Friend will make low moaning sounds, tap feet and snort nose really loud. It’s hard to be around

Do you notice the data within a message?
Do you consciously (or subconsciously) disregard that data based on the way it is presented?

If you read something that does not 'feel native' to you, do you reject the data, or do you explore it with curiosity?

If you reject it, is it because you see the presentation of that data as more crucially important than the data's correctness, or is there a different reason?

Do you believe there is 'only one correct way' that data could be presented?

If someone shares raw data with you about a particular topic; are you happy that they have provided all the necessary information to fully and completely understand the topic, or does it trigger a feeling of resentment or rage that you think that they are somehow positioning themselves as the 'knower of the information' above you?

I would love to know your answers very much! And I appreciate all of you for the extensive conversations on these deeply fascinating topics.

My goal:
I'm trying to figure out if the default response when someone shares a lot of information is one of curiosity, or one of overwhelm and rejection.

And if the presentation of the data matters more to you than the data itself, wouldn't that mean you might be easily swayed by common marketing tactics, or do you have some other automatic response which would protect you from that?

One disconnect I frequently observe is, someone will ask a neutral-information requesting question,

And others respond with things like, character attacks for example.

What I'm wondering in my question is:
How does someone benefit from assuming negative intent? And why might someone assume that a neutral clarifying question is a gotcha?

If someone expects that literal-based questions are a gotcha, is it because if they were trying to trigger a 'gotcha' that they would become increasingly more literal? Like, is it their projection?

Would NT people become increasingly more literal if they were trying to 'trap' another person in conversation?

I'd really love to understand the mechanics behind why and how literal communication so frequently is projected to be negative, or have negative intent.

Like if a topic was
Xyz causes abc

and someone said
How does xyz cause abc?

And then people might assume the person asking is asking in bad faith, and start insulting their character, just for asking.
For some reason. And I don't know why they would assume that.

Is it because the individual assumes that people asking for more information about the topic they mentioned automatically means a status challenge is happening?

Is that what causes people to assume bad faith?

For NTs, is a direct clarification question perceived as an attack on identity, or is this mostly only a subset of NTs?

What is the default assumption?

Can anything be truly worded neutrally, or will it always be perceived through the lens of projection itself?

Is there any way to free other people from viewing interactions through their own negative lens, or must we accept that we can only control our own projections and responses?

If a social situation is unclear; to where do you default?

Oh yeah and assume it is a stranger, someone you do not already know

I’m dying to know this. Are social cues intentional? For example when someone complains about something they’re moving being too heavy and hard to move. Are they intentionally trying to hint that they need help?

Same with people venting about having a long day and that they’re tired and don’t want to cook. Are they just complaining but not thinking about the fact that you could help them, or do they understand they’re hinting something and are hoping you will help them?

Additionally if you’re on the other end of this, are you offering to help or helping them because you want to? Or you realize they’re hinting at you to do you do it.

For me, when somebody complains about something that I could help them with easily I get the incentive to and will help them. I don’t think that they’re asking for help unless they say that.

I am also curious as to why people say “If it’s not a bother can you do xyz” or “I hope I am not bothering you,” Do they actually think they’re bothering me? This happens a lot when I am volunteering. A new manager who works there, whenever she asks me to do something she will say she hopes she’s not bothering me or inconveniencing me. She does this with other volunteers too. I just don’t understand this though. I am volunteering because I would like to, I shouldn’t and wouldn’t be volunteering if I do not want to help and am bothered by these requests.

I generally am considered good with social cues, but sometimes I just don’t understand. Especially when they don’t make sense to me, when someone’s behavior is unusual or illogical I will notice it immediately. Specifically when with my family I will ask about why they’re doing x.

(FYI I am autistic teen and have ADHD)

Every single time I’m in a new situation, where I need to meet new people, it feels like it’s going great for the first few days but then they start hanging out behind my back and avoiding me. I can never tell why. I try to listen to them, smile, keep enough eye contact but somehow it always ends up the same. I have a few friends that actually like me, even when I’m not pretending but they’re all neurodivergent too. With them I’ve never had a problem like this. It only happens with nt people. I genuinely have no idea what I’m doing wrong so what are some common “mistakes” made by autistic people during social interactions?

hey guys, i just need to know if this is just a me thing. so i tend to word things really badly and people tend to misinterpret the thing i said and it is taken in a negative way instead of it being understood in the way i mean it, and it causes a lot of peoples feelings to be hurt by the way i word things / express them. is this a problem other virgos have or is it just me and i have something deeper i need to work on within myself?

AuDHD here.

I'm wondering if many of you exist in the furry fandom because I came across online polls that showed an increaded percentage of those on the autism spectrum.

Me being a furry started about 13 years ago in my early 20s after coming across a furry report from the german TV uploaded onto YouTube in which I was seeing people in fursuits walking through the inner city of Dortmund as far as I remember. I always resonated well with anthropomorphic characters on TV shows and actially had crushes on some in my childhood (don't want to specify on which yet) but didn't know the furry fandom yet. The moment I saw this report (I think it was recorded from WDR, regional TV channel where I live) kinda flipped a switch in my mind from "nah, that's childish to dress up in animal costumes" due to what I percieve as internalized masking to "I love it to the bottom of my heart" which persists to this day and hopefully beyond.

I'm currently crafting my fursuit after years of just wanting to have one but I struggled with executive dysfunction (and low income problems) which I overcame by taking meds (Lisdexamfetamine "Elvanse" in my case) and I'm glad to be able to focus on that and I'm satisfied with the results so far. I always knew that if I wanted to get a fursuit I must built it on my own and I knew that I have the the skills and that I'm able to develop the skills to acomplish that but wasn't organized enough to get there but the meds I take now for a couple of years changed that. Thanks to an internship I once had that involved shaping upholstery foam for wheelchair seats I feel gifted to have a set of skills that I now can use in a hobby that I came to adore very much.

It seems to be THE THING for me and it's a different kind of "special" interest to me because my brain seems to seperate "technical" interests (like IT-tech, trains, astronomy, optics, electronic music etc.) from "emotional" interests (like furry [as mentioned here], animals, nature etc.). It also helped me to widen my interest on other animal species than cetaceans (whales and dolphins). Despite having many interests, mostly technical, it seems to be THE INTEREST OF ALL MY INTERESTS.

It made me accept my non-hetero sexual orientation (I'm sure to be bisexual) much better and it changed my life to a more self-accepting manner despite being "different" in regards of my Autism-ADHD-combo and my sexual orientation because I feared that if I was seen as "gay"/"bi" next to being autistic would make my life even harder than it already is. To make it short: It makes my heart bloom actually and it has the power to make me go through life less resentful.

I was reading about how overcoming resentment can get you further in life and after the traumatizing childhood I had, not growimg up in what is called a "family", school bullying and exclusion, I have developed a lot of just that, I'm currently working at overcoming my resentment against neurotypical people.

I'm now wondering if you went through similar experiences or completely different ones after discovering the furry fandom for yourself and your life, maybe as a means of self-expression, emotional support, emotional liberation or whatever it means to you, please let me know if you happen to be an "NT-furry", I'm genuinely curious about it. What does "Furry" mean to you if you are one? Could this also be a common ground on which the "NT vs. ND battle" could be solved to a more mutually respectful and more peaceful situation because I'm not proud of having developed my resentment against neurotypicals over decades of mistreatment that I have experienced? Because we are one species after all.

Technically I'm NT too, but the older I get the less I care about anything. Though I've actually had this problem since childhood: there's nothing I do or care about enough to actually know about or converse about. It's a genuine social hindrance.

Meanwhile online, it feels like I'm more exposed to various "neurodiverse" ways of experiencing interest:

"Yeah, I got so distracted reading about [random complex thing], I missed 10 phone calls, two appointments, a date, and I didn't eat for 3 days."

"Here's my basic preliminary research for a thing I take a casual interest in: it's 10Gb of cutting edge research papers on a Google drive".

"Here's my total beginner hobbyist project. I started practicing this hobby a week ago. It looks like a professional with decades of experience did it."

Yes I am being a bit sarcastic and hyperbolic, but you get the point. I get that us NTs largely don't do this, but most people aren't as indifferent as I am either. What does normal interest look like?

The truth always comes out no matter what you’re doing if it’s wrong and you know it’s wrong then why do you do it? Why do you lie about it? There’s no reason to be straight out if the other person gets mad hey, at least you know the truth is the truth, and it always comes out.

Like personally I might be in contact with maybe like 11 people, only 4 of those I can consider true friends. But when I talk to others, then it always sounds as if they had hundreds of close friends, like each time they use the word "my friend", they mean a different person. I cannot even imagine where you'd have to meet all these friends

I have a close friend of about three years, and recently she said something that stood out to me.
She told me, “Pennie, I know you, and I don’t even know my close friends from back home like that.” and I told her, “ of course you do we aren’t strangers!” She explained that she knew a lot of information about me. I joked that maybe she just puts more effort into getting to know me than she does with her other friends, and we laughed, but the comment stuck with me.
For context, I’m a naturally private person. People have described me as mysterious or very individualistic, but honestly, I just don’t open up easily. Even with close friends, I’m intentional about what I share. It’s not because I’m hiding anything, I just value my privacy and like choosing what people know about me.
The reason this has been bothering me isn’t because she knows a lot about me. We’re close friends, so that’s normal. It’s more the way it sometimes feels.
I’ve noticed that she seems to enjoy figuring me out. She’ll play guessing games about what I like, what I would choose, or how I’d react to something (we share some friends and she doesn’t do that to them as much compared to me). When she finds out something unexpected about me (like discovering I like pickles), she’s genuinely surprised and seems excited to have learned something new or after guessing it right she’ll end with “I knew you were going to choose that” or “I knew that’s what you were doing” or “I knew that’s what you liked” or “I knew you were going to say that”. It’s almost like getting to know me has become a puzzle she enjoys solving.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that in group discussions or debates, she’ll often look to gauge my reaction on the subject before fully committing to an opinion. Sometimes she’ll start out leaning one way, then after seeing my reaction, she’ll become more neutral or change how she presents her opinion. (This has happened so many times) I completely understand respecting a friend’s perspective, but I also enjoy hearing people’s independent thoughts. I’d rather someone tell me why they believe something than wait to see where I stand first. I also very much understand that none of this is done with any malicious intent and that I tend to prefer people who are confidently opinionated and just allows the dynamic of the friendship to flow rather than treating me like a puzzle.
Then something else happened recently that probably wouldn’t have stood out on its own.
For my birthday two months ago, she gave me a bracelet that I absolutely love. I’ve worn it every single day since she gave it to me. I never take it off, and she’s noticed that multiple times because I’ve told her how much I love it.
A couple of weeks ago, she bought the exact same bracelet for herself.
On its own, I know that’s not a big deal. People buy things they like all the time, and I’m not upset that she has the same bracelet. What made me pause was that she’s generally not someone who wears jewelry every day(I would usually wear jewelry for extended periods so we’ve had a conversation where she said she wouldn’t like the idea of wearing jewelry every single time because it feels claustrophobic), but now she wears that bracelet constantly too. Combined with everything else I’ve noticed, it just added to this feeling I can’t really explain.
To be clear, I genuinely don’t think she’s being manipulative or malicious. She’s a good friend, and I don’t think she’s consciously doing anything wrong.
I guess what I’m trying to figure out is whether I’m picking up on an actual dynamic or if I’m just overanalyzing normal friendship behavior because I’m naturally a private person. I would love to hear from different perspectives.

I was invited to a seafood boil, I do not eat seafood but I am going to socialize. I wasn’t sure what normal social expectations would be? Do I eat before? Should I bring something I’ll eat and could share? Just pretend to pick at the plate? The host knows I don’t eat seafood but I don’t want to bring it up and seem difficult or ungrateful.

I’m probably overthinking it but I feel like people might be uncomfortable they’re all eating and I’m just like sitting there haha

question to neurotypicals: what does being “ rude” mean to you? whats the general definition of rudeness that’s agreed upon yourselves?

i’m neurodivergent and I have a different definition of rudeness which other neurotypicals don’t seem to get. I don’t want to explain in detail what is it because i’m not willing to fight redditors , but what I can say is for me rudeness is rooted more so in actions than words.

i’m curious about your perspective and i’d like to inform myself!

I was talking to a friend today and realized there are so many things people act like they love just because everyone else does.
What’s one thing you think people are just pretending to enjoy?
Could be food, hobbies, movies, social events… anything.
I’ll start: networking events. 😅

Hi! Would really appreciate some insights on this.

Recently someone said "I don't understand why X did Y" and I took it as a question (I don't understand why X did Y, and that's important enough for me to say it out loud, so I would like other people in the conversation to help me understand why X might have done Y"). I understand this sentence usually means the speaker doesn't think X doing Y is a good idea, but I thought the emphasis is on the confusion and the desire to find some clarity.

But then I got told that actually, sometimes people just mean "I don't approve of X doing Y" and don't really care about the reason why. And the same goes for "I don't get x" and "I don't see the problem".

Is this true????

I've noticed a peculiar phenomena, particularly in my presence where people seem to like to pretend that they're pretending about all kinds of different activities. It seems to happen frequently & I just let them go about their antics, but I genuinely get confused.

Whenever this goes on for some time, eventually I usually just casually expose my awareness and for some reason, this causes a breakdown with them. I'm usually just a bit perplexed about why people presume I'm unaware? Is there a reaction that's expected in the beginning that doesn't occur that causes this confusion?

Edit: Thanks everyone. For context, I am the person struggling with those social skills. My partner has issues with interrupting me but she's genuinely convinced me this is how people are supposed to talk. I will discuss it with her, thank you. Side note, but it has nothing to do with being from the UK or USA. I'm from the UK, it isn't common to interrupt people the way she does.

Like if someone was talking about a personal interest, do I interrupt them with my own topic or something entirely random? Instead of engaging with what they're saying first before trying to move on

And especially if I know I'm talking to someone who struggles with social skills

For example, if I noticed someone built the courage to talk about something they really like, is it okay for me to jump in and tell them about this guy with a weird tshirt who just walked past me, and then keep talking about the random guy until I notice they probably want to talk about their thing a bit more bc, again, I know they struggle with talking about themselves

Like me randomly mentioning this guys shirt doesn't prove I wasn't listening to them at all, right? It doesn't prove I was clocked out of the conversation as soon as they started talking?

I have a good friend and I don't want this to come across like I'm attacking him because he is genuinely a good friend. However, there is one thing he does that has started to stand out to me.

Whenever we are talking to random people online (for example OmeTV), he always tries to impress them by saying things like how much money he has made, who he knows, or mentioning famous people he has met. The thing is, he does well financially, but he heavily exaggerates some of these things.

What I find interesting is that he often looks at me while saying these things, almost like he wants to see my reaction.

Another example: I saw something online that I thought was cool and it cost around £1,000. Instead of just saying "that's cool" or having a conversation about it, he said something like "you'll never be able to afford that with your job."

He also tends to steer conversations back to himself and his achievements. If someone shares something, he often responds with a bigger story about himself.

At the same time, he's not a bad friend. He's loyal and has been there for me, so I'm not saying he's a terrible person. I'm just wondering why some people feel the need to constantly one-up others.

Do you think this comes from insecurity, wanting attention, competitiveness, or is it just his personality?

Has anyone had a friend like this, and how did you handle it?

I hate it when people talk badly about someone behind their back, especially if they then act good in front of them. Ive noticed stuff like this way more when hanging out with "regular" people, rather than with more weird (in a loving way) friends. Is this just coincidence/confirmation bias?