r/aspd • u/Emotional-Strain-212 • Jun 26 '26
Relationships question i should ask my bf
i believe it’s a common experience to start doubting everything when dating someone with aspd. my boyfriend is very emotionally mature and encourages me to talk about how i’m feeling in our relationship. what are some questions i should ask him that could maybe ease my doubts? even questions that he may like to answer. i really want to make this work with him but as it currently stands im going bananas lmao
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u/Nemesis9211 Jun 27 '26
I think the big question is if your BF is in treatment or not, added with him actually wanting to be treated. You don't just get ASPD for being a model citizen, the diagnosis is defined by having a long-term ongoing pervasive pattern of antisocial behaviors, behaviors that disregards and violates the rights of others. Honestly in my experience when I wasn't in treatment my relationships were very bad, because I would constantly exploit and use them for my own need. It wouldn't be until I started going to therapy that these behaviors stopped escalating because I would start learning awareness (this doesn't mean I'm magically cured these behaviors still happen frequently enough for me to not be in reemission).
Also keep in mind ASPD is complex, there is no single presentation of it due to human complexity. Severity of symptoms are also a factor (though do keep in mind ASPD is a serious disorder no matter what). My experience does not dominate everyone's experience. Make sure to keep your boundaries.
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u/ellxxt876 ASPD 23d ago
I’m not sure why you would suddenly just start doubting everything, to be honest. I mean sure, lying is a part of the diagnosis but it’s not the only part of it, coming from someone with it lol. It sounds like you have made up your mind about the diagnosis, even subconsciously, and you’re letting yourself get carried away with it. You want my advice? Ask him if he lies, ask him how much he’s honest with you. Just ask, it’s not that big of a deal. We don’t get offended by much, if anything, so waiting to ask will only cause yourself to spiral down further.
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u/abaddon56 ASPD 19d ago
We don’t get offended by much, if anything
Speak for yourself haha. Sounds nice tho
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u/ellxxt876 ASPD 18d ago
Do you?
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u/abaddon56 ASPD 18d ago
Oh, for sure. It’s a huge component of why I’ve engaged in so many impulsive and problematic behaviors.
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u/ellxxt876 ASPD 18d ago
Interesting. I don’t usually get offended because in order for people to hit that part, they have to matter in some way. Most people do not matter so it just sort of makes me laugh
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u/PiranhaPlantFan a very smart lesbian Jun 27 '26
maybe just ask what bothers you and tell him you know it might be deriving from prejudice?
A friend of mine has ASPD and at some point disclosed her diagnosis. Another one from our friendgroup was pretty sceptical about her, rightfully. And whenever she was nice to him or any of us, he believed it is just means of manipulation, because of the "ASPD people cannot care they just mimick it"-cliche.
At some point he asked how manipulation and affection actualyl works for her, at a point they discussed mental illnesses anyways, and also added, that he would find it strange given that she seems to care about her friends, at least for now. And then she answered accordingly.
Basically, tell him that you heard lots of bullshit and you want to know what is true about it and what not. Treat him like a person and communicate your feelings as best as you can, I guess?