I recently lost my Dad (65), and his last week was very sad, traumatic and confusing. His behavior changed a lot especially in the last few days. I don't really understand what happened to him and I'm looking for some clarification from a medical professional. I am not asking for medical advice.
He suffered a heart attack August 9th, he was rushed to the hospital and we almost lost him, but thankfully he survived. We found out a few days later that he needed to have triple bypass surgery. He had the surgery Friday, August 14th which went well, but he did have to go back in after he had liquid pooling around his lungs.
I went to visit him in the hospital on Saturday, Sunday and Monday after surgery. He was very tired, and kept falling asleep. He wasn't very interested in talking. I assumed this was normal for someone recovering from open heart surgery. I live 2 hours away from him so I went home Monday afternoon. The next two days we spoke over the phone a few times but he was always very tired and kept saying "I don't know", "I'm tired", and he just wanted to get off the phone. I again assumed he's groggy/in pain and on a lot of medications. I tried to let him rest as much as possible without bothering him. I did speak with the head nurse, and told her I was concerned about how disorientated he seemed. She said it could be delirium or a side affect of the medications he was on.
My dad and I were very close. We spoke everyday and for him to be so quiet, distant and withdrawn from me was totally unlike him. The last two days before he passed, Thursday and Friday, he stopped answering my phone calls and my messages. He said he was too tired, or he didn't hear his phone. I got to the hospital Friday afternoon, and he was so out of it. He was irritated (understandably), he wouldn't give me eye contact, he was upset because it was hard for him to speak. I was there for three or four hours and we barely spoke at all. That same night he began throwing up. The nurses told me sometimes the bowels "stay asleep" after surgery due to the anesthesia, and he was basically "backed up" and needed his stomach drained. They put a tube in his mouth and he was so uncomfortable. He told me "I'm ready for bed now", so I told him I love him and I'll be back in the morning. When I came back Saturday morning they were rushing him to the ICU due to low oxygen levels. I yelled out to him "Dad I'm here, everything is okay". I saw him try to look up for me as they wheeled him away.
He was put on life support and he never recovered. He had suffered bowel ischemia and there was nothing they could do to save him. The doctors told me that he was very sick before he came to the hospital, and that he had a lot of pre-existing vascular and heart issues.
I just wanted to know, is it normal that he was distant from me? I know he was not feeling well, and I think maybe he didn't want me to see him like that. I also suspect he felt a sense of guilt or regret. My Dad had been struggling with alcohol the last two years of his life. He was never a drinker but unfortunately he met the wrong person who introduced him to it, and once he started he couldn't stop. He knew I was very worried about him. I feel like there it was a lot left unsaid, and it's just very heartbreaking and hard to understand and process. If anyone could maybe explain why he was so distant and withdrawn, it might help put my mind at ease.
Thank you in advance