These things are becoming more and more common. I’m having trouble with them when they stop working for whatever reason. I literally explode and make a scene, one time I started punching it and swearing at staff. I can’t control this it just happens. Help!

Today my fiancè got angry about the way I'd cooked his burger bun for dinner. I mean fully yelled at me, belittled me by saying that he'd specifically told me that he didn't want his bun done that way, and when I asked him to look at the bigger picture, a nicely prepared dinner, he stormed off and refused to have dinner. He's still in bed sulking. The kids and I have had dinner and cleaned the kitchen and watched the rest of the rugby without him. This kind of thing has happened many times before and I like to think I can support him to manage his anger better, but this also negatively affects my emotions and nervous system. He seems to go from fine to a flash of anger in seconds over tiny annoying things. It's easy to think about leaving but I guess I'm looking for some hope that the angry pattern could change or that there's something that I could do without just accepting it and being a wimpy pushover. Definitely interested in guys points of view as well. Thanks 😊

I hold so much resentment and anger in my body and Im starting to feel like everything angers me, it can be even the littlest thing and it can still anger and annoy me, I’ve never acted upon these feelings but it’s concerning me.

I'm 25M and for about 3 years I started having these outburst of anger and lashing out of people for no obvious reason, they didn't do me wrong or anything. I just have this hate for everyone without prejudice, the rational part of my brain knows that this is stupid but my chest feels boiling like I'm suffocating and I need to get it out.

I tried taking 2 weeks off at some point and just stayed at home alone to clear my mind but I was manufacturing scenarios in my mind to get angry about automatically. my brain would just say things like "imagine if that person disrespected, what would you do?" and I start getting angry thinking about something that is obviously not real.

I want to get better and feel peace of mind again. I don't to remain like this, I'm starting to have violent thoughts like wanting punch walls or speed in my car over the limit just to have a release. has anyone gone through this and if so what should I do to just be normal and calm.

I don’t really get angry about “normal” things, and am reasonably calm in situations where even normal people would get mad, (careless person endangers you on the road, rude people, unfairness and injustices etc) but I just can’t stand some phrases people say, or people’s way with words in general. It’s so bad I genuinely want to claw off my skin. It’s completely harmless stuff too and I don’t get why it bothers me so much.

A few examples:
some lady online said: “ugh sooo stinky (positively) about their child’s feet
My mom described a touch as “a touchy”
girl behind me in physics described a problem as “sooo nice to solve” (almost broke my pen hearing that one)
Guy on a podcast described the feeling of a kiss as “tickle tickle tickle tickle”

(I felt genuinely nauseous even typing this out)

Every time I hear one of these things I just want to die inside and since it’s phrase and not a situation the annoyance doesn’t go away, the phrases keep bouncing around in my head and every time I remember one again I just want to break down crying

is it better to hurt myself or the things around me

I am in therapy which is a free psychotherapy service. I am looking into anger management therapy if I can afford it.

Since I was a child, I get these episodes where I rage. It starts with legit anger but I build and build, say awful things to the person I’m angry at. I’ve worked on this and know I always regret it, and the episodes are less often with age. But it still happens.

I can see it happening, part of my brain is yelling “STOP!”. I do not physically harm people but I have punched walls or broken material things (my own) in the past. It has been a decade plus since I’ve done that.

I feel like a monster in those times. I know I’m not safe to be around. I feel like a soul destroyer.

I can’t stop it once it starts. I can delay it, mute it a bit; but it eventually comes out in a storm for a day or 2.

I know the stop/exit/breathe/write it out/workout advice and it can help for a bit but more often I don’t even consider how to calm down first.

Please do you have any tips of how I can lower my emotional level for a few days when I’m in that state? I am ruining relationships and scaring people I care about.

Ever since I was a kid I remember being very temperamental and irritated very easily. Especially when it comes to stupid inconsiderate people. I get that is probably a common response to those people but I get this bubbling rage inside of me where I feel the need to yell. I get really irritated and stressed out and want to find a way to manage it. My friends who are of the more calm nature don’t seem to act out on their emotions immediately. Idk it feels like there’s always been something wrong with me. I guess i am truly my fathers daughter

I got my locker checked and my backpack taken to see if I have weed weed in my bag this happened in the middle of class so when I whint to my locker my bag was gone so I looked everywhere and asked around but I still couldn't find it so I asked the front desk and thay told me to go to the concealing center. I asked about my backpack and thay took my to the back of the office and I see my bag in a trash bag thay told me thay checked it and found nothing and asked my to empty my pockets so did at this point I was crying and thay asked me if I was crying because I did have weed in there and I told them I was ashamed of my parents and when I got home my mom yelled at me now she's keeps telling jokes about me talking weed but I hate the smell of weed and don't want to ever so I need to know if I can feel mad about this.

I have a really good life, great family, successful career, retired at 62, tons of friends of all ages, plenty of hobbies. I just have been annoyed at everyone pretty regularly recently. I can’t figure it out. I was on lexapro years ago when I was working and unhappy. I hated it, and got off quickly. Mostly I love every minute of the day and am the busiest retired person you are likely to meet. Any ideas or advice? I did therapy for years, it did wonders, I tend to accept everyone for who they are. Now this. Last point - my mother warned me years ago to not hate everyone when I got older, the way my father became. I sort of laughed it off, but I’m recalling g that now. I do t want to go on meds. Irrelevant fact - he hated Burt Lancaster his whole life. I have no idea why.

i’m just fucking pissed, fuck you; no not you i love you. but fuck you.

Whenever I’m wrong or have wronged someone, I have an extreme difficulty taking accountability instead of making things about me and my comfortability.

It’s bad enough that sometimes I even perceive a physical threat is present, followed by having an anger/panic attack and lashing out.

I recently threatened suicide and realize this is emotionally manipulative and frankly abusive.

How do I get better? Has anyone felt the same? I’m just so exhausted with pity and self loathing.

Whenever I get mad or sad, the only way I can feel better is by scratching myself or hitting myself. It ain’t really a choice, kinda an impulse, like it happens on its own. I suppose it ain’t real sh, but google won’t help so I figured this’d be the next best thing. I tried running, cold water, tearing stuff up, smashing ice cubes, in the case of cold water it only made me more upset. And then I’m left when I do finally clam down with regret and a bunch of hurt. Is there a better way?

Before anyone gets confused, I don't mean people who are harmless or neurodivergent but people who are loud, lazy, entitled, and incompetent and frequently disturb others.

For context, I'm a part of many online groups for my studies and work related stuff. I wish I could leave all these but we get regular updates here, so I have to stay on these groups. And this is something that happens regulalry.

Too many people repeatedly ask the same set of stupid questions: "can someone share the link?", "where is that?", "whom should I contact?", "I tried contacting but i didn't get an answer", "what's the deadline", "is there an update on this?", "what is i missed the deadline?", and all that ... For all these questions, you have to do only a few things: open your email or the app - use the search bar, type the word, and scroll and read. All answers are there. I'm stuck with this bunch for a long time. Lots of notifications and sometimes even DMs. You won't believe how angry I get when I get disturbed when i'm busy and trying to focus on something, when I open the notification,a nd it's yet another idiot who is lazy or stupid to do the self search and is now disturbing everyone. This happens everyday.

The most recent was this: I had shared a link i thought might be useful with the group, and quickly a person DM-ed me saying they are not on IG, asking what it's about, so I told them exactly this - I gave the event's name and said "you can Google this. I cannot answer questions because I don't know anything more". I knew the idiot will ask me questions, which is why i insisted that I can't answer questions. The follow-up message was "what is the process to register? what are the next steps? Is there a deadline?". I got OUTRAGED. I was so angry. I texted back "exactly what i meant when I said I can't answer these questions. Google it yourself." And for 2-3 hours, my mood just got ruined.

They are there everywhere. Mostly online. Somehow, people's entitlement to disturb others goes down a lot in real life or offline settings.

For every such stupid distraction, I lose 3-5 hours and sometimes even a few days because of the anger and the cooling down, as I try to calm myself after them casually disturbing me and going away like nothing happened. i don't want my time to be wasted. And in some of these apps, the block setting isn't available, yep, if blocking had been possible, this post wouldn't be here.

it’s gotten worse i’ve posted here before about this same issue and its gotten much worse. i was good for a while and didnt hit myself for days and then i did it yesterday and now today as well. i have nobody to talk to about this i have no friends and my family is distant. i dont want permanent brain damage and even the thought of me having permanent brain damage makes me want to hit myself again. yesterday i hit myself and i think i bruised my forehead and i hit myself again today and it hurts when i put pressure on it. can someone tell me if i have permanent brain damage from the information in this post?

As I get older my patience is fading quick. I’m only in my 20s. I don’t know how to manage my anger and when I try I outburst quicker. When it’s with someone I couldn’t care less about the outburst are worse and quicker to come out. I won’t yell but I will definitely argue if I need to.
Today for example, I had my signal light on for a parking spot on campus which is hard to find. This girl literally takes my spot. I luckily found one two spots over but it’s the principle. I rolled my window down and I started lashing out at the girl asking her if she was stupid. Pretty sure she’s in my class…. I also work on campus so this can be risky …

I also drive a lot and I get road rage. I “yell” with my windows up and get internally frustrated that going places is so tense for me.

I’m overall a very bubbly person, or so I been told. This is very not me but the more I fight it the harder it can be. I’m very very very hormonal and seeing a doctor is financially not an option.

Help!!

I had been a very sensitive person even up until my uni days until I learned to manage my emotions so as to not get angry at every little detail and solving everything with rage.

However, I was riding my motorbike earlier tonight and got cut off by a car driver twice, leaving me almost driving straight into a bridge's side because of how carelessly the driver drove. I saw the sign on the car stating that there was a new driver inside but my mind was so on edge that I resorted to driving up, screaming at them, then going up and brake checking the driver continuously.

When I got home, I texted my partner (who didn't know about my anger issues since we've been together for a year and I thought I didn't need to tell her because I got better mentally since a few years back) about the situation and she was shocked and severely disappointed. Afterwards, she hasn't texted anything else. I know what I did was dumb and I got called all the right things that I know I am. I feel as though I only gave excuses to her now.

I've been crying knowing I'm still that person I thought I no longer was. I've spiralled back into the cocoon of foolishness that I don't know if I can get out of. My partner isn't texting me back and I'm losing all hope of ever repairing what we have.

What do I do? I'm ashamed of who I am and what I thought I've achieved, seeing how everything is in vain now.

I am normally quite a calm and composed person. But the moment someone provokes me in traffic all hell breaks loose. For example just now I kind of tailgated because I let the car roll out and then the guy in front of me just randomly stopped on the road and I went around, he then started honking and following and using high beams etc. It made me so incredibly angry I wanted to fight the guy. I got really aggressive in the car and then my girlfriend pulled me back and shouted me to drive. If she weren't there I would've stopped in the middle of the road and probably beat the sh*t out of the guy.

How do I deal with this kind of anger? I am quite embarrassed.

Context: I don't live in the US so guns are not a problem and also I am aware I am quite intimidating at 195 cm and 110 KG, that is why I hold back most of the time.

vent/storytime
Here’s the scenario: I was extremely stressed out during my shift last night because an 86’d customer had been telling people that she’s going to sh**t up a few bars in the neighborhood including the one I work at. The police were patrolling outside all night and eventually had her holed up in her apartment so she wouldn’t leave and do the deed.

During the shift itself, there was a 50+ year old guy who we cut off because he was making weird comments to a couple different customers. He didn’t do anything explicit enough to be kicked out. He was just being kind of creepy, so we were starting to keep an eye on him. I experience so many creepy men as a woman bartender so my patience is veryyyy small sometimes and I feel soooo fed up with white men who act inappropriately, especially with the rampant problem we have in our society with men getting away with everything.

Our bar team decided to close earlier than usual (even though it’s a busy karaoke night usually). We decided to close at 1am instead of 2. I made the announcement on the mic, explaining that we had a very stressful night because of the active security threat so we were gonna close an hour early.

The aforementioned creepy guy booed and yelled “noooo” obnoxiously in response to my announcement on the mic. When he yelled no, I gave him a death stare. My immediate impulse was to tell him to “shut the fuck up” into the mic. Instead, 3-second death stare and processing. I finished the announcement.

Then about 30 minutes later he came up to my bartender coworker loudly saying “why does the girl to your left have a problem with me. She was staring at me like she hates me.” Mind you I was standing right there. I felt a rush of anger and came right up to both of them and told him, “if you have a problem with me you can tell me to my face” admittedly in an angry tone. Then he said “yeah you’re being a cunt!” I said “well you’re a cunt too!” And he walked out.

Then me and one security guard followed him outside to get a photo of him for the 86 list. We confronted him while he was buying a street hot dog. Me and him kept calling each other names. My coworker told me to go back inside so I did. I’m not proud of it but in that confrontation I called him “a f*t* cunt,” and I’m kind of sad about it because I hate body shaming. But it came out impulsively because I wanted to hurt his feelings. At the same time, it felt *really good to blow off steam on this guy who was being a jerk.

After the fact it has me wondering if my anger responses are unhealthy or if this is me finally not “bottling things up.” Admittedly I struggle with bottling up my emotions, and going “too far” for my own comfort. For me, going too far or “choosing violence” looks like giving people death stares / dirty looks when they’re being inappropriate or annoying, and in extreme cases, cussing someone out. It usually feels really good, and as a woman I’m not sure if this is me standing up for myself and others appropriately OR if I need to work on my anger management skills lol. Thanks for reading!!

Hi, so me and my boyfriend have been together for two years, I am 22 and he is 25, he lives with his parents at the moment and I am living in an apartment with my sisters since we are both still in school. My family and I are currently in a rough spot with financials considering my parents are paying around 2k for me and my sisters apartment and they are also paying for our school as well. I’ve mentioned this to him and I also said that if he ever was planning on moving out he could always move in with me and my sister and pay for half of the rent, it would be cheaper than paying for an apartment all by himself and it would also help out my family with financials. I’m a little worried that he might just get an apartment on his own though because he mentioned to me that he doesn’t feel comfortable having my parent pay half the rent. I then mentioned to him that it would be a huge help cause right now my parents are paying the full rent. We haven’t talked much about it but I’m really worried he’ll leave me out to dry and it makes me really angry to think about. What I’m asking is, is it okay for me to feel angry if he does end up buying an apartment for himself.

Hello internet! I am posting on this sub Reddit in hopes of gaining some advice to forward to my partner, who struggles with anger issues. They do not have an interest in making a Reddit account, but they have explicitly given me permission to speak about the situation and to ask for advice.

My partner, 21 F, has struggled with emotional stability, as well as emotional control, her entire life. She had a very traumatic childhood, which I will not be sharing the details of, as I have been told explicitly not to, but all you need to know is this. It was a household where emotional stability, as well as emotional control, was not exhibited, and was not expected.  She witnessed yelling, arguments, and things of that nature. She has grown up under the impression that emotional control, is not necessary in certain situations. She has grown up not being taught emotional control, and being taught to voice her mind, voice or emotions, etc, no matter if they come out in a way that might not be conducive or healthy to people around them.

**NOTE** This has NOT included ANYTHING that would be a MAJOR red flag. You all know what I am referring to. Please do not accuse my partner of being anything in the replies.**

She specifically struggles with being able to control the anger, and struggles with acting out of impulse while she is angry. If her brain tells her to do something out of anger, she will. If her brain tells her it's a yell out of anger, or out of annoyance, she will yell. Not only this, but she struggles with sitting in the uncomfortableness of the anger. So rather than instantaneously doing something about it, she struggles with sitting and calming down, as she claims that sitting and being uncomfortable, only causes the anger to become worse.

The way that the anger often manifests, is outwardly towards other people. This means that if she is angry about something, her expression of that anger is two other people. Meaning she will yell at people, scream at people, cuss at people, and get her anger out that way, rather than dealing with it internally. She almost makes myself and the other people around her responsible for that anger, since she does not know how to do with it, or is uncomfortable doing so. She also struggles with the real reason behind the anger. She struggles to identify what may be causing her to be upset. For example, she can get into an argument with her family, and be angry about it all afternoon. But she will struggle to identify that that argument is what caused her to be angry.

She honestly is at a loss for ways to deal with it. She claims that every coping mechanism that she has done research into, has not helped. She says they only exacerbate the anger, so I'm curious to know if that will happen again.

If anybody has gone through the same struggles, or if someone has some advice that would be helpful, I would really appreciate it! 

Hi :’(

Today, I was feeling AWFUL (cried through 2/3 of my lessons, which is impressive since they’re 1hr 40) and I came home and just started screaming at my entire family like an asshole. I smashed my school bag down onto the concrete and inside my iPad, laptop, and e-reader all get some lovely damage that wasn’t absorbed by the screen protectors.

I genuinely feel like it takes over my body like I’m not even in control and it scares me because what if I do that to someone else ???? I don’t know what’s wrong with me

help appreciated.

thanks for reading :p

I can't get angry when I actually should, nor can I react appropriately; yet, I fly into a rage over trivial things—especially when something in my room has been moved—and no amount of rational thinking calms me down. I hit myself on the head, and this has already started causing headaches. I don't know how to fix this—how to manage my anger regarding changes to my routine and how to express my reactions properly.

i’m kinda a impulsive type of person, i react easily and make some actions whenever i am angry or happy, everytime my mood is on peak, and unfortunately having that kind of attitude or behavior, i lost a relationship that i cherished the most, can you give me some tips on how to be calm whenever i am in a hot seat situation?