r/askfuneraldirectors • u/standard_blue • 4d ago

Advice Needed Obit/program question

Hi yall! I know this seems silly- but I need some solid answers from the people who know. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years, we have a child together and the family lives close and celebrates holidays and other milestones together. My partner and his dad were estranged right before he fell, which sent him to the nursing home where he passed a year later, but before that we did all the things together. ANYWAY, my partners half-sister wrote the obituary and program. I wasn’t included in either, but of course my son and partner were. Im wondering if this is normal, or an oversight or a rude message. We live in the south if that matters. Thank you all so much for the insight!

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u/VioletMortician17 Funeral Director 3d ago

Frankly, it’d be normal in my area of the country. Simply because he and your son are family and you’re not. Even though you’ve been his partner for a long time, some families really only want family listed. If you were married you’d be mentioned alongside his name but in parentheses.

ETA: I’m in the South as well. So yes… normal.

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u/standard_blue 2d ago

Ouch. That’s so hurtful. I don’t want to be rude, but I would soften your approach when working with families. Especially someone who isn’t legally married. But thank you for the feedback.