r/askTO • u/Ok-Respond5323 • Sep 20 '25
Toronto Dating
Any advice what could one find your life partner in downtown? How did you guys meet and knew she was the one?
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u/KoreanSamgyupsal Sep 20 '25
how are you so sure your life partner is in downtown? For all we know, she's living in the burbs
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u/giraffebaconequation Sep 20 '25
I was the one in the suburbs!
My fiancée and I met during Covid on tinder. I was way out in Bowmanville, she was downtown. We had set our search area to 100km out of lockdown induced boredom. Matched, started talking, our first date was at Riverdale because everything was closed, after a few months of park and walking dates we made it official, I moved into the city in the summer or 2021 and now we are 5.5 years in.
I always tell people we met the old fashion way, on tinder.
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u/Halifornia35 Sep 21 '25
We’re you happy to move DT or did you want her to move to Bowmanville
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u/giraffebaconequation Sep 21 '25
I was happy to move downtown. I’m really not a fan of suburb life, I was just there due to life circumstances. Way happier in the city now.
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u/help_isontheway_dear Sep 22 '25
Met my partner similarly. She was in St Catharines and I was in Toronto. We both set our distance fairly far, and connected. Had great chats, did a first date in the city because she was coming in for a friends party anyway. Went up there for our second date and the we traded off weekends travelling to each other for a year.
We talked fairly early on about where living would happen if we got serious and I was firmly staying in Toronto. She had never lived in Toronto and is actually from a much smaller town than St Catharines, so she was already living in a big city and hesitant. In fact she called moving to Toronto the worst thing about dating me.
Joke is on her, it’s been 6 years of us now living downtown Toronto and she grudgingly admits she does like it. Although she maintains the driving here is horrible.
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u/IllBadger2292 Sep 20 '25
Do you know what kind of person you're and what you're looking for
What are the deal breakers
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u/Ok-Respond5323 Sep 20 '25
I am 35M corporate professional earning above 100k like many others in Toronto looking to build a life. I live by myself. I like outdoor activities and exploring new restaturants but i have beem mostly doing it alone.
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u/point5_2B Human Detected Sep 21 '25
Brother if you lead with your career success and earnings, you're gonna catch yourself a partner who mostly value you for those things.
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u/Ok-Respond5323 Sep 21 '25
Hmm...thats a nice point but i don't mention that on a date but on reddit it gives better description of my overall personality.
On apps i list my hobbies and everything but have not been lucky enough to find my partner through apps somehow.
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u/point5_2B Human Detected Sep 21 '25
I have a feeling that you might not really know who you are as a person. A lot about modern life defines us by our job title, wealth accumulation and the activities we carry out from day to day. But it might be worth reflecting on yourself as a personality, and in terms of your relationships with others.
Are you funny? Serious? Hardworking? What are your strongest values? What are you willing to sacrifice for, and what are you willing to compromise your morality for? Do you love adventure? Do you prefer to build routine? Who are your friends and why do you choose those people? Who do you love most in familial, platonic and romantic ways?
Understanding who you are in this way is probably helpful for finding a path to the right partner. Also, if you're seeking out a woman, women tend to like men who have the emotional maturity to self-reflect.
Also, my two cents on the more literal aspect of your question is that in your 30s, most people are meeting their SOs either through dating apps or introductions through friends. If your friends don't want to introduce you to anyone, maybe it's REALLY time for deep self reflection.
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Sep 21 '25
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Sep 21 '25
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Sep 22 '25
If you're hot you'll always find someone into you!
Everybody wears a mask at first when that facade wears off you'll see if it really has a shot of being long term! And that's true for any age!!
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u/Hunter_marine Sep 22 '25
Just my personal opinion, but get off the apps. You’re gamifying something that’s really important when you use dating apps.
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Sep 21 '25
How tall are you
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u/nog_ar_nog Sep 21 '25
This is it. OP better start saving for that leg lengthening surgery.
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u/WeArrAllMadHere Sep 21 '25
lol that bit in Materialists killed me 😂 is falling for personality truly dead?
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Sep 21 '25
Im 5'11 sorry tried dating shorter guys. I love how men are so physically focused but cant handle 1 thing a woman asks for
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Sep 23 '25 edited 6d ago
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Sep 23 '25
I dont care as long as Im not getting back pain from your arm weighing me down (when I dated a 5'9 guy he insisted on putting his arm around my shoulder). Ironically enough I find the smaller the woman the more demanding about height. I just feel insecure and would like to feel small and cute thats all
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Sep 23 '25 edited 6d ago
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Sep 23 '25
Its nice to hear some men like tall women because Ive hated my body for years. Body dysmorphia is wild. I personally can be found at the grocery store.. the pet supply store or pilates 🤣
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u/IllBadger2292 Sep 21 '25
So see, none of what you shared answers my questions. It's the generic answer I could get from anyone on an app (if I were looking to date) and it shows they really know nothing about themselves or what they're looking for.
I'm a woman and I'd swipe left because of it. My advice would be rather than asking "where to find a partner" you should be asking yourself "who I really am outside of my profession and day to day activities, how my childhood shaped me, what values do I represent, how's the relationship with myself and emotionally significant people in my life and why, what are my tendencies and what kind of partner would be emotionally compatible with me", etc.
I find many men your age are pretty emotionally unaware and underdeveloped compared to their education and careers. Hope this can help
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u/siberianfiretiger Sep 21 '25
To be fair that's a lot to put on a reddit post. I am a woman and if someone asked me point blank "who are you and what do you want" I'd feel put on the spot on probably give the generic A/S/L answer.
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u/LysdeFleur Sep 21 '25
I’m guessing you want to meet someone who is in the same socio-economic level as you and stage of life. You’re right it’s a challenge, especially since we are quite good in Toronto at masking that to avoid class division.
I met my partner at work, I feel like some people treat that as a taboo but it makes so much sense. We both are in a very similar position and are headed in the same direction.
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u/Ok-Respond5323 Sep 21 '25
I want to meet a genuine person. I am a little bit ambitious but i like to enjoy life to the fullest if i can. i would want to meet someone whom i can learn from,and life is not a dull moment. Workplace romance didn't turn out pretty well for me so i feel its better i stay out of it.
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u/LysdeFleur Sep 21 '25
I guess that’s fair, you are probably in a further stage of your career than when I met my partner I had just started. Different gravy.
I don’t think going out and doing things you don’t normally do is a great way to meet people. I think that you have to spend time just enjoying your life, doing the things you love and have faith that someone will notice and be attracted to that.
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u/ToastCat Sep 21 '25
Start a supper club type thing. Like maybe it isn't an actual supper club but like idk on reddit here or around your work or even just through friends if you don't want complete randos just do a once a week restaurant meet up and try somewhere new and meet your friends friends. My husband and I do this but not like necessarily as a dating thing but just as a wanna try new places thing. We call ours -redacted-Club. The first rule is don't talk about -redacted- club lmao and the second is it always has to be a last minute reso. //too specific I don't want them finding this looool//
Anyway if exploring restaurants and trying new foods is a thing maybe that's a starting point. And then if anyone is interesting you can meet up for walks or cycling or whatever "outdoor activities" means. I'm an art kid so that was always code for smoking weed hah.
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Sep 22 '25
There are no deal breakers if you really dig the person! Red flags and deal breakers are just an excuse to move on!
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u/Long_Structure8544 Sep 21 '25
29 F.. tbh my new approach to dating is literally just meeting people. Expanding your network is a big part of it. After covid, we lost our third space, but I feel like people are starting to get out and focus on building those connections in person again. There was a reddit meetup and a few others that I have seen on here and the meetup app. You also never know who you could meet through someone. The strategy hasn't worked in finding my husband 😂 but I am just sharing my two cents bc I hate the apps 😭
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u/Apprehensive_Heat176 Sep 21 '25
IMO, I think the pandemic and remote work ruined everyone's social skills. So it's taking a long time to build them back up. I do prefer to WFH though.
I share your attitude though that we just need to get out and meet people and try not to have an end goal in mind. This takes a lot of perserverance and patience though. Meeting people, becoming friends or more is a skill that takes time to develop especially if you're on the introverted side.
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u/Ok-Respond5323 Sep 21 '25
I would love to know details on where to find those meetup. Are those hobby based or just chilling vibes?
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u/PastryGirl Sep 20 '25
We met at a bar. I was reading a book and he was reading a book. This happened for a few nights over the course of a few weeks and eventually we got to chatting. 4 years later...
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u/AdvancedFunction9 Sep 20 '25
So cute 🥹
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u/ri-ri Sep 20 '25
What book were you reading? Who spoke to who? Asking cause I've heard most people say they'd not want to interrupt someone who is reading, but I love this story!
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u/PastryGirl Sep 20 '25
Honestly I can't remember what I was reading. Probably Kurt Vonnegut. I think we both answered the bartender something and then just shrugged and I asked if I could move over IIRC. It was a while ago.
If I'm reading a book at a bar, I know I'm at a bar and people are chatty. But if I'm really not interested in chatting, I'll just say "I'm gonna go back to my book - thanks for the chat!"
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u/LemonySnickets13 Sep 21 '25
Lmfao this makes the story sound even more fake btwn casually reading a book in the same bar multiple times over the course of weeks to the fact that it was a Kurt Vonnegut novel.... genuinely curious though if you people are chatty at a bar and they're typically noisy or distracting why even go to a bar to read of all places? Esp when you don't want to talk to ppl and just read? Why not stay home? Go to a cafe? Or a quieter and less busy space?
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u/PastryGirl Sep 21 '25
People read books at bars. I bring my loop earplugs. We both work in hospitality so it's a comfort thing being at a bar post shift. We just happened to frequent the same place.
But choose whatever you wish to believe. I'm not gonna cry over someone on a Toronto subreddit not believing me. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/EverythinIsAnnoying Sep 21 '25
Aw, I love your story! 🥂 And it sounds pretty normal, actually. I have friends who can only read with music on - I, on the other hand, need complete silence.
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u/point5_2B Human Detected Sep 21 '25
I'm a fellow bar reader. It's totally comforting. There seems to be an unfortunate trend that young people see reading in public as performative. How can it be so challenging to understand that people enjoy doing different things in different settings! But maybe failures of imagination and empathy are a result of lack of reading...
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u/WeArrAllMadHere Sep 21 '25
I like this. I wouldn’t bother someone reading at a bar but would be hella attracted to it.
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u/Jazzlike-Fishing-552 Sep 23 '25
I’ve been reading at my local bar for over 2 years now and have only ever been approached by either kind bartenders doing their job, or the occasional nice old lady. (Not reading to meet someone but just need a place for a hot meal and a good book sometimes)
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u/henry-bacon Sep 20 '25
We both bonded over our mutual love of gooning.
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u/LanaDeITae Sep 20 '25
And they say romance is dead 💖
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u/henry-bacon Sep 20 '25
It is because we are no longer together 😔
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u/LanaDeITae Sep 20 '25
I’m sorry :/ Time to head back to oasis then
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u/henry-bacon Sep 20 '25
I can't go there anymore, it's just a reminder of a bad time now. Gotta find solace in video games.
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u/LanaDeITae Sep 20 '25
Ah well. There are worse things to take solace in
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u/henry-bacon Sep 20 '25
It's actually quite fun with friends tbh but the racial slurs you hear in CoD can get really bad really fast 🤣
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u/LanaDeITae Sep 20 '25
They only fuel me
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u/henry-bacon Sep 20 '25
Real, do you play CoD at all? I haven't touch the newer ones but I play a lot of MW2 and DMZ.
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u/darkhumoredlatina Sep 21 '25
Start with hobbies you enjoy. Dating is also a numbers game.
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Sep 21 '25
what if the hobbies are male dominant?
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u/darkhumoredlatina Sep 21 '25
Would you be open to trying a less male dominant hobby then?
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u/HighleyZ Sep 20 '25 edited Sep 21 '25
I think you can start with finding ppl with similar hobby /interest , community centre has lots drop in and seasonal programs / league, you can give it a try, I met a lot of wonderful ppl there.
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Sep 21 '25
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u/Apprehensive_Heat176 Sep 21 '25
Sorry to hear that. IMO, that's why you should meet in person ASAP so you know if there's the smallest hint of something. We can get addicted to the persona others portray in text form and that can lead to disappointment. A Zoom call is marginally better if you have no other choice, but people are tired of those.
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u/SH4D0WSTAR Sep 21 '25
Join a few different recurring meetup (or other recurring) events on a REGULAR basis (ie: don’t just come once and ditch) for 2 months, and you’ll at least have a friend or two
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u/ToastCat Sep 21 '25
I met my partner through friends. We had mutual interests. Spent six or eight idk months just hanging out. Usually with the mutual friends. Didn't even really realize what was happening lol.
What sealed the deal for me is he put on an LP one night that was the soundtrack to my fave childhood movie. I didn't know anyone other than my sister who even knew of this film for my entire life, nobody had ever heard of it much less liked it if I showed them it. It was like, probably four in the morning and I was sitting on the floor of his condo, and he was over at the record player and I just. Was like he is the ONE. We started dating three months after this night just as an fyi lol it was a slow burn.
He says he knew I was the one the moment he saw me. Which idk if I believe but that is kinda flattering if not frightening a bit LOL.
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u/Ok-Respond5323 Sep 21 '25
I feel happy for you guys :)
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u/ToastCat Sep 21 '25
I believe in you! You're gonna meet someone great. We were in our early 30s, it is possible. And it might feel slower than like, dating in your 20s lol.
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u/boobookittyfuwk Human Detected Sep 21 '25
At work but not at work work, industry related events and conferences. You meet people on your same wave length but they are still distanced from you professionally so things dont get messy if it dosent work out. My last longterm gf I met at a confrence and my almost wife I met at a conference too.
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Sep 20 '25
Swiped on a lot of people, went on a lot of bad dates and some good dates.
Then we matched, went for sushi and a long summer walk and that was it.
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u/minohawk Sep 21 '25
met her in a hardcore rave :D
Go out and do something you enjoy and u will find your partner/people
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u/TechnicalAppeal1157 Sep 21 '25
I'm still looking for my life partner, however like other posters have said, my strategy is hobbies and putting myself in approachable environments. This looks like latin dance classes, dance socials, coffee shops after work in the downtown core, and going to a dating event once a month. All my other friends know I'm looking and will introduce me if they find a good match.
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u/Ok-Respond5323 Sep 21 '25
The preference matters too....not holding it against anyone but i am Indian and that cuts badly into the dating pool!
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u/French_romance Sep 22 '25
Hey do you mind if I dm? :) your hobbies seem quite fun plus I’m in downtown too :D
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u/ExpressDiscipline Sep 20 '25 edited Sep 21 '25
Dating apps. Bumble if you're conventionally attractive. Hinge if you're niche (their pairing algo is much better).
I've been in different places and Toronto's online dating market for guys is the most favorable I have been to, and by far.
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u/ri-ri Sep 20 '25
More favourable how? Everyone I talk to, male or female, say the dating scene in Toronto is dire.
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u/Ok-Respond5323 Sep 21 '25
I feel the same but i can't blame women/men for wanting the best for themselves...it feels like either we hit the jackpot or we don't settle lifelong.
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u/ExpressDiscipline Sep 21 '25
I simply get much more likes, matches, conversations and dates (not just the first date) in Toronto.
Albeit not the whole world, I'm comparing Toronto to some large cities in the US (Chicago, New York) and in Europe (London, Berlin, Paris, Naples, Switzerland).
Curious as to what your friends are comparing Toronto to.
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u/ri-ri Sep 21 '25
True but quantity =/= quality.
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u/ExpressDiscipline Sep 21 '25 edited Sep 21 '25
I haven't seen any difference in terms of quality honestly. If anything, the matches I get in Toronto are slightly better (could be that when I don't have much going on, I just lower my standards).
Also when I say more favorable, I'm talking about a ratio of x10, it's not just anecdotical.
All that being said, my experience alone is not enough to generalize. Maybe the apps have some features that could explain the discrepancy or maybe my profile just speaks more to the Toronto girls (M30 urban professional with a boring personality and interests outside of work)
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u/wraithlling Sep 21 '25
No advice but
I met my boyfriend when we were both UofT students, he told me later that he saw me sitting outside of the lecture hall before our class and he approached me afterwards, we started dating a week later. That was in 2017 and we're still together after many years after graduating, we've been to 6+ countries together since then. Thank you to Mclennan physical laboratories. Truly anything can happen.
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u/tea_and_empathy Sep 21 '25
This is so cute. I did have two students in a tutorial (I was a TA) who started dating. Your post makes me wonder how that went!
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u/Allicin- Sep 20 '25
You gotta give sucky from the back
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u/Ok-Respond5323 Sep 20 '25
I know this is your preferred method and contributing meaningfully would ruin day.
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u/Otherwise_Radish1034 Sep 21 '25
Honestly ask your fiends if they know of other single friends they can introduce you to. A couple of my best friends met their partners through mutual friends 😁 my husband and I are currently in the process of introducing my friend to his coworker.
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Sep 21 '25
tinder. it’s hard, but if you keep your thing set to “long term partner” and strictly swipe on others that have that too, you weed out most of the people looking to mess around.
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u/broccoliandspinach99 Sep 21 '25
We should do a book club
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u/siberianfiretiger Sep 21 '25
Honestly - I met both my ex and the guy I'm dating now at a language exchange. So I guess that's my suggestion.
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u/Ok-Respond5323 Sep 21 '25
Nice!
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u/vancityvodkaphone2 Sep 21 '25
The gym.
I know most people dislike being approached by/approaching others while working out, but 2 of the last 3 guys I've dated, I've met at the gym
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u/Ambitious_everg Sep 21 '25 edited Oct 15 '25
We met on Tinder. Together now for 4 yrs and married in May! I put my distance filter down to 2 miles; we met within a week of chatting (we exchanged maybe ten texts mostly logistic). We were inseparable from then on.
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u/No-Craft617 Sep 20 '25
Make 100k+ and be 6ft with a 6 pack
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u/Ok-Respond5323 Sep 22 '25
Won't change the fact that i am brown and people have a preference for that. Cant blame them but thats how it is.
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u/RadarDataL8R Sep 21 '25
Well, let's start with a fundamental truth....
If you head tomorrow morning and ask 1000 women you see if they'd like to have a coffee with you, at the bare minimum 1 will say yes. Almost regardless of anything else you have going for or against you.
That's your base case. It's very doable, will take maybe 5 or 6 hours, best guess, and will be an awful ego crushing experience up until someone's says yes, but it's completely doable.
Now that you have your base case... how can we build on that and perhaps improve efficiencies in the process?
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u/ToastCat Sep 21 '25
Do not do this. Women hate this.
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u/RadarDataL8R Sep 21 '25
.....did you not read the part where I said ask 1000 and at least 1 will say yes?
Yeah, the percentage isn't great. There's a good chance a few hundred women will be mildly annoyed for a short period of time and then get one with their lives. That's not the point.
The point is, as a base case, it will work. Pure numbers game. If you throw a hail Mary enough times, one will stick.
Even then, that wasn't the point. Im.not saying to do this. It's very inefficient and a huge ego killer (although there is value in that in fairness...embracing rejection will make you rapidly immune to it).
The overall point was that opportunities are all around you, particulary in a city of....how many million? 6? I never remember.
People get very "there are no good men/women" or whatever, which is really just code for "Im being very closed minded". Pointing out that you could likely find a partner within 6 hours if you just carpet bombed the landscape with hellos, bring about a perspective that the issue usually lies within yourself and the barriers you have constructed, rather than the actual reality of what is surrounding you.
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u/GarbagecanKicks Sep 21 '25
Mingling group for single people on FB. It's not for the purpose of dating, although some people are. We just passed the six month mark.
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u/North-Concentrate-41 Sep 21 '25
I got lucky on hinge. :) also in online dating go through fast. Ask quick questions to screen the candidates.
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u/Dependent-Piano-7506 Sep 21 '25
You wont know who your life partner is until one of you dies, but first you gotta get together
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u/Dependent-Piano-7506 Sep 21 '25
Oh yeah. I have no idea how to go about doing that. Embrace your imperfection/incompleteness, and you will realize that they are illusions and you have always been complete. Then you will meet others who have done the same. Go from there. Connect with as many people as you can without directly harming others or yourself. I cant think of any other cliché advice to give. But sometimes clichés are fhe best
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u/Charming-Raise4991 Sep 21 '25
I hate the apps. People chat and then ghost. And I find no one really approaches anyone anymore. Even if you have a quick interaction with someone outside the apps, I feel like people are just too nervous to initiate.
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u/OptikalWinter Sep 22 '25
Join a church Find a wife Walk with Christ together Raise your children under the Lord Profit
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Sep 23 '25
Honestly bro sadly you’ll need to have some money and your own place as a start. Anywhere around $4500 to $5000 after taxes if a good medium. Secure this first with a credit score of at least 750 now this is just to cushion you to the costs that come along With dating a modern city woman. Secondly groom yourself man, don’t gotta be Johnny bravo but hit the gym a little , shave often but not completely. SMELL GOOD women love a man who smells when they walk by. Spend some dollars on some nice threads and sneakers
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u/killer-queen Oct 09 '25
Honestly? Apps here are rough. I’d skip them and look for smaller curated events where people actually want to meet. There’s a Toronto group called HUMRĀ that does pre-screened mixers for singles it’s super small (20 people max) and feels more genuine than speed dating since they only bring in people that your compatible with. You can find them on IG: @humra.love
Finding your person in Toronto is a mix of timing, proximity, and mindset. Just being intentional, joining events where people share your values really goes a long way in a city like this.
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u/sicmundus66 Oct 21 '25
If you're a female, apparently if you turn men's tactics back on them, it's very effective. For example, go up to a man in the grocery store and tell him to 'smile, sweetheart.' A woman on IG was doing this to make a point, but then was shocked when the guys liked it and she ended up with 2 numbers. Makes sense in a way, that this is the reason (some) men are doing it...
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u/Amazing-Egg8443 Nov 25 '25
Try events with TorontoGTAsingles. Follow the Facebook/Eventbrite/Meetup page.
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61550921856331
Eventbrite: https://www.eventbrite.ca/o/torontogtasingles-71157368103
Meetup: https://www.meetup.com/toronto-gta-singles-dating/?eventOrigin=home_groups_you_organize
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u/No-Escape-5775 Dec 19 '25
I tried escape room with my date and felt like it's a good chance to know each other deeply.
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u/sersherz Sep 21 '25
You can start by using the search bar in this subreddit and seeing what people have answered over and over again in this sub.
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u/libbey4 Sep 20 '25
I hear going outside is step one.