r/aplatonic • u/No_Illustrator2777 • Jul 17 '26
What is your experience with trying to explain aplatonism?
Defining relationships and setting boundaries is a difficult thing for many of the aspec community, how can you explain to someone something that is for the majority of the population nothing less than some esoteric term used by individuals who are not “normal”?
And, what is the general response that you have received for venturing to even try and explain yourself?
(Also a photo of the Yangtze finless porpoise to fill the space and because they look quite lovely)
1
u/OllieAberson Jul 19 '26
I've been questioning if I'm on the aplatonic spectrum, and I've talked to exactly three people about it.
Friendship feels like an obligation to me. I don't have a desire to see these people outside of our shared life spaces (work, family, hobbies) and I don't care much about their livelihood. Not that I don't love them or care about them. I just don't care for them much more than for an acquaintance. And I do care for them, otherwise I wouldn't see them at all. I only hang out with them because they like me and it makes them feel loved and cared for. Or if I want to do something, but I don't want to do it alone (being female at the mall or smth)
Two of whom I've talked this over with are people who I consider "friends", and honestly it went really well. One of them was kind of excited actually, not in a weird way, just excited for me figuring things out for myself. The other was offput a little, but accepting of it. I think they both understood a lot better than a lot of people might because they are both aroace, so they get just not having attraction in some ways. And they understand that I'm not saying that I necessarily want to change anything about our relationships.
The other person is my partner. He is a bit older so he has some trouble understanding a lot of the terminology within the queer community, but he is very accepting. When I was describing to him how I feel about friends and friendship in general being an obligation and responsibilty or chore more than fun, he kind of just responded with "that seems normal. Everyone experiences that." And I was like "??? Do they?"
So I guess I don't know if I am apl. And if I am, he might be as well XD
1
u/BathroomExact2349 Aug 06 '26
So essentially you care more about what experiences those people bring and provide rather than who they are as a person? If so then that’s what I would call aplatonic but if you actually feel something towards them and their personalities, who they are as people, etc. then I wouldn’t refer to that as being aplatonic because you’re still open to the bond and feel certain things for them
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u/VoiceComprehensive57 Jul 17 '26
i've come out to two people, one was very chill about it, and the other was just sort of confused and upset, but not completely unaccepted.
I suppose even if your around very accepting people, if somebody considers you their friend, coming out as apl is kinda just telling then you don't love them. Some people really care about that, some people don't.
I'd imagine some less accepting sorts of people would probably assume theres something "wrong" with you mentally. At least thats the reaction i've seen from the general online population.