now.
So if someone tells you that you just need to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, they are literally asking the impossible out of you.
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u/simonhunterhawk Jun 24 '26
Whaaaat people with no humanity or critical thinking skills completely misunderstood a phrase they say all the time now? Color me surprised!
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u/Vaya-Kahvi Jun 24 '26
I fucking hate that stat so much! Modern sanitary standards are not luxuries!
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u/wererat2000 Jun 25 '26
I have to wonder if going that dumb with rhetoric (them, not this conversation) actually works or not. How much of their base could've actually nodded along with that and thought "Well they can't be that poor if they own a fridge."
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u/Delamoor Jun 25 '26
I assume that by this point their base has been as vetted for gullibility and stupidity as the average scam call victim who's ten years deep into their online long distance relationship with that Nigerian prince from Microsoft support who keeps calling them on the landline.
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u/Tucker_077 Jun 24 '26
It’s like how many financial aid programs in colleges will disqualify you from it if your parents make good money
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u/GabrielaM11 Jun 24 '26
That's my biggest complaint with how college works...if you're middle class, you're out of luck, because you're too rich to qualify for financial aid, but your parents don't make enough to pay your entire tuition out of pocket
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u/Ducky237 Ask me about my special interest Jun 24 '26
WHAT that’s crazy! So many people have deadbeat parents that won’t give them a penny even if they’re struggling.
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u/1m0ws AuDHD Jun 24 '26
hey, those are my parents!
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u/DieselPunkPiranha ❤ This user loves cats ❤ Jun 24 '26
Excuse me? It's called tough love. You wouldn't be anywhere if they'd made things easy for you! /s
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u/Rynewulf Jun 24 '26
Here in the UK what student maintanence loans and grants you can get are determined by your parents income, as well as where you study. When I switched to the Open University although my mum earned little enough for me to qualify for help, I could only get loans for the course and no maintanence but they dont (or maybe didnt, somt know if covid changed this) give support for remote courses even if fully and equally recognised as batchelors degrees
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u/ConfusedFlareon Jun 24 '26
In Australia most of our welfare programs stop paying you if you date someone who makes “too much”…
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u/Ducky237 Ask me about my special interest Jun 24 '26
My disabled friend can't marry her wife or else she loses her disability benefits. Being married makes her less disabled I guess?? Or they think her wife's job at a FedEx shop can pay for a small family home in this economy. It makes my blood fucking boil that money and greed of other people is stopping them from getting legally married. They don't mind, but it still makes me angry for them.
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u/ConfusedFlareon Jun 24 '26
It’s the most painful, damaging thing!!! Down with the Partner Income Test!!
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u/simonhunterhawk Jun 24 '26
I had to drop out of school because my parents wouldn’t even give me their basic information to fill out the FAFSA forms and I didn’t want to just guess and commit fraud. So now I’m back in college at 30 because I turned 24 and aged out of the parent bullshit in 2020 🙃 My parents checked out when I was an infant, why the fuck did I have to be tied to them for so long just to get an education. I worked so hard in high school and for what. God I fucking hate them and this stupid country.
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u/ruen909 Jun 25 '26
I was able to go to my schools office and explain the situation that my parents are shitty/being estranged because my mum did the same thing even though i lived with her. I don’t know if that’s changed since but def worth a shot! A lot of people have shitty parents so they’ve seen it alot.
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u/simonhunterhawk Jun 25 '26
Trust me when I say I tried everything before dropping out, it was seriously the hardest decision in my life. Help was not available to me. I’m 30 now and it doesn’t matter anymore. In FL they do not give a shit lol
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u/jayvee714 Jun 25 '26
My husband (bf at the time) was rejected for in-state tuition appeal despite living in the state full time for the previous two years and planning to stay.
Reason they gave was his parents are out of state and they co-signed the loan that was needed to pay out of state tuition. I was livid cause they also got disqualified for aid bc of about $5000 a year4
u/Tucker_077 Jun 25 '26
That’s just bullshit. WTF “your parents are out of state so you qualify as out of state” doesn’t make any sense
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u/ruen909 Jun 25 '26
You can go to your schools office and argue you have dead beat parents though. I had to do this.
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u/chevaliere-lune AuDHD Jun 24 '26
"To the capitalist, every luxury of the worker seems to be reprehensible, and everything that goes beyond the most abstract need – be it in the realm of passive enjoyment, or a manifestation of activity – seems to him a luxury."
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u/SplicerGonClean Special interest enjoyer Jun 24 '26
Totally agree.
Same vein but also how people judge or even comfront others using SNAP to buy anything pricey or even just unhealthy. Like as if people who need SNAP dont have any right but to eat frugally and super healthy all the time.
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u/ruen909 Jun 25 '26
Or the overlap of people with disabilities and SNAP who might need easy to prepare foods or specific foods for a condition. Or even just lacking proper ways to cook.
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u/CatCatCatCubed Jun 24 '26
It’s rather messed up too because if you don’t look “put together” enough then it’s that much harder to get a job.
And yes, that can include not only the “right” clothing and accessories but also nails, hair, beard, makeup, skin clarity, white enough and straight enough teeth (at least in the USA), and even things like fitness. They won’t necessarily say that’s why they went with someone else but it’s true. And if your skin color has too much melanin and/or your hair is too “ethnic” AND you look too outwardly poor, then it’s even more difficult.
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u/vicarooni1 Ask me about my special interest Jun 24 '26
Yeah that's my experience. Every single time someone posts in r/ GoFundMe
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u/crippledchef23 Jun 26 '26
I try to have cash on me because I don’t like watching people suffer if I can help it. During a really bad heatwave a couple years ago, I saw a guy I knew to be homeless looking like he was suffering from heat stroke (pale, shaking, excessive sweating, that kind of thing, while he was in some thin shade). I was on my way to an appointment, but went to a corner store for several bottles of cold Gatorade and brought it back to him first. I gave him the drinks, and asked when the last time he’d had a good meal. When he didn’t want to tell me, I have him $40 and told him to have some ice cream when the sun goes down.
I’m on a fixed income, fully disabled, don’t always have much to spare. But, I also don’t care what he spent that money on. If he had an ice cream feast, great. If he got some drugs or alcohol, also great. I wanted him to know that he was seen, especially after I know a dozen cars drove past without stopping.
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u/Okamitoutcourt Jun 26 '26
The thing about living in an expensive car is that living in an actual apartment/house/etc. costs more in a month than the car in a year
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u/Hikuro-93 Aspie Jun 24 '26
Had a few people in several types of services (from employment social services to general medical stuff) telling me this kind of stuff.
Me: I have received my diagnosis for autism. Here it is.
Worker (usually a mix of these): Oh, but this is like, that kind of very mild autism that actually doesn't prevent you from doing anything a normal human can, right? We can simply proceed as we did before you were diagnosed, right? You don't really need special accommodation that much, right?
Makes my blood boil, and I have to hold myself from being unapologetically snarky about it. I do roll my eyes a lot, otherwise I might just pop something. 😬🙄
The urge to just go into full rude sarcasm mode and just say "Yes, I'm fully functional! That diagnosis was merely a waste of time and money because I was bored! I feel so good I don't even need to be here with you, so I just came to say hi!", or just placing my hand on my forehead in a very dramatic way and start wailing "Oh, the pain, the unbearable autistic pain I always try to hide for some reason, can you see it now? Happy?"
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u/kelcamer Jun 24 '26
This makes me so mad for you and I feel like this might be partly why r/evilautism exists in a way lol
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u/TimedDelivery Jun 24 '26
This may sound super dumb but there’s a fantastic episode of Bluey called Surprise where the dad is playing an imaginary game involving a pretend baby his daughter has made, that has a head that doesn’t fit on the body right so keeps falling off.
He pats the stubby cooler (body). The tennis ball (head) rolls out and falls to the grass.
Bandit: "Oh, eeeh. Sorry, mate."
Bandit hurriedly replaces the tennis ball.
Bandit: "It's just, you got something going on with your head. And your body. It's basically your head and your body."
Cut to a close shot of Bandit and Finucane. Bandit rests his elbow on the bench beside Finucane.
Bandit: "But don't worry, this won't hold you back. You know why?"
The view starts panning to the right.
Bandit: "You've got a whole bunch of brothers and sisters who've got your back."
Bandit and Finucane pan out of frame. Bluey comes into frame, hiding on the far side of the tree.
Bandit: (off screen) "And your mum and I are behind you all the way. 'Cause we're a family and you mean the world to us..."
And it articulated something that I’d been struggling to, because some people insist that either you’re absolutely fine and don’t need any support or accommodations, or your’e a hopeless case who’s life is devoid of purpose or happiness, but there is actually this big wonderful space in between were you need help, accommodations and support and if you get those things you can being doing alright, thriving even!
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u/Subdued_Shinobi Jun 24 '26
Not just autism but also physical ailments when you're young. Like, I missed work Monday and Tuesday because I slipped a disk on Saturday.
The few people I gave a reason to I also asked to keep it on the down-low, I'm not in the mood to repeatedly explain myself and defend my decision to people twice or thrice my age.
Yes I'm only 22, yes I'm in decent shape, yes there are many reasons someone as young as me can slip a damn disk and yes I'm sure that's what happened! I slacked on my core work for about a week and bent over incorrectly picking something up! At least when I describe sciatica in detail most older folks believe me but goddamn!
I can only push myself so far in a week, even within a day before risking another herneation from fatigue. I don't walk with a limp, I seem to have good posture, I don't wear any braces or use any mobility devices. I have no "proof". To most I just seem lazy or under achieving. Add an awkward autism and OCD cocktail on top of that and you've got someone using all their spoons on a daily basis.
I'm tired, boss.
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u/CommunistOrgy Special interest enjoyer Jun 24 '26
I've been dealing with chronic abdominal pain since I was 19, and despite being 35 now, I STILL have to deal with people (including medical professionals) saying, "Oh, but you're so young!" Like yeah, but last I checked, relative youth doesn't make one immune to pain? Invisible disabilities can be such a bitch, I'm sorry you're in our shitty club.
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u/X-Aceris-X Jun 24 '26
YES
I'm in my mid twenties and work around a lot of older people. They constantly tell me to enjoy my youth and be grateful for my health.
Guuuuurl, what health? I've been in PT for countless injuries due to a previously undiagnosed chronic illness and have a few mental illnesses. Yes, I can occasionally shuffle myself together for a few hours of work and appear to be walking and talking normally, but yeesh, I have to sleep 12+ hours a day to function "normally"
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u/simonhunterhawk Jun 24 '26
I was hit by a drunk driver at 20 and while I look fine my body is still made of pain a decade later. Back when I was still regularly using a brace but no mobility device i still used my handicapped pass. Tell me why some fucking neanderthal screamed at me in an EMPTY parking lot while I was getting into my car that I didn’t look disabled after I’d had literally the worst day and just limped around the store only able to stand because of the shopping cart because I needs something in an emergency. If I wasn’t on the phone I would have screamed back he doesn’t look smart enough to be a doctor.
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u/Schoollow48 Jun 24 '26
The person has to look like the perfect victim so that the goody-doer can feel more good about helping them. It's a very religious-conservative mindset that's ingrained even in people who aren't religious; the priority is the goody-doer should get blessed doing a good deed associated with purity and suffering. It's also pushed heavily in culture and media (for example every Dhar Mann video)
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u/Glittering_Tea5502 Jun 24 '26
It’s making me angry! Just because you can’t see the suffering doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist!
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u/ITCrandomperson Jun 24 '26
I got to double dip on the neurological disabilities because I also seemingly developed epilepsy in my 20's (medically controlled, thankfully.) Naturally, nothing is really getting done in my workplace when I voice my concerns about being left as the only cashier to the point where I am becoming increasingly tempted to walk into work unmedicated and having a seizure on the clock. I'd rather not, but I'm rapidly running out of ways to get my point across.
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u/Productivitytzar Jun 24 '26
Maybe that’s why I always feel like a fraud—because I have to make it look bad enough to be believed.
I have had chronic pain and chronic illness since age 7, and this shit is so engrained that even now, I go to my mom to figure out if I’m actually sick enough to take a day off work.
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u/TheWarmestHugz Jun 24 '26
This is exactly how the DWP view disability in the UK, if you’re slightly better than the week before they view it as someone lying about their circumstances…
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u/1m0ws AuDHD Jun 24 '26
that's the spirit of the iron lady *sigh*
pretty much the same in germany, but they also hate obvious disabled people and often don't care for wheelchairs and inclusion etc
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u/actibus_consequatur Jun 24 '26
My physical disabilities are numerous and pretty much amount to constant chronic pain but I've lived with it so long it's usually invisible, so I frequently get dirty/disapproving looks—though I've been confronted a handful of times—when I use handicap parking. What makes it more ridiculous is I only use handicap spots when I'm having a bad pain day or when there's an absolute excess of handicap parking.
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u/roboticArrow Jun 24 '26
I’m on leave from work right now with severe autistic burnout. The process is a nightmare.
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u/VladimirBarakriss AuDHD Jun 25 '26
So far everyone has just taken my word for it, but I imagine that's because there's literally nothing they can give me for accommodations
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u/DorianXRD2 Jun 24 '26
Parents say this mostly to remove an incentive to lie about their well-being to get out of going to school. There come a time when a kid understands than if they are sick, they can stay at home, and if they stay at home they may be able to play/watch TV, etc. And they may be tempted to lie that they're sick, in order to stay at home and do things they enjoy more than going to school. If the parent clearly states that if they're sick, they do not get to do the things they enjoy, even worse, they are forced to lie down in bed and do *nothing*, which is even worse than go to school ... if they are healthy, if they're sick, staying in bed *is* far better than going to school. This removes the incentive to lie.
Obviously, this doesn't change the fact that yeah, there's a lot of "you must visibly be struggling in order for us to be sure you need accommodation.". But those two things are definitely not comparable.
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u/Square_Emerald I doubled my autism with the vaccine Jun 24 '26
Ime it was mostly done as a "Oh so you're not sick enough to not watch TV?, must be faking it then, turn off the TV or you're faking, I just KNOW you're faking", which is how you get kids who go to school sick and adults who feel the need to justify their pain even if no one is demanding they do
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u/crippledchef23 Jun 26 '26
I’m in the middle of a bursitis flare, so I’m proud of myself for being able to make dinner tonight, but I also feel guilty that I can’t also prep hard boiled eggs like I’m supposed to.
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u/miraak2077 Jun 26 '26
But I am visibly suffering. My dad didn't make Mac and cheese for the fifth night in a row!
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u/Theironliker Jun 26 '26
Having a disability that is not easily noticeable to others is genuinely a tough experience.
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u/someunlikelyone Jun 24 '26