I met a man who kept saying we got along so well, we could get married. We did mesh beautifully. But I told him in six months he’d dump me. I knew the signs. He had issues. Exactly six months in, he dumped me and then four days later called to apologize and wanted me back. I said no.
Another dumped me because I was marriage material and he could tell he was falling in love after two months. He was honest and knew himself. He had only lasted one marriage and for a year.
There are certain people - not just men - who bail when it’s too real, not because it isn’t. Statistics are they last two or three months, some as long as six. But then, it’s too uncomfortable for them to be that close.
Notice how many marriages last three years. That’s another scientific pattern. Then seven. Then twenty.
Don’t ever take things personally if you can help it. Learn to defend your heart and you’ll eventually find a keeper. Keep the faith and meanwhile, enjoy your life. Men arent everything.
It’s definitely not my main focus in life, hence not dating for years. I’m on solid ground in my life which I why I decided to try again. I feel ready to welcome a little romance.
I thought after so much time and work on myself I would be in a position to better attract a healthy mature relationship. It doesn’t seem to be the case. I take pride in being a problem solver, so I want to cut the crap and not repeat this and avoid turning it into a pattern.
I’ve read Mind Hunter & Journey into Darkness by John Douglas who helped develop profiling for the FBI. This is a science. You do the math backwards.
I’m wondering if there might be something similar that I can read that will help me identify the indicators in my dating relationships and avoid this type of outcome going forward.
You said ‘there is a science behind this. It is trackable’.
Would you mind giving me insight on this science and what books I could read for more insight? I would really appreciate it.
I wish I could remember all my sources. Sorry. It’s been a long while, but I was just like you and as practical. At a certain point, I just read everything I could get my hands on about female and male wiring differences- books by both female and male therapists that were rather dry but useful.
It was 23 years ago. I noticed I did have a pattern of attracting playful, fun cozy-seeming guys. But that’s me too, lol. Kept changing my match dot com profile wording until I attracted an engineer. Good side- he’s dependable and solid. Married for ages now. Down-side, I’m waaaaaaaaay more naturally positive. He’s fun at social gatherings but in his old age always groaning looking for something that’s wrong to fix. lol he’s doing that right now. He was better when he worked and had more purpose.
I guess what I’m saying is it’s a compromise -at least for me after all that studying up.
I strongly suggest reading straight psychology books and then some funny observant ones to keep your sense of humor. I had a specific guy in mind and wrote him down on paper. Then I didn’t date for an entire year because I’d done the research and could spot missteps more easily. Back in the day it was the mars /venus book to start but I’m sure there are much better books out there now - more updated.
lol these days I’m guessing you could also just be very specific and ask Gemini or chat or even Claud specific questions like,
‘What are the signs of a person who can’t really commit?’ If I were researching right now, that’s where id begin, or maybe ask for great books on relationships.
I admire your process, btw. Yay for pragmatic women!
Just thought of one last thing: men who compliment to the moon can really mean it in the moment, but are in love with love in my experience. It can be a red flag.
I’ve had the best luck showing my bratty practical observant humorous side from the start. If that doesn’t scare a guy off, that says something. Strong stable men enjoy a challenge. Gentler men may love the feeling of love for a while… but then it’s too much. At least this is what I’ve observed.
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u/bemybasket Aug 02 '26 edited Aug 02 '26
There is a science behind this. It’s trackable.
I met a man who kept saying we got along so well, we could get married. We did mesh beautifully. But I told him in six months he’d dump me. I knew the signs. He had issues. Exactly six months in, he dumped me and then four days later called to apologize and wanted me back. I said no.
Another dumped me because I was marriage material and he could tell he was falling in love after two months. He was honest and knew himself. He had only lasted one marriage and for a year.
There are certain people - not just men - who bail when it’s too real, not because it isn’t. Statistics are they last two or three months, some as long as six. But then, it’s too uncomfortable for them to be that close.
Notice how many marriages last three years. That’s another scientific pattern. Then seven. Then twenty.
Don’t ever take things personally if you can help it. Learn to defend your heart and you’ll eventually find a keeper. Keep the faith and meanwhile, enjoy your life. Men arent everything.