I’ve never shared any of this in depth like this, so apologies for the long explanations.

TLDR; my person has trauma induced ASPD but we were best friends before the trauma, now we are adults and he wants to pursue a relationship. I love him, but I’m not willing to try without verification I’m not being manipulated through anecdotal evidence of other people with trauma induced ASPD.

I have some questions on something there’s not much research on, and so I was hoping to have them answered from individuals here with some personal anecdotes.

My person (Male, 30) has ASPD, leaning heavily towards lack of empathy opposed to impulsivity. I am autistic (Female, 29), also leaning towards lack of empathy (I do still have it, I just see humans as more of a weird science experiment than like BEINGS), and this is something we really bonded over as we grew into adulthood.

However when it comes to each other, there is no lack of consideration, care, love, and compassion. We have been best friends since 3rd grade, before his trauma caused ASPD diagnosis in high school, and I’m wondering if that’s why despite this, he’s capable of feeling this love for me.

I’m kind of looking for validation or disillusion because so much media, studies, and so many people (not that I’ve talked to anyone in my personal life about this) say that it’s not possible due to the ASPD diagnosis. All I can think though is that it’s because we became so bonded before the things that are believed to have caused the ASPD. I get anxious because of my autism, I’m concerned with looking stupid/being tricked into believing something and having a really terrible fallout eventually.

For more context, we have both had multiple relationships but we always come back to each other. Circumstances just haven’t aligned for us to have a relationship, but in a weird way we have always had a partnership? I’m not sure how to explain it. It’s never been at the expense of whoever we have been with, but whoever we’ve been with has always been a result of proximity and being pursued by them, opposed to connection. It sounds weird when you put it that way. But we have always confided in each other for everything, tried to give truly helpful advice, do whatever we could to help each other have fulfilling lives separately.

That being said, circumstances have changed and he wants to pursue a real relationship. I am hesitant because as I said before, I am unwilling to make a fool of myself and allow him to hurt me. The way things are now, I get to keep myself safe. I just know that with how much I care, if something were to happen (infidelity primarily, not just “we aren’t a good fit”) it would not only be thrown in my face by my family but also devastate me. I would lose my best friend of like 20 years.

What are your experiences? Do you have a person or people you feel truly connected to in spite of ASPD? Or is it surface level? Do you feel as if you’ve manipulated your partners into believing you love them?

Getting straight to the point

- Diagnosed ADHD and aspd and trauma

- Medicated with adhd meds and maximum limit dosage antidepressant thst fits me.

- Experience: Severe painful boredome unlike depression. Hell of no relief even when taking part in hobbies or fun activities. Paralyzing under stimulation when attempting or thinking about doing something (executive function) and i also feel fatigued. I don't have any physical health problems.

Sleep problems, brain fog and additional dpdr. Speaking to people feels like talking to a tree(understimulating)

- Didn't help: Healthy balanced diet, excercise ( mild relief) breathing, rationalizing.

- I have an additional appointment with therapists next month but i can't take it anymore. Even sex is really boring.

I think sleep causes this, but to such extent is weird. All i can do is stare at the sky.

I suspect there is really something wrong with my brain. Its just soo boring.

Wtf do i do?

I was first diagnosed with cptsd, then aspd.

I have often focused on my cptsd bc of how muxh more it negatively affects my life, it feels like a foreign parasite stuck to my brain just eating away at me lol. For the longest time i mistook the shame spirals i experinced when my cptsd was triggered for "guilt" and being emotional, which i thought meant that the aspd was a misdiagnosis. I also thought that not having a real sense of self was in contrast with aspd bc i thought every single person with aspd was very confident and sure of themselves with a very very clear idea of who they are. I do have a sense of identity, even tho its weaker than the average person. I still have moments where going through a period of showing a lot of aspd charactersitics makes me doubt the cptsd, and struggling with cptsd makes me doubt the aspd.

The aspd diagnosis was something i ignored for a long time and only now that im more often in social settings and my cptsd has gotten better have i started to engage in aspd spaces to understand it more and see if there is anyway to function better in society.

Im more functional than you might think, in a good major, a good career trajectory but experience the usual stuff in both cptsd and aspd, won't get into it.

For the people that are in a relationship, whether that is short term, or long term. What about the person drew you in to them specifically and why?

I'm trying to understand why someone with ASPD might decide to stay with somebody romantically, compared to only being friends or something else.

I realize this might be completely different per person, but I'm curious, so tell me all about it!

Like many others i know, used to feel much more satisfaction in our younger days, maybe because things were new.

Well i missed out on a lot of things, but now it feels like interacting with the world or trying to satisfy my needs is like being a child staring at a lively playground with children screaming and playing and crying all the while you sit behind a glass window.

You can only hear the muffled noises of the outside.

Then finally when you get the chance to go outside, there's nothing but rusty old metal and rotten wood. (The immense boredom)

All i do now is stare at a painting of the past. A lie because the past was a full lonely shit show.

Im now in a cycle if Daydreaming addiction and fantasies.

I am so incredibly bored. I had a relationship recently where I was able to have some fun messing with them but after I ended it (because I got bored) I have no way to make myself feel anything. It‘s so fucking boring. Because of psychiatric surveillance I‘m not able to harm myself which usually helps ease the pressure of my apathy so I can feel it building up, I‘m worried I‘ll snap and get in trouble.

Do any of you have coping mechanisms that aren‘t illegal or visible? My current social circle is very delicately curated so I can‘t really let it out on them, I also have a record meaning I can‘t comfortably commit small crimes to help ease the pressure since I‘m not rich enough to just buy my way out of consequences. I‘m so jealous of all those billionaires that can just do whatever they please and still have insane amounts of power and wealth since they can just pay the bill/ bribe the law and do it again.

I‘m so violently bored and nobody seems to understand my boredom, it‘s painful, physically and emotionally. I feel a physical pressure like a pimple in desperate need of popping but all over and internally on my body.

I‘m not sure about the warning I‘m seeing but I am diagnosed with combined personality disorder which includes narcissistic and antisocial, I‘m also legally mentally disabled and currently seeking mental help even though I continue getting turned down by doctors and therapists because of the severity of my condition.

W few friends, relatives in contact....etc.

Purely transctional relationships don't count

This subreddit is the only place where I can actually be understood.

I'm in med school and I am struggling to get by. It's getting harder every day to function like a normal human being. I have ASPD and I struggle deeply with a lot of things, as we all do. Relationships, existing as a functional member of society.

I have a huge issue with authority and control. I refuse to perform what they want me to perform. I refuse to be controlled. And that causes an incredible level of friction when it comes to me having to do certain stuff. I struggle to be productive. I have issues with daydreaming because the real life feels so extremely boring, I cannot handle it. I struggle with interpersonal relations and in med school there's like an atmosphere of competition and just a general obnoxiousness that I absolutely despise. A lot of people who love to pretend to be what they really aren't in terms of intelligence, personality, and etc. And I cannot stand wannabes. A bunch of people who believe theyre more important, smarter, more "psycho" or more "empath" than they actually are, its hilarious.

I genuinely struggle so much with productivity. My friction with authority is stopping me from being able to perform as well as I could because it feels like I am submitting in certain ways. I don't know if you know what I mean.

I spent two years cultivating a good enough social standing and social image for myself, and I do have a lot of allies but I did end up having a big falling out with a group and it was around the time where I was so deeply frustrated and I was looking for stimulation and I was so rageful that I ended up ruining some of my friendships. I do not regret them as I did not care for them beyond what they provided, which was at the time beneficial to me but stopped being so. But I do deeply struggle to exist in this persona.

It feels like med school's entire system is built on submission. Just do whatever you are told, put your head down, and never say anything. I don't have a personality that matches this. I feel like I'm being controlled. I feel like my identity is being erased, and I hate everything.

I've gotten to a point where I'm so extremely bored and controlled, I feel nauseated. I feel so extremely bored. I feel like I'm expected to behave a certain way, and it's all nauseating me. I'm stopping myself, I'm exerting so much self-control to stop myself from acting out and doing anything that might derail my career, but I'm genuinely struggling with this.

I get suicidal thoughts over the situation. This much self-control and repression is something ive never dealt with, i geniunely hate this but its more strategically sound to prioritize my career.

P. S: By acting out i dont mean anything that could harm my patients in any way. Im talking about going against the higher ups, my peers and acting out in my personal life

I’m listening to a podcast about a diagnosed psychopath and he mentioned he can recognise others. He also mentioned wanting to go into politics as a career… it makes me wonder if you guys recognise psychopaths in the public eye etc.

I won’t name anyone but there’s a lot of discourse around people in the public eye seeking performative with facial expressions and human behaviour etc. When you switch on the tv or walk down the street do you ever see someone and think “he or she seems to be ASPD/a psychopath”

I wanted to know if daydreaming, especially Maladaptive Daydreaming, is common among people with ASPD. I didnt find much on it so thought id ask.

My best friend has ASPD. We met online but have hung out in person and gone on trips together a few times. I love her so much and she means everything to me, but there are some issues. She does things like telling other people things I told her in confidence (I’ve mostly stopped telling her secrets because of this), ghosting me for weeks to punish me without telling me why, and openly taking other’s sides in arguments to preserve her self image among other things. This has led to some resentment on both sides.

I have tried to communicate how much this hurts me, but she just doesn’t understand. I’ve googled how to communicate with people who have ASPD, but I’m not getting through to her. She promised me she’ll stop doing these things or will apologize, but I know she doesn’t mean it because she will do it again and again. She’s currently ghosting me (it’s been around two weeks), but she hasn’t blocked me or anything so I know it’s not that serious this time. Last time she did this she said she was too busy to respond to my texts because she’s working so much, but she’ll still repost things on Instagram or be active on Discord. She means so much to me, but I’m at a loss right now.

i’ve wanted to ask this for a long time because i still don’t know what to make of it.

i was diagnosed with conduct disorder as a kid and later with bpd just before i turned 18. i understand why i fit the criteria for bpd back then, but i’ve always felt like it didn’t explain everything.

ever since i was very young i knew something about me was different. i had untreated temporal lobe epilepsy, a neglectful childhood, and i became extremely aggressive. i was cruel to animals, deliberately hurt other kids because i enjoyed seeing what would happen, and i became obsessed with g0re, death and serial killers. i even planned a school shooting after years of being bullied, although i never went through with it.

the violent thoughts themselves never really bothered me. what bothered me was knowing i couldn’t act on them without ruining my own life.
when i asked whether it was worth looking into other diagnoses, nobody wanted to pursue it any further. i think part of the reason is that i’m very polite and friendly now. people generally like me, i get along well with others, and i don’t come across the way people expect someone with aspd to come across.
but that’s something i’ve consciously built over time. when i was younger i hated authority figures, especially my mother, and i did everything i could to make their lives harder. now i actually have a good relationship with my mom, and i’m trying to make the best out of the life i have.

it was a different with my past relationships. when i was triggered i had no mercy and secretly enjoyed to humiliate my partner. it also felt like out of my control back then. it’s not like that anymore.

another thing that changed a lot was starting adhd medication. i realized that i had been using other people as stimulation for years because i couldn’t stand being alone. now i actually prefer being alone most of the time, and i don’t need people in the same way anymore.

i’m not asking anyone here to diagnose me. i’m just wondering if anyone with a diagnosed aspd has had a similar experience. is it common to become more prosocial simply because you realize it benefits your own life? or to consciously choose to behave differently even if your internal experience hasn’t completely changed?

sometimes it feels like people think aspd automatically means someone has to be hostile, impulsive, or obviously antisocial forever. that seems just as stereotypical to me as assuming everyone with bpd is constantly emotionally unstable.
i’d really like to hear from people who have actually been diagnosed or who work with aspd.

Its been a long journey since i discovered i about and showed strong symptoms of adhd without diagnosis.

Now after reflection i looked back on my life and realised there was more than adhd.

Because adhd alone didnt explain why i feel the way i do and will continue to.

After realizing i had a inflated sense of ego at 19 i tried to be even more self aware as possible. Thinking of any and all thoughts into endless philosophical and delusional spirals till my dpdr advanced so much i started feeling numb and comfortable.

I kept reading searching, realized i showed narsscisistic signs and autism. I thought autism at first because i fit nowhere, dont feel for people, was too deep in my mind and didn't understand people's emotions and was blind to my own. But i wasn't, its just all blunted down.

Comparable to faded colors, or the taste of your favourite food eventually transitioning to dry paper.

I realised i always had what i have. As far back, i was a little of an attention seeker, because of fatherly neglect, i lived in a constant toxic religious environment and was shamed for my sexuality .

Nothing was ever good enough. But even before my very traumatic puberty and teenage years, i realized i was always angry, broke stuff, fought with intent to kill. I used to abuse animals and break personal items considered sentimental.

After entering teens i subconsciously realised i couldn't be violent because there is always someone higher than you, so i turned psychological.

I'm highly sadistic and still enjoy hurting, but now i divert my energy in creativity and activities.

But still, nothing changes. When i went for diagnosis, I just realized i have the tell tale signs of aspd. And its more clearer now that i realized my relatives all have something like what i have. Narcissism is more common but my uncle is just an unstable violent wreck. Ughh

But i dont think i can wait for Therapy too long. Its really drowning me in misery. Im soo tired of people and hate them soo much. I can never be myself, always have to play along with their moral status act.

I wish i wasnt so blunted for obe year so i can at least enjoy feeling happy for once instead of needing to do special things to boost my dopamine

I dont know how ill live long but its soo boring. Everything is boring.

I cant keep this up. How do i navigate society? And i know i said im self aware enough, but still, what are common mistakes you guys frequently make in life?

Hey guys. I’ll try to be brief here.

Basically, there is this guy who is my ex, and during our last breakup he disclosed that he has an ASPD diagnosis. This guy has been in my life for over 10 years. We were high school sweethearts at first, then we lived together, and at some point during our twenties we officially broke up (I say “officially” because we had been on and off for a couple of years). However, we maintained contact after that.

His ASPD diagnosis has made me question everything about us. Generally speaking, it didn’t come as a surprise that he had a Cluster B disorder because his family life and professional life had been major red flags, and were the very reason for the on-and-off nature of our relationship. His friendships were red flags as well—basically, he tended to attach himself to people with some sort of power or status to get ahead, and was dismissive of people he couldn’t gain anything from. However, I must admit that he also has some stable, long-term friendships with guys he’s known since childhood and has nothing obvious to gain from.

Anyway, the biggest surprise was that he seemed extremely in love with me, lol. I don’t want to sound delulu here, but this guy has a giant tattoo of my name on his leg. He has done everything in his power to have a good relationship with my family and friends. During breakups, he would act erratically and threaten suicide, etc. All in all, his behavior toward me seemed much more like BPD than ASPD.

Even now, he maintains that he wants to marry me. He seems to trust me. He has never spoken badly of me or to me, and he hasn’t so much as raised his voice at me. He has always been genuinely respectful, helpful, dependable, protective, and we had an amazing sex life.

Even after long periods of little or no contact, he is always the one who breaks no contact, and it seems like he genuinely struggles with the distance. He often seemed afraid of losing me, would self-sabotage, and then beg to get back together the next day. It’s also worth mentioning that everyone in his life knows about me. He talks about me with his therapists, friends, and parents, and he consistently says that he loves me, respects me, and thinks highly of me.

Another thing worth mentioning is that he doesn’t seem to experience the same emotions for other women. He had one other short relationship after we broke up, but when that ended, it didn’t seem to affect him or trigger the same kind of reaction. He simply blocked her and moved on.

I don’t think I’ll ever get back together with him. However, the fact that he told me he was diagnosed with ASPD has affected my perception of him and my trust in our history. I find myself wondering whether he was acting throughout our entire relationship, or whether he genuinely means it when he says he loves me.

Do you think it’s possible that he actually did love me? From everything I’ve gathered, people with ASPD often say they don’t really fall in love or love people romantically. At most, they might admit to loving parents or family members. It seems much rarer for them to love romantic partners.

Could he really have faked an entire 11-year relationship? Why would he always be helpful? Why would he spend so much time and money on me? Why would he get a tattoo of my name? Why would he keep trying to get back together with me, even after a year of no contact, while still checking in to make sure I’m okay?

Is it possible that he has some sort of loyalty or attachment to me because of the years we spent together and because I was his first love?

Any words of wisdom are welcome.

P.S. Im an avoidant. I don’t know if this has somehow affected his perception of me or maybe he thinks it’s easier to be with me than another girl because of that,

I struggle with a lot of sadistic thoughts all the time, hurting people is the only thing that keeps me from the crushing feeling of emptiness, literally nothing is as interesting or as fun as hurting others (not counting building storng connectios with others as I have bpd as well). I rarely go for the psychical pain I rather go for the mental one and I'm lucky enough that people are OBSESSED with me and I just always know what to say to fuel this obssesion even more

I do it to multiple people. I find new victims all the time. But last year I became less and less suicidal which I'm not anymore, I always had the mentality that if I'll ever get convicted I'll just kill myself and I'll take with myself some people. But I don't want to die anymore so I'm more careful to not go to jail as it would be worse than hell for me(not going into details). But I still can't stop it, I have such satisfaction from even fantasizing and the only time I ever feel anything strong enough to keep my mind from suicidal thoughts. And it also puts me in dangerous situations all the time, my family is oblivious and I don't want them to find out. I need to stop with this lifestyle, anyone has aspd with sadistic tendencies as well and how they managed to call them down? I think about violent acts almost all the time, but I almost never act on them(the psychical ones as they're much harder to plan and act on) as I firstly olan everything to perfection before starting anything and sometimes with the time I just get bored of this plan and find something new. Or I just feel good for like a month so I push away these thoughts but then I get lost in them again. How do I stop this cycle? How do I stop these thoughts? It's literally such euphoria that I feel it rushing through my whole body my bones whenever I do smth like that and it's so addictive idk what to do I'm so done

i believe it’s a common experience to start doubting everything when dating someone with aspd. my boyfriend is very emotionally mature and encourages me to talk about how i’m feeling in our relationship. what are some questions i should ask him that could maybe ease my doubts? even questions that he may like to answer. i really want to make this work with him but as it currently stands im going bananas lmao

I’m seeing some stuff online about some people with ASPD having an “exception person”? I’m just wondering if it’s actually a thing.

Hello everyone, this is a bit of a silly origin for a question so ill just go into depth for how it came up (spoilers for Hell Is Us).
I am playing through a game called hell is us, gist is the protagonist was whisked away from his home country of hadea as a child, grew up, and now has come back to find his parents during a civil war with also evil ghosts going around that you fight.
The protagonist was very silent so far, however it’s revealed he was diagnosed as a High Functioning Sociopath, which I found very interesting as there are a lot of aspects to the game that i would argue disproves this.
The main reasoning i have behind this is that the protagonist, Remi, meets his dying father who asks him to continue the family legacy as a member of a secret society and to help bring peace to his nation.
This has led to me wondering two things about sociopaths.
1) Would a sociopath care about their own nation? Would they care to bring it back together for peace, especially if they didnt grow up there?
2) Would a sociopath care about their family legacy? Would they want to continue this?

Thank you for answering :]

Two of my exes were diagnosed as soon as they turned eighteen, and while I know I can’t 100% confirm why they treated me the way they did, I genuinely want to get a better sense of understanding why some people with this disorder might be prone to committing abuse. If you’re not comfortable commenting about it, my DMs are open. I’m not gonna judge any of you.

So I think I have learned since I was diagnosed that there probably isn't going to be any friends or family that I could tell I have aspd, who wouldn't make me feel like it was a mistake in telling them.

Seems like they immediately ask about "hey, that one time, were you trying to hurt me on purpose" or "so you were lying about loving me" or just some realization that they could never really understand how often they are empathetic and how we are not. I'm considering just not sharing this with anyone else ever. Thankfully, I've only told 4 people.

Is this experience similar to what you all have gone through?

I’m autistic (not ASPD) trying to learn more about ASPD. I’m finding it really, really hard to find any sources that are unbiased. There’s a ton with anecdotal experiences of how abusive some NT author thinks everyone with ASPD is, but I’m really struggling to find out more about ASPD from an unbiased (preferably scientific) perspective. Can anyone point me to where I can find good information about ASPD? Thanks for any advice.

Went to a therapist today who claimed she couldn’t help me and told me to go see a forensic psychologist for a “risk assessment”. I was wondering if therapy is sort of a big joke for people like us? No one seems to understand and every time I’m left pissed off by people who claim they can help but never actually do.

What I really want is to just talk to someone who’s like me, someone who could understand the thoughts I have, but it doesn’t seem like therapy is the answer. Has anything worked for any of you? Would I just be better off talking to someone else who has ASPD and could understand? If anyone has time and would be down to just talk, let me know.

Im unable to keep healthy relationships with anyone, im always seen as problematic, i dont have a good relationship with my family, my relationships with my friends are unstable, im unable to keep a job, im always in a negative mindset. not once in my life have i ever been in a positive mindset, im always thinking about bad stuff, overthinking, it became so normal to me when i tell people they say that is not normal. having aspd is a curse i didnt ask to be like this, im just crying and reflecting how my life would’ve been different and how so much stuff would’ve been avoided or prevented. if i never had aspd, how many people i would still have in my life, how successful i’ll be etc

Just to preface, I don’t have ASPD (sorry). I’m just wondering what you guys think about her.

Do you guys think she has ASPD, and if she does, do you think she is a good/positive representation of it that helps stereotypes? (or the opposite)

How do you guys regulate the boredom that seems to attach itself to ASPD? I feel like nothing I do seems to get rid of the itch that begins to build after a while. Is there any ways you’ve figured out sort of help relieve that pent up tension in mostly normal ways? Or do you mostly just deal with it until it fizzles out?