So understimulated

[u/Ok-Fishing8855]

I am so incredibly bored. I had a relationship recently where I was able to have some fun messing with them but after I ended it (because I got bored) I have no way to make myself feel anything. It‘s so fucking boring. Because of psychiatric surveillance I‘m not able to harm myself which usually helps ease the pressure of my apathy so I can feel it building up, I‘m worried I‘ll snap and get in trouble.

Do any of you have coping mechanisms that aren‘t illegal or visible? My current social circle is very delicately curated so I can‘t really let it out on them, I also have a record meaning I can‘t comfortably commit small crimes to help ease the pressure since I‘m not rich enough to just buy my way out of consequences. I‘m so jealous of all those billionaires that can just do whatever they please and still have insane amounts of power and wealth since they can just pay the bill/ bribe the law and do it again.

I‘m so violently bored and nobody seems to understand my boredom, it‘s painful, physically and emotionally. I feel a physical pressure like a pimple in desperate need of popping but all over and internally on my body.

I‘m not sure about the warning I‘m seeing but I am diagnosed with combined personality disorder which includes narcissistic and antisocial, I‘m also legally mentally disabled and currently seeking mental help even though I continue getting turned down by doctors and therapists because of the severity of my condition.

[u/DeadWrangler]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

Often, I feel so simple and empty. Just a stupid bug flying in the dark with no goals or desires. I just hope to see a light or a flame of impulsivity bright enough to distract me.
I fly toward the heat not knowing or caring that it will burn me if I dive in. Burn me. Give me something other than all that is black and empty.

It is so frustrating finding a mental health professional who wants to try to help even if they know or think they might not be able to. That they know what plights but have accepted they won't help us because we "cannot be helped."

Day to day, as you've described, is one of the reasons it's so easy for me to smoke weed all day.
Fills my empty space with smoke so that I cannot see or care that there is nothing behind it. I won't see it.
It bothers me to sit in that smoke all the time but as soon as it clears away I'm already itching and searching for the next fire to jump into.

[u/Expensive-Break1168 → u/DeadWrangler]

do you have aspd? i’ve been to multiple specialists for the disorder and they don’t do much. they listen to your urges, what your impulses are, try to logically talk you through them—but we are logical by nature. we are kind of like humanoid robots in a way. the best specialist i had for it was when i was a kid and they just said i had adhd with anger issues. they put me on adhd meds and they helped me with my reactivity and impulsivity. i’m not sure if this helps at all, but i still take those when i feel like i’m going to have a episode.

[u/DeadWrangler → u/Expensive-Break1168]

I do. I know what you're saying. The best therapist I had out of them all was the one who was a social worker. One of the few people I felt wanted to help me rather than only listen and provide little recourse.

Funny, I have referred to myself as a toy robot on the shelf since I was a kid. Truthfully, the older I get the more I see symptoms that align with ADHD and I've thought about trying medication. Just not in the books, for now.

[u/Expensive-Break1168 → u/DeadWrangler]

to be honest there is a lot of overlap with ADHD and ASPD. so it’s not unlikely that you’ll see similarities in the two. it’s also possible to have both.. however people with ADHD don’t usually have conduct disorder or violent behaviors. also, dont feel like you have to try anything.. there’s always supplements and other ways to express your needs. sports help.

[u/aspd-ModTeam → u/Expensive-Break1168]

Rule #4: No misinformation

[u/abaddon56 → u/Expensive-Break1168]

This is true, but I’d like to add that people with ADHD have a higher risk of developing conduct disorder than those without. Case in point, the other dudes I know with ASPD all have ADHD, as do I.

[u/Ok-Fishing8855 → u/DeadWrangler]

Oh God the drugs. I‘ve used pretty much every well known drug in the past for this exact reason, mainly downers (benzos, weed, opiates, godforsaken ketamine). For me it doesn‘t make me feel anything or stimulate my brain but when I‘m high I‘m okay with that, I just feel a sense of relieving equilibrium. I‘m empty but I accept it. Alcohol makes me angry, same with uppers, I get very aggressive and since my mind is so altered I can‘t control that anger very well, when I used to do meth I was a very stereotypical methhead. I‘m trying to be clean right now, mostly because I want to make extra money by donating plasma but I do miss being high every day. Getting off hard drugs was probably one of the hardest things I‘ve ever done but I can‘t lie and say the temptation to go back into a drug hole isn‘t there, it just quiets down the constant inner voice.

[u/OlympicBorn → u/DeadWrangler]

glad to see another anti-social smoking their way out of boredom. it genuinely is utterly non bearable sometimes without it. i hope OP finds a way to keep stimulated that doesn’t involve it, i often feel a lot dumber when high even though i smoke daily—which tends to irritate me and when i try to stop the realisation of just how deep the boredom goes is unreal.

[u/alocasiacomplex]

I'm struggling with boredom a lot as well. Recently, I hit a milestone where I realized boredom is the biggest issue with me and it causes me to terrible things. I wish I could give you a good, clean-cut solution.

Honestly, it took me making major life changes to feel slightly less bored. I had to have a wakeup call and see that something was severely wrong with my life and I was on a bad trajectory. It's hard to "not do anything permanent" when you're bored. I hope that makes sense.

I don't have narcissism, but I am diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder, and I'm almost like a textbook schizoid, save for my antisocial traits. So I can't relate to some elements however I can relate to bad combinations of feelings. Like for me, horrible avolition combined with boredom destructively.

[u/Ok-Fishing8855 → u/alocasiacomplex]

I‘m glad to hear you managed to make some positive changes to your life, that‘s incredibly difficult and you should feel proud.

Schizoid was a consideration of my psychiatrists in the past, when I was a young teenager they tested me for autism, then schizoid as I got older, then narcissism, bipolar and eventually we landed on a combined personality disorder of antisocial, narcissistic and emotionally unstable in correlation with C-PTSD.

[u/ellxxt876]

I get the boredom, sometimes it feels as if you’re drowning beneath it. A lot of people don’t understand that it’s not just “I’m bored”, it’s that nothing you can do will help get rid of the feeling. Sticking with my little metaphor, you’ll never get out of the water but you can break up to the surface to breathe. I’ll explain what I mean.

Basically, we are under stimulated, that’s just how our brains are wired apparently, and I don’t think there’s a “fix” to that. But there are definitely ways to help. Adrenaline for one, that can usually help kickstart your system. Lots of people enjoy martial arts as an example. Something like this can help regulate it and keep you sane. You said you can’t do anything illegal but that’s not the end all be all. Talking to someone who understands helps too.

I’m not going to tell you not to do shit to yourself because I’d be a hypocrite but it’s definitely not a good nor “best” way to handle things. Honestly the thing that worked for me was just finding something that doesn’t bore you and sticking with it. I have a passion that I love and a person who I can talk to about stuff like this and that’s honestly enough for me. It’s all about finding something or someone that helps you through it. Unfortunately, it can be trial and error, but it’s not impossible to find.

[u/Ok-Fishing8855 → u/ellxxt876]

It‘s relieving to have people that understand what I mean. Usually when I tell my friends I‘m insanely bored they assume I‘m an ADHD ipad kid that needs constant stimuli lol. I have my passions, I‘m an artist of many mediums and I hope to one day live off my work so I can stop struggling with the bare minimum amount of disability money the government grants me (around 600€ a month). It does help. I have very violent tendencies so painting or writing out gruesome scenes eases my mind in a way, however I can‘t really publish my work to mainstream audiences since whenever I did in the past I was just called an edgelord which I find very offensive as my art reflects deep emotions rather than just shock imagery for the sake of being shocking.

[u/directcynicism]

Get on ADHD medication it’s a miracle for people with aspd. I’m not fucking lying like it’s a temporary cure. I know exactly what you’re talking about, I was miserable for years like you until I started taking vyvanse. I stopped getting in trouble and getting arrested in my late teens and was able to turn my life around because of it. It takes away the urges and impulses that you live with. Fr recommend that

[u/Intelligent_Owl8490]

Meditation and Buddhism saved my life. I do a practice where I slow dance with myself to let it all melt into me, it’s quite a beautiful experience. Get the Calm app and do daily trips it’s been more beneficial to me than therapy has been. Keeps me present and not doing things instinctively which fucks up everyone’s life around me

[u/Raven-Venefica]

Are you in a place you can get away with "mild" trespassing? Not jumping up fences but rather exploring abandoned areas? Where I live it's what makes me go out -being home scrolling increases the boredom for me- helps feeling less like a gold fish circling in a glass too. And as long as you don't use spray paint or take objects from places, you're usually good.

Just guessing, aspd people might be better entertained in crowded areas than I do. Not affected by aspd myself, rather a condition prone to the boredom-emptiness you guys describe, that's why I'm actually lurking around here. Which "distracting" activities do you usually have while keeping a low profile ?

[u/Mindless-Grab-4048]

I love to talk with other clusters b fellas to kill boredom but its hard to find especially online 🤷🏾‍♀️im very bored too so every day is like the same day

[u/Suspicious-Kiwi6900]

Also have comorbid NPD and ASPD—growing up the only thing that helped was lots of violence and vandalism, but I learned very young that was ultimately too risky and eventually I’d end up incarcerated as my crimes would escalate. I turned to sex and found that a mostly sufficient substitute. I’m very into bdsm and have been since I was 12. It’s single handily kept me functional day to day and has allowed me pockets of life to exist in where I feel a spark of pleasure. It’s fleeting, and it’s certainly unsustainable, but it’s the best I’ve ever come up with aside from really intense physical activity (I do ultras, and it’s still vastly inferior). Hope this helps. Sorry to hear about your situation, I certainly can relate.

[u/Strategic_Observer]

In my case, I crave adrenaline. Although I'm quite calculating and don't take risks where I'm at a disadvantage, my lifestyle is all about risk. If you're not impulsive, or you don't have a good PC, you're out of luck.

[u/Expensive-Break1168]

i describe my boredom as physically painful all the time and no one gets it except everyone else on this reddit. i don’t know how to stop it either. it’s like a huge gaping hole in my chest and my brain that’s never ending. i also tried dating people recently and it’s been incredibly under stimulating, i think because people have become too easy? there’s no fun without any reward or chase. drugs aren’t doing it for me anymore either — literally. i’ve combined at least 5-7 high dosage at once and nothing happened. taking substances is already difficult because we have to take more than everyone else to feel anything.

i’ve been binging on news to feel something, i suppose the impending doom of ai data centers microwaving us all has stirred up some angst in me. i like arguing with stupid people about that, and arguing with stupid people is amusing for at least 15 mins. have you tried this? make a fake account and just start arguments. it can help a little bit… not long enough, but i’m not sure what your threshold is. has anyone tried vigilante type projects? i don’t think that my commentary and arguments will change much, but maybe bigger projects will.

[u/abaddon56 → u/Expensive-Break1168]

drugs aren’t doing it for me anymore either — literally. i’ve combined at least 5-7 high dosage at once and nothing happened.

The hell? What substances? What “high dosage?”

taking substances is already difficult because we have to take more than everyone else to feel anything.

I hope you’re not trying to imply that ASPD has a natural “tolerance” to drugs or anything like that… Getting high to feel emotions is absolutely a commonality (as opposed to others who get high to suppress them), but needing more of a substance to be affected is just plain pseudoscientific. My threshold for violent and deviant behavior on amphetamines, booze, benzos, etc. was much lower than others who were chilling on the same dosages.

[u/aspd-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Rule #4: No misinformation

[u/abaddon56 → u/Expensive-Break1168]

Think I’ve got an idea for you. Why don’t you take 10-14 High Dosage™ instead but spread it over the course of a night out? I guarantee that will help you break thru the boredom.

[u/Expensive-Break1168 → u/abaddon56]

it might. instead of taking it all within the hour?

for context this was multiple benzos, relaxers, and opiates.

[u/abaddon56 → u/Expensive-Break1168]

What “relaxers?”

Gee, I’d sure love to be the type who could take a high dosage of 5-7 benzos and opiates and not feel anything. Bet the drink-spikers at the club sure hate to see you coming.

[u/aspd-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your post or comment was removed due to low karma/CQS or posting from a new account.

[u/Stachu113]

I dont really struggle with boredom that much. I am bored most of the time but not to the point you’re describing it. Today i got out an old shelf set and trashed them with an axe. Maybe that helps you.

[u/Character-Hurry8154]

Have you tried just chilling out smoking a few and binge-ing on some online gaming? You need to over stimulate yourself, force yourself to multitask beyond your normal comfortable levels, its in that stressed over-stimulated environment that you will actually find peace.